Tera Patrick’s Porn Star “Pool Party” Restores Hope To A Weary Nation

Now that we've crossed the precipice into the cold heart of a lonely winter recession, it's hard to recall the halcyon days behind us. Fading images wistfully haunt our memories like ghostly vapors, as we try to relive those days spent lounging and exploring new levels of excess—like when we had those 17 stunning lesbians come over to the sun drenched West Coast Fleshbot mansion in bikinis and frivolously frolic in and out of the pool in varying states of undress while midgets in diapers lend a vacillating air of depravity and absurdity. And just when we thought it was all a forgotten dream, Tera Patrick goes and releases her latest "all star" lesbian pool party movie... and it all comes rushing back to us. God bless you, Miss Patrick!

If our extensive experience in this area has taught us one thing, it's that we can't bring this many lascivious porn stars together without them eventually fucking each other senseless. And, as we'd expect, Tera Patrick, Daisy Marie, Daisy Dukes, Madison Scott, Kayla Paige, Angie Savage, Mya Luanna, Charmane Star, Lexi Belle, Maya Gates, Shawna Lenee, and several of their friends do exactly that, stripping out of their bikinis and lapping away at each other like kittens enjoying seventeen fresh bowls of cream. The results are disturbingly good, making us feel as immoral and decadent as an AIG executive with a golden parachute after the bail out. Move over, Hef—Tera wants to show you what the grotto should look like every single day of the week.

If anything, Tera's given us hope in a way that even our President Elect can only allude to. While most of us will have to tighten our belts this holiday season, finding pleasure in the simple joys of life, we can always look forward to history repeating itself. Our eyes are glassy after watching these lovely ladies work themselves into a frenzy, dreaming of a time when we will once again be able to blaze up our medical grade hydroponic with freshly minted hundred dollar bills. In fact, with ideas this good, we're thinking Tera for Prez 2012. You with us?

"Tera Patrick's Pool Party" is available this week.

· Teravision (teravision.com)