This Ain’t The Artist XXX

Hustler Video

Genre: Compilation

Director: None Credited

Cast: Kandi Barbour, Marlene Willoughby, Marcia Minor, Deborah Grant, Vanessa Lane, Reno, Selina St. Claire, Steve Austin, Katie Morgan, Sammie Rhodes, Sean Rider, Jasper, Veronica Rayne, Alec Metro

Length: 77:32 minutes

Date of Production: The scenes were from various movies and ranged quite a number of years, one of them over 32 years old, another source 17 years old, and still another seven years old with the last proving about 6 years old. They all came from the VCA and VCA Classics line if that helps you any.

Extras: There were trailers, a slide show, and some spam but that was all.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: This Ain’t The Artist XXX was a compilation of scenes from older source material owned by Hustler Videounder their VCA and VCA Classic lines. As such, they were far from optimum looking and even appear to have been “aged” to look quite older in some cases, the majority of them appearing to be full frame or letter boxed and presented in black & white. There was no company watermark to speak of here but the visual aspects were definitely on the weak side. The audio was presented in 2.0 Dolby Digital using a 224 Kbps aural bitrate but there were no vocals used, only a musical score appropriate for the old time feel of the scenes. I do not have the original source material to compare any of these scenes against but I believe the audio was edited accordingly as were some of the visuals so I cannot recommend the title in good faith as anything but a generic compilation.

Body of Review: Hustler Video has long been established as one of the big fish on the block when it came to adult entertainment. As such, they are one of the few companies remaining with the potential to provide all new quality entertainment as many of their peers fall to the wayside. Unfortunately, their latest advertised parody title, This Ain’t The Artist XXX, was not even close to the ballpark when it came to the best they have to offer, the movie attempting to cash in on the mainstream Oscar award winner by loosely tying old scenes from the VCA back catalog into a short production (under 80 minutes long in total). Nowhere on the box cover did the company label the production as being a compilation with no new material or provide a list of original source matter for fans to judge the merits on, the inclusion of hotty Katie Morgan on the cover certainly a selling point though many would not know she is out of porn (like the others listed). The scenes were strung together with cue cards of sorts, just offering one liners introducing them and giving me the impression some cuts were made. Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast for those still interested:

Scene One: The Pink Ladies/Sensual Pleasures: Kandi Barbour, Marlene Willoughby, Marcia Minor, Deborah Grant:

Scene Two: Pin-Up Pussy: Vanessa Lane, Reno: Filmed in an erotically effective black and white, and utilizing Reno's roid raged body bulk in combination with Vanessa’s itty bitty petite assets, this should have been a real sexual scorcher. Both performers are quite capable, and the combo of beefed up brawn and subtle beauty usually works. Unfortunately, Reno is such a meat headed hardcore star that he can only look puffy, not passionate. Even as she's riding his rod in an overdone manner, Ms. Lane can't shake her partner's gym enhanced ineffectiveness. This means the balling battle is more or less over before it's begun. (review by Disco Dirge)

Scene Three: Paging Betty: Selina St. Claire, Steve Austin:

Scene Four: Dirty Movie: Katie Morgan, Sammie Rhodes:

Scene Five: Paging Betty: Selina St. Claire, Sean Rider:

Scene Six: Paging Betty: Selina St. Claire, Jasper:

Scene Seven: Pin-Up Pussy: Veronica Rayne, Alec Metro: What a snooze fest. Ms. Rayne looks overfed and kind of dumpy, matched only by the portly paunch on Mr. Metro. A note to all sex stars attempting to look like the butter basted individuals of the '40s does not require you to lay off of the Pilates. Indeed, the body issue elements of this scene really detract from the dicking. In addition, Metro and Lasher as filmmakers really fuck up this material. They take the combination of Mish and Scissors and constantly intercut between them. One moment, the couple is copulating in the standard fashion. The next, Veronica is on her side, Alec pumping away with unconscious abandon. Instead of being sexy, it's scattered and confusing, resulting in some rather ineffective eros. (review by Disco Dirge)

Summary: This Ain’t The Artist XXX by Hustler Video might have worked better if more creativity had been applied to the material at hand or if it had been a real parody with all new footage integrated into the old clips of sexual trysts. There was no new genetic juice, population pudding, spunk or splooge released here, just the minimal doses of ball batter from generations back in porn terms. My personal preference in all this would be to just pick up the original releases to enjoy them to their fullest rather than this mish mash of material, the poorly advertised reality of this one making me feel obligated to rate it as a Skip It for all but the least discerning consumers. In short, with the wealth of strokable, high end smut released by Hustler and its subsidiary VCA Pictures still on the market, there is scant reason to pick up a short compilation like This Ain’t The Artist XXX. There was no attempt to mirror the recent movie it supposedly parodied or even use that as a frame of reference so don’t be fooled when you have so much more to pick from out of their huge company vaults.