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#scandal
Rihanna, Still Nude (And Everyone Swears It's Her)
The Rihanna pictures are seriously showing up everywhere. Still no nudes that have her face in them, but we hear they are absolutely, positively real. There's a grainy photo of Chris Brown, even! (thenewsjunkie.com) -
#todayinbitches
Japanese Bitches: This Time They're Human
Godzilla. Mothra. Sadako from "Ringu." The Land of the Rising Sun is famous for its bitches. But until now they've either been radioactive or dead. More » -
#pornofthemoment
When Pies Go Bad: "Attack Of The CFNM"
"I don't like how your pies taste," says this hapless husband, caught in the act of pastryphilia by his wife and a gaggle of girlfriends in (wait for it) "Attack of the Clothed Female/Naked Male." More » -
#hardcore
Today In Bravery: "I Am Not A MILF"
I can imagine that, when it's the difference between a paycheck and no paycheck, a woman who has not actually borne children will concede to being called a MILF for the purposes of pornic exploitation. But Kara Nox in "Desperate MILFs & Housewives" courageously sets the record straight. "I'm not a MILF," she says. "I'm 31 and have never had children." Would that our leaders were as honest. More » -
#dvdreview
Rocco Siffredi, "Animal Trainer"
With the amount of porn sent to me (for free!) every week, I have come to appreciate any non-standard scene setups. There are only so many times, for example, I can watch Darryl Hanah absently masturbating on a couch as a cock enters from the left of frame before I ... well, watch a hundred more scenes just like it. Thank the Intelligent Designer that Gawker pays me so handsomely! More » -
#photoplay
Your Day In "Black Sweeties"
Granted, there are those who'd point out that there would never be a porn title called "White Sweeties," and that specifying a performer as a "sweety" might imply that others of that race, gender, nationality, or creed aren't sweeties. But I read this title as a shortening of "Sweeties Who Happen to Be Black," much like I assume "Big-Titted Teens" isn't a slam on my girlfriend, who happens to be a small-chested Samoan 19-year-old, but a sweety nonetheless. More » -
#jennyhendrix
Jenny Hendrix Demands You "Fuck Me"
According to polls conducted by the Bogue Chitto branch of the Fleshbot Research and Development Group, the most common ejaculation uttered at first sight of Jenny Hendrix is "Fuck Me" (emphasis added). So, though it might be a little on the nose (or somewhere south) to name a movie thusly, at least it is guaranteed popular appeal. More » -
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#hardcore
You're A Nation Of Proud Porn Consumers: "Liquid Gold 16"
Well, when I suggested I profile this movie, the kinfolk said, "Move away from there." Because the great Kaiser Soze conundrum of our time is how to classify the fluid that comes out of women on porn sets—and, you know, in life. Luckily, "Liquid Gold 16" is not about "female ejaculation" or "squirting" - it's about urination. Something people do every day, after the cake fart enema. (Note to the squeamish: all liquid has been removed from the post-gap images.) More » -
#pornlesbians
Kylie Ireland's "Bitch And Moan" Is Not For Whiners
Knowing Kylie Ireland as I do (she once prevented her dog from eating my Wheat Thins), one has confidence that her movie "Bitch And Moan 2" will not be some by the numbers effort featuring lesbians-'til-graduation pouting for the camera in fake alarm. Instead, she gets genuine surprise out of people like Roxy DeVille, Aiden Starr, and Eva Angelina as terrible, wonderful things are perpetrated on their persons. More » -
#pornbrazilians
"Teen Brazil 3" Softly Whispers "Some Day Soon"
Have you been to Brazil? You really should go. From the favelas on the hill to the gun battles on the street, everyone is ready for a sexy good time. If you book a ticket, bring me along and I will hold Isabella on my lap just in case there's some emergency. More » -
#avarose
"Hello, Nurse!" ... Goodbye, Ava Rose
No, the delightful Ava Rose is neither dead, nor ailing, nor leaving the porn industry. But she and studio Adam & Eve, for whom she was a contract performer (along with Bree Olson and Kayden Kross), did decide not to renew their deal just as a spate of Ava Rose movies—including this one and the forthcoming "Rollerdollz"—was hitting the market. But I couldn't let Rose's homage to Jenny Fields go unnoticed in this unfortunate press vacuum. It would violate my "First, Do No Harm" oath. More » -
#photoplay
No Full Metal Jacket (Or Pants) Required: "Barely Legal Boot Camp"
The striking thing about Hustler's "Barely Legal Boot Camp" is that drill instructor Darryl Hanah looks positively sex-grizzled in comparison with the likes of recruits Kortni Kiss, Jayden Rose, Bailey Brooks, and Arianna Armani, all of whom tumble out of a van to be shrieked at by director/itinerant preacher Rod Fontana. We see a group of 18-year-olds perfectly suited to be stoop-shouldered and eye-rolling in the face of the porn narrative structure that some of them will never perfect. More » -
#pornstars
Meggan Malone: The Vagina, The Niche, And The (Lack of) Wardrobe
The closest Meggan Malone comes to Lord Aslan in Homegrown Video's "The Chronicals {sic} of Hornia {not-sic}" is mentioning in her pre-flight interview that she just acquired "a baby kitten." And the only Christian allegory that can be found in this video featuring the then-future Vivid contract girl are—well, there are no Christian allegories. What a goddamn gyp. I expect all my porn to somehow relate to the crucifixion. More » -
#pornofthemoment
"Pour Une Nuit" In Gay (Er, Lesbian) Paree
Ah, Paris! If for no other reason than to begin a review with "Ah, Paris!" did I watch this for lesbians/by lesbians movie, shot in dingy clubs with a spotlight and shot with sweaty abandon in apartments and elevators around the City of Light. Really a series of vignettes featuring some of the same people on one steamy night in Gay Paree, "One Night Stand" ("Pour Une Nuit)" was made in 2006 and just made its way via festivals and US distributor Fatale Media to my hands. Along the way it won "First Prize of the Lesbian Jury" at Berlin's inaugural porn film festival. More » -
#photoplay
"It Takes Two #6" To Make A Thing All Right
As was demonstrated by panelists at last year's Fleshbot Alpine Institute, 98.4 percent of porn DVD purchases are made on the basis of boxcover photos alone. So what do we learn about "It Takes Two #6"? Well, it is that hot-panted desert hookers still roam the earth, scenting the saguaro with their melon body spray and enticing the panamint chipmunk up their gym socks. More » -
#whatisreality
Pornic Voices: Harmony And Dirty Harry In "Tough Love 14"
"My wife hates hookers," laments Dirty Harry, Porn's Everyman, to the neo-Crumb Girl Harmony. "Especially ones who smoke." More » -
#hardcore
Penny Flame Films Self (Because We Need The Extra Hand)
"That's what my boobs look like on camera?" asks the delicious and volatile Penny Flame in the pleasantly disquieting "I Film Myself 7." "Holy crap." For a movie that makes the performer the cameraman and the scene partner the viewer, you'd expect the resulting effect to be more claustrophobic than it is, and the production value (yes, it still matters) to be awful. Yet these scenes makes us feel like we're fighting in some dusty place and our hot girlfriends just sent us a movie. More » -
#bdsm
Dave Naz' "House of Sex & Domination" (Hold The Fog)
"It's part of the underground dungeon scene!" pipes the plummy voiceover of beloved pornstress Veronica Hart of "L.A.'s House of Sex And Domination," where people like Sasha Grey, Michelle Avanti, Kissy Kapri, Flower Tucci, and Audrey Hollander go to be sexed and, er, dominated. More » -
#kaylanilei
Kaylani Lei Increases Her Mileage In Wicked's "Carpool"
At the gas station where we refuel Fleshbot West's fleet vehicles, today's price for a gallon of unleaded was $5.07. That is why Kaylani Lei could not have come by in her "Carpool" at a better time. So what if it's not edgy and extreme; we need porn to comfort us during this time of crisis, not get us all riled up. And its message is clear: Don't blow money on gas, blow loads on everybody! More » -
#gallery
"Pinup Perversions": Roxy Jezel Is Lactose Tolerant
Looking like a postwar bride from a country I wish existed, Roxy Jezel has an assimilated tryst with Marco Banderas in the stylish "Pinup Perversions." Is he her husband? We don't know. Is she committing adultery on the kitchen floor of her suburban home of the future? We don't care. When a bouffed-up Aiden Starr comes by later and squirts her with a seltzer bottle, we can only wonder what Doris Kearns Goodwin would have made of this vision of American progress. More » -
#bbw
Coming To Turgid Terms With "Barely Legal Baby Fat"
If this movie were named "Zaftig Elegance," I wouldn't feel so downright creepy about watching it. Instead this movie appeals to my prurient interest: I think of all the babysitters who line up at the hot dog stand by the minor league baseball field in Fleshbot West's Home Town. I think of the younger sisters (or worse, daughters) of the angular women who taught us SQL Server, and feel Ashamed. That the movie opens with sound effects of a crying infant and soothing lullaby bells also makes me wonder who the target audience is. More » -
#hardcore
Carmen Hart Finds "Love For The First Time"
How do we know that Bob (Randy Spears) is a virgin and May (Carmen Hart) is a lonelyhearts spinster? Well, they both wear glasses. In Wicked's cable-ready takeoff of "The 40-Year-Old Virgin," Bob and May learn to overcome their shyness, marry, and conceive in this uplifting, gauzy, and utterly non-threatening porn that made us wonder how Max Hardcore might have handled the same script. More » -
#whatisreality
Playboy's "Foursome", Round Two: Can You Read My Mind?
"One mansion, four singles, 24 hours, endless possibilities" is the logline for "Foursome," Playboy's reality dating series, which debuts its second season Friday night. Fleshbot's seventh grade algebra teacher would quickly point out that the mansion and the time are red herrings, and that the hookup possibilities between the four singles are actually six (barring masturbation), not endless. But that's OK: there's a woman in the premiere who looks like Margot Kidder. More » -
#pornimitateslife
"Housewife Bangers" Capture The Zeitgeist
The original title of this post was "Porn or Outback Steakhouse Menu Item?". But upon watching this movie, filled with a "Taxi Driver"-load of revenge fantasies based on getting what's owed, we determined to give it our patented Highbrow Approach™ instead. More » -
#lookalikes
The "Midnight Prowl" Identity: Cassandra Calogera Is Not Julia Stiles
It seemed, for a moment, that everything "Save The Last Dance" promised was about to come true: Julia Stiles, unhappy with un-Stilesish roles in the "Bourne" movies, had put on some pounds and climbed on the porn merry go round. But it was not to be—that's Cassandra Calogera in that bell jar. More » -
#pornofthemoment
Specsploitation: "Lovely Four Eyes for You Horny Guys"
As a leader in the Astigmatic-American community, I was happy to see a movie that claimed to feature people who looked like me, that could tell my story, and that didn't shrink from honest portrayals of people with eyeglasses having sex. Oh well. I hope their "Alcoholics Analymous" movie dares to tell the truth. More » -
#photoplay
Kirsten Price And Power Tools: A Look Back
Since we once attempted to varnish the Fleshbot coffeetable over Memorial Day weekend, we dusted off the ancient (2005!) "Strapon Toyz" to get in the mood for some home improvement. Even more intriguing than the power drill-powered vibrators was the fact that several of these sturdy pornstresses have bucked tradition and are still making movies three years later. More » -
#sortofnewfaces
Jean Laconia's Third Time
By now you know the premium placed on novelty in the porn industry, and nothing is more beautiful (at least in terms of a QuickBooks entry) than the first time a starlet is captured in flagrante on camera. And though we have found that young Jean Laconia told three separate directors on three different days that the scene she shot for them was her first, we realized that we don't care; Let her say that. Maybe it's her thing. Maybe the next big fetish will be Girls Who Say It's Their First Time But It Really Isn't. We'd watch Jean Laconia restock our Sparkletts cups. More » -
#foodstuffsofthevagina
Anneta Keys And The International Language Of Zucchini
Pierre Woodman's "The Perfectionist 2" arrived recently and we looked at the large back cover photo of Anneta Keys in a French Maid's outfit and thought, "Oui." It was only today that we discovered that the movie was recorded in Magyar (or something) and then dubbed in Spanish, so all we could figure out was "Trabajantes sexuales." But we didn't give up-Anneta gave us something everyone could understand. More » -
#pornofthemoment
Monsters Ball: Here Comes "MILFZILLA"!
While confirmation calls to Larry Flynt's office went unreturned (er, for years), we are fairly certain that Hustler has been naming movie titles specifically for us. We needed nothing more to convince us than the arrival of "MILFzilla," starring the rabid Ava Devine. More » -
#whatisreality
Streaking With Gianna: "Shane's World Scavenger Hunt Seattle"
As the list of challenges went on—such as eating a fish's eyeball, streaking, and shaving a stranger's balls—we were convinced that "Shane's World 40: Seattle Scavenger Hunt" would be really cool if it were true. It was when team member Gianna announced that she needed a drink before she got started that we began thinking this was a real documentary. More » -
#belladonnasuperstar
Belladonna Is Deep In The Parts Of Texas
"The only thing I've ever done is a blowjob," says Belladonna to ingenue Alexis Texas. "I have no idea what a fellatio is." The two then begin a voyage of discovery in the lighthearted yet filthy romp through her pneumatic byways in "Discovering Alexis Texas."
More » -
#photoplay
Cum Laude: Missy Stone In "Naughty College School Girls 47"
Here was something exciting: a movie called "Naughty College School Girls." Traditionally, anything pertaining to school girls and porn featured 18-year-old high school students; once they matriculated at a post-secondary institution they became "Co-eds." Here, then, was the missing link: a movie with knee socks and tartan skirts a la high school but with the added touch of a lava lamp to signify college! More » -
#hardcore
Mz. Buttaworth, Will You Be Our Dirtpipe Milkshake?
We worried that the joy that was "Dirtpipe Milkshakes" would never come again, but we were looking in the wrong place. Perusing a BBW movie called, as you'd expect, "Heavy Loads," we found Mz. Buttaworth, who boasts a 56' inch ass. That is right: you wish her ass were your television. More » -
#pornlesbians
Abby Winters: "I'm Just Mad About Fotina (And Violet)"
Smiles, everyone ... smiles! Whilst they wrassle throatily in an Australian apartment, Fotina and Violet just smile (but don't give me a vegemite sandwich). This is such a welcome departure from the snarling and fingerbiting Porn Lesbians we're used to that we've forgiven them for not signing our "Diesel And Dust" album. More » -
#theafterlife
Photoplay: Kaylani Lei In "Rise"
Contrary to the elegant boxcover copy, not "everyone gets a second chance at love." But at least you know what kind of movie this will be. Kaylani Lei and Randy Spears prove that in the afterlife, even the dead do it in this movie with a self-fulfilling prophecy for a title. More » -
#photoplay
Ourselves, Growing Older: "Old Geezers, Young Teasers 2"
It is no surprise that in such an age-freaked business like porn — in which one is a MILF at 26 but one can be a schoolgirl until 25 — that the average age of these "geezers" is about 44. More » -
#photoplay
Rubbing Elbows With Natali Demore
In that she doesn't drive a Hummer and wear dumb sunglasses inside, I would not say that Natali Demore is Napoleonic. But she is petite and actively seeks to smother, bind, or otherwise beat the shit out of people. Still, she's very nice, despite whatever Kelly Wells might be saying here. More » -
#photoplay
Carmella Bing Is "Tittanic"
Oh, if only Kate Winslet had signed on for the special seventh scene of this movie, peeing on herself or losing her mind or whatnot, I would have had to declare the rest of the year moot and claim "Tittanic" as the Porn Movie of 2008 in the way that Frank De Felitta's "Audrey Rose" was the novel of reincarnation.
More »
