“Babysitter Diaries 4” Holds Secrets Of The Porn World’s Favorite Trade

If the real universe were like the porn universe, then babysitting would be the world's oldest and most common profession, despite the fact that sitters never actually work. The porn universe's economy is fantastic, by the way.

Be honest: if you had the money, wouldn't you call up Jennifer White (or the nearest college-age babysitter who resembled her) and have her sit on your couch for a few hours? Alec Knight would. And, as a reward for being such a reliable source of income, Jennifer lets him fuck her in the ass. Not only is this good for her business, but it also helps Converse, too. Seriously, those red low-tops against her creamy thighs do things to us that no high heel can ever dream of.

When a stingy housewife decides to short change Allie Haze, Allie must think of a way to get even. Babysitters don't have a strong union (and it turns out The Babysitters Club hasn't been accepting new members since 2000), so Allie decides that she's going to seduce the man of the house, Evan Stone. Fortunately, that's an easy goal because Evan is always DTF. He even invents some strange ass-to-ass-doggie-style that only people with long dicks can do—just for the thrill of being freaky with Allie.

Nicole Ray realizes that the man funding her pizza habit is none other than legendary pornstar Tommy Gunn (ably played by Tommy Gunn), and she decides that must have sex with him. We don't know exactly how Nicole convinces Tommy, but we imagine it was something like, "I'm Nicole Ray, I'm adorable, and you want to fuck me." He strips her down to her stripey, rainbow socks, bends her over the couch, and shows her that, yes, pornstars are great at sex. How meta!

We never tire of seeing babysitters do nasty things in the homes of their clients. It's the one portrayal of a stereotype that really jives well with our masturbation habits. Let's give thanks to Bobby Manila and Reality Junkies for "Babysitter Diaries 4," in stores today!

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