GENRE: Interactive
DIRECTORS: Unknown
STARS: Stormy
DATES OF PRODUCTION: 2004
LENGTH: 50 mins without bonus material

Porn, by its very nature, is interactive – just not in the way silicone valley envisions it (come to think of it, with so many 'never known the touch of a woman' geeks generating all the infinite lines of code for today's tech specs, maybe they understand the self-synergistic nature of hardcore all to well). XXX films are based on the theory that, at any given point, you will stop paying attention to the anal spooning and start manipulating your own personal joystick until you conquer to ball boss and release Princess Prick Pudding from her testicular trap. Now, in the brave nude world of the microprocessor and the gigabyte, an adult entertainment is not completely plugged into your synaptic situation unless it engages you, one-on-one, ribaldry to retina. While we have yet to reach the stage of actual virtual sex, where a couple of well placed "attachments" and about a billion USBS ports mean untold decades of self-contained spewing, the digital revolution is trying its trickiest to introduce the notion of immersive nookie to the dense dominion of dudes with too much disposable income. The latest installment in the guy vs. groin dynamic is The Perfect Stormy, a chance for fans to go mano-y-mons with Wicked's wild woman of wantonness. Crafted as a tour of her home and complete with five sex rooms of fun, this menu-based bizarro world will do wonders to inflate the erratic ego of most smut samplers. First of all, it gives you a chance to hop on Ms. Storm, and sample – albeit in a far more hardware, not software mannerism – a great deal of her tempestuous talents. Second, it maintains its first person POV perspective throughout, allowing for maximum disbelief suspension. And third, it awards the viewer with a wiener the size of a tree stump- a device that will leave most men mesmerized, and mumbling, about their new power peanut. Yet for all its interpersonal perspective, The Perfect Stormy has some minor missteps that keep the DVD from reaching total erotic consciousness.

The DVD:
Unlike most hardcore offerings, The Perfect Stormy does not present itself as a scene compilation or a straightforward feature. Instead, after being greeted at the door by Stormy herself and welcomed inside her "dwelling", the menu screen opens and a voiceover explains the way the disc actually works. There are five "rooms" in Stormy's house, each one proffering a different dirty diversion with our sexy star. As she coos and purrs her instructions, we learn that this will be a collection of first person POV "interactions", a chance to experience some hardcore humping with our title entity. Simple – almost too much so – and fairly bare bones, the listing for each room icon explains the XXX choices. There is always some TEASE and a POP (or $hot). Intermingled in the gamut of gratuitousness is everything from hand manipulation to full out fucking. There is no anal, no outright oddities or freaky fetishes in this collection (unless you consider watching Stormy groom her privates the very definition of "different"). As a conceit, the interaction is kind of lame, for reasons that will be discussed later. But for the record, here is what you can experience inside each of the erotic arenas, along with a mini-review of the randiness involved:

The Kitchen: Oral
1 minute of TEASE – stripping and sex talk
6 minutes of HEAD – lots of luxuriant sucking with some ball action
$hot in Mouth – in this case, we don't see the delivery, just the gooey aftermath
8 minutes of FFF (Faux Fuck Fun)
Interactivity Scale: 6 out of 10

Mini-Review: The blowjob motif is one of the weaker elements in The Perfect Stormy, since it more or less fails to fulfill its fantasy potential. Stormy creates a nice 'come-hither' attitude, really playing to the "person" she's preparing to puff. But after about four minutes of rod rocking, you wish the substitute-you would merely pop his cork and get it over with.

The Living Room: Tit Play
1 minute of TEASE – stripping, fondling and sex talk
5 minutes of TIT FUCKING – cock thrusting between boobs with occasional head licking
$hot on Chest – a pathetic amount of man mung smears her chest, which Stormy must sample
7 minutes of FFF
Interactivity Scale: 6 out of 10

Mini-Review: The same thing that mars the Kitchen scene undermines the Living Room routine. Watching "your" dick thrust in between Stormy's substantial breasts is not an unappetizing sight, but the idea is overworked, with no real feeling for actual cock to chest interplay. It's just prick sliding away until a very mediocre pop shot.

The Bathroom: Masturbation
3:30 minutes of TEASE – some intensely sensual soaping and crotch shaving
3:30 minutes of VIBRATOR – lots of stimulation, insertion and V to M
1 minute of DILDO – though a fake penis fails to make an appearance, you fuck Stormy with the silver shaft she employed before
8 minutes of FFF
Interactivity Scale: 9 out of 10

Mini-Review: Okay, now we're getting somewhere. There is something inherently sexual about a woman lathering herself up and touching herself with sudsy, soapy hands. The device is taken a step further when Stormy shaves herself, a curiously erotic touch. The vibrator/dildo material is borderline rote, but with all the prep work our actress has done, our longing loins could care less.

The Stairs: Hand Job
1 minute of TEASE – stripping and sex talk
2:45 minutes of HAND JOB – working with lots of spit, this is patented porno pole polishing
$hot in Hand – after collecting your molten cock rocks, Stormy slurps up the spew
5 minutes of FFF
Interactivity Scale: 7 out of 10

Mini-Review: With its 'reminiscent of a high school prom date' dynamic, a hand job is not necessarily the most fetching sex act one could commit with a porn star. Still, Stormy tries to take it to another level with lots of spit and dirty talk. She almost succeeds. The fact that she's willing to taste the trunk tonic every time "you" release it ups the arousal factor substantially.

The Bedroom: Fucking
2:51 minutes of TEASE – same old stripping and suggestive pillow talk, this time with real pillows
3:15 minutes of HEAD – not as much fun as the solo oral action in the kitchen
3:24 minutes of FINGERING – a dull diversion into digital manipulation
3:11 minutes of COWGIRL – wonderfully evocative erotica with Ms. S working your loins like lunchmeat
3:20 minutes of DOGGIE – Stormy grinds into "your" groin, giving back as much as you offer up
2:09 minutes of MISH – like the other fucking featured, this is the area where you actually experience a smattering of the smut the DVD is trying to invoke
$hot on Pussy – Stormy takes the tool tonic on her fingertips and licks it with relish
20 minutes of FFF

Interactivity Scale: 9 out of 10

Mini-Review: The moment we've all been waiting for – a chance to bed the babe in a full blown 20 minute session of one-to-one sharking. And it is well worth the wait. Stormy turns off the well-polished porn star patter and whispers to "you" as if no one else is in the room. The fucking builds slowly, with lots of sensuality and sizzle. By the time she is riding "your" rigid rudiger, you've lost yourself in the DVD's premise and can actually start to "feel" the pussy particulars.

Total amount of FFF: 48 minutes
Overall Interactivity Scale: 7.5 out of 10

Let's start with the obvious positive attributes inherent in this title. Since Stormy is such a perfect, professional performer, you never once feel like she is faking it, or attempting to fool the camera for the sake of the setup. Whomever's wang she's working, she goes for the gusto with evident erotic enjoyment. She is completely focused on "you" and "your" needs, taking very little for herself. Naturally, those into a more submissive and male-dominant concept of copulation will spew all over this 'yes master' apotheosis like an unbridled fire hose. Another nice touch is the Voyeur cam, a sneaky way of turning The Perfect Stormy into a quasi-successful scene compilation. Using the angle button on the remote, you can switch from the first person plook parameter and a regular looking full-on shot of Stormy and "X" going about their bonk business. Certainly, you cannot see who the male performer is (he is always just out of frame) but you do get a more "normal" view of the action. And let's not forget how fetching Stormy actually is. With a large set of lungs and a beautiful face, she is full figured and nicely put together. Fans of emaciated waifs need to look for their stick figure sensations somewhere else. Stormy is all woman, from big bust to ample ass, and this pseudo-interactive DVD is all the better for it.

On the downside of the disc, the transitions between the sex segments are sloppy and halting, meaning that there is a decided pause between teasing and sucking, a beat before the fucking and cumming. Also, the sequences do not "flow" into each other, but repeat once they've played out their pattern. This means you have to have at least one hand free to manipulate the remote and move the action over to the next potential pork proposition. Also, while it's nice to think that every man on the planet has a cock the size of the Concord, the truth is far more shriveled. So when Stormy starts sucking on some tool that compares to the Titanic in size, part of the "you are there" ideal is undermined. And 48 minutes of faux fuck fun is not very much, especially when you consider nearly 15 minutes of the material is teasing and popping. That leaves 33 minutes of actual aadrvarking, not a lot by industry standards. Heck, there are scene compilations out there with longer interpersonal exchanges as part of their gonzo glory holing.

But perhaps the biggest negative is the way in which we "view" each scene. Wicked has decided to block about 1/3 of the screen with the menu (naturally, since we have to access each position individually without a "play all" or "play together" option). This means we are always reminded of the virtual reality rationale behind the title, and this definitely distracts from the fantasy facets of the DVD. We want to get lost with Stormy in our own personal space, not constantly be reminded that there is a pre-programmed dynamic to our exchange. While the good definitely outweighs the bad here, the technical quirks that hamper this hardcore happening could and can be easily fixed. Here's hoping that with the next Wicked Interactive selection, some or all of these issues are eradicated.

The Video:
Porn directors sometimes mistake soft focus for sensuality, and that is the case with The Perfect Stormy's overly hazy 1.33:1 full screen transfer. Aside from a couple of moments of clarity in the shower scene, our pussy partner is bathed in a shimmering, misty fog of smoothness that blurs out some of the detail in the dicking. While it serves the fantasy factors perfectly, the lack of contrast occasionally ruins the ramrodding here.

The Audio:
The intimate atmosphere between "yourself" and Stormy is nicely maintained in the Dolby Digital Stereo mix presented on this disc. Since she whispers most of the time, it is imperative to the interactive nature that we hear what she has to say. Thankfully, all the dialogue is crystal clear, and the sex noises are nicely balanced in their decibel levels. While a 5.1 track would have really helped sell the one-on-one concept of the title, this is still an effective aural offering.

The Extras:
Staying with the Interactive nature of the title, there is a five-minute interview with Stormy, broken down into individual questions and answers. In this menu-based Q&A, no response goes longer than a minute, and you never really feel as if you are talking to the talent. This is just puff piecery for the sake of showboating. Along with five trailers and the standard gallery/sex talk space wasters, the best bonus element is a collection of Wicked Promotional reels from 1998, 1999, 2000 and 2004. Just watching how the adult industry has changed in those intervening years is a nice hardcore history lesson. Otherwise, this DVD is short on special added attractions, something unusual in the over-packaging mentality of porn.

Final Thoughts:
As indicated before, The Perfect Stormy warrants a healthy 7 out of 10 on the Disco Dirge Peter Meter (the missing .5 coming from the less than stellar tech specs) and is highly recommended. Since this is an exercise in one-on-one interactivity, without a lot to foster female proclivities, couples will have a hard time working up the wantonness with this DVD. Thus, a Cohabitation Certification is withheld. Back in the early 90s, the computer literate promised us a magnificent world in which pornography would be 100% interfaced with our lifestyle. We could put on a pair of VR glasses, sit back in our easy chair, and dial up any number of pussy particulars from a varied, worldwide menu of miscreance. Well, they got about ¼ of that right. Today, the WWW is a wealth of international naughtiness, all of it just a mouse-click (and Adult Gold Pass) away. But interactivity is still in its infancy, something that The Perfect Stormy exemplifies in sensual spades. Thankfully, Wicked picked a fine, fetching actress for the center of their new synergistic view of sex. There is a great deal of potential in this manner of suggestive smut peddling. But there are also flaws that may cause more groin-based blue screens of death than full out dick delights. Stormy may be perfect, but her interactive DVD experience is less than flawless.