The Duchess of Busty Mounds is the kind of title that Chesty Morgan would have made if she were a cartoon. Unfortunately as we all know, there was nothing animated about Ms. Morgan's onscreen presence. Instead, we are locked in a pathetic period piece that centers on our fey fun boy Jean. Forced to leave his elitist prep school when Daddy drops dead, he has haunting memories of his large titted momma hanging from a tree. Seems Mater couldn't handle Pop's potent potable problem, and figured suicide was the way to eliminate her problems. It has left Jean emotionally scarred, and apparently, horny as Hell. He takes one look at his huge hootered stepmother, the title character (who is also known as Sylvia) and his adolescent wang stays permanently tent poled. Of course, father disowned his good lady stepwife and son, so they must move in with the Jean's one-foot-in-the-grave grandpa. He has a harem of honeys in his house - head frau Saibane and her three daughters; the dominating Marianne, slut in training Tina and the milquetoast Mireille - and they want the plantation-esque estate for themselves. Thus we have a classic bodice ripper with young tarts throwing themselves at Jean to win his wanton favors in hopes of inheriting all the dough.

Since we are only treated to two 30 minute installments of the saga, there are a lot of additional subplots that make no sense. Jean and Sylvia screw constantly, but she also bones the family attorney. Apparently, she is working both sides of the shaft to get to the cash. Then there is the proposed marriage of Jean and Mireille, but that storyline seems to have been rejected outright, and we never learn why Tina is such a whore. All in all, this feels like a sampler for something more soap opera-ish and overdone. The dialogue is offered in smut-filled English (lots of slang and epithets) while the Japanese track goes easy on the dirty talk. There are some S&M elements to the storyline, and with Sylvia's mammoth mommy bags, we get endless scenes of big breast worship. Frankly, this character bathes more on a daily basis than most people do in a month, water and suds glistening off her novelty knockers. With so much plotting, you'd figure they would have a hard time finding room for the porn. Sadly they do, such that it is.

The Sex Scenes:

Talk about repetitious. Directors Masahito Osutani and Kentaro Shigeta have a strange way of handling the hardcore. Using the same shots over and over again, every sex scene is like a repeat of the previous. All that changes are the hairstyles and the voiceover work. Even more irritating, whenever a gal is going to blow her gasket, the filmmakers follow a precise formula. The character arches her back, prepares to scream and then shouts the Japanese words for "I'm Coming!" as a severe echo radiates over the soundtrack. The screen then films with wondrous white light and the sequence finally fades out. We get approximately nine erotic scenes here - Jean and Sylvia screw three times, our hero mounts Marianne twice, Tina takes it once from our lead lad, and another time from a trio of unseen ruffians, while Sylvia boffs both grandpa and the barrister, remember? With all these cell-shading shenanigans, you'd think there'd be plenty of fire and heat in this helping of hentai. But the fact is that the fuck and suck is terrible, lifeless and completely unappetizing.

Fans used to well-animated movies with realistic actions will watch the stiff, mechanical mannerisms of these scenes and wonder why anyone would find them sexy. All the blowjobs look lame and all the female genitalia resemble the post-operative work of gender reassignment surgeon. When our leading lady drops blou, her overabundant bosoms jiggle and undulate like a lewd lava light, but the nipples are rendered in an insipid, ill-defined way. When an anus looks like an actual brown spider, you know you're dealing with low rent anime. Since they barely last longer than a few minutes each, there is more plot than pulchritude here. Anyone hoping for a rude, crude slice of cartoon carnality need to find their pen and ink porking somewhere else. The Duchess of Busty Mounds is a laughable excuse for animated Eros. No respectable XXX fan should waste their cash on this crude, craven example of the genre.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating:1 out of 5 (Skip It

Cohabitation Certification:Withdrawn

Clearly, the Dirge didn't like this title. Unlike the previously reviewed Daiakuji: The Xena Buster, there was nothing of visceral value here. The story was boring and barely bawdy, the characterization was one dimensional, and the XXX material was massively mediocre. Renting it would only confirm these conclusions. Therefore, the best advice one can give is to Skip It all together. Honestly, you won't be missing much, and with the wealth of torrent sites all over the Internet, if you're really interested in Mamahaha, you can sample some without fattening Kitty Media's pockets. Oh, and by the way, unless you want your significant other to never speak to you again, don't make them watch this waste of time. Though the erotica is tame at best, a Cohabitation Certification is withheld, on the grounds of guaranteeing less than interpersonal bliss. Big fat tits are a wonderful thing. Their cartoon counterparts are not. The Duchess of Busty Mounds is just terrible. It makes the Chesty Morgan epics Deadly Weapons and Double Agent 73 look like masterpieces…and that's a frightening thought.