Genre: Feature; parody.
Director: Will Ryder
Cast: Sunny Leone, Breanne Benson, Madison Ivy, Marcus London, Vicki Chase, Eric John, Lexi Swallow, Dirty Harry, Cassandra Cruz, Andy San Dimas, Heather Starlet, Eric Swiss.
Must-See Girls in Cast: None.
Length: 02:19.
Condoms: None.
Bonus: One bonus point for condom-free sex.
Not Charlie's Angels XXX is one in a long line of effective parodies produced and directed by Will Ryder. As always, Will does a very fine job in keeping the look, sound, and feel of his parodies in alignment with the original TV program. If you were around in the 1970's, and worshipped Charlie's Angels like I did, you will feel right at home with the 1970's video effects, wardrobe, locations, sets, and props. Will even chose girls who reasonably portray their 1970's counterparts: Sunny Leone is an excellent Kelly, Andy San Dimas plays quite a respectable Sabrina, and Heather Starlet is an adorable Chris. On the other hand, I am not too impressed by Lexi Swallows in the role of Jill. After all, I had Farrah Fawcett's posters hung all over my walls when I was a kid and, sorry to say, Lexi just doesn't fill her shoes (I think Alexis Texas should have played Jill). Perhaps the best casting, however, was James Bartholet as Bosley. He nails Bosley and his somewhat clueless persona.
The box art does a nice job highlighting the plot: "The Angels get fucked, sucked and totally banged in this fantastic porn parody of the classic television show. Director Will Ryder (Not the Bradys XXX) delivers the most entertaining porn movie of the year as beautiful horny girls come face-to-face with dangerous sex-crazed situations. Popular dancers disappear from Studio 54 and the Angels are called to investigate but they find themselves in the middle of a cocaine and sex-slave trafficking operation amidst the backdrop of glamorous Studio 54 in New York. What results is a wild ride of dick sucking, ass-licking, pussy eating and hardcore fucking!"
The Angels get involved when they meet at their office and gather around Bosley's desk to talk to the reclusive Charlie via an old-fashioned Duofone speaker phone (nice touch, Will Ryder). Charlie explains that two beautiful young girls have disappeared without a trace and their families are worried sick. The unrelated girls are from prestigious California families (one of the girls is the daughter of one of California's senators and the other is the daughter of a prominent movie star), are both 21, are extremely pretty, have histories of running away during their teens, and disappeared when visiting New York during a summer vacation. The two girls had been gone two weeks by the time Charlie got involved. In due course, the Angels learn that the two girls had been regular patrons of Studio 54 in New York.
Of course, the Angels immediately set out to investigate in New York. They use their beauty and brains to crack the case and rescue the girls, who had been sold into prostitution and kept under control with copious amounts of cocaine in a suburban house in Los Angeles. Of course, since this is a porn parody of Charlie's Angels, there's copious amounts of sex, too.
Not Charlie's Angels XXX is a movie in which the plot and story are more enjoyable than the sex itself. the movie is fun and definitely couples friendly. And, it features three A-grade scenes (Scenes One, Two, and Three) and one good scene (Scene Six). But, there are two disappointing ones (Scenes Four and Five) in which the girls don't get to cum. So, even though the production values are excellent (especially the music), the extras are outstanding, and the cast is scrumptious, the sex falls a bit flat. Hence, the recommended rating.
Check out some photos of the girls in Not Charlie's Angels XXX here. Pay particular attention to the photos of the incomparable Sunny Leone, busty blond Madison Ivy, and sweet-looking--yet not so innocent--Heather Starlet! Enjoy!
Note to readers: My reviews are provided in two parts. This web page provides you with an overview of the scene's setup and action as well as my ratings for sex, video, audio, and production values. A separate PDF document checklist details the foreplay activities, positions, pops, and features of each scene...as well as the calculation of each scene's ratings. The checklist for Not Charlie's Angels XXX can be accessed here.
Look for scenes and movies with a 4.5 or higher (A) sex rating and at least 4.0 (B) in video, audio, and production values. Those are my favorite scenes and I'm quite certain that you'll like them, too.
Scene Type: Girl/girl
Performers: Sunny Leone, Breanne Benson
Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Breanne Benson, playing a soap-opera actress and the sister of one of the missing girls (another daughter of the movie star), stops by the Angels' office to drop off some pictures of the missing girls. Sunny, knowing how beautiful Breanne is, shoos away her sister Angels and stays at the office to greet--and fuck--tasty Breanne. Once blond and busty Breanne arrives, Sunny consoles her and promises that the Angels will do everything they can to find her sister. Breanne cheers up and compliments Sunny on her appearance: "You're way too pretty to be a private investigator!" The girls continue to flatter each other and then Breanne reveals she's not married: "I like guys," she coos, "but I much prefer being with girls." Even though Sunny's reaction screams out "score," she tries to control herself. But, Breanne won't hear of it: "I hope I'm not being too forward, but I really need to be kissed right now."
Within seconds, the girls are swapping tongues as very appropriate Charlie's Angels theme music accompanies their every move. Kissing leads to caressing, breast worship (great nipple sucking and breast slapping), mutual stripping, and motivational nasty commentary. Soon, they're licking and suckling each other's bodies. Then, once they're both deliciously nude, Sunny attacks Breanne's bejeweled pussy and clit with her fingers and tongue. Sunny also fucks Breanne's vagina with her tongue and as many as four fingers...Breanne fucks back erotically and eventually sucks her own girl juice off of Sunny's fingers.
Of course, the girls take turns pleasuring each other. Sunny sits on--and rides--Breanne's face so that ravenous Breanne can eat her pussy; and the girls eat and finger-fuck each other in sweet 69 (outstanding close-ups).
As the scene unfolds, Sunny grabs a dildo and lube, squirts a copious amount of lube on Breanne's vagina, spreads her pussy wide open (awesome close-ups), and then pounds it relentlessly with the lucky toy. Needless to say, Breanne loves the toy. And, her well-toned vagina is able to grab on to it and hold it firmly in position so that it doesn't slide out! When Breanne cums, her pussy coats the toy with girl juice which, of course, the girls lap up with their tongues.
Breanne, too, gets a chance to drive a toy when she uses a purple vibrator to rub Sunny's clit and pound her well-lubed vagina. And, Breanne licks Sunny's clit while thrusting the toy in-and-out of her pussy. Sunny, ecstatic, reacts by thrusting her body up and down erotically and by encouraging Breanne with her words and sounds. Her body even heaves itself into piledriver--from missionary--as a volcanic orgasm overwhelms it...her whole body trembles! Hot moves, Sunny! After Sunny cums, Breanne licks up the mess in Sunny's pussy and then the girls kiss and caress to celebrate. "I love you," whispers Sunny. "I love you, too," replies Breanne.
This is a very hot scene.
Foreplay: Stripping; mutual stripping; kissing; body kissing/licking; caressing/fondling; hair pulling; tit sucking, squeezing, and slapping; cunnilingus; finger-fucking; multiple-finger-fucking; tongue fucking; face fucking 69 (she cums)
Vaginal Positions: Missionary (Breanne cums), piledriver (she cums), face fucking (she cums), 69.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: NA
Sex rating: 4.90
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 5.00
What I Liked Most:
What Could Have Been Better:
Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Madison Ivy, Marcus London
Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: While the Angels prepare to leave for New York to investigate the girls' disappearance, the storyline shifts to Studio 54 and, more particularly, the office of its slick manager, Marcus London. Weasely henchman Dirty Harry manhandles luscious Madison Ivy into the office and tells Marcus that he found her doing coke in the lady's room. Marcus threatens to have oh-so-stacked Madison arrested. "Please," she coos. "I didn't mean to cause any trouble." Marcus strings her along for bit, trying place the "nice guy." But, he eventually shows his true colors when he says, "If you don't want to go to jail, I suggest you drop down in front of me right now and suck my dick." Madison reluctantly agrees, drops to her knees, opens his pants, pulls out his dick, and gives him the fellatio he craves. Although reticent at first, Madison quickly warms to Marcus' huge cock and greedily devours him balls deep (there's some great POV action during the blowjob). And, she gags on him, makes delicious stringers, spits on his lucky dick, gives him a double-fisted handjob, makes jawbreakers, and lets him fuck her throat. Truth be told, I'd say that this is a damned fine blowjob...one of the best I've seen in several months.
Needless to say, Madison really impresses Marcus with her oral skills. So, he responds in kind by giving her the sort of cunnilingus that men should give women. Even better, he rims her sweet asshole, too! And, he tongue fucks both of her holes with his tongue round-robin style. Of course, Madison loves his touch and coos with undeniable pleasure.
As the scene unfolds, foreplay morphs into sex when Marcus slips his cock into Madison's ready-for-anything cunt and pounds it forcefully in missionary and on-her-side while she lies on top of his desk. After Madison cums, they spend some time in kneeling doggie (she cums again), cowgirl, and another round of kneeling doggie.
To finish up the scene, Marcus pounds Madison's cunt until he nears orgasm. At the last second, he pulls out and then, after she kneels in front of him, opens her mouth, and angles her head upward, he unleashes his load onto her tongue and pretty face. She greedily sucks him dry as this solid and fulfilling scene comes to an end.
Foreplay: Kissing, hair pulling, cunnilingus, clit stroking/jacking; handjob, double-fisted handjob, fellatio, deep-throat, stringers, gagging, balls suckling, jaw breakers, boy-on-girl rimming.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary (she cums), cowgirl, kneeling doggie (she cums), on-her-side.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: Open mouth.
Sex rating: 4.725
Video rating: 4.00
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.30
What I Liked Most:
What Could Have Been Better:
Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Vicki Chase, Eric John.
Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Once the Angels get to New York, Kelly (Sunny Leone) takes a job at a go-go dancer at Club 54 (you're going to love her outfit...what a body!) and Jill (Lexi Swallows) becomes a cocktail waitress at the club. Meanwhile, Bosley (James Bartholet) poses as the Club's landlord and Sabrina (Andy San Dimas) plays his all-business secretary. Working from the inside, Bosley and the girls soon learn just how lawless Studio 54 really is. In fact, the Angels soon learn that club manager Marcus London deals cocaine from his office. And, when Sabrina snoops around Marcus' office, she finds evidence that he has been buying one-way airlines tickets for several girls...including the two girls the Angels seek.
The Club's patrons are lawless, too. In fact, since there are "no rules" at Club 54, the club's patrons think nothing of fucking in the restroom. And, Scene Three shows Vicki Chase and Eric John doing just that!
After a brief encounter on the dance floor--barely enough time for Eric to squeeze Vicki's cute tits--Vicki escorts Eric to the ladies' room, pulls out his already-erect dick, and gives him an animated combination hand/blowjob. As patrons come and go--and watch intently--Vicki deep-throats Eric, gags on his rod, and makes stringers and jaw breakers, too.
After a while, Eric has Vicki sit on one of the restroom's chairs, removes her panties (she has a sweet "landing strip" of pubic hair pointing to her clit), spreads her legs, and then feasts on her vagina's bounty (he even tongue-fucks her pussy and makes stringers from it to his mouth) while she groans ecstatically, fondles her own tits, and pulls on his hair.
Once Vicki's happy pussy is dripping, Eric slips his cock inside and fucks her with increasingly fervent strokes while she lays on her side on the chair. Meanwhile, Vicki fucks back happily, encourages Eric with nasty vocabulary and ecstatic shout,s and plays with her pretty bouncing tits. As the scene continues to unfold, Eric and Vicki fuck all over the ladies' room...in standing doggie, reverse cowgirl (she does the fucking while Eric lies back and enjoys the ride and she makes herself cum), and cowgirl.
Vicki fucks Eric so well in cowgirl that she almost makes him cum inside her. But, at the last second, she lifts herself off and kneels on the floor to catch his load with her wide open mouth. She shows off her full mouth, sucks his cock dry, and swallows.
Foreplay: Mutual stripping, hair pulling, tit squeezing, cunnilingus, handjob, fellatio, deep-throat, stringers, gagging, jaw breakers.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl (she cums), reverse cowgirl (she cums), standing doggie, on-her-side.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: Open mouth; she swallows.
Sex rating: 4.575
Video rating: 5.00
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.70
What I Liked Most:
What Could Have Been Better:
Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Lexi Swallows, Dirty Harry.
Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Lexi Swallows, playing Angel Jill, tries to pump the assistant manager--Dirty Harry--for information that will help unravel the true goings-on at Club 54. So, when he hints that he'd be willing to spill the beans if she just sucks his dick, she jumps on the chance. Sadly, however, she and Harry are interrupted by manager Marcus just as she has sucked Harry's cock to full mast. So, she hightails it back to the dance floor to get back to work. Later, however, when the coast is clear, she returns and the two pick up where they left off...with Harry's dick deep inside Lexi's mouth.
Soon, Dirty Harry helps Lexi's out of her clothes to reveal her fine tits, curvy body, and nicely-groomed hairy vagina. Then, be buries his lucky head between her legs and makes love to her tasty twat by suckling and licking her clit, by licking and spreading her labia, and by finger- and tongue-fucking her vagina. Meanwhile, Lexi coos with undeniable pleasure.
Once Lexi's pussy is dripping wet and ready for each, Harry slips his cock inside and fucks her deeply in missionary while her 100% real tits bounce delightfully. Later, Lexi gets her pussy pleasured in doggie and reverse cowgirl, too.
Lexi fucks Harry so well in reverse that he's soon whimpering, "I'm gonna cum! Get down!" Lexi then drops to her knees, tilts her head back, and opens her mouth so that she can consume Harry's load. True to her name, she swallows.
Foreplay: Stripping, mutual stripping, caressing/fondling, tit sucking and squeezing, cunnilingus, finger-fucking, handjob, fellatio.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, reverse cowgirl, standing doggie.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: No.
Pop: Open mouth; she swallows (as her name would suggest!)
Sex rating: 3.275
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.70
What I Liked Most:
What Could Have Been Better:
What I Didn't Like:
Scene Type: Boy/girl/girl threeway
Performers: Cassandra Cruz, Andy San Dimas, Seth Gamble.
Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Andy San Dimas (as Angel Sabrina), posing as a club patron in order to snoop around, meets delightfully assertive Cassandra Cruz on the dance floor. Cassandra moves in aggressively on Andy and is soon squeezing her tits and caressing her body. The girls chat a bit and Cassandra soon reveals some important clues to Andy...the club managers have the girls the Angels are looking for "turning tricks" in Los Angeles. Andy tries to get more information, but Cassandra has only one thing on her mind: "I wanna eat your pussy!" Andy, thinking fast, invites Cassandra back to her hotel room so they can make out there. Cassandra agrees, but asks if her boyfriend, Seth Gamble, can join them. Why not?
Once the trio gets to Andy's hotel room, they order steaks from room service, and are told that the order will take 45 minutes. More than enough time for a threesome, huh? Cassandra agrees: "Forty-five minutes is just enough time to cum a few dozen times!" Of course, Angel Andy wants to ask Cassandra more questions. But, assertive Cassandra won't wait. Instead, she begins to kiss Andy's and Seth's mouths. Even though Andy tries to be a good investigator, she's soon overwhelmed with passion and gives all of herself to her partners. So, the trio quickly becomes a three-headed pleasure machined designed to give each member the hottest possible experience. Threeway kissing morphs into caressing, squeezing, mutual stripping, cunnilingus, clit jacking/stroking/slapping, nasty commentary, and, best of all, two-girls-on-one-dick fellatio. The girls not only share Seth's dick, but they also suckle his balls. And, they look into our eyes--POV style--as they do it! Delicious oral sex includes several twists and turns: Cassandra eats Andy's pussy while Andy sucks Seth's dick; Cassandra sits on and fucks Seth's face while Andy blows him; Andy and Seth enjoy 69, and Andy fucks Seth's face while Cassandra gives him fellatio.
Eventually, foreplay morphs into sex. Cassandra's the first to get her pussy pounded...in kneeling doggie. Meanwhile, Cassandra eats Andy's pussy. As the scene continues to unfold, the girls take turns getting fucked in numerous positions, including missionary, reverse cowgirl (great close-ups), cowgirl, and another bout of reverse cowgirl.
The scene ends in one of the best possible ways. Seth, while pounding Cassandra's pussy in reverse cowgirl, pulls out and then Andy jacks him off all over Cassandra's pretty belly. "Look at all that fucking nut!" exclaims Andy as puddles of Seth's semen coat Cassandra's stomach. Not one to waste, Andy licks up mouthfuls of Seth's semen and eats it. Then, the girls work together to suck and milk him dry.
Inexplicably, even though this scene has all the makings for a winner, neither of the girls came during the scene. It's a pity and the reason this scene earned a "C" instead of an "A."
Foreplay: Stripping, mutual stripping, kissing, body kissing/licking, caressing/fondling, hair pulling, spitting, tit squeezing, cunnilingus, clit stroking/jacking, face fucking, 69, handjob, fellatio, multiple-girl fellatio, stringers, gagging, balls suckling, jaw breakers, girl-on-girl rimming.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: No.
Pop: Exterior abdomen.
Sex rating: 3.90
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.50
What I Liked Most:
What Could Have Been Better:
What I Didn't Like:
Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Heather Starlet, Eric Swiss.
Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: The Angels, through their digging and snooping, learn that Marcus London and Dirty Harry are running a human trafficking ring, are forcing girls into prostitution, and are holding girls against their will in a house in the Los Angeles. Charlie, talking to the Angels on the ubiquitous speaker phone, tells the girls that one of them has to become a prostitute so that she can get into the house and bust up the ring. Bosley identifies the problem: the bad guys already know what all three Angels look like. Charlie, as always, has the answer. You see, he's arranged for Jill's little sister, Chris (Heather Starlet), to join the Angels! On cue, Heather walks into the hotel room and shares hugs all around. Then, the four Angels, Bosley, and Charlie plot their strategy. Once everybody knows what his or her role is, the girls head out to Studio 54 and, according to plan, the guys latch on to Heather, who's wearing a tracking device. Marcus drugs Heather and sends her on her way to Los Angeles). Of course, her Angel sisters track her every move and are soon in a private jet on their way home.
Once everybody's back on the west coast, Bosley detects Heather's tracking device and he and the Angels stake out the suburban home where Heather is being kept. While the team makes its plans, Heather, inside the house, plays her prostitute role to a tee when Marcus demands $400 from Eric Swiss in exchange for Heather's attention. "You can fuck her any way you want to," explains Marcus when Eric balks at the high price.
Meanwhile, Bosley and the Angels prepare their ruse: Bosley will spray natural gas around the whorehouse and then he and Jill (Lexi Swallows), posing as gas company technicians, will arrive to "fix" the problem. Of course, Marcus lets Bosley into the house and Bosley sets out to investigate the "leak." Meanwhile, Heather is already naked and sitting in Eric's lap giving him an awesome lap dance (one would assume that the foreplay is over) atop Marcus' living room couch.
Soon, Eric slips his dick into Heather's vagina and the two fuck for a while in reverse cowgirl. Meanwhile, Bosley and Jill search Marcus' house and find the kidnapped girls. Seemingly unaware that anything untoward is going on, Eric and Heather continue to fuck in Marcus' living room in side-saddle cowgirl, missionary, kneeling doggie, and cowgirl (she cums).
To conclude the scene, Eric shoots his load into Heather's wide-open mouth and onto her face. She sucks him dry as his semen flows out of her mouth and onto her breasts.
The plot plays out over the next few minutes when the four Angels and Bosley save the kidnapped girls and apprehend Marcus and his henchmen. As always, the story ends in the Townsend Agency headquarters where Charlie, on the speakerphone, congratulates the Angels on a job well done and gives them the outline of their next case.
Foreplay: Caressing/fondling, lap dance.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl (she cums), reverse cowgirl, side-saddle cowgirl, kneeling doggie, on-her-side.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Yes.
Pop: Open mouth.
Sex rating: 3.95
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.20
What I Liked Most:
What Could Have Been Better:
What I Didn't Like:
The DVD I reviewed is part of a two-disc set. DVD-9 Disc One contains the feature movie, a full-motion chapter selector organized by scene, a "Select a Star" menu that lets you jump to your favorite star's scene, a Cast Commentary feature that overlays the casts' comments over the audio track so that you can hear their thoughts as they watch the movie along with you (it's really a second audio track), and a feature that allows you to replay the DVD introduction (why???).
Disc Two is also a DVD-9 disc that's chock full of so many extras that you can spend hours enjoying them. To begin with, there are two Behind-the-Scenes featurettes. BTS#1 is about 28 minutes long and includes the typical stuff you see on porn movies BTS features: video of the still photo shoots, rehearsals, on-set conversations and tomfoolery, introductions to the cast, video of director Will Ryder setting up the scenes (sex and plot) and explaining to the cast what he wants done, video of bare-assed-naked girls, video of the girls getting cleaned up after sex, shots of Sunny Leone twirling some tassels on pasties that cover her nipples, and a behind-the-camera look at the filming of the scenes. BTS #2, clocking in at 27 minutes, contains more of the same kind of content as BTS #1 plus some clips of other Will Ryder movies.
Disc Two also contains nearly seven minutes of bloopers and outtakes, a 29-minute director/producer "travelogue" (Will Ryder and Scott David talking about this movie as well as their other titles), three bonus interview/solo masturbation scenes (Madison Scott: 10:31 minutes; Zeina Heart: 10:05 minutes; Nicole Ray: 08:45 minutes), a four and one-half minute "Will Ryder's Director's Reel" that is basically a tribute to him and his very successful movies, an interview of James Bartholet that highlights his roles in Will Ryder's movies (10:30 minutes), an interview of director Will Ryder (7 minutes), and the well-received Free Speech Coalition ad that implores us to refrain from pirating porn.
This selection of extras is not as extensive as those included with fall blockbusters. But, the extras are damned nice and are worth an A+ grade and 4.75 stars.
The best things about Not Charlie's Angels XXX include:
Not Charlie's Angels XXX could have been better if:
Things I didn't like about Not Charlie's Angels XXX include:
Recap
Average sex rating: 4.22
Average video rating: 4.50
Average audio rating: 4.00
Average production values rating: 4.57
Extras rating: 4.75
Bonus point(s): 1.00
Overall rating: XXXX
Legend:
X Critic Pick (4.5+ sex; 4.0+ production values; 4.5+ overall)
Highly Recommended (4.5+ sex; 4.0+ overall)
Recommended (4.0+ sex; 4.0+ overall)
Rent It (<4.00 sex; <4.00 overall)
Skip It (<3.50 sex; <4.00 overall)
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