We often think of Hot House as we do some of our well-meaning but clueless relatives: we love them even if they ship their screener DVDs to us in oversized, wasteful packaging that won't even fit through our stretched-out mail hole. And like our Aunt Barbara (as well as a lot of porn companies, to be fair), Hot House also sometimes does things that make little sense to anyone but themselves—for example, the box cover for the soon-to-be-released "Paging Dr. Finger".

"It's part of the underground dungeon scene!" pipes the plummy voiceover of beloved pornstress Veronica Hart of "L.A.'s House of Sex And Domination," where people like Sasha Grey, Michelle Avanti, Kissy Kapri, Flower Tucci, and Audrey Hollander go to be sexed and, er, dominated.

There's something both oldschool Porn and late-nite cable in Hart's introductions (written by Naz and Ashley Blue), such as that of Sasha Grey ("No one has been able to tame her!"). But where a Skinemax movie would then trot out Nikki Fritz and a softcore rubdown would ensue, by the end of this scene Sasha Grey literally has clothespins coming out of her ass—and she's happy about it.

Hello, porn studio people? Haven't you been paying attention to us? What did we say just a few days ago? Wasn't it something about backing off the workplace clichés? And yet, what do you keep giving us? That's right: more workplace clichés! (And not the clever kind our readers have been coming up with either!)

Not to point fingers—but we're looking at you, Man's Art, with your just-released "Boys @ Work". Not only could you not be bothered to type out "at", but you substituted an asperand for it. In days of yore—say, 1997—that might've been a mildly clever title if your film were about hot web designers and the mischief they get up to after hours, when all that Jolt cola finally hits their systems and they take off their clothes and start coding like horned up jackrabbits. But now it just feels lazy.

If this movie were named "Zaftig Elegance," I wouldn't feel so downright creepy about watching it. Instead this movie appeals to my prurient interest: I think of all the babysitters who line up at the hot dog stand by the minor league baseball field in Fleshbot West's Home Town. I think of the younger sisters (or worse, daughters) of the angular women who taught us SQL Server, and feel Ashamed. That the movie opens with sound effects of a crying infant and soothing lullaby bells also makes me wonder who the target audience is.

We wondered why it took "Fuck Truck" so long to arrive, what with all the "Bang" Boats and Buses out there and the "Autobang Sluts" and the Mile-High Club and "Dirty Aeroflot Honeys" (Well, we made up that last one, but at least we didn't say "Mopedophiles"). Then we realized that "Fuck Truck" was cast-off or deleted footage from other movies, which is why it lacks what Pauline Kael called "truck continuity."

What Would Fleshbot Readers Do? Ladies Of Leisure Edition

I suppose Fleshbot management keeps me around for my boilermakers and Daddy's money, because now and then I look at the angular and spavined pinups my colleagues choose and feel out of the loop. "It's Father's Day," I'll say. "These women can't accommodate my seed."

Here, on the other hand, are a couple of pneumatic lovelies lounging about the set, just daring you to feed them some Father's Day kabobs. Sure "Waist Watchers" is a great title for 1976—but can you be like last week's winner paraffinshot and this time find a more sensual and aromatic title for this movie than the one G-d gave it? Thank you.

· Zero Tolerance (zerotolerance.com)
· Buy "Waist Watchers 3" (gamelink.com)

"Workin' Hard", Or Hardly Working?

When a friend drops by Fleshbot Central unexpectedly and we find ourselves having to tell them that that we're unable to take a break to go grab a Frappuccino because we're hard at work, we usually get one of four responses:

1. "I thought that was just a wrench in your pocket! Har!"
2. "I thought you were just happy to see me! Har!"
3. A quick grope, followed by "Doesn't seem that hard! Har!"
4. A breathy "Well, let me see what I can do to ease your workload ..." as they drop to their knees behind our sleek mahogany desks.

(We're just kidding about #4. We don't have desks.)

Wham Bam, Thank You Mam: "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee #5"

"One town's very like another when your head's down over your pieces, Brother." There was no way we were going to reference Murray Head, however, when we found out that the star of "Bangkok Suckee Fuckee #5" was named Mam. Don't get us wrong; Porn Valley is great. But adult material shot in other countries is like eating at your favorite stateside chain restaurant overseas; it's the little differences.

Here at Foxbase Fleshbot, we live on the edge. We talk to strangers. We take their candy. And we drink coffee all day long. You heard us: all day long. We are very edgy, indeed.

It should come as no surprise then, that we take our technological innovations really seriously. And although we were super-psyched to have Steve Jobs seduce us with his iPhone porn over yesterday's lunch (= two pints of panacotta gelato and more damn coffee, thank you), we were somewhat distracted by a new "fully interactive" video from Brazilian website outfit Magnus Muscle entitled "Total Control: Henry Silva", featuring what we believe to be Mr. Silva's debut DVD performance.

We do not get out much. Given the choice between sliding dollar bills into the thongs of Nubile Young Things at our local teabagging hotspot or staying in to relive the halcyon days of "Sex and the City", we will always opt for RNR with SJP on DVD. It may be Stalag Fleshbot, but it's our Stalag Fleshbot.

However, if the world beyond our windowsill were a little more like Top Dog Productions' new masturbatory masterpiece "Thugs Need Love, Too", we might not be so reclusive. Just look at that alluring boxcover: it's got all the glitz and energy of Times Square, the grit of "Grand Theft Auto 4", and the hot cock action of ... um, hot cock action. It's like a coked-up art installation, or the world's jankeyest gay urban shopping mall! It's all over the map and we love it. So do let us count the ways ...

We Don't Want To Do Their "Dirty Work"

Everyone knows that porn loves a pun, and to prove it we conducted an Unofficial Fleshbot Survey this morning. Turns out 19 of 20 new-release titles that caught our eyes were puns of one kind or another, mostly riffs on popular movie titles or TV shows or common American catchphrases. "The Porne Ultimatum", "The Bone Ultimatum", "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Stop" ... you get the idea.

"Strap-On Motel" is filled with sleight of hand: it is a rare rainy night in L.A., there is a French woman named London, and director Maria Beatty really makes us believe we're watching actual lesbians ... in a porn movie, no less! London walks to a club called Pussy's where stripper Dylan Ryan waits for her. Though it is in a bad neighborhood, it is clear that this club is full service; London isn't two steps in the door before she and Ryan are naked. It really doesn't seem like work.

As a leader in the Astigmatic-American community, I was happy to see a movie that claimed to feature people who looked like me, that could tell my story, and that didn't shrink from honest portrayals of people with eyeglasses having sex. Oh well. I hope their "Alcoholics Analymous" movie dares to tell the truth.

Between the election year buzz, last night's fireworks, and that red, white, and blue beer sampler we chugged yesterday afternoon, we're feeling a little argumentative today. So in honor of our country's longstanding reputation as an (occasionally) open forum for (occasionally intelligent) discussion, we present a Lincoln-Douglas debate just for you! So let's crack open "Kaleb Scott's Piss Party Weekend" (or at least take a good look at the cover), and let the flow sheeting begin ...

We used to get excited about Fridays. Not so long ago, Fridays were a wafer-thin, eight-hour line that stood between us and 48 hours full of beer busts, hookups, and shame walks. And when a Friday abutted a holiday weekend like this one does, our excitement increased by 33.334%.

Now, of course, we're a little jaded. Beer busts only mean more offerings to the evil elliptical machine gods; we've hooked up with every willing participant in a fifty mile radius; and those walks of shame would just ruin our new sandals (which we will never call "mandals" because we are not living on "Gossip Girl"). Furthermore, it's hot and sticky outside—and totally not in a good way—so we're just planning on staying indoors and watching porn all weekend anyway. Hmph.

"What She Can't Give Me" Leaves A Gaping Hole (In Our Lives)

Thanks to our august position in the world of adult entertainment, people ask us a lot of questions. Like "Do porn stars make any money?" (Of course!) "What's so-and-so like off-camera?" (A total sweetheart! Our BFF!) "How do I get into porn?" (Aren't you into it already? Ha, ha!)

But now, dear readers, we'd like to turn the tables with a wee question for you: "Why the hell can't some porn studios get their freakin' acts together?" See, we think that if you've spent an entire Saturday afternoon filming a porn movie in Grandma's basement, then another whole hour designing a box cover, you might at least want to spend five minutes on a press release announcing the groundbreaking new addition to your oeuvre. Sadly, this is not always the case.