Cassandra Cruz, You Is My “Bikini-Clad Cum Slut 2” Now

There is something raw and witchy about Cassandra Cruz, so even if she spends way more time clad in baby oil and semen than an actual bikini, we are compelled to forgive her anything.

Clutching a phone and a glass of pink lemonade, Cruz sits spread-legged in a bikini. There is nothing in her demeanor, facial expression, or posture that would make a reasonable person say, "What a lovely, simpering thing." Instead one feels obliged to say, "I want to fuck the living shit out of you."

Even as we are finally experiencing something close to autumn weather here in Southern California, this ultra-dirty poolside romp between Cruz and John Strong is a love letter to the 320 days of heat in Porn Valley, when the ladies of Encino invite their husbands' male paralegals over for some ennui-fueled debauchery.

And Cruz looks exactly like that kind of shark, taut and oiled, not a wholesome bone in her body, like the face of a Chamber of Commerce ad for Hell.

For some reason this scene, in this movie, reminded me of what it is like to live here. And not in a bad way. Cassandra Cruz is definitely not the girl next door who will cook you dinner after sex. She is the woman who will demand you fuck her two more times and then go bang your friend, leaving the bikini at your house.

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