• television

    "Californication" Is Boring, Except When There Are Boobs

    "Californication," the show that probably didn't make David Duchovny a sex addict, has a lot of sex in it. After all, it is about a sex addict — and isn't that all those people think about anyway? Nevertheless: even though it's full of sex, the show somehow manages to be boring, at least during the parts that don't feature a topless Brooke Banner. So what's a viewer to do? If using TiVo to fast forward to the naked good parts is too much work, point your browser to "Californication Girls," a site that's slowly accumulating all the worthwhile clips in the show. Because why should you sit through a thirty minute show for four minutes of boobs? (Though come to think of it, we've done more for less.) More »
  • television

    Previously On "Weeds": Nancy's Boobs Say Goodbye To Another Season

    Lest you think the highlights of the last two episodes of "Weeds" this season were restricted to glimpses of hot man booty, loyal viewers were also treated to yet another extended naked shot of Mary Louise Parker in a bathtub during Sunday's finale—so extended, in fact, that the producers almost seem to be rolling their eyes at perverted celebrity boob fans who put their TiVos into overdrive every time there's so much of a glimpse of exposed areola to be had anywhere on cable television. But did that stop us? Of course not! As Justin Kirk as MLP's besmitten brother-in-law said when confronted with her toplessness, "They're bigger than I thought." See if you agree with him after the jump. (Note: Spoiler alert, obvs—and we don't just mean Nancy's boobies.) More »
  • video

    Remembering The Glory Days Of The Boob Tube

    If you are as old eternally youthful as we are, then you remember when television was just three channels and the best you could hope for when it came to boobies was a swimming pool catfight on "Dynasty." TV had to be a lot more creative back then and so did viewers looking for any kind of jiggly bouncy fun. Do you have any idea what it was like to rely on "Three's Company" for your dose of wild sexual hijinks? Then along came cable and the next thing you know TBS is showing "Sex and the City" reruns and Cinemax has stopped showing Shannon Tweed movies because they aren't scandalous enough. The point is that you are spoiled brats with your 24-hour internet fuckfests—and that this list of the 50 sexiest TV shows of all time makes us weep with horny teenage nostalgia. Check out this all-too brief clip from our personal favorite, "Red Shoe Diaries," and maybe someday you'll understand the value of good soft core nakedness. More »
  • savanna samson

    Savanna Samson Heats Up The Evening News

    "The Daily Show" has always wanted to perk up your regular evening TV watching and kick mainstream news outlets in the butt. So why not do so by recasting the Evening News with Savanna Samson in the role of Katie Couric? It may just supposed to be a joke, but it's an idea could actually help CBS with their ratings. It certainly couldn't hurt (More @ thedailyshow.com)
  • wardrobe malfunction

    Pink Gets Exposed At VMAs

    At this point, wardrobe malfunctions are almost a required part of awards shows. In fact, if Pink hadn't exposed a section of her duct-tape covered boob while performing at MTV's Video Music Awards last weekend, well, we'd have felt downright cheated! (entertainmentwise.com)
  • television

    A religious "family" group is complaining that Playboy's "Girls Next Door" show is "nothing more than an infomercial designed to promote Playboy Enterprises' various products." Um ... do they not understand how television works? (avn.com)
  • media

    Oh! Canada, We Fap For Thee

    Canada is launching a new pay television porn network that promises to show at least 50% homegrown Canadian smut. Gee, that's an awful lots of pucks. (theglobeandmail.com; photo of proud Québécoise Lanny Barby via this)
  • television

    Larry Flynt Fights For Our Right To Fap In Peace

    You've seen "The People Vs. Larry Flynt" countless times and read every issue of Hustler cover to cover. But believe it or not, there's a lot about Larry Flynt that you just don't know—and IFC aims to school you with their tell-all documentary "Larry Flynt: The Right To Be Left Alone," which airs tomorrow night. Focusing on some of the less sexy (but still fascinating) aspects of Flynt's life, the movie offers an insider account of Flynt's freedom fighting in the name of free speech with rare footage of the infamous Supreme Court case against Jerry Falwell, Flynt’s prison sentencing for refusing to name his source in the FBI entrapment tapes of John DeLorean, and, best of all, Flynt’s gubernatorial and presidential campaigns. Check out the trailer after the jump. More »
  • television

    Previously On "Weeds": Nancy Gets Seriously Laid

    After Nancy's spankalicious tryst on last week's episode of "Weeds", we thought we'd have to wait until the season finale drew closer to see more of Mary Louise Parker aside from what she's been showing off in those insanely short skirts she's been sporting all season—after all, while the show hasn't shied away from such controversial things like recreational drug use, murdering DEA agents, amputee porn and hot MILF action, it hasn't especially relied on much T&A to keep us tuning in every week. Until last night, that is, when we were treated to an extended naked romp between MLP and her Mexican politico-slash-drug overlord paramour ... complete with more naked breastage than we believe she's shown in the rest of her entire career to date. Of course, we'll have to check with the experts on that; you, however, can go right ahead and relive those magic moments as many times as you like after the jump More »
  • billie piper

    Last Call For "Call Girl" (For Now)

    Last night was the season finale for the first chapter of "Secret Diary Of A Call Girl", and while we don't know when (or if) the second season will begin we hope Billie Piper keeps finding work in the meantime. Sure, real call girls probably roll their eyes every time "Belle" explains the "secrets" of high-class prostitution, but we find it goofily charming. Besides, it's not like we could ever afford to pay $1,000 for a single night of bliss, so this will have to do. More »
  • balloons

    Burlesque Balloon Babe Braves Big Bong ... Er, Gong

    Yes, we're still watching The Gong Show every week, but only because we're awaiting the glorious return of The Unknown Comic. (Ask your parents.) Fortunately, we are still occasionally entertained by some of the acts that come through there, like the appropriately-named Katie Balloons, who proves that balloon fetishism is alive and well—as if we needed the reminder—and you still can't show bare boobs on basic cable. Sorry to burst your bubble. More »
  • television

    Previously On "Weeds": Nancy Gets Spanked

    While we continue to love our "Weeds", we have to admit it's been going to some pretty dark places this season—not to mention a few implausible ones. Why did Nancy decide to save the doublecrossing Celia from being offed by her mota-smuggling overlords anyway? Is it really possible to dig a tunnel across the border from Mexico to a suburban strip mall? And most important of all, why didn't they hire an expert to show actor Demian Bichir how to deliver a proper spanking to Mary-Louise Parker in last night's episode—you know, one that would really leave handprints on her butt instead of those obviously painted-on ones she flashed later on? No matter: we still got to see MLP in her panties (bestill our hearts). And if this is just the beginning of a kinky relationship between Nancy and her Mexican drug kingpin, we say bring it on. Check out the versimilitude (or lack thereof) for yourself after the jump. More »
  • television

    HBO has canceled our favorite show, "Tell Me You Love Me"—which means we will never find out what really happened to all those full-frontal couples and their dull, passionless relationships. Maybe we'll get to see some full-on penetration in "Mad Men" this season instead? (hollywoodreporter.com, via nymag.com)
  • babes

    It's Always Sunny With Mayte Carranco

    The votes are in, and Mexico's Mayte Carranco has been deemed the world's hottest weather girl. The competition was stiff, but with her penchant for wearing midriff bearing outfits and prancing around in her bra on the air, Mayte ultimately prevailed. We think we can safely say the best weather girl won. (asylum.com)
  • television

    The Gong Show Returns: Bring On The Naked Freaks!

    Have you heard? The Gong Show is back! We were very excited to learn of this development, because we like nonsensical performance art and big shiny metal objects. But mostly we're just tuning in hoping to see whatever 2008's version of The Popsicle Twins might be. After all, the very first episode featured this bizarre, yet acrobatic, pseudo-burlesque act and because outrageous behavior and gratuitous nudity can only help you in this environment, the big finish involved clothing removal. It can only get better—and by "better" we mean much, much worse—from here, right? More »
  • but what about the children?

    We've been meaning to slog through this groundbreaking investigative TV news report on sex and our culture—but frankly, we just can't. We don't need John Stossel's mustache to tells us how we're ruining America—we're well aware of that already. But if you want to be reminded about society's impending doom go right ahead and tune in. Just don't tell him about the cake farts. (abcnews.go.com)
  • television

    "The Would-Be Madam Of Crystal": Heidi Fleiss Forever!

    If you miss seeing Heidi Fleiss taking up tabloid column inches as much as we do, you won't want to miss the new HBO documentary tonight by our pals Fenton Bailey and Randy Barbato of World of Wonder in which the former Hollywood Madam and current bird fancier crosses the state line to open a brothel in Nevada ... and hilarity ensues! Actually, it's not so much hilarious as an affectionate and occasionally poignant look at a woman who is still chasing her dreams: as Heidi herself says, "Heidi Fleiss is kind of synonymous with sex and money and that's the big deal, but really, I'm just your average convicted felon." "Heidi Fleiss: The Would-Be Madam Of Crystal" premieres tonight on HBO; catch some preview clips after the jump. More »
  • nipples

    Four and a half years after that infamous "wardrobe malfunction" that shook the world, a federal appeals court has overturned the $550,000 fine the FCC slapped on CBS for showing the entire planet Janet Jackson's right boob ... which means that the sum total of the entire saga is officially nothing. Our long national nightmare is (finally? please?) over. (abcnews.go.com)
  • trailers

    "Get Smartass" Brings Back The Boob Tube (At Least) Once More

    As we've noted before, no one finds a good gimmick and drives it until the wheels rust off quite like certain folks in the porn industry. The flavor of the last year or so is obviously the classic TV sitcom spoof, which finds at least two more incarnations coming your way: Ryder Skye and Penny Flame will soon attempt to settle mankind's most enduring mystery (Ginger or Mary Ann?) in "This Ain't Gilligan's Island XXX," which starts shooting this week—but not before Hustler wraps up "Get Smartass," wherein our brave hero Maxwell Smartass and his busty, er ... trusty sidekick Agent 69 (of course) do battle with the forces of evil. Too bad the latter production wasn't ready in time to beat mainstream Hollywood's "Get Smart" remake to the punch. Maybe when it comes to combing back issues of TV Guide for script ideas, the Porn Valley gang still has a long way to go. (Watch the "Get Smartass" trailer after the jump.) More »
  • altporn

    Vagine On A Dime: HGTV Host Lee Snijder Alts It Up

    It used to be that basic cable was a solid gig, but former Home & Garden TV "Design On A Dime" host Lee Snijder wasn't so lucky, and now he and girlfriend Jett Angel have turned to documenting items common to Fleshbot West's household: Goth Girls. Might-as-well-be-porn site TMZ reported that Snijders started Goth Rock Girls, an unsurprising (but no less appealing, what with Fleshbot Crush ObjectTM Scarlett Pain moping therein) inky and pierce-y website. But no "cable" jokes, please: this is an all-girl affair. More »
  • big boobs

    America Loves Busty Heart!

    Much of America outside of a certain subset of Boston Celtics fans might have gotten their first eyeful of Busty Heart via recent episodes of "America's Got Talent", but the fact is that the plucky and prodigiously endowed performer has been flopping her ginormous boobs around things like tin cans and beer kegs for years now. All of which amusing enough to watch, of course, even if her knack for self-promotion is really the talent we should all be paying attention to. (bustyheart.com et al.) More »
  • television

    More Secrets Of "Secret Diary Of A Call Girl"

    Have you been watching Showtime's broadcasts of "Secret Diary of A Call Girl"? We know it's only been on for two weeks, but the show seems to be picking up steam (and getting more steamy) as it moves along. Ok, it's probably not a very realistic look at the life of a call girl—what with all the amazing apartments and handsome johns—and Billie Piper's constant fourth-wall breaking narration can be a little off-putting, but we've found ourselves enjoying it quite a bit. We got a sneak peek at tonight's episode and not only do you get a close-up look at "the girlfriend experience" you also get your first (brief) look at Billie's bare breasts. See what we mean? It's better already! More »
  • boobs

    "My Big Breasts And Me": Is There Such A Thing As Too Much Boob?

    Big boobs are pretty much the greatest thing ever in the history of everything, but apparently there are some people out there who believe that some boobs are just too big ... and they want to do something about it. It seems that these people are also attached to these giant boobs and think that oversized funbags cause problems, like "embarrassment" or "searing back pain," and they kind of have an issue with that. Weird, right? Well, maybe if you watch this BBC documentary about huge knockers and the women who don't love them as much as we do, it will make more sense—but we're still baffled. After all, we lovebig boobs enough to watch an entire BBC documentary about them! It's hard to find a more compelling argument than that. More »
  • sex tape

    And speaking of celebrity sex scandals in the news this week, apparently dirty photos of former "Germany's Next Top Model" contestant Gina-Lisa have surfaced online. But unlike Verne Troyer, Gina-Lisa isn't mad that her naughty bits are on display; she's just worried that other women will get jealous when they see the pics. Aren't Germans so much more civilized? (And yes, we know that this post stretches the limits of what constitutes a "celebrity sex scandal". But we had to do something to get all that midget porn out of our heads.) (bild.de)
  • hype

    Mötley Crüe Selfishly Steals Spotlight From Pornstar Friends

    We had to take a three-hour nap yesterday afternoon, so that we could stay up past our bedtime and watch Mötley Crüe preform on "The Late Show With David Letterman." We had been promised pornstars on network TV, and we were sure that something wonderfully exciting and dirty would happened to make it all worthwhile. Boy, were we wrong! Yes, the girls were there, and there was even a fourth as-yet-unidentified babe on display ... but "displayed" was all they were. The girls just sat motionless in the shadows for four minutes. No dancing, no makeouts, and they weren't even introduced. What's worse—The Crüe didn't even play "Dr. Feelgood"! And now you know why we're going to be tired and grumpy all day today. More »
  • war on porn

    If you're a doctor who wants to "prove" that porn causes all bad things to happen and destroy people's lives, it really helps to have ... you know, proof. After all, if a magician (like the excitable Penn Jillette) is telling you you're full of shit, you're really full of shit. (Jezebel)
  • mainstream crossover watch

    Set your TiVOs, folks: Penthouse Pets Heather Vandeven, Melissa Jacobs, and Lux Kassidy will be appearing on Late Night with David Letterman tonight to help Motley Crüe celebrate the release of their new album. Funny—for the first time in our lives, we might actually be excited about listening to Motley Crüe. (cbs.com)
  • polls

    Top Ten TV Sitcom Porn Spoofs We'd Like To See

    According to its own press releases, X-Play's recent "Brady Bunch" porn parody "Not The Bradys XXX" is pretty much the most successful porn idea of all time. It's already spawned its own sequel—"Not Bewitched XXX" which comes out in September—and there's even been talk of knockoffs of "The Munsters" and (heaven, forbid) "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood." Also, even though "Bewitched" has yet to hit shelves, the word has just come down that X-Play now has two more spinoffs in the works—XXX versions of "The Love Boat" and "Three's Company." Both rather inspired choices, if you ask us, since to our impressionable young eyes those shows practically were porn anyway. More »
  • pornstars

    Porn Stars And Their "Secret Lives"

    Last night, WeTV—a network we were surprised to learn was in our cable package—broadcast an episode of their documentary series "Secret Lives of Women" that focused on the not-so-secret (to us, anyway) world of pornstars. Apparently, they don't just have sex 24 hours a day! The show focused on Fleshbot faves Gina Lynn, Nicki Hunter, Tera Patrick and Buck Angel (who used to look more like a woman, so we guess he counts), and it did a good job of relating each one's unique story while treating like them like ordinary people who just happen to have not-so-ordinary jobs. More »
  • media

    We just received word that altporn behemoth Suicide Girls is expanding into the world of television with their very own reality show. No word yet on what the show is about, but we suspect it'll have something to do with hot girls, tattoos, indie music, catfights ... and maybe even a lawsuit or two! (community.livejournal.com)
  • television

    An angry "Swingtown" viewer wants to sue CBS because he used to work at notorious New York City sex palace Plato's Retreat and he totally had an idea for a TV show about swingers, like ... 20 years ago. It's just like that time we said that it would be cool if dinosaurs still existed and then "Jurassic Park" ripped us off! (nypost.com)
  • television

    When "Real World" Stars Stop Being Polite And Start Getting Naked

    These days it seems like it would only be news if a reality show managed to put together a cast that did not include at least one pornstar. We don't know what it is about the genre that attracts people who are prone to taking their clothes off on camera—perhaps it's the opportunity to take your clothes off on camera?—but whether they started with a youthful indiscretion to pay the rent or parlayed their TV fame into a Playboy pictorial, it's the stars of MTV's "The Real World" who are still the exhibitionist champs. This helpful field guide takes at look at the best and the "brightest" of that universe's stars (guys and girls) who revealed a lot more than basic cable can provide. And there are a lot of them, so you better have a seat. More »
  • television

    "Swingtown": Primetime Television Now Overrun With Sexy Bikini-Clad Swingers

    Have you watched the "hit" new show "Swingtown"? It's about how everyone in the 1970s used to do nothing but fuck each other on shag carpeting (and not about the music our grandparents used to listen to during WW2 as we were previously led to believe). Groovy! We didn't see it because we were too busy hooking up a disco ball to our lava lamp, but if the video below is to be trusted, the only costumes available to female members were bikinis. Don't worry though: since it airs on CBS, you can always call your grandmother to see what you missed since she was probably tuned in. If she wasn't listening to big band music at the time, that is. More »
  • what is reality?

    Playboy's "Foursome", Round Two: Can You Read My Mind?

    "One mansion, four singles, 24 hours, endless possibilities" is the logline for "Foursome," Playboy's reality dating series, which debuts its second season Friday night. Fleshbot's seventh grade algebra teacher would quickly point out that the mansion and the time are red herrings, and that the hookup possibilities between the four singles are actually six (barring masturbation), not endless. But that's OK: there's a woman in the premiere who looks like Margot Kidder. More »
  • eva wyrwal

    And just to complete today's trifecta of news updates involving lad mag favorites, we hear that popular topless person Eva "Iga" Wyrwal is moving to the small screen (er, the one besides your laptop we mean) with a spot on a new British sketch comedy show. Wyrwal will play a variety of roles, including—of all things—a model and a stripper. Let's hope her fans will be able to make the leap required for those roles to be believable ... (dailystar.co.uk)
  • hype

    "Sex And The City": The Fleshbot Post

    Well, we did it! Despite months of hype, Google News alerts, blocked-off Manhattan streets, annoying trend pieces in the newspaper and approximately 6,000 posts on our various sibling websites, we managed to get though the entire build up to the Greatest Chick Flick Of Our Generation without writing one single post about it. Until now. More »
  • ripped (off) from the headlines

    Law & Order: Eliot Spitzer Re-Enactment Unit

    Nobody can take a lurid scandal directly from the news and turn it into quality entertainment faster than "Law and Order." Well, almost nobody. It may have stung to get beaten to the punch by Hustler, but last night's season finale of the long-running NBC drama was not really about disgraced New York ex-governor Eliot Spitzer, because the fictional state governor in this episode wasn't dumb enough to pay for his hookers with a check. Fake Eliot manages to avoid the same fate as his doppleganger, because he's also much more cunning and ruthless, has an ambitious bitch-on-wheels wife, and a lot more hair. Most of the other details were spot on though—the call girl website, the role of the (ugh) "blogosphere," the vindictive federal investigators. It's was just like watching CNN, only the plot was slightly easier to follow and both broadcasts could've used more call girls. More »
  • playboy

    MILF Island Survivor Still Quite Hittable

    If you're like us, you probably still occasionally think about that "MILF Island" episode of "30 Rock," and pray that NBC might somehow turn it into an actual reality TV show. (Don't pretend you wouldn't watch that.) Even if the suits at GE don't figure it out, someone at Playboy definitely took notice, since they asked Kim Sonora—one of the mommies featured in the fake show—to pose for their real cameras. The 43-year-old (or 37 depending on who you ask) hottie can be seen without her bikini top in the members only portion of their website (until they pop elsewhere any minute now), holding out a small glimmer of hope for a reunion special. Until that day, you can just relive "Heidi's" tragic ending at her last fireside tribunal below. More »
  • great moments in sex

    How Hippies Uncovered The Human Body (Including The Odors)

    Did you watch Part One of VH1's "Sex: The Revolution" documentary last night? Or are you simply relying on us to feed you bite-sized clips that will allow you to somehow absorb the meaning and context of the 20th century's sexual revolution all your own? (Hey, it's worth a shot.) If you watch tonight, you'll get more insight into the swinging single lifestyle, how birth control forever changed the landscape of wild, unprotected fucking, and how the dirty, smelly hippies are responsible for the whole thing. We just knew that somehow we'd be able to blame everything on them. More »
  • media

    Porn Recession Will Ruin Us All ... Again

    You may not have heard anything about this on the news, but there seems to be something wrong with the "economy." Things are more expensive and our mortgages need more oil or something. Fortunately, we still have porn ... or do we? People don't like to spend money in a recession, but they do really like porn, so if they're not spending money on that then we must really be in trouble. News does travel slowly, but now even Miami knows (thanks to local TV station CBS 4) that porn DVDs aren't doing so hot. They're losing money to the online internets ... except if people are going to the internet, then they're probably still spending money. They're just you know ... spending it somewhere else. Of course, there's the free internet places like YOURporn, which is not to be confused with the actual site that some dude at the office told this reporter to check out. But don't worry—someday porn will all be in 3-D! That will fix everything! Right? More »