Genre: Straight, Lesbian
Director: John T. Bone
Cast:Juliana Gomes, Cindy Love, Agatha Crispy, Emanuelle Lay, Mary Castro, Nicole Gaucha
Length:1 hr., 16 min.
Date: 08/23/2004
Extras:
None! Zero, zip, nada, zilch – absolutely nothing, unless you want to count "Scene Selection," perhaps.

Audio/Video:
A good Dolby Digital 2.0 soundtrack can't save this film although it does try. Euro-beat bass lines thump appropriately and girly screams of orgasmic glee glisten without screeching. The video quality is, with the exception of the first scene, very poor since it's very dark and murky, even in the outdoor scenes. Pretty much just "bad" all around on this feature.

Body of Review:
Taking place at, "Dame Edna Fortisque-Smyth's Finishing School For Young Ladies," this DVD goes where other porno plotlines fear to tread, supposedly. A fairly large waste of time, this disc features several ugly European young women in renaissance fair garb romping in their sexual exploits. The non-native English language female narrator sounds mildly retarded as she reads her lines, giving this film a sad, disaffected air – like a pathetic attempt by that slow girl in the trailer park trying to make herself appealing to the world around her through porn. Avoid at all costs unless you have this particular niche fetish.

Scene 1
Mary is in to see the school principal. The school principal is a blonde woman wearing a bad Ilsa/Night Porter knockoff outfit. After rejecting Mary's offering of flowers by spanking her with them, this principal proceeds to administer more spanking, slapping, and other various femdom actions. She eventually forces the Eliza Dushku-looking Mary onto her back on the desk and proceeds to eat her out for awhile. After ripping her dress off, she finally starts in on Mary with a large, clear strap-on in missionary. The principal next bends Mary over for more, then moves her to the chair for some reverse cowgirl.

Scene 2
The girls discuss badgirl Nikki, who isn't coming back to school due to an affair with her father's friend. Cut to a scene detailing what it is they do together. Brunette Nikki is poolside with the musclebound shaved head guy. He gives her a little oral and then she gives him plenty of the same. He then bends her over and they go at it doggy-style for a bit, then into reverse cowgirl, then into missionary anal. He finally finishes into her face.

Scene 3
Two of the girls, the sisters, are up late and raid the pantry. They are caught by the "good son," who playfully chases them around the table before getting into the action. Lots of groping and fondling ensues before the sisters start giving him oral. The blonde sister next hops onto him, reverse cowgirl, for a bit while the brunette sister helps keep his girth in place. The blonde then gets a fair amount of anal and noisily enjoys it. Next up, the brunette sister is bent over the table, with the blonde helping out with some oral interruptions on his dick every so often. He hits her anally while fingering the now-bent over blonde. Then it's back to the blonde for more anal (hooray?), kind of standing over her on the table. He finishes in their appreciative faces.

Scene 4
This scene involves the presumably "good" brunette Nikki fantasizing about the boy she met while on holiday and what they would've done if they'd only had more time together. Mining this rich porn haven, the dreamily-lit scene starts with lots of boy/girl affectionate kissing and proceeds into him giving her oral, then her returning the favor in kind. He does her missionary on the sofa for a long time before they dramatically and, I suppose, romantically shift into reverse cowgirl anal. He lays her down for more anal and then his young love blossoms in the hot, sticky variety, all over her stomach.

Scene 5
After what must be typical schoolgirl banter, it's Juliana's turn to tell of her most recent sexual exploit. She was out drinking with Billy and Roger and they all went to the picnic grounds for some late night public sex. On a table in one of the buildings they start with one giving her oral from behind while she gives oral to the other. The guys then proceed to pour and spit beer into her pussy for awhile (Less filling? Tastes great!) before switching places on her except that one is now tagging her doggy-style. Then they switch positions, with one guy taking her anally in the side-by-side and her giving oral to the other again. Next, she straddles on top of one guy for the inevitable D.P. session. She then lies down so one can finish into her mouth and the other, standing over her, can finish himself off.

Conclusion:
A minimalist, sorry excuse for a porn DVD, avoid this title at all costs.