Porn Valley Dispatch

Just as Hollywood has been known in the past to jump on bandwagons involving, for example, sharks, meteors, and volcanoes, so has the adult industry recently realized that eBay auctions and games of chance create great publicity and revenue through the heartland for the business that dares not show its QuickBooks files. Fleshbot's Porn Valley correspondent Gram Ponante will not cease and desist from telling you all about it—as well as National Squirt Month—after the jump.- G. Ponante

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First it's Win Lunch with Taylor Rain ... now it's Go Bowling with Ashley Blue and Cure Cancer with Shy Love!

eBay bidding will start at $2,500 for the chance of two full days with Love, including airfare, hotel accommodations, and mutually-agreed upon activities (I am assured this does not include requests for tipping) in addition to the highest bidder watching Love film a hardcore scene. Net proceeds will go to the American Cancer Society. Love says she's been "planning this for a long time," but decided to announce this auction for the day her new DVD, Cum Play with Me, arrives on September 12. The auction is not yet online.

Not to be outdone, Girlvert star Ashley Blue and Sugar DVD are offering a night of "Beer and Bowling with Ashley Blue" to the contestant who opens a free account with the online adult retailer. "I thought it was Beer and Blowing," Blue probably didn't say, but it's nice to think she might have.

I will be sponsoring an eBay auction to "Watch Gram Watch Porn" for busty and rich postmodern ladies. We will watch Jaws on one screen and Gram Ponante's NutFeast on another whilst sipping chilled Jagermeister and eating delicious empanadas. Hell, I don't need an auction; I'm doing that already.

· Shy Love's Cum Play with Me (trailer @ madnesspictures.com)
· Win a Date with a Porn Star (sugardvd.com)

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The trendlet of releasing ancient sex tapes has hit a snag as Pamela Anderson's people have sent a cease and desist letter to Metro Interactive over its intended release of the blow by blow of her tryst with Poison's Bret Michaels back in 1947, as the couple were savoring the housing boom of the postwar economy and considering a new life together in a planned community. I am more interested in people who have relevance to me now. For instance, when will Violet Blue release her sex tape?

Pamela Anderson's Lawyers Demand Metro Not Release Hardcore Disc (avn.com)

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Elegant Angel has dubbed next month "Squirtember"—and not a moment too soon. Even though every day is sunny with chance of traffic here is Southern California, my monkey brain still associates September with the first day of school and I dread it. What better time, then, to rechristen, literally, the beginning of autumn in the civilized parts of the world with a Cytherean ejaculatory volley?

According to a soggy press release sent out this week, Elegant Angel will release several squirt-themed titles next month, including Squirtwoman 3, Swallow My Squirt 2,, Flower
s Squirt Shower 2, and Supersquirt 2. That's a lot of squirts.

Elegant Angel (elegantangel.com)

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