Click for Trailer

This Ain’t Game of Thrones XXX

Hustler Video

Genre: Parody, Comedy

Director: Axel Braun

Cast: Scarlett Faye, Ryan Driller, Amanda Tate, Ritchie Calhoun, Brandi Love, Alec Knight, Kristen Price, Spencer Scott, Marie McCray, Evan Stone

Length: 126:44 minutes

Date of Production: 8/2013

Extras: The best extra was the 10:17 minute long Behind the Scenes feature that showed some extra sex, flubbed lines, and other aspects of the making of the show along with interviews. There was also a slide show, some trailers, and a bunch of spam.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: This Ain’t Game of Thrones XXX was presented in anamorphic widescreen as shot by director Axel Braun for Hustler Video. The videography was credited to Axel, also co-writing credits with “Mischief Marie”, September Dawn listed as the costume designer, with Axel and Claudia Ross listed as the editors. Rather than follow a linear route, the movie was merely a set of five vignettes tossed in from various times in the four season series (more to come), no time line listed for each scene though fans of the show will likely be able to approximate that fairly easily. The flesh tones were accurate and the framing of the shots decent enough, the camera smooth enough in most cases to look like it was tripod mounted which also limited the camera angles it could deploy. The editing of the vignettes varied somewhat, the mix of angles and distance helping it from looking completely formulaic, the video bit rate likewise varying substantially. The aural components also varied in the 2.0 Dolby Digital production, Seth Cardigan and Marie Joyce were the listed sound technicians, and the theme song sounding much like that from the original series. The vocals were on the low side at times, barley a whisper even when I turned up the volume a great deal, and there was limited ambient noises to sell the aural aspects of the show, but it was about what I expected from a low budget quicky knocked out in limited time.

Body of Review: Axel Braun has been one of the most prolific directors of parodies for companies like Hustler Video in recent years that keeping up with his work has been a challenge even for someone like me. Axel’s works are distinctively more varied than most of his peers, most locked into a strict degree of quality, while Axel’s works spread across a very large range depending on subject matter, time and budget. Given a day or two with a small budget, he can cobble out a porn parody equal to any of the third and fourth tier directors out there just as when he is provided much more time and money, he is equal to any of his peers in the field except for projects involving musical numbers.

Axel’s latest production in for review following the mediocre “Snow White XXX” title he tripped up on, is called This Ain’t Game of Thrones XXX, the director selecting a popular HBO series written by author George R.R. Martin. The mainstream series follows a shitload of characters in a medieval setting where magic is coming back into the world after a lengthy hiatus, the characters all acting more real to their situations than any of the Hollywood fantasies that show a gloried code of conduct. The show is also popular because it has a lot of violence and sex, even fairly explicit sex and nudity at times for the network, the five books full of detail reminiscent of the pulp fiction days (where writer’s were paid by the word). In this case, the parody was essentially five unrelated vignettes left untethered, picking up pairings from different places in the mainstream show’s four year run. The costumes looked good enough and the limited sets were not bad, the passing resemblance of most of the characters to their mainstream counterparts sure to please. The ladies included Scarlett Faye in her return to porn after a three year leave, Brandi Love looking quite regal, Spencer Scott as a sexy “mother of dragons”, and Marie McCray doing her best to look like a captive princess. Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Scene One: Scarlett “Ygritte” Faye, a cute redhead who looked more like Natalie Dormer than this character, was up first with bastard Ryan “Jon Snow” Driller. This was reportedly her 1st boy/girl in three years and their first time together, the practical nature of their tryst decent enough as she pressed his hands to her boobs. He continued to feel her up, including her shaven crotch, each taking a turn giving head to the other (he gobbled gash before she slobbed his knob) before a few vaginal penetrative positions before he launched his semen onto her lower torso.

Scene Two: Amanda “Brienne” Tate and Ritchie “Jamie” Calhoun were up next, Amanda looking nothing the statuesque character from the show (and thankfully so I might add). She wore her armor and he had on his prisoner rags, the feature elements showing her as retarded when they kissed and he whipped out his turgid pecker for her to suck. Amanda kept good eye contact with him and savored the penis well enough, Ritchie then working her precious pucker orally as he fingered her pussy, a few moderately active vaginal penetration positions showing how her lean body was built for speed over comfort. That they were supposedly on the road for two weeks yet looked freshly showered and clean, unlike the series mind you, was as anachronistic as many other elements in the spoof scene, her all natural body best displayed when she was on top since they was her only active riding position. In short order, he pulled out and busted a nut of sperm on her face, the scene cutting out quickly from there.

Scene Three: Brandi “Cersei” Love, the sexy blond in a red robe featured on the center of the front cover, was up next with Alec “Lord Varys” Knight, his portrayal of the eunuch perhaps the most amusing part of the parody. While the writing was credited to the director and another, I had the distinctive impression that these two were completely adlibbing their lines, the playful banter nothing like anything their characters would come up with given my experience watching every episode of the series and owning the books for years now. Her comments regarding kicking a certain king in the balls a dozen times struck me as being in bad taste given events of this season, but her verbiage poking fun at the series as a whole seemed more like the off the top of the head writing I have come to expect from Axel’s weaker efforts, even when the feature elements than took a wild turn to show the eunuch still possessing his balls and ready to fuck her when she commented, her neatly trimmed snatch ready for him to service despite her many flings on the show given her brother was indisposed. She applied some hand to gland friction during the hummer and that led to some active vaginal riding positions, Brandi’s pronounced tan line looking out of place too. Still, her ass was firm and Alec doused her entire back with his semen in short order, not the worst way to deposit his seed.

Scene Four: Kristen Price, up next portraying a hand maiden to Spencer “Daenerys” Scott, the so-called “mother of dragons”, the couple engaging in small talk before some lesbian love. Spencer had the whitish blond hair her mainstream counterpart offered though not the regal tone of voice or attitude. The ladies kissed and licked each other at length with an emphasis on tits and twats, some fingering in the relatively brief scene but no observable chemistry or passion generated between them even if their kissing was appealing.

Scene Five: Marie “Sansa” McCray and dwarf Evan “Tyrion” Stone were up next trying to consummate their marriage, the method used to shorten his stature covered in the BTS first thing. This was another bit where the discussion tore down the third wall to spoof the series, the gal on the bed when he threatened her is she didn’t take off her clothing. I was used to the bald beaver aspect of the parody by now, Evan diving in to eat her pussy and finger it like a whoring dwarf would be expected. He then devoured her ass and fingered her in doggy while she moaned in porno fake 101, showing way more sexual aptitude in the ensuing 69 than the character ever could. This unlikely scenario continued into the vaginal penetration position, the gal bouncing on his turgid rod like one of Littlefinger’s experienced working girls more than a chaste princess (perhaps the only one in the show at that). Evan oozed out his round of fluids on her crotch from there, the credits rolling in record time.

Summary: This Ain’t Game of Thrones XXX by director Axel Braun for Hustler Video was the second time a producer provided a take on the popular HBO series, a lot of missing touches weakening the effort as a coherent whole but taken as a comedic look at a show I really enjoy, it merited a nod as a Rent It, the replay value drastically limited by the generic sex each couple had together. If you can get past the oral/vaginal formula used in the trysts, you might boost up the score a notch on the sexual scale but realistically, it did not offer much on the feature side either, Axel likely complying with what his meager budget and time table would afford rather than trying to make a credible parody last summer. In short, This Ain’t Game of Thrones XXX had some attractive ladies having sex but the relative sameness involved in the action limited what appeal it would have to regular porn consumers and the feature elements were off by so much that it was more of a spoof from someone who simply doesn’t get the series than a tribute from an avid watcher but give it a look and see what you think.