Porn Made “For Lovers Only” Is Best Watched Alone

Adam & Eve say their combo of their best-selling films "balances passionate sex and plot to create a warm, engaging movie that men and women both can enjoy." Passion? Warmth? Where?

We figured since it's Valentine's Day and all, we'd take a look at Adam & Eve's gift to couples everywhere. Encouraging men and women (and men and men, and women and women, etc.) to bond over pornography is a favorite pastime of ours, and we always love a good bargain on porn DVDs, so what's not to like? Well, you'll see.

Since this is four movies in one review, we broke it up with a gallery. First up in this four-pack fuckfest is…

The Contractor

Director: Daniel Dakota
Cast: Austyn Moore, Carmen Luvana, Charmane Star, Taryn Thomas, Tyra Banxxx, Evan Stone, Anthony Hardwood, Barrett Blade, Randy Spears, Seth Dickens

Luvana, Moore, Star, and Thomas are construction workers building Randy Spears' mansion. They have an extremely limited amount of time to finish the house and keep the building inspector (Evan Stone) off their backs. We're not sure how they build anything, because they fuck every person who passes by.

We wouldn't call this a tryst for lovers, but it is fun to see the ladies taking charge and spitting game at random dudes. The plot isn't exactly rich, but the girls are good actors and the sex is sometimes broken up with gratuitous bulldozer footage. And who doesn't love gratuitous bulldozer footage? It brings out the Tonka loving tot in everyone. And Taryn Thomas fucks Anthony Hardwood on the dozer's massive tires. Everyone wins!

In terms of emotional sex, the most passionate coupling in the whole film is between Randy Spears and Charmane Star. But the only reason Spears conveys intensity is because he's intensely paranoid that his fiancée will catch him with one of the construction girls. Is this something you'd like to watch with a lover?

The second flick is…

· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
Double Krossed

Director: Jim Malibu
Cast: Kayden Kross, Marie McCray, Stephanie Cane, Holly Wellin, Eden Adams, Brooke Scott, Eric Swiss, Erik Everhard, Tony De Sergio

Sure it starts out romantical with Kayden Kross drinking wine and suck some mystery man's dick, but the minute she sits on his face, she lets out a mood killing banshee wail. And immediately after the mystery man finishes, he strangles her. What?

Don't worry, that was Kross' twin sister. The rest of the movie involves Kross' (half-heartedly) trying to find her sister's murderer with the help of Detective Erik Everhard and some neighbors (Holly Wellin and Tony De Sergio).

Wellin and De Sergio have a tender moment in their breakfast nook, but it quickly becomes a rough anal scene. Perhaps anal in the breakfast nook is considered more lover-friendly?

Then, for no reason, there's a seizure-inducing nightclub/stripping/pussy eating scene with Marie McCray and Eden Adams. As much as we love Marie McCray, this intermission was more distracting than enticing. Barely a segue later, Kross and Everhard have perilous, frustrated sex in the very same spot where Kross' sister was killed. Just before the credits roll, she pulls a gun on the detective. We guess he's the murderer.

After this opus of danger and intrigue, we have…

· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
Sunshine Highway

Director: Ethan Kane
Cast: Bree Olson, Celeste Star, Kimberly Kane, Riley Shy, Alan Stafford, Evan Stone, Jerry, Marco Banderas

No plot to be found. But if you and your loved one have a thing for cumshots and slide guitar, then this is the porn for you.

It's wild west/dust bowl babe bonanza, there's minimal dialogue, and nothing but strip teases to twangy guitar to break up the sex. Favorite part: as Bree Olson is writhing on a bale of hay, she says, "Oh yeah. I get so horny in barns."

She has two scenes, one with Marco Banderas in a diner, and another with Evan Stone in the very, very seductive barn. The only gal who deigns to fuck in a bed is Kimberly Kane, and her scene is by far the most sensual. You can imagine that she and Jerry are riding it out doggie style in a cowboy themed hotel, and we find that gives the movie a bit of realism. Otherwise it plays out like the disjointed ramblings of some old timey prospector who heard legends of a magical place out West where the women are turned on by barns and trailers and steel guitars.

Last in the combo pack is, our personal favorite…

· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
American Heroes

Director: Daniel Dakota
Cast: Carmen Luvana, Celina Cross, Holly Morgan, Katie Morgan, Kayla Paige, Jack Lawrence, Johnny Castle, Tommy Gunn, Tony De Sergio

"American Heroes" is a series of vignettes about damsels in distress being rescued by men of various professions: a fireman, a cop, an EMT, and a woodshop teacher. This is the only film we'd consider watching with a loved one, and even then, only the first couple scenes.

The most exemplary section is called "Firehouse," featuring Carmen Luvana as a young woman stood up by her boyfriend. She forgets to turn off the gas or blow out her scented candles when she leaves the kitchen, and she gets distracted masturbating with a big red dildo. She doesn't notice the smoke pouring in her room until Johnny Castle kicks down her door, dressed in full firefighter regalia. He's not very adamant about getting her to safety, because they then spend a good twenty minutes on a slow, hard fuck-breaking up positions with serious pussy eating. Call us sticklers for realism, but how can you enjoy a scene like this when smoke wafts by the camera every minute or so?

The remaining scenes are similarly bad. Don't get us wrong: the sex is phenomenal (Tony De Sergio plays an especially effective EMT, treating Celina Cross' concussion with a cock down her throat), but these "professionals" are too shady for how brutal the sex is.

· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
Final say:

Despite their claims, Adam & Eve did little to balance plot with pounding, and—in our opinion—three of the four movies are lopsidedly directed at male enjoyment. Perhaps if you would watch all four movies in a row, you'd generate enough interest to keep the ladies parked on the couch, but that's over seven hours of porn! If you're part of a couple that enjoys watching porn together, one movie should be enough.

But hell, if you're just watching this by yourself, it's great! It's four films for about $40, each film has something different to offer, and they star some Adam & Eve's biggest names. Just be selective if you watch it with a friend.

Click through to see the rest of the pictures!

· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)

· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)
· Buy "For Lovers Only" (adameve.com)