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Not South Park XXX

X-Play/Pulse Pictures

Genre: Parody

Director: Will Ryder

Cast: Liv Aguilera, Tommy Pistol, Hillary Scott, Kurt Lockwood, Aria Austin, Anthony Rosano, Allison Moore, Amanda Blow, Kevin Wang, Katie Summers, Dane Cross
Non-sex roles: Kyle Stone, Will Ryder, Scott David

Length: 109:56 minutes

Date of Production: 1/2013

Extras: One of the things that is standard to an X-Play movie, regardless of who is distributing it, is the inclusion of extras in most cases. This was no different, beginning with a non-sex version of the movie lasting a whole 22:44 minutes. There was then some Behind the Scenes footage shot by Eric Swiss, Scott David, Will Ryder, and “Cat Fud” (figure it out), Eric pounding Aria Austin in the ass (Kyle Stone getting some action there too) in the BTS that lasted 47:09 minutes total. The BTS included some casting, following the director and producer around, and a wider variety of material than you typically see. That was followed by the photogallery, a replay of the opening sequence, 3:48 minutes of bloopers and deleted scenes, and some trailers.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Not South Park XXX was presented in anamorphic widescreen as she by director Will Ryder for X-Play. With the sheer magnitude of parodies on the market these days, some suggesting the genre is dying out due to the wealth of choices offered (I am not one of those people), getting a certain look right is one of the biggest obstacles to making one work, most directors failing miserably thanks to porn sized budgets and time constraints. Will, on the other hand, often manages to pull a rabbit out of his hat in this regard thanks in no small part to partner Scott David and his team of technical staffers including talented Miles Long on second camera. This time, the target is a poorly animated cartoon that looked out of date by generations when it first aired back in the 1990’s, the pornification process humanizing the oft hated, occasionally loved, characters of the show that has served up lampoons of everything under the sun, including a number of porn industry standards. To a large degree, I think Will succeeded beyond any reasonable expectation in this, one look at the failed Smurfs parody, the technically deficient Avatar parody, or dozens of others that bit off more than they could chew revealing that even on a low budget, Will made it work. The fleshtones were accurate, the lighting substantial and the animated graphics opening the show were very well done. Aurally speaking, the vocals were generally good and the rare ambient noises worked well enough but it was the song parodies that scored a major hit, as in awards time here we come hit too. Cyrus Weatherbee was credited with film and sound editing, Jeff Mullen and Rock Hardson getting credit for the music and songs. Cartman singing “Gang Bang Girl” had me laughing my substantial ass off as did the opening credits and “I Love Her” video to a lesser degree (apparently, the team decided to include some parody elements from the South Park movie too). Score!

Body of Review: Will Ryder has long been credited with the wave of porn parodies that started almost ten years ago, his crew at X-Play considered among the very best in the field for “getting it right” while others drop the ball all too often. His latest porn parody is called Not South Park XXX, the mainstream cartoon well known for parodying everything under the sun, my only concern going into it being the cartoon is based on the exploits of four fifth grade boys, hardly the kind of thing I’m interested in watching if you catch my drift. Thankfully, the premise used an altered timeline where the guys are all grown up and in community college, the ladies they bang all clearly of age as well. That out of the way, I thought the set designs and animated elements were very well done, a surprise appearance by one of my favorite porn comedians, Kyle Stone, as Mr. Mackey, and inclusion of Anthony Rosano as Eric Cartman just completely nailed their roles so well that they overshadowed the rest of the performers in the feature elements. Had there been a few others such as Chef, Cartman’s mother, and a few others of note, I’d be dishing out a few bucks from my 401k to fund a sequel. The back cover described the movie like this: “Possibly the dirtiest most offensive fuck flick ever, award-winning director Will Ryder creates a XXX hardcore porn parody of Comedy Central's South Park, Kyle falls in love with a beautiful college co-ed (Katie Summers), but Cartman discovers she's a porn star. Witness juicy pink pussy stuffed by huge cocks and filthy ass fucking amidst ethnic jokes and dim sexual wit. Hilarious and sexy as fuck!” Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Scene One: Liv Aguilera, a sultry Latina brunette with a lean hard body, was up first having established her sex credentials in class. She is seen on the front cover as the only brunette (right of center), Tommy “Stan” Pistol coming up with the $25 bucks so the gal revealed her boobs on the couch and started rubbing her pussy under her black panties, casting them aside to show how wet she was getting. She kicked the others out and he pulled off the panties to gain greater access, the man gobbling that gash like he was an old time professional. Liv moaned a lot and rubbed herself to encourage him, her neatly trimmed pubes not getting any hairs in his mouth as he continued to warm her up. He sucked her tits and stood up for her to kneel down during the sloppy blowjob, her saliva flying all over as she worked his pecker soundly with her talented mouth and hand. From there they vaginally fucked actively, a coating of sweat covering them as she bumped uglies until draining him of population pudding to her mouth. Liv provided excellent eye contact and scored major sexual points for her role.

The director in a cameo role

Scene Two: Britney Rears 3: Hillary Scott, looking even fresher than before in her skimpy outfit, was up with Kurt Lockwood on the couch. His paunch is getting kind of big (maybe he wants to become the next Ron Jeremy) and his receding hairline made him a questionable choice to work with the hotty but if anything, she worked him over even harder than John (and his much more modest size made it far easier for her to do so). The oral and 69 went well and I'll give Kurt credit for being well equipped to eat her out as she continued her vocal assault before they started bumping uglies like long lost lovers. There was a little foot fetish stuff but it was relegated to the back burner when they started doing the anal; with her showing that she has now earned the status of anal queen over her former anal princess title so many of her fans have granted her. There was a good amount of taste testing (PTM and ATM) but her active riding was again her strength as she let him tear into her backside as she bounced on top of his lap. The scene eventually ended with her taking the load of population pudding to her mouth, providing a solid ending to a very appealing stroke flick. This scene was shown courtesy of a stab at the asshole pirates that steal porn online, Hillary long since leaving the porn scene.

The shower scene

Scene Three: Aria Austin, the blond seen on the left side of the group shot on the front cover, was up next in the hospital room to take over from the handjob nurse. She felt bad that she kicked Anthony “Cartman” Rosano in the nuts so hard he might lose a testicle, her purple dress hugging her curvy body as she portrayed a trailer park gal trying for a better life. His pecker responded quickly to her hand to gland action, her mouth servicing him skillfully during the blowjob as she prepared to have him fuck her in the ass as recompense for the kung fu incident. Anthony stayed in character and she was an active vaginal rider, her anal nearly as solid as the shaven gal impaled herself on the erection before her. She did some taste testing and he thumbed her ass, replacing it with his cock as she begged him to plunder her booty ever deeper. Aria gave up some fine dirty talk too, the sole time when the vocals seemed on the low side though. A few positions of ass fucking led to him dousing her open mouth with spunk, Aria giving some post coital head as she savored the taste of their combined juices.

Scene Four: Allison Moore and Amanda Blow, the redhead and blond on the far right side of the cover, were up next on the porn set where lucky Kevin “Kenny” Wang got to fill in when someone flaked. The ladies were all over each other and their tits showed nipple erections, the fast pace revealing the ladies to peel off their attire quickly and start licking each other as well as take turns slobbing Kevin’s modest knob. The double teaming oral led to a variety of active vaginal positions, their shaven snatches making them look a lot younger than usual. The ladies gave an active performance even if the chemistry was modest, some comments from the sidelines in keeping with the original show during the beginning even if it evolved to a standard suck and fuck scene soon enough. In terms of enthusiasm though, the ladies did their best to milk his balls dry of splooge, the baby batter shared after he unleashed a major nut on her abdomen.

Scene Five: Katie Summers, the big titted blond bombshell featured on the center of the front cover, was up last in bed with Dane “Kyle” Cross, his pining for her the entire movie finally paying off. She stripped and spread her legs for him to eat her bald pussy, Dane sucking her clitoris and leaving his goofy character clothing on to remain in character. As is standard in one of Will’s fuck flicks, she then blew him in POV fashion, exaggerating the expressions and pouring on the moaning before she pulled him inside her dripping pussy. They had fun and she continued to maintain eye contact with the guy, Katie actively riding his rod even as he played with her ass and held her down. The ending round of ball batter came forth all over her torso, Katie looking up at him adoringly.

Summary: Not South Park XXX by director Will Ryder for X-Play showed that the director’s musical talent could elevate a decent project substantially, the songs admittedly way above average compared to anything I’ve heard in a porno in a very long time. My concerns regarding the source material allayed, it struck me that there is so much more potential for this to become an ongoing series that I hope Will continues to milk it for all it is worth and makes a few sequels. The sex was solid, although the inclusion of an older Hillary Scott scene from the archives without warning might not pass the smell test for some, the feature elements right in keeping with the source material, and the resulting project as entertaining as the mainstream South Park used to be so many years ago so I rated it as Highly Recommended for any fans of the parody genre. In short, contrary to news reports, Not South Park XXX should be a big hit with comedy parody fans, the fusion of porn elements carried forth in a way that only the X-Play team could make happen so check it out.