First Impressions:
Certain porn performers get your groin going just by reading their name on the box. For the Dirge, Lauren Phoenix is one such sex slut. So are Janine, Kaylani Lei and Seymore Butts' one time paramour Taylor Hayes. It's now time for the curmudgeonly critic to add Jewel De'Nyle to that list of arousal actresses. Judging by the wonderful wantonness on display in The Best of Jewel De'Nyle, this critic has definitely been missing out on her ballistic balling style. Made up of material taken from a few years back (2003), this clip comp has elongated scenes (averaging almost 30 minutes each) of story-less smut just ripe for some satisfying self-stroking. Jewel comes across as a lusty lady - a little on the rounded, zaftig side - who really, really, REALLY enjoys all manner of male/female fun. Her eyes are the keys to her carnal soul. She uses them to sell her sex scenes, evoking plenty of potent power and passion via those vibrant, raccoon rimmed optical wonders.

The Sex Scenes:

Talk about your hot hardcore overdose! There is more tantalizing tool, twat and tushy time in this nearly three hour cavalcade of carnality than in a dozen XXX films combined. Ms. De'Nyle really loves it rough and regularly, and when she's with multiple partners, she makes sure to include them in the non-stop action as well. This is high end hardcore, bordering on the greatness of gonzo without going over into the genre's more miscreant side. Individually, all the scenes here are sensational, but some are simply better than others. Looking at them one by one exposes their strengths...and the rare, if evident, weaknesses:

Scene 1: Jewel De'Nyle, Hanna Harper, Ben English
Acts Performed: Standard Gal on Gal Action with Aggressive Same Sex Situations, Cunnilingus, Salad Tossing, Blowjob, Face Sitting, Mish to Doggy Double Dicking, Alternating V to M, Ball Sucking, Taint Rubbing, Face Fucking, Cowgirl, Anal Cowgirl, A to M, Anal Scissors, Anal Mish, Anal Doggy, Anal Pile Driver, Gaping, Gape Spitting, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, $hot in Mouths with Oral Cleanup
Score: 4 out of 5

This mighty ménage starts out a little slow, yet eventually builds into a balls to the wall, all-out aggressive adult workout. One has to say that Jewel and Hanna make a strong case for the Sappho sisterhood on film. They really find ways to make the lesbianism fiery instead of flaccid. Since both gals really crave cock, Ben's boner provides the final erotica element to push this sensational sequence over the edge. If you ever wondered what a scene involving a threesome partaking of every position would look like, your answer is right here. And amazingly, it's not the best sex of the DVD.

Scene 2: Jewel De'Nyle, Manual Ferrera, Steve Holmes
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Salad Tossing, Dueling Head, Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl, Doggy, Spooning, Face Fucking, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, DP in the Reverse Cowgirl Mode, V to M, A to M, DP in the Cowgirl Mode, Anal Spooning Male Salad Tossing, Gaping, Gape Spitting, Toe Sucking, Feet Fucking, Tit Fucking, Alternating Anal Mish, $hots on Mouth and Face with Oral Cleanup
Score: 4.5 out of 5

Without a doubt, this is the best scene in the set. Jewel professes a healthy horniness for foreign men, and this French/Austrian combo does our actress right. Everything that happens in Scene 1 is duplicated here, with a little foot fetishism tossed in for good measure. When Ms. De'Nyle is laying on her back, letting each man take turns plugging her pooper, all hardcore bets are off. This is why people love porn - hot, fiery fucking with both the guys AND gal enjoying the ever loving shit out of the hardcore happening.

Scene 3: Jewel De'Nyle, Sean Michaels
Acts Performed: Masturbation, Blowjob, Cowgirl, Ass Slapping, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, A to M, Mish, Anal Mish, Face Fucking, Gaping, Toe Sucking, Doggy, Anal Doggy, Anal Pile Driver, $hot in Mouth with Oral Cleanup
Score: 3.5 out of 5

This sequence is certainly a bit of a letdown, especially after the first two scenes. While it is still very hot, it's just not the nuclear nookie we've seen before. Maybe it's the lack of additional partners that lowers the smut score, or the fumbling finesse on the part of our meat puppet. Whatever the case may be, when the worst suck and fuck on the entire DVD is better than most of the mediocrity out there, you know you're in the hands of a seasoned porn pro.

Scene 4: Jewel De'Nyle, Loni
Acts Performed: Typical Girl on Girl Action with Rough Play, Spitting in Mouth, Strap On Action, Dildo Drilling, Tit Slapping, Ass Paddling, Butt Plugging, Anal Flash Lighting, Face Fucking, Dildo DP, Choking, A to M, Strap On/Dildo DP
Score: 3.5 out of 5

As long as there are toys, the Dirge can tolerate your typical gal on gal extravaganza. Well, Ms. De'Nyle and her lovely partner Loni deserve credit for turning out a terrific, intense same sex scene that was never once boring. Indeed, a lot of the time this scene plays out like a XXX Fear Factor, with Ms. De'Nyle testing Loni's internal tolerances with bigger and bigger faux phalluses. The fist-like buttplug is just one of the many mysterious devices this couple gets comfortable with. At one point, Jewel is jousting the holy Hell out of Loni's loins - and the pretend paramour is begging for more! As girl on girl gratuity goes, this is some of the best.

Scene 5: Jewel De'Nyle, Elisabeth Lawrence, Alicia Rhodes, Julian
Acts Performed: A Four Way Free-for-All including Blowjob, Ball Action, Strap On Doggy, Cowgirl, V to M, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, A to M, Male Salad Tossing, Double Doggy, Strap On DP in the Cowgirl Mode, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Strap On Reverse Cowgirl, Strap On Face Fucking, Strap On Anal Mish, $hot in Mouth and Ass, Felching, Snowballing
Score: <b4 out of 5

Holy Role Reversal! Jewel gets her pretend peter on as Julian provides the real man meat, leaving Alicia and Elisabeth the lucky recipients of some very aggressive aardvarking. Unlike your typical orgy, the action here is easy to follow and Jewel does a decent job of directing the dicking. It's novel to see a DP performed by a two gals and a guy combo, and there is never a moment where an available orifice goes unserviced. This is yet another spectacular sequence to add to Ms. De'Nyle's professional pulchritude portfolio.

Scene 6: Jewel De'Nyle, Mick Blue, Tristan
Acts Performed: Shower Cabaret, Blowjob, Cunnilingus, Ball Action, Scissors, V to M, Doggy, Pile Driver, Cowgirl, DP in the Cowgirl Mode, Dueling Head, A to M, Anal Mish, Face Fucking, Ball Sucking, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, DP in the Reverse Cowgirl Mode, Anal Spooning, DP in the Spooning Mode, $hots in Mouth with Oral Cleanup
Score: <b4.5 out of 5

What is it with Jewel and guys from across the Atlantic? Give her a couple of foreign studs and the scenes turn scorching almost immediately. Another example of her ability to be totally dominated and yet appear completely in control, this threesome rocks with red hot action. Of course, the most interesting element is the DP done while in the sideways Spoon mode. It takes a little coordination, but our visiting vice merchants really know their fuck and suck business. It does have to be said though that, by the end of this scene, we are as spent as the actors. At nearly three hours, this potent poon-fest just wears us out. We need a shower, a rest and a couple of B-12 shots before we can go on. Imagine how the magnificent Ms. De'Nyle must feel.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 4 out of 5 (Highly Recommended)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted

This collection of arousing smut overload easily earns a Highly Recommended rating, and just misses DVD Talk Collector Series consideration by the slightest of subjective margins. Frankly, if all the sex here had been as hot as Scenes 1, 2 and 6, there'd be no question as to the scoring. But with a lesser offering at number 3, and the gonzo-esue nature of some of the nookie, a single step below digital perfection is warranted. Couples will still enjoy this example of female dominated hardcore and, while intense, there is really nothing here that is outrageous or abusive. If you want to see sex as performed by a determined professional, filled with passion and loaded with lewdness, The Best of Jewel De'Nyle will definitely lift your smut spirits. As a porn princess, this Jewel is a gem.