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Not Jennifer Lopez XXX: An American Idol

Digital Sin

Genre: Sitcum Porn Parody

Director: Will Ryder

Cast: Renae Cruz, Jeremy Steele, Aarielle Alexis, Kurt Lockwood, Carmella Santiago, Alexis Amore, Eva Angelina, Lee Stone, Veronique Vega, Tee Reel
Non-sex roles: James Bartholet, Sunny Lane, Aurora Snow, Kelli Tyler, Isabella Sky, Scott David, Will Ryder (voice overs)

Length: 148:37 minutes

Date of Production: 7/14/2007, 8/4/2007, 8/21/2007, 8/28/2007

Extras: There were trailers, a slide show, a replay of the opening option, a FSC commercial, and the only “real” extra in the form of a 43:25 minute long Behind the Scenes feature.

Condoms: None

Renae Cruz

Audio/Video Quality: Not Jennifer Lopez XXX: An American Idol was presented in the same 1.78:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen it was shot in by director Will Ryder for Digital Sin. Unlike most of his previous parody work, this was a project originally scheduled for release by another company, held in legal limbo for years while various issues were worked out. This flick was shot in the summer of 2007, the MPEG-2 encoding, the bitrate hovering around the 4.5 Mbps when checked, and the lighting was strong. In terms of camerawork and all the visual elements, this was another project where Ryder handled things nicely, no compression artifacts or haloing noticed during my viewing sessions. The editing by “Budd Fry” was okay but I had the impression that some of the fill shots were missing and they tried to do more than they had footage for at times. The audio was presented in 2.0 Dolby Digital English with a laugh track, the 48 kHz sampling rate and 192 Kbps aural bitrate pretty standard by now. The vocals were nicely mixed into the stereo score, the impact elevating the audio qualities such that it was observed right away, the hopeful trend being to spend more time on this aspect of production by the leaders in the field. I liked the theme song, perhaps the only true tie in to the American Idol show here, but would have preferred a Jennifer Lopez parody song much like the Britney Rears shows provided.

Renae Cruz and Aarielle Alexis

Body of Review: Will Ryder is generally accredited as the guy with enough balls to start the latest porn parody craze in spite of legal challenges and many who claimed he was “begging for trouble”. Due to the nature of the industry, that meant that once the groundwork was laid, everyone else tried to capitalize off his daring but as expected, only a handful seemed to get it right in their own efforts, Will typically acknowledged as the “big daddy” by comparison. A number of his works have been released by Digital Sin and while I have not sung the praises of each effort, I have always found something to enjoy about his movies, his devotion to youth, detail, and the parody elements usually setting him apart from the crowd. His latest movie is something of a throwback to his early years parodying singers (remember, he began the parody craze with 4 “Britney Rears” titles) with Not Jennifer Lopez XXX: An American Idol, the movie actually shot almost four years ago when mainstream songbird J-Lo was knocking out hit songs left and right. Since that time, she has become a judge on the American Idol television show, those aspects of the parody largely missing since she wasn’t even a gleam in producers eyes for consideration at the time this was shot. Still, whatever specific legal matters tied this one up (and I cannot divulge them, stupid as they were), I remember speaking with Will and Renae when they were shooting in Washington D.C. (via phone) where the two were totally juiced about being interrupted by the Secret Service, the amount of travel included in the production, and the effort that went into the show; Renae then poised to become a much bigger “name” until she kind of fizzled out years ago. Fans of Renae Cruz will no doubt consider this a “must have” title though as she was in 4 out of 5 full scenes, the mixed results that followed still meriting some discussion. The back cover described the movie like this: “Superstar and Idol judge Jennifer "J-Ho" Lopez spreads her pink pussy and delicious ass during non-stop fucking, cock sucking and ass licking that takes her from the concert stage to the white house as politics, CIA, terrorists, and the President clash in a hilarious filthy dirty XXX porn parody. Simon says Will Ryder delivers the "best porn movie of the year.” Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Carmella Santiago

Scene One: Renae Cruz, the curvy Latina featured on the front cover, was up first as she hooked up with Jeremy Steele, admittedly not someone first in mind when it comes to the meat puppet world. To suggest he was the worst male in the movie would be a disservice to Lockwood but frankly, skimping on the male talent always strikes me as a poor idea as I’d rather see the ladies do solo scenes or each other than a fourth tier moper. That said, Renae looked nothing like the character she was portraying and she did not act like her either, the sly digs at her seeming kind of petty at times. The lack of American Idol nods aside, Renae had that sultry appeal I remember about her, leaving the pastel colored kitchen to settle down on the couch with Jeremy. His hands were all over her and she licked her own nipples, the gal making the same facial expressions she always made when the connection she had with her partner was modest (or worse). He ate her in a mechanical manner and she over performed there too, her aggressive blowjob always something she did well. Renae savored the experience and actively rode his pecker vaginally, some taste testing leading to him beating off a small load of genetic juice to her mug and some post coital head.

Alexis Amore and Renae Cruz

Scene Two: Renae Cruz, Aarielle Alexis, and Kurt Lockwood, were up next as Renae joined them on a red after a day of sightseeing in the nation’s capital and cruising on a small boat called the “Bikini Bottom”. Kurt ate Aarielle as Renae masturbated nearby, the two ladies becoming better acquainted as things warmed up. While he looked old enough to be their father (receding hairlines), the ladies clearly derived more pleasure from one another even viewing him as an anonymous meat stick, some ball sucking and other oral antics getting him hard enough to go for Aarielle’s pussy. See, for some reason, Renae bailed on the scene at this point, the lame excuse standing out as an awkward moment (nearly as awkward as the extreme painful faces that Aarielle and Lockwood were making throughout the scene). Still, she was an active rider and this was one of those times when he didn’t need something shoved up his ass to stay erect, the scene definitely weaker without Renae but another one to check out a time or two. This scene ended with a larger facial of population pudding as presented by Lockwood jerking off to Aarielle’s face, their connection to one another tenuous but much like the other scenes of the flick.

Eva Angelina with Lee Stone

Scene Three: Carmella Santiago, a frizzy haired gal with a lean body, was up next masturbating on a couch with a vibrator, no real dialogue tying her to the premise of the movie (yes, I saw the text subtitles). It was basic as could be and less than satisfying but as an add on freebie of a scene (rather than an actual full scene), it wasn’t a bad way to spend a few minutes.

Renae Cruz and Veronique Vega

Scene Four: Alexis Amore, a curvy brunette with an even curvier body than Renae Cruz, joined together in the hallway by the garishly colored game room for a lesbian scene. They kissed and ate each other out, moving to the black couch where they carried things a bit further with some rimming. From my perspective, it was a bit of lipstick lesbian action but your mileage may vary considerably and got better when the strap on dildo was deployed for some vaginally penetrative poking. Renae treated Alexis’ plastic pecker as though it were the real thing when it came to sucking her juices off of it, wielding a toy firmly in hand to help get her pal off before they both straddled it from each end.

Scene Five: Eva Angelina, my favorite performing lady of the entire cast, was up next as she took on Lee Stone, her blue bikini cast aside to allow him greater access to her pussy for eating. He played a certain movie star governor on the prowl, how prophetic considering recent headlines about his off the record trysts. He settled her on the couch and snacked on her labia, her hands releasing his bulging rod for some oral bliss. Lee picked her off the ground for some standing 69 action after that, the two boning aggressively as her fleshy ass rippled delightfully to the timing of his rhythm. I sensed more chemistry this time, his meaty mitts grabbing her tits as they screwed and her face glazed with spunk by the end of the scene.

Scene Six: Renae Cruz, Veronique Vega, and Tee “P-Diddy” Reel, were up last in a tryst that started out with Veronique giving and receiving head in warm fashion. She went at him full bore after he lubed her up well enough, Renae unable to refrain from joining in to get some of the action. Once again the oral antics were upgraded as a result of Renae’s assistance, her ball sucking alone enough to charge things up but her working on Veronique not a problem either. Both women took turns riding his pecker too but Renae looked best sitting on his face and adding in some dirty talk, the gal again pouring on the overacting as though anyone would believe she was getting off. For me, it would have worked better had the ladies been more active during the penetrative sex positions, their oral skills solid but not enough to cover the full scene. The scene closed out when he rubbed out a modest amount of splooge to their mouths to share.

Summary: Not Jennifer Lopez XXX: An American Idol by director Will Ryder for Digital Sin showed its age here, the industry (not to mention the director and his associates at X-Play) having long ago elevated the bar above this level of parody so I rated it as a Rent It. Renae was cute enough and the advertising about being the first porn ever shot in front of the White House was amusing (had they shot the entire thing in front of it, or at least a sex scene, I’d be more generous), but as a sexual talent, she was not yet strong enough to carry a full movie at this point in her career and the parody elements, even if you skip the tacked on “American Idol” title on the front of the cover, just did not work so well. I’ve seen raw edits of some portions of the scenes that looked hotter than the final result and with all the potential for parodying singers on the current market, I’m willing to bet that Ryder & company could knock one out of the park if given a chance (on a far smaller budget). In short, Not Jennifer Lopez XXX: An American Idol was a letdown for me in many ways, an unexpected one at that given my routine and long time support of the director and his company, but I still look forward to some of his upcoming works that will undoubtedly be better by a wide margin.