Ode to Elmo

I'm a documentary fan. I don't have cable at my home, so I'll sit on my couch and just watch multiple documentaries. My favorites are ones about food and how we're all going to die because of the way we eat, the ones about government conspiracies and how we're all going to die because our government is going to run our country into the ground, and the ones about the universe and what we'll all finally understand once we have died. But the other day I watched "Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Journey." It was amazing. It was amazing because here is a character many of us grew up with and it was a character truly representing friendship and love. Not many children's characters have been able to accomplish what Elmo did. Barney tried but a big purple dinosaur is sooooooo stupid. A little, red, bug-eyed monster makes way more sense.

It really was one of the most touching documentaries I have seen in a long time, and it made me think. What if I had a documentary? Would it be anywhere near as heart rendering as the Elmo one? It would be called, "Being Chanel: A Porneteers Journey." I know, it doesn't quite have the same ring to it as Elmo's and it's a little sad to me that my journey will never teach kids how to be a great friend and how to love one another. How rewarding it must be to play Elmo. Is being in porn rewarding? I wouldn't ever describe porn as being rewarding but it sure is fun, and if Elmo had genitals, I think he'd feel the same way.

Overall, I didn't think a little red monster with a hand shoved up his ass could make me cry. But it did, and now I think I'm ok with my journey not being appropriate for children. I mean, Elmo is so good at it, I truly feel I should leave it all up to him, and I know if I spoke to Elmo he would tell me in his muffled, high-pitched voice, "Chanel, you are so good at sucking cock that I truly feel I should leave that up to you." And then we'd hug and give each other little kissies on the cheeks and tell each other how much we love one another. The end.

-XO Chanel