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Kim Kardashian, Superstar

  • Release date:
    March 21, 2007
  • Cast:
    Kim Kardashian|Ray J
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GENRE:
"Celebrity" Sex tape
DIRECTOR: To
call Ray J a "director" would be a severe
disservice to anyone who's ever picked up a
camera. Well, except maybe Uwe Boll.
LENGTH: 41m
4s
CAST: Kim
Kardashian & Ray J

 

the Audio & Video

Video was shot in a full-frame 1.33:1 ratio and the picture was
pretty terrible. In addition, the

lighting was just as bad,
which caused a ton of grain. Shot on video.
| A
udio was annoying
looped and dubbed and presented in Dolby Digital 2.0 stereo

 

 

the Special Features

There's not a damn thing on disc one, other than the short
itself. However, disc two of this two-disc set features five
bonus scenes - "After Midnight" featuring Monique
Alexander & Tommy Gunn, "the Houseguest" featuring
Stefani Morgan & Tommy Gunn, "Intimate Strangers"
featuring Lanny Barby & Van Damage, "Switch"
featuring Savanna Samson & Ben English and "Time For
Briana
" featuring Briana Banks & Evan Stone | Trailers
for "Debbie Does Dallas", "Debbie Does Dallas",
"Burnt Fury", "Sex & Violins", "Cherry Bomb",
"Where the Boys Aren't 18", "Sex Addict", "Love
Addiction
", "Flasher", "the Female Gardener",
"Cassidey's Day Off", "Blue Light Project", "the
American Dream
", "Vivid Alt Trailers", "It's
Not You
", "Chemistry Vol 2", "After Party",
"Kayden's First Time", "Lacie's Life" and "Savanna's
Been Blackmaled
"

 

the Fucking

For those who choose
not to "Play Feature", our friends at Vivid
have divided Kim Kardashian, Superstar into the
following chapters:

  • Boobs [:28] - A 28
    second look at Kim's boobs, which she confirms early
    on in the flick as being real.

  • Butts [:28] - Take
    a guess. Yup, 28 seconds of Kim's lovely ass on
    display.

  • Bangin' [17:27] -
    Well, there's not much to say about this. Actually,
    there is, but none of it would be positive. Instead,
    read below.

  • BJs [2:40] - Kim's
    dicksucking skills are better than her BFF Paris', but not as
    good as Karrine Steffans'.

  • Pussy Eating [2:03]
    - I suppose Ray might have some skills, but the
    majority of the time, they're obscured by the
    sheets on the bed.

 

Now, if you've opted to
play the feature, here's what you'll see (well, the
relevant parts, anyway):

 

  • 2:03-4:05 -
    Kim spends a quick two minutes poking Ray's dick in
    her mouth. And she looked good going it.

  • 5:20-7:40 -
    Ray dives between her thighs to lick some clit.
    Well, I think he's licking her clit since, if it
    wasn't for Kim adjusting her thighs every so often,
    it'd look like Ray was burying his face in the
    sheets on the bed. At least we get a fairly good
    shot of her cooch.

  • 11:06-15:25
    - We finally see some fucking...or maybe not. The
    lighting in the hotel room is so poor, that it made
    me wish Ray had borrowed Rick Solomon's videocamera
    - at least we know that one has a night
    vision feature.
    Also, it seems like some of the footage is looped.
    I know the audio definitely is.

  • 16:43-19-35
    - The fucking continues, this time Kim is face down
    and her ass is up. Personally, this is one of my
    favorite positions, but the way Ray "shoots" it
    really doesn't allow for any shots of penetration
    whatsoever. More possible looping.

  • 19:35-20:22
    - Inexplicably, the action switches to Kim sucking
    some dick again.

 

 

  • 20:22-21:37 -
    After that 47 snippet of Kim sucking Ray's dick, we
    once again go back to the face down, ass up
    position. More looping? My deja vu is getting stronger.

  • 23:45-31:16
    - There's a 2 minute break in the action, before we
    see them fucking in the same position as above. However, this
    time it's from a front/side profile. In addition to
    some of the worst dubbing i've ever heard in my
    entire life, along with Ray's
    annoying constant mugging for the camera, we're subjected to a constant
    extreme close-up shot of Kim's ass as
    Ray is sliding his dick inside of her.

  • 32:07-36:51 -
    More footage of Ray licking her pussy, before going
    back to the previous footage of Ray fucking her from
    behind, along with the same close-up footage of
    Kim's ass as Ray is sliding in her. At this point,
    i'm hoping this disc ends.

  • 37:50-28:31 -
    More repeat footage. At this point, i'm hoping this
    disc ends. Wait, am I repeating myself now
    too?

  • 38:32-39:53 - After some missionary action, Ray pops a shot in
    Kim's mouth - a shot that Kim swallows. It's good to
    know she doesn't let a drop go to waste.

 

  

[ Kim
Kardashian & Ray J | Oral (M/F),
Vaginal | Doggystyle, Missionary |
Condoms: No |

- and that's for Kim
]

 

the Final Word

Let's get this out of the way -

Kim Kardashian is hot. She has
the dark, exotic features that I appreciate in females that
give me wood. Not to mention, she has a shapely rump that
jiggles when Ray smacks it and a pair of knockers that she
states are real even before the action begins.
However...

As "hot" as Kim is, there's
no way in hell this disc is worth $40 for what amounts to
close to 28 minutes of sex - and that's counting all the
looping that runs rampant through the "feature". This being
a "tape they tried to hide", the low production quality is
to be expected. Yet that, coupled with the small amount of
actual action that Vivid has to work with, nowhere near
justifies the price tag that the lovely folks at Vivid have
slapped this disc with. "But, it's a double disc",
you might say. Well, you're right. However, the second disc
is merely five bonus scenes along with a shitload of
trailers that, when compared with VCA including a bonus DVD
that has FOUR HOURS of content with some of their flicks, is about as anorexic as Kim's BFF's BFF.

Much like a 24 car pile-up,
this one will definitely attract some curiosity and get some
people to buy it. However, if you can't rent it for a buck
or two, I urge you to skip it and spend your money on one of Vivid's more deserving flicks. In fact, early in the flick Ray J
boasts into
the camera, "When you're jacking off to this, go hard".
Well, thanks to the lack of fuck material, as well as the
shitty production, direction and editing, my recommendation
to Skip It is probably the easiest rating i've ever given.

"Look at all
those fools paying $40 for this."


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