“Vampiress”: Waiting To Impale

We try to steer you right here at Fleshbot, even when our judgment is momentarily clouded by personal friendships, advertising dollars, or cocaine. That is why we'll tell you that "Vampiress" is a horrible movie but it has its charms.

Ava Rose and girlfriends go on a birthday adventure to Raven Castle, whispered to have been the home of a legendary vampiress. In flashbacks, we see dark, lush beauty Audrey Bitoni working her evil. Back in the present day, however, the party girls are having visions and finding clues hinting at the castle's bloodthirsty former inhabitants.

The reason "Vampiress" is worth watching is because the sex is candlelit and bodice-rippy, performed by dusky hippy beauties like Rose, Bitoni, Gianna Lynn, Raveness, and Amber Rayne (with the blonde Alexis Texas thrown in as a ringer).

But it is almost Eon McKai-level bad with mind-numbing dialogue and cougar vampire Raveness (from 1472, no less), bouncing between bad period dialogue and lines like "Work that fuckin' pussy, baby." The nail in the coffin is when we get to hear director Marcus London's stage directions ("Ava, turn your head this way"). In a way, "Vampiress" is comforting in that porn can still look the way people who've never seen porn think it does, based on everything they've heard.

Sadly, I did not see the boom mic.

I have had this movie on my To Do list since last year's Halloween Week collection, and am surprised it is still available for purchase. Like a vampiress, "Vampiress" should only be seen at night.

· The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
· Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)

The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)
The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)
The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)
The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)
The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)
The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)
The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)
The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)
The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)
The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)
The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)
The Vampiress (thevampiress.com)
Buy "The Vampiress" (tlavideo.com)