click for trailer

This Ain’t Dracula XXX

Hustler Video

Genre: Parody

The Ladies

Director: Axel Braun

Cast: Brandy Aniston, Jennifer Dark, Bridgette B., Ryan Driller, Jessi Palmer, Marie McCray, Krissy Lynn, Tom Byron, Alan Stafford, Joey Brass, Evan Stone
Non-sex roles: Amber Cherry, Andy Appleton, Jack Lawrence, Rob McEvilly, Michael Troughton

Length: 113:47 minutes

click for 3D trailer (use red/blue glasses)

Date of Production: 2011

Extras: For some, the best extra would likely be the 3D version of the movie that came on a separate disc. It gave me a headache so I’ll just say to those of you into the current 3D craze, note that this was not the kind of 3D you see on those fancy, high end televisions no one is buying but the anaglyph (red & blue) kind few seem to care for. There was also a Behind the Scenes feature lasting 22:32 minutes, the footage primarily interview material. There were also some trailers, spam, and a photogallery.

Condoms: None

Brandy Aniston, Jennifer Dark, and Bridgette B. with Ryan

Audio/Video Quality: This Ain’t Dracula XXX was presented in an anamorphic widescreen color with an aspect ratio of about 1.78:1 as shot by director Axel Braun for release by Hustler Videousing the MPEG-2 codec. The sexual portions were largely handled in a straightforward manner with reasonable lighting that limited the grain, video noise, and limited the compression artifacts, Axel credited with handling the camera this time even though the BTS made it clear that Eli Cross appeared to have a very active, if uncredited, role in the making of the movie (frankly, Eli’s talents are such that his participation is ALWAYS welcome as an upgrade to most directors). The composition of the camera angles was decent and the ladies were made to look as best they could in the moody, atmospheric drama. The editing was better with the feature elements than the sexual trysts but overall it looked okay, the nod going to Claudia Ross. The bitrate itself was pretty high this time, helping make the production decent looking if not fully realizing the entire disc as well as could be expected, the second disc providing the 3D version. The audio was presented in the usual 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo English using the 224 Kbps bitrate expected of the movie. There was no readily apparent separation of the vocals and the movie had limited dynamic range but the mix of the vocals, ambient sound effects, and score was better than average for the company.

the ladies show their true colors

Body of Review: Axel Braun is best known as a pornographic director of parodies for Hustler Video (and others). His latest release is called This Ain’t Dracula XXX, a parody of the 1992 mainstream Bram Stoker novelization (there are dozens of movies based on or using the characters from the original novel, thousands of vampire movie offshoots all across the globe). Rather than take the immediately obvious parody route by spoofing it (as several pornos have done in the past) or copying it verbatim but adding sex as is so common. The special quirk this time is the addition of the 3D effect, once again utilized in a competent manner as it was in the recent Ghostbusters (by the same crew) but frankly, that was still more of a gimmick than anything else (my eyes hurting after two scenes so I considered it an extra more than the main draw). It was interesting to see the mighty Evan Stone in a more dramatic role this time but the cuties bringing most people in were Jessi Palmer, Krissy Lynn, Brandy Aniston, Bridgette B., Jennifer Dark, and Marie McCray. Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Marie McCray and Jessi Palmer

Scene One: Brandy Aniston, Jennifer Dark, Bridgette B., and Ryan Driller were up first as the three ladies did their best to seduce the slumbering mope. Each lady had their own physical appeal, from Bridgette’s awesome ass to Jennifer’s lean hard body, or even Brandy’s overall sexy nature, but the ladies were adequately given to providing oral pleasure as they triple teamed him. The combination of mouths and hands working him into a turgid state was interesting, the vaginal plowing he was allowed to do showing the ladies to be somewhat active riders. Sure, their vocal traits were as out of place as most mediocre parody porn and the pacing was way too slow but what really got on my nerves was how the ladies were not always playing it as a team sport, sometimes moving off to the back of the bed to masturbate rather than truly get into the action consistently. It ended with a load of genetic juice tossed off by Ryan onto the breasts of the ladies, their fetching nature soon evolving into a more truthful version of their characters.

Krissy Lynn

Scene Two: Jessi Palmer and Marie McCray, both lean young hotties, were up next in a limited lesbian tryst that showed them getting out of their replica versions of the clothing (let me put it this way, there was no way in hell that they would have been able to get out of the real deal by unfastening a few buttons). They caressed and licked each other without any toys but it was far too short and came across as thrown into the mix to cover a needed base rather than as a part of the show making sense.

Marie McCray with Alan and Joey

Scene Three: Krissy Lynn, a wonderfully ripe blond with a sweet ass, was up next in the asylum containing crazy Tom Byron. She blew him through the bars and his short but highly amusing character was pretty funny, her oral skills enough to get him erect in no time. They then went straight to anal inside the cell, Tom porking Krissy pretty hard though she was rarely as active as I’m used to seeing her. She held her ass cheeks apart to grant him deeper access and warmed up in time, Krissy doing some ATM and jerking him off all over her boobs as his modest wad of spunk landed when she placed it.

Jessi Palmer with Evan

Scene Four: Marie McCray, the cute redhead now outside (well, at least on a set portraying being outside) and dolled up, was up next as she walked over to Alan Stafford and Joey Brass. The men knew what they wanted and started diddling her, their hands roaming her body before she took turns slobbing their knobs in the graveyard. She seemed more at ease this time, alternating between a cock in her mouth and one in her pussy, the lighting less than optimal but the young lady looking good. It ended when one guy rubbed out a nut of splooge on her crotch while the other gave her a much larger batch of seed to her face and mouth.

Scene Five: Jessi Palmer, again looking fantastic though dressed in the restrictive clothing of the era, was up last with the mighty Evan Stone, the man playing the lead role in a way that again proved he could do more than act like a doofus (I’ve been fussed at many times for suggesting his range is more than his most common, comedic, style). He put the bite on her and the eroticism was better shown than in the previous scenes, the kiss leading to her slowly savoring his pecker orally. They kept their clothing on and continued with some vaginal, and then anal, penetration positions, Jessi much more active when he was busting in her pussy than in her ass. She then sucked him off with a power hummer ending, his semen flying out of her mouth to abruptly end the tryst.

Summary: This Ain’t Dracula XXX by director Axel Braun for Hustler Video might have come in short of his last big parody (“Ghostbusters XXX”) but it was still a decent tribute to the mainstream version. The sexual trysts had a variety of issues with them, there were no implants back them, disguised tattoos and piercings being anachronisms, and the usual level of acting believably barriers, but as a non-comedic parody of a popular subject, it merited a rating of Recommended or better for the final result and amount of work put into it. The ladies were all attractive and even the Victorian era outfits could not hide that fact, the sexual trysts shorter than I prefer but the elements of eroticism addressed more than a little bit. In short, This Ain’t Dracula XXX worked better in the non-sexual portions of the show than most Hustler titles have in recent years, the sexual encounters coming across as somewhat generic and cramped (as though they couldn’t move for lack of space on the sets) but certainly strokable and worth picking up if you are interested in the subject matter. The dark nature of the standard definition version of the movie made me consider that the Blu-ray version was probably a major visual upgrade but I’ll get back with you should I get to see that for myself. Anyway, Eli Cross appears to have helped elevate this one above the usual fast forward fodder nature of parodies for many of you so give his work a look.