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porn of the moment
As we've noted before, no one finds a good gimmick and drives it until the wheels rust off quite like certain folks in the porn industry. The flavor of the last year or so is obviously the classic TV sitcom spoof, which finds at least two more incarnations coming your way: Ryder Skye and Penny Flame will soon attempt to settle mankind's most enduring mystery (Ginger or Mary Ann?) in "This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX," which starts shooting this week—but not before Hustler wraps up "Get Smartass," wherein our brave hero Maxwell Smartass and his busty, er ... trusty sidekick Agent 69 (of course) do battle with the forces of evil. Too bad the latter production wasn't ready in time to beat mainstream Hollywood's "Get Smart" remake to the punch. Maybe when it comes to combing back issues of TV Guide for script ideas, the Porn Valley gang still has a long way to go. (Watch the "Get Smartass" trailer after the jump.)
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"Get Smartass" Brings Back The Boob Tube (At Least) Once More
As we've noted before, no one finds a good gimmick and drives it until the wheels rust off quite like certain folks in the porn industry. The flavor of the last year or so is obviously the classic TV sitcom spoof, which finds at least two more incarnations coming your way: Ryder Skye and Penny Flame will soon attempt to settle mankind's most enduring mystery (Ginger or Mary Ann?) in "This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX," which starts shooting this week—but not before Hustler wraps up "Get Smartass," wherein our brave hero Maxwell Smartass and his busty, er ... trusty sidekick Agent 69 (of course) do battle with the forces of evil. Too bad the latter production wasn't ready in time to beat mainstream Hollywood's "Get Smart" remake to the punch. Maybe when it comes to combing back issues of TV Guide for script ideas, the Porn Valley gang still has a long way to go. (Watch the "Get Smartass" trailer after the jump.)
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alter egos
Of Bondage And Baseboards: HGTV "Design Star"'s Porn Star
Remember the olden days when you had to settle for the occasional porn star sighting on cheesy reality shows or MTV or cheesy MTV reality shows? Suddenly, HGTV is more than just about flipping houses and designing on dimes: first we hear that one of its former hosts is starting his own naked goth girl site, and now our intrepid colleagues at Gay Porn Blog have revealed that current "Design Star" contestant and Le Corbusier fan Michael Verdugo received some valuable hardware and still life training appearing as "Jeremy Wess" in movies like "Rope Rituals" for legendary bondage producer Tom "Ropes" McGurk.
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Basic cable!
Vagine On A Dime: HGTV Host Lee Snijder Alts It Up
It used to be that basic cable was a solid gig, but former Home & Garden TV "Design On A Dime" host Lee Snijder wasn't so lucky, and now he and girlfriend Jett Angel have turned to documenting items common to Fleshbot West's household: Goth Girls. Might-as-well-be-porn site TMZ reported that Snijders started Goth Rock Girls, an unsurprising (but no less appealing, what with Fleshbot Crush ObjectTM Scarlett Pain moping therein) inky and pierce-y website. But no "cable" jokes, please: this is an all-girl affair.
· Goth Rock Girls (gothrockgirls.com)
America Loves Busty Heart!
Much of America outside of a certain subset of Boston Celtics fans might have gotten their first eyeful of Busty Heart via recent episodes of "America's Got Talent", but the fact is that the plucky and prodigiously endowed performer has been flopping her ginormous boobs around things like tin cans and beer kegs for years now. All of which amusing enough to watch, of course, even if her knack for self-promotion is really the talent we should all be paying attention to. (bustyheart.com et al.)
Oh, Chace Crawford—of course we take you seriously as an actor, you silly thing. After all, just because your name sounds like a porn star's and a disproportionate amount of your publicity photos feature Falcon-style props like cowboy hats and footballs doesn't mean you're not, like, a totally legitimate thespian or anything. Really, did you think that your all-too-infrequent shirtless scenes on "Gossip Girl" were the only things that keep us setting our TiVos every week? (Well, yeah they were actually. But we didn't want you to feel bad.) (Gawker)
television
· Secret Diary of a Call Girl (sho.com)
More Secrets Of "Secret Diary Of A Call Girl"
Have you been watching Showtime's broadcasts of "Secret Diary of A Call Girl"? We know it's only been on for two weeks, but the show seems to be picking up steam (and getting more steamy) as it moves along. Ok, it's probably not a very realistic look at the life of a call girl—what with all the amazing apartments and handsome johns—and Billie Piper's constant fourth-wall breaking narration can be a little off-putting, but we've found ourselves enjoying it quite a bit. We got a sneak peek at tonight's episode and not only do you get a close-up look at "the girlfriend experience" you also get your first (brief) look at Billie's bare breasts. See what we mean? It's better already!· Secret Diary of a Call Girl (sho.com)
boobs
· "My Big Breasts and Me" (full movie @ guba.com, via Blography)
"My Big Breasts And Me": Is There Such A Thing As Too Much Boob?
Big boobs are pretty much the greatest thing ever in the history of everything, but apparently there are some people out there who believe that some boobs are just too big ... and they want to do something about it. It seems that these people are also attached to these giant boobs and think that oversized funbags cause problems, like "embarrassment" or "searing back pain," and they kind of have an issue with that. Weird, right? Well, maybe if you watch this BBC documentary about huge knockers and the women who don't love them as much as we do, it will make more sense—but we're still baffled. After all, we lovebig boobs enough to watch an entire BBC documentary about them! It's hard to find a more compelling argument than that.· "My Big Breasts and Me" (full movie @ guba.com, via Blography)
linkage
... And so we return from another Pride weekend, full of enthusiasm and several gallons of well brand vodka. Also: headaches, flop sweats, and second-degree sunburns, which are somehow less pleasant. Sure, we could've avoided all that and stayed in and caught up on the news—but that's why we have interns! It may seem cruel to keep them chained up, but as soon as they learn to address us as Supreme Overlords and remember the way we like our Bloody Marys, we'll be happy to release them back into the wild. At the moment, though, they're too damn insolent—not to mention useful! Just look at the goodies they dug up while we were out gallivanting ...
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Monday Miscellany and Manbits
... And so we return from another Pride weekend, full of enthusiasm and several gallons of well brand vodka. Also: headaches, flop sweats, and second-degree sunburns, which are somehow less pleasant. Sure, we could've avoided all that and stayed in and caught up on the news—but that's why we have interns! It may seem cruel to keep them chained up, but as soon as they learn to address us as Supreme Overlords and remember the way we like our Bloody Marys, we'll be happy to release them back into the wild. At the moment, though, they're too damn insolent—not to mention useful! Just look at the goodies they dug up while we were out gallivanting ...More »
While we're on the subject of cocks and their allure today, maybe you'll have better luck figuring out what this game show cartoon character is doing than the contestant who's too busy cracking up to answer. Hint: we were going to say "Choking the chicken" ourselves before that snake popped up and got us all confused, though we suppose the correct answer ended up being pretty close too. (Click thumbnail for video.)
And speaking of celebrity sex scandals in the news this week, apparently dirty photos of former "Germany's Next Top Model" contestant Gina-Lisa have surfaced online. But unlike Verne Troyer, Gina-Lisa isn't mad that her naughty bits are on display; she's just worried that other women will get jealous when they see the pics. Aren't Germans so much more civilized? (And yes, we know that this post stretches the limits of what constitutes a "celebrity sex scandal". But we had to do something to get all that midget porn out of our heads.) (bild.de)
hype
· Motley Crue Entrance Video (cbs.com)
Mötley Crüe Selfishly Steals Spotlight From Pornstar Friends
We had to take a three-hour nap yesterday afternoon, so that we could stay up past our bedtime and watch Mötley Crüe preform on "The Late Show With David Letterman." We had been promised pornstars on network TV, and we were sure that something wonderfully exciting and dirty would happened to make it all worthwhile. Boy, were we wrong! Yes, the girls were there, and there was even a fourth as-yet-unidentified babe on display ... but "displayed" was all they were. The girls just sat motionless in the shadows for four minutes. No dancing, no makeouts, and they weren't even introduced. What's worse—The Crüe didn't even play "Dr. Feelgood"! And now you know why we're going to be tired and grumpy all day today.· Motley Crue Entrance Video (cbs.com)
If you're a doctor who wants to "prove" that porn causes all bad things to happen and destroy people's lives, it really helps to have ... you know, proof. After all, if a magician (like the excitable Penn Jillette) is telling you you're full of shit, you're really full of shit. (Jezebel)
Set your TiVOs, folks: Penthouse Pets Heather Vandeven, Melissa Jacobs, and Lux Kassidy will be appearing on Late Night with David Letterman tonight to help Motley Crüe celebrate the release of their new album. Funny—for the first time in our lives, we might actually be excited about listening to Motley Crüe. (cbs.com)
primetime ideas
According to its own press releases, X-Play's recent "Brady Bunch" porn parody "Not The Bradys XXX" is pretty much the most successful porn idea of all time. It's already spawned its own sequel—"Not Bewitched XXX" which comes out in September—and there's even been talk of knockoffs of "The Munsters" and (heaven, forbid) "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood." Also, even though "Bewitched" has yet to hit shelves, the word has just come down that X-Play now has two more spinoffs in the works—XXX versions of "The Love Boat" and "Three's Company." Both rather inspired choices, if you ask us, since to our impressionable young eyes those shows practically were porn anyway.
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Top Ten TV Sitcom Porn Spoofs We'd Like To See
According to its own press releases, X-Play's recent "Brady Bunch" porn parody "Not The Bradys XXX" is pretty much the most successful porn idea of all time. It's already spawned its own sequel—"Not Bewitched XXX" which comes out in September—and there's even been talk of knockoffs of "The Munsters" and (heaven, forbid) "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood." Also, even though "Bewitched" has yet to hit shelves, the word has just come down that X-Play now has two more spinoffs in the works—XXX versions of "The Love Boat" and "Three's Company." Both rather inspired choices, if you ask us, since to our impressionable young eyes those shows practically were porn anyway.
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2:00 PM on Wed Jun 18 2008
By Dashiell Bennett
11,942 views,
28 comments
Latest by n/a: MacGuyver. He can make a dildo out of ANYTHING! more »
great moments in television
· "Secret Diary Of A Call Girl" (full episodes @ sho.com)
"Secret Diary Of A Call Girl" Is No Longer A Secret Here
Remember, last year when Billie Piper scandalized the UK with her turn in "Secret Diary Of A Call Girl," that TV series based on the blog and book by Belle du Jour? Well, scandals make for awesome ratings (duh) so Showtime went ahead and bought the rights to broadcast the whole thing here in the U.S.. Hype aside, they do deserve credit for not simply stealing the idea and watering it down for the American audience's more tender sensibilities; they'll be showing the original unedited episodes just as they aired on the other side of the pond. It debuts on the "telly" (that's what they call it over there! Really!) on Monday night, but you can watch the full first two episodes online right now ... or at least whet your appetite with this sample clip. As you'll see either way, being a call girl is a dirty job—and we would sure like to have Billie do it to us.· "Secret Diary Of A Call Girl" (full episodes @ sho.com)
how the sexy people live
Porn Stars And Their "Secret Lives"
Last night, WeTV—a network we were surprised to learn was in our cable package—broadcast an episode of their documentary series "Secret Lives of Women" that focused on the not-so-secret (to us, anyway) world of pornstars. Apparently, they don't just have sex 24 hours a day! The show focused on Fleshbot faves Gina Lynn, Nicki Hunter, Tera Patrick and Buck Angel (who used to look more like a woman, so we guess he counts), and it did a good job of relating each one's unique story while treating like them like ordinary people who just happen to have not-so-ordinary jobs.
In case WeTV isn't in your cable package, catch some excerpts —including Gina's take on living in a pornstar household with husband and fellow performer Travis Knight; another about the rise of Teravision; Nicki's amazing porn comeback after a bout with leukemia; and Buck's story on making waves in the porn industry as its first FTM transsexual performer—after the jump.
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2:20 PM on Wed Jun 11 2008
By Dashiell Bennett
16,734 views,
1 comment
Latest by dawimp523: We TV? As in the new Lifetime/Oxygen channel? We used to have that, but I guessed they moved it from basic to digital cable. Now, the only channels we have for women are.... Lifetime and Oxygen! Trying to make porn more »
We just received word that altporn behemoth Suicide Girls is expanding into the world of television with their very own reality show. No word yet on what the show is about, but we suspect it'll have something to do with hot girls, tattoos, indie music, catfights ... and maybe even a lawsuit or two! (community.livejournal.com)
