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Not Airplane XXX: Cockpit Cuties

New Sensations/X-Play

Genre: Parody

The Extras

Director: Will Ryder

Cast: Kayden Kross, Randy Spears, Kacey Jordan, Eric John, Kenzie Marie, Billy Glide, Misty Stone, Scott Lyons, Sunny Lane, Lexi Love, Dino Bravo
Non-sex roles: Ron Jeremy, Teagan Presley, Hillary Scott, Eva Angelina, Scott David, Eric Swiss, Evan Stone, Shyla Stylez, Brooke Belle, Thomas Ward, James Bartholet, Jack Lawrence, Joshua, Michelle Maylene, Brad Hardy, Paradise

Length: 125:55 minutes

Date of Production: 6/15/2009 to 6/24/2009 (shot concurrently with “Flight Attendants”)

Extras: The extras began with a cumshot recap of the five scenes, then going into an extensive 50:33 minute Behind the Scenes feature, a 18:08 minute long Director Producer Travelogue, then 8:15 minutes of Bloopers and Outtakes, and a photogallery.

Condoms: None

Kayden Kross

Audio/Video Quality: Not Airplane XXX: Cockpit Cuties was presented in anamorphic 1.78:1 widescreen as shot by director Will Ryder for X-Play to be distributed by New Sensations. Ryder and his partner Scott David have led the masses in porn parodies for years, garnering scores of accolades and formal awards from all the usual sources as a result. Art Director Scott David once again showed he is “The Man” for getting the sets so right on a tight budget that it puts others to shame. The editing by Mark DaWop was nicely done much of the time (but sometimes on the rushed side), as was the art direction and other artistic aspects handled by Scott David. This standard definition version looked good even with a video bitrate hovering around the 5.3 Mbps range (when spot checked), the colors and contrasts appealing throughout the show. The audio was presented in the usual 2.0 Dolby Digital English using a 192 Kbps audio bitrate and 48 kHz sampling rate. The vocals were decently recorded with few moments sounding like they were dubbed or otherwise looped. The theme song invoked memories of mainstream work too though it was completely different, adding to the fun.

Kacey Jordan with Eric

Body of Review: Will Ryder long hailed as the modern “King of porn parodies” has had some of best award winning parodies distributed by New Sensations for some time now. Unlike some companies that make parodies “in name only”, Jeff and his partner Scott David paved the way for the industry to follow, the resulting tsunami of parodies definitely full of hits and misses. His latest release is called Not Airplane XXX: Cockpit Cuties, the movie shot concurrently with “Flight Attendants” (which later became “Not Airplane XXX: Flight Attendants”) and a very loose spoof on the mainstream series from back in the day. As expected, the casting was sweet with babes like Kayden Kross, Misty Stone, Sunny Lane, and Lexi Love in sex roles while a number of equally popular hotties such as Teagan Presley, Eva Angelina, and Shyla Stylez in smaller roles to flesh out the flick. I’d go into detail regarding the feature elements but that might spoil some of the fun for those who actually watch the movie instead of scan to the sex scenes, but suffice it to say, the sex always took the lead here.

Kenzie Marie

The company described the show like this: “AVN Director of the Year Will Ryder delivers a brand new fantastic airborne fuck adventure featuring the horniest flight attendants ever. These beautiful girls offer coffee, tea & milk but all they really want is to suck on huge cocks & get their moist pussies & asses drilled & fucked. Everybody is addicted to mile-high sex but when Captain Gray goes crazy & sneaks a bomb onboard all hell breaks loose! Best Comedy of the Year!” Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Misty Stone

Scene One: Kayden Kross, the gorgeous contract blond seen on the left side of the front cover, was up first with Randy Spears on a couch. She wore a short brown dress and appeared more outgoing than previously in the series, taking his pilot hat off him before asking him to fuck her. Randy then properly warmed her up orally and using his fingers to moisten her slit, Kayden on the loud side but still looking like a million bucks. Her smile helped make up for the lack of chemistry but I always sensed they were friendly, Kayden providing some seriously strokable eye contact as she teased his pecker with a blowjob. Her hand assisted hummer led to her sitting in his lap and riding him vaginally. It was a moderately active ride and Kayden repeatedly rubbed her clit while Randy drilled her as hard as he could, some ass massaging helping her warm up to ride even better before the taste testing led to a healthy dose of population pudding gracing her face.

Lexi Love and Sunny Lane with Dino

Scene Two: Kacey Jordan, the sexy blond seen featured on the right side of the front cover, was up next as she went up to the air traffic control tower with Eric John. While her attire was the mirror opposite of the cover color scheme, she was just as cute, some funny quips spoken over the PA system in the background. She pawed him and dropped to her knees, slobbing his knob actively as she looked up at him with a seductive glance. As with other scenes of this nature, some of the footage was captured in POV and he reciprocated by snacking on her ass crack and snatch, the grimaces on her face amusing though still strokable. Her outfit was then discarded and her all natural body offered up in plain view, Thomas Ward working the controls in the background as he purposely ignored their sexual liaison. She was a cute piece of ass and some additional oral led to her taking a nut of genetic juice to her face, the gal always coming across as liking her role in life.

Scene Three: Kenzie Marie, a busty blond with a body built for speed over comfort, was up next with uniformed Billy Glide. He was resting on one of the twin beds and she commented about his earring, his rebel nature appealing to her as she spread her legs to grant his greater access to her shaven slit. While she smiled as he ate her out, this was another scene not providing much personal chemistry, Kenzi getting into it more when he was rimming her perfect pucker. They then kissed and she removed the rest of her clothing, a quick blowjob leading to some active vaginal penetration positions on the bed. The doggy position pushed him over the edge and milked his balls dry, Kenzi turning around for him to unleash his round of spunk all over her face.

Scene Four: Misty Stone, one of the hottest pieces of black ass ever to grace the small screen, was up next as she took on Scott Lyons in a much larger bed. The insider jokes about bionic balls aside, her fine ass was packed inside some tight blue jean shorts, the colorful top tossed aside as they caressed each other and kissed. Scott made an attempt to eat her out convincingly but unlike most of the men in the series, he lacked the skill and appeal of his peers so it fell a bit flat. Still, Misty always looked good from the blowjob to the active vaginal penetration positions, the editing looking a bit rushed but the lighting always sound. I admit to being a fan of Misty and this scene was from her prime, the ending milk mustache of splooge given her by Scotty as he beat off looking as large as he ever put forth.

Scene Five: Sunny Lane, a wonderfully fleshy young cutie and equally desirable Lexi Love, were up last as they gave Dino Bravo a “two for one special” in the airplane seat. Aside from the implausible nature of the premise, airline seats so close you that they quality as sardine cans for normal sized folks, the ladies double teamed him orally in a very sexy manner before alternating riding his cock vaginally. It was almost like a contest where the ladies competed to be the biggest slut, Lexi savoring the cock better but Sunny going down on pussy very well indeed. The shared responsibility of keeping the other passengers safe with their efforts was amusing and Lexi even did anal here, her dirty talk elevating the action even more as she impaled herself so soundly on his pecker. The end came too soon in the ladies sharing his spew all over their faces, some post coital clean up and a lesbian kiss followed by some limited feature elements.

Summary: Not Airplane XXX: Cockpit Cuties by director Will Ryder for New Sensations might not go down in porn history as his best work but it was a lot of fun, had some decent strokability, and the replay value made it worthy of being rated Recommended or better for a general audience. I wish some of the ladies cast in non-sex roles could have jumped in here and the orgy alluded to in the original followed through on but other than a little bit of rushed editing, the technical values were solid and the movie was not tightly beholden to any mainstream series (so those who hate parodies will not have to suffer in the slightest). In short, Not Airplane XXX: Cockpit Cuties might as well have been called “Flight Attendants 2” and looked at as an original comedy in the vein of the popular old Jim Holliday movies (a nice tribute was paid to the director here), the feature elements and sex nicely matched to make this a winner.