GENRE: Compilation
DATES OF PRODUCTION: 2003
LENGTH: 90 mins with bonus material

John Waters once likened hardcore pornography to open heart surgery, stating that there was nothing more non-sexual than getting a gynecologist's eye view of someone's private parts. And he has a point. Sometimes, adult material can be so mindlessly graphic that any sensuality, or subtlety for that matter, are tossed aside for some good old fashion dirty fucking. Now mind you, there is nothing wrong with wild and wet warts and all bang & blow fests, especially when the participants are completely into it. But Mr. Waters ain't never seen anything like the physical exam wham bam next please ma'am qualities of the latest release from upstart porn company Euphoria Video Productions, Thighs Wide Open Volume 1. This compilation release of six straight ahead sex "acts" (to call them scenes would imply plotting or purpose) removes any semblance of tease or talk and goes directly for the cunt and cock fighting. The only problem is, no one here seems to be having a good time. Instead, there is an "All about the Benjamins" quality that makes this DVD seem sleazier and cheaper than it really is.

The DVD
We begin with an 11-minute interview sequence where we are introduced to the gals on hand for the video shoot. They include the diminutive Alize, the even smaller Tiny (who really pushes the pedophilia warning buttons in her scene), the brutish Lucy Lucy, the goofy Star and the ghastly pale pair of Sin and Samantha. There is an attempt to play this entire enterprise as a thrown together home movie amateur endeavor, but unfortunately, the multiple angles and awkward editing give away the pre-planned product perspective. And if you visit Euphoria's website, you will see some of these gals have "old pro" written all over their faux-virginal act.

There are a couple of constants throughout all the scenes in Thighs Wide Open Volume 1. First, all the women are completely shaved from stomach to ass. Oddly enough, so are most of the men (a couple have some pubic hair, but they all have hairless butts and nutsacks). Each scene also uses creaky wipes and fades to move the action along. One wonders how long these sequences actually played out in real time (or how many breaks had to be taken to reconfigure and capture the action). There is also an odd, set of pseudo-outtakes at the end (including a blurred out shot of Samantha taking a piss) that really seem like tape end leftovers. Otherwise, we have the introduction followed by the individual sequences. The scene-by-scene breakdown is as follows:

Scene 1: Alize and Southern (13 mins) – one of the routine aspects of Thighs Wide Open Volume 1 is the idea that every sex scene here follows, more or less a rather familiar set pattern. The women are usually featured prone on the bed. The men enter the room and immediately begin to chow down on the women's snatches. Then the blowjob occurs. And then it's on to the copulation in all manner of positions. In the scene between Alize and Southern, we definitely see these TWO trademarks in action. After he eats her out and she blows him (and not looking like she enjoys it) its on to a non-condom foray into missionary, doggie, female on top, reverse cowgirl and a final money shot all over the girl's mouth and face. Some of the intercourse is exciting, but it's only out of the pure inherent pleasure of seeing the hardcore sex act. Southern seems a tad to old (though he does live up to his down home dandy name) to be participating with such young women and Alize (who is a fairly attractive woman of color) looks like she'd rather be anywhere but here. Sadly, this is one of the better sequences on the DVD. 5/10

Scene 2: Star and Bam (18 mins) – In an attempt at scripted adult comedy, Star is a red headed, slim built woman whose toilet won't work. Bam plays a muscular plumber who is more interested in her internal workings than the indoor plumbing. After a brief bit of forced flirtation, they take to the bedroom. Once naked, Bam grabs Star by the ass and clamps her pussy right on his face. He services her and then we go straight into what can best be described as a Flying V formation. Star is spread eagle on the bed and Bam, in between her legs, is teasing her snatch with his big dick. Eventually there is penetration and with legs high, its power pumping time. They then proceed through Star on top, some big time jackhammer piston action, doggie and male oral. Bam finally fucks Star with some deep penetration moves and blows his business all over her stomach and chest. Then there is some more forced funny business about clothes and shoes before the fade out. While Bam is probably the most attractive male in the cast (and the most animated) Star seems distant, not really connecting to the sex. A lukewarm scene at best. 4/10

Scene 3: Lucy Lucy and Mr. Feel Good (18 mins) – This is, without a doubt, the best sequence on the DVD. Lucy Lucy may seem to many to be a little long in the tooth (she has a very manly ultra-Latino quality about her persona) but the lady sure loves cunnilingus. After giving Mr. Feel Good (a shaved head type) some head while smoking a cigarette (she constantly blows smoke on his cock, which doesn't sound very conducive to healthy oral action) Mr. FG eats and sucks her oversized clit for a good 10 minutes. Our Lucy (propped up on a kitchen counter) spreads her legs wide and relishes every tongue lick and mouth move. There is digital manipulation of both the vagina and the anus and then the fucking starts. Lucy gets on top. Then FG mounts her. They stand and hump against the kitchen cabinets until Feel Good blows his wad all over Lucy's stomach. She proceeds to eat it gingerly. With both performers really selling the intensity and pleasure of the acts they are portraying and the sweat slicked heat of the scene, this is as good as Thighs Wide Open Volume 1 gets. 6/10

Scene 4: Samantha and Apollo (13 mins) – Apollo finds the pale-skinned, unnaturally blond Samantha in bed. She has an incredibly bad set of fake tits and a strange, unappetizing pussy. This doesn't stop Apollo from diving right in, giving her cunt a good sucking while he fucks her with his fingers. Next it's the mandatory oral action and Samantha doesn't give much indication that she enjoys Apollo's massive member. They do it doggie style, then in a more or less pile driver mode and then a strange thing happens. They stop to kiss. It's the only exchange of emotion on the whole disc. There is more eating of the pussy and ass and eventually Apollo jacks himself all over Sam's stomach and chest. Apollo yells and both seem releaved the scene is over. While Apollo is a meaty brother with a few more rolls than necessary, Samantha is nothing but fake from head to toe. She seems distant and unaffected by the acts she's involved in. A very mediocre scene. 4/10

Scene 5: Tiny and Southern (13 mins) – this is where this DVD gets really uncomfortable. Southern, as stated before, appears to be a middle-aged gentleman with an old school sense of urban style. Tiny is a very petite young lady, chocolate skinned and overly made-up. She borderlines on jailbait in her demeanor and actions. She and Southern discuss her "inexperience" with sex and a weird underage vibe is forwarded. Within seconds, though, Tiny is blowing on Southern's massive member with mouth-filling efficiency. All throughout the standard sex stops (oral, missionary, doggie) Tiny has this glazed, unphased look on her goofy grinning face, as if she can't decide to enjoy it or simply implode over what is happening to her. All the while Southern fights the good fuck fight but by the time he tosses his cookies all over Tiny's truly minuscule ass, we're sufficiently put off by the entire proceedings. By far the worst scene on the disc, if only because pornography is supposed to stimulate, not offend. 1/10

Scene 6: Sin, Apollo and Bam (10 mins) – The final scene on the disc is also one of the better ones. Sin must follow Samantha to the beauty parlor because both have the same bottled dye job. Sin also has a huge overbite and a mouth full of horse teeth that may be real but are, frankly, unappealing. Apollo and Bam play a couple of buddies home after a round of golf (the skit concept falls by the wayside within the first minute) and the rest of the time is spent in three way action between two guys and a gal. Sin sucks on one man as another fucks her doggie. She climbs onto and pumps away while keeping the other's cock firmly planted on her lips. This rather standard set of porn parameters are maintained throughout until both men end up shooting their load all over her chest and stomach. Apollo and Bam both get into the scene rather quickly and after a while, Sin really tries to sell the sex. She may be faking it, but she is better at it than the others here and so we end up finding a small amount of enjoyment out of the action. Not a horrible scene, but nothing spectacular either. 5/10

In the end, it's the lack of human interaction (either fake, forced, or for real) that undermines Thighs Wide Open Volume 1. The entire project stinks of a "let's make money in the adult industry" mentality that figures that as long as we show pussy and penis fucking, we're home free. The performers, for the most part, exude an amateur vibe that feels a little too homemade. We like to think of our porn as being produced under professional circumstances. But with sequences like the one with Tiny and Samantha, you begin to sense unwarranted exploitation creeping in. Certainly all hardcore films have an element of the shocking and subversive. But Thighs Wide Open Volume 1 is porn for dollars, not delights sake.

Video:
Shot mostly on inexpensive video cameras, the images are decent if flat. There is no real panache to the direction (credited to one "Stanley Kuprick") and the lighting can be, at times, overly harsh. The sequence with Lucy Lucy is dark and occasionally murky and, frankly, no one is photographed flatteringly on this DVD. The 1.33:1 transfer doesn't flare or bleed, but you can sense a real low budget production value here.

Audio:
On the aural side, the sound here is unusually awful. So over-modulated and loud that you will have to crank your home theater volume down to merely watch at an entertaining level, there is hissing and buzzing in abundance. We also find times where one channel is so favored over the other, that it seems unnecessary to keep your Dolby Digital Stereo in balance. Mono would achieve a more uniform presentation. The music is some fairly decent hip-hop inspired jams, but they too can come on strong at times. This is definitely not a disc to watch in apartments with thin walls or homes where the kids could be listening. The sonic aspects of this DVD are definitely below par.

Extras:
PVE doesn't start its disc with any forced ads, which is a good thing. But it doesn't lay on the extras either. There is a trailer for Apollo's Freaky House Party that plays like a mini-version of the movie since there are plenty of sex sequences and money shots to be found. But that is it in the way of bonus content.

Final Thoughts:
If you like your sex compilations graphic, natural and completely without slick pretense, then Thighs Wide Open Volume 1 is right up your alley. Within these six scenes are some of the most unappealing performers ever to grace an adult title. Props must be given to Euphoria Video Productions for making the leap into the industry and trying to differentiate their product and specialize. If you love ladies and men of color, you will want to own this DVD even with all its non-professional, unpolished charms. On the Disco Dirge Peter Meter however, this disc only rates about a 3.5/10 and is a desperate and dateless Saturday night rental at best. Unless you like seeing women being used without much interaction, uninvolving direction that deadens the eroticism and 80's era fades and graphic matt wipes, then skip this disc. Couples will not find this appealing, so the Cohabitation Certification is withheld. You and your pals may find this a hot as shit suck and fuck fest. But its appeal is definitely limited, if it is here at all.