Like most good tales, Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge is composed of several seemingly unrelated storylines that are expertly woven together to create an epic tale of valor as good eventually triumphs over evil. These disparate--yet intertwined--stories are told by an absolutely superb cast of characters that shatter forever the old truism that porn stars can't act. Indeed, female players Jesse Jane, Belladonna, Shay Jordan, Katsuni, Shawna Lenee, and Sasha Grey provide tremendous acting performances. In addition, Evan Stone superbly portrays the pompous and narcissistic--yet lovable--Captain Reynolds. And, Steven St. Croix, as always, does a very credible job in his role as First-Mate Jules Steel's (Jesse Jane) drunken and shattered ex-boyfriend.
In addition to directing a superior cast in their telling of a compelling tale, masterful storyteller and uber-talented director Joone then adds, for good effect, appropriate (and costly) locations, sets, wardrobe, and hairstyles to make the story authentic. There are even numerous opportunities for fencing (even the girls cross swords!) and gunfire! And, there are literally hundreds of extraordinarily effective special effects tossed in for good measure. I particularly enjoyed a Ten Commandments-like parting of the waters in which a circular chasm opens in the sea so that an evil pirate can fetch the decaying bones of pirate Stagnetti (apprehended and killed in Pirates) from the ocean's depth. Those of you who were fortunate enough to witness the throng of skeleton warriors in Pirates will be happy to know that they return in force in Pirates 2! Other noteworthy special effects include huge a huge realistic sea monster, a gigantic reptile that is slain by Belladonna's sword, and a scorpion-like creature used by evil empress Xifeng (Katsuni) to extract information from prisoners. A magical blue pearl is also cool, too. And, Belladonna's stunts (reminiscent of Yoda in Star Wars 3) are incredible.
The first storyline to be introduced in Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge involves the wicked pirate empress, Xifeng (Katsuni), mistress of the slain Stagnetti. The empress boards a ship carrying the Archbishop of Canterbury as he transports a precious cargo (a magical blue pearl) to Jamaica. Even though the ship's crew do everything in their power to protect the Archbishop and his cargo (he even swallows the pearl to protect it), Xifeng finds him, uses a wicked scorpion's venom to force him to divulge the pearl's location, and then rips the pearl out of his belly. In due course, Xifeng uses the pearl to part the seas so that she can resurrect the bones of her lover Stagnetti and give him life anew.
The second storyline reintroduces us to the heroes of Pirates: Captain Reynolds (Evan Stone) and First Mate Jules Steel (Jesse Jane). As they pilot their ship Vigilance across the Caribbean, two noteworthy visitors come aboard: Olivia (Belladonna), the sister of evil-turned-good pirate Serena (Janine) who was so instrumental in defeating Stagnetti in Pirates; and Ai Chow (Shay Jordan), the sister of the Vigilant's gunner Wu Chow. Both of these visitors are central to the eventual outcome of the epic: Ai Chow brings her brother a book of secret Chinese gunpowder techniques that will make it possible for the Vigilance to defeat the resurrected Stagnetti. Olivia brings the Vigilance and its crew a task: to convince Governor Lyttleton (Ben English) to drop the charges against her sister Serena.
These two primary stories converge when Captain Reynolds and First-Mate Jules Steel dock at Jamaica and visit the lecherous (and wickedly incestuous) Governor Lyttleton. Lyttleton informs his visitors that the King might be persuaded to grant Serena a pardon if the Vigilance and its crew capture the wicked Xifeng and recover the magic blue pearl.
Our heroes are up to the challenge and set off across the Caribbean (using a borrowed ship while theirs is being repaired) to apprehend Xifeng. Although Reynolds and Steel are not able to prevent Xifeng from using the pearl to part the sea and resurrect Stagnetti, they are, with the unexpected help of Steel's former lover Marco (Steven St. Croix), able to defeat the wicked Stagnetti once again and kill his mistress Xifeng. Sadly, they don't recover the blue pearl.
Along the way, there are lots of tight situations (Reynolds is imprisoned and forced to fight a gigantic reptile--he's not up to the task, but Olivia [Belladonna] slays the beast), evil (you haven't seen evil until you've looked into Xifeng's eyes--or at her wicked scorpion), dashing (there's lots of first-class swordplay), and sex. Yep, although there's a lot of story to tell, Joone still manages to weave in ten sex scenes! And, what scenes they are! You might have heard about the encounter between Olivia and Jules Steel (Belladonna and Jesse Jane). Believe me, you ain't seen nothin' until you see these girls tear into each other! There are also wild orgies, sexy trios, boy/girl twosomes, and anal sex. And, there's taboo sex too, as lecherous Captain Lyttleton (Ben English) fucks his two gorgeous blond daughters (Riley Steele and Shawna Lenee).
Ironically, Serena (Janine) is sadly missing from the tale even through the movie unfolds around the desire of the Vigilance crew to earn her a pardon. I really miss Janine since she was, I think, the true star of Pirates. She even won the 2006 AVN Best Actress award for her performance! It is my understanding that Janine declined an offer to participate in Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge. I suppose she's retired, but I still miss her--as well as her character--in this movie.
You might think that there's just too much plot and too much sex to fit into one movie. You're right. Some directors might choose to package such an epic in a three- to four-hour feature. I don't know about you, but that's simply too long for me to enjoy...it's more of a marathon than entertainment! Joone, on the other hand, tells his entire tale--including all the sex--in two hours and 18 minutes. He does it by editing down the sex scenes to just a few minutes each...he includes the highlights of each scene to, in effect, whet your appetite. If that's all the sex Joone gave us, I would cry foul because this is, after all, an adult feature. So, wisely, Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge contains a second two hour and forty-minute all-sex rendering of just the sex scenes (found on Disc Two of the four-disc DVD set). Wow! What a great solution. In effect, you get two movies in one: a first class action and adventure flick and a scintillating all-sex flick that "fleshes-out" each of the ten scenes highlighted in the feature as well as an additional all-girl trio.
If that's not enough to convince you to buy, consider this: there are two more discs in the four-disc album! Disc Three contains behind the scenes, slide show, set design, wardrobe, make-up, and sword training. Disc four chronicles making of the special effects, deleted scenes, Riley's first day on the set, interviews, casting call, and trailers.
2008 has been a very good year for adult fans with the release of a plethora of very well made movies including this one (see the list of Critic's Choice movies on this site). On the other hand, 2008 has been tough on our pocketbooks. Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge isn't cheap. But, it's worth the money. Give up smoking...and buy the movie. Brownbag it instead of going out for lunch...and buy the movie. Fill your tank with regular instead of premium...and buy the movie. Check under the couch, find some money...and buy the movie.
Note to readers: My reviews are provided in two parts. This webpage provides you with an overview of the scene's setup and action as well as my ratings for sex, video, audio, and production values. A separate Word document checklist details the foreplay activities, positions, pops, and features of each scene...as well as the calculation of each scene's ratings. The checklist for Pirates 2 can be downloaded here. You'll need a password. It's drjay2008.
Look for scenes and movies with a 4.5 or higher (A) sex rating and at least 4.0 (B) in video, audio, and production values. Those are my favorite scenes and I'm quite certain that you'll like them, too.
Note: Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge is presented in two forms: the feature, found on Disc One, includes effectively-edited yet short highlights of the sex scenes; Disc Two contains extended footage of each of the ten scenes found in the feature plus an addition bonus all-girl-trio. I have reviewed each of the scenes by compiling what I saw in both versions.
Scene Type: Boy/girl/girl threesome
Performers: Shay Jordan, James Deen, Mick Blue
Scene Set-up: Ai (Shay Jordan), the sister of one of the crew's Chinese crew members (Wu), is brought from China to join her brother aboard the Vigilance. Once aboard the Vigilance, Ai proves her worth by providing her brother Wu with a book of ancient Chinese gunpowder "magic" as well as by providing "stress" relief to the crew. In fact, soon after boarding the ship, Shay takes on two of the crewmembers (James Deen and Mick Blue) at the same time and fucks all the stress out of their delighted bodies. Naïve Captain Reynolds, skipper of the Vigilance, is well pleased with Ai's "masseuse" skills. But, Ai's brother Wu knows what's really going on and isn't at all happy with his sister being the ship's whore.
Foreplay: Tit sucking and squeezing, handjob, fellatio, deep-throat, rimming, cunnilingus, clit jacking, kissing, body licking.
Vaginal Positions: Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, spoon, kneeling doggie, standing doggie, on her side.
Anal Positions: None
Girl cums: Repeatedly, in cowgirl, reverse, spoon, and standing doggie.
Pop: Two pops into Shay's open mouth; she swallows one and spits out the second.
Sex rating: 4.35
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 5.00
Production values rating: 5.00
Scene 2
Scene Type: Boy/girl/girl threesome
Performers: Shawna Lenee, Riley Steele, Ben English
Scene Set-up: The governor of Jamaica's daughters (Riley and Shawna), dressed in 18th century court finery, are making out atop a period-authentic bed when pirate "Devil Dick Willy" (Ben English) barges into their room and demands to know the location of the governor's gold. The girls tell him that their daddy has his gold with him--in England. Since Devil Dick is incessantly demanding, the girls huddle and decide to give them the "treasure" between their legs. Soon, an unexpected twist develops when we learn that "Devil Dick Willy" is the governor. So, the subsequent boy/girl/girl threesome that soon develops has a real taboo naughtiness about it.
Foreplay: Tit sucking and squeezing, handjob, fellatio, cunnilingus, clit jacking, face fucking, kissing, body licking.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, spoon, kneeling doggie, on her side.
Anal Positions: None
Girl cums: Once, in spoon.
Pop: Open mouth; girls suck him dry and cum swap.
Sex rating: 4.85
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 5.00
Production values rating: 5.00
Scene 3
Scene Type: Girl/girl
Performers: Jesse Jane, Belladonna
Scene Set-up: After Captain Reynolds and Jules return to the Vigilance and make their plans to capture Xifeng, Olivia (Belladonna) corners Jules and tries to convince her to help plan a mutiny to oust Captain Reynolds: "Your captain's foolishness is going to kill us all! We must organize a mutiny!" Jules defends Reynolds and, in response, Olivia insults her by telling her that she's weak. "Keep insulting me and you'll find out just how weak I am!" With those words, lusty Jules (Jesse Jane) inflames Olivia's (Belladonna's) lust and soon the two women are deeply involved in one of the hottest girl-girl sex scenes of the year...maybe even the decade.
Foreplay: Cunnilingus, multiple-finger-fucking, clit jacking, kissing, spanking, tit sucking and squeezing, hair pulling, rimming.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, on her belly.
Anal Positions: Doggie, on her side.
Girl cums: Repeatedly, during finger fucking, cunnilingus, anal doggie, and two-sets-of-fingers DP.
Pop: NA
Sex rating: 5.00
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 5.00
Production values rating: 5.00
Scene 4
Scene Type: Boy/girl/anal orgy
Performers: Stoya, Gabriella Fox, Abbey Brooks, Brea Lynn, Shyla Stylez, Veronica Raine, Charles Dera, Manuel Ferrara, Marco Banderas
Scene Set-up: While searching for clues to Xifeng's location, Captain Reynolds (Evan Stone) happens upon a slave auction and, prodded by a blind pirate, bids over 1,000 pieces of eight for a slave girl (Jenna Haze). Reynolds does not have the money in silver...he has gold instead. This greatly impresses the auctioneer/slave master, who has a "thing" for all things golden. So, the auctioneer invites Reynolds back to his "harem" for some relaxation and entertainment. Of course, the evening's diversions are provided by a bevy of the slave master's girls, including Stoya, Gabriella Fox, Abbey Brooks, Brea Lynn, Veronica Rayne, and 2008 Dr. Jay's Must-See Girl Shyla Stylez. The girls go after each other for a while and are eventually joined by three guys as they indulge in a decadent boy/girl orgy.
Foreplay: Handjob, fellatio, stringers, cunnilingus, multiple-finger-fucking, clit jacking, rimming, kissing, body licking, tit squeezing.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, spoon, kneeling doggie, standing doggie, standing cowgirl, on her side, tribbing.
Anal Positions: Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, spoon, kneeling doggie.
Girl cums: Repeatedly, during mish, tribbing, and cunnilingus.
Pop: 1) Open mouth; 2) external vagina; 3) open mouth. First and third pops are swallowed; second pop is scooped up by Stoya, who eats it.
Sex rating: 4.95
Video rating: 5.00
Audio rating: 5.00
Production values rating: 5.00
Scene 5
Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Shay Jordan, Steven St. Croix
Scene Set-up: While Captain Reynolds and First Mate Jules Steel are searching for the wicked Xifeng, their crew remains in Jamaica with the Vigilance while repairs are made. Horny, Ai Chow prowls the alleys of Jamaica looking for somebody to lay. By sheer happenstance, she meets Marco (Jules Steel's lover in Pirates) who has become a drunken reprobate due to the heartbreak of losing Jules' love. Ai, of course, gives Marco a first-class romp and, in turn, Marco fucks her better than any man has ever done before (he even makes her cum during cunnilingus). Marco is such a good lover, in fact, that Ai insists that they get married! Gulp! Eventually, Ai's brother, Wu, forces Steven to marry her. But, Ai is a very liberal wife and doesn't mind in the least that he occasionally fucks another woman!
Foreplay: Tit sucking and squeezing, cunnilingus, clit jacking, rimming, kissing, body licking.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, reverse cowgirl, standing doggie, on her side.
Anal Positions: None
Girl cums: Frequently, during cunnilingus, missionary, and standing doggie.
Pop: On Shay's belly
Sex rating: 4.55
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 5.00
Production values rating: 5.00
Scene 6
Scene Type: Boy/girl/anal
Performers: Jenna Haze, Evan Stone
Scene Set-up: After the orgy (in Scene Four), Evan gets to spend some quality time with his new slave girl, Jenna Haze (a 2008 Dr. Jay's Must See Girls winner). As always, Jenna's sexual performance is stunning...in particular, her fellatio skills and her body movements as she fucks Evan are unbeatable! In addition, she plays her role as a slave girl to a tee, referring to Evan as "master" and constantly praising his good looks and valor.
Foreplay: Fellatio, deep-throat, stringers, balls gobbling, handjob, clit jacking, kissing, tit squeezing, hair pulling.
Vaginal Positions: Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, spoon, kneeling doggie, standing cowgirl, on her side.
Anal Positions: Reverse cowgirl, spoon.
Girl cums: Repeatedly, in vaginal reverse, anal reverse, and cunnilingus.
Pop: Belly
Sex rating: 4.95
Video rating: 5.00
Audio rating: 5.00
Production values rating: 5.00
Scene 7
Scene Type: Boy/girl/girl/anal threeway
Performers: Brianna Love, Rhylee Richards, Evan Stone
Scene Set-up: Two female sailors, played by Brianna Love and Rhylee Richards, beg Captain Reynolds to tell them of his heroics. He does, of course, and provides them with greatly embellished tall tales. The girls don't know he's exaggerating, believe his every word, and, in due course, offer him their bodies, vaginas, and Brianna's gorgeous ass. To conclude the scene, Reynolds rewards both of his admirers with mouthfuls of semen. They suck him dry, cum swap, and swallow. By the way, if you haven't seen Rhylee Richards yet, you really owe it to yourself to cast your eyes on her absolutely superb body.
Foreplay: Fellatio, deep-throat, stringers, cunnilingus, clit jacking, rimming, kissing, handjob.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl
Anal Positions: Spoon
Girl cums: Once, in reverse cowgirl
Pop: Open mouth. The girls cum swap and swallow.
Sex rating: 4.65
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 5.00
Production values rating: 5.00
Scene 8
Scene Type: Boy/girl/girl/anal threeway
Performers: Jesse Jane, Katsuni, Tommy Gunn
Scene Set-up: Empress Xifeng (Katsuni) captures First Mate Jules Steel (Jesse Jane) and uses the venom from her wicked scorpion to make Jules her slave. Of course, Xifeng forces Jules betray Captain Reynolds. Then, to make matters even worse, Xifeng compels Jules to participate in a decadent threeway with recently-resurrected Stagnetti (Tommy Gunn). In this extremely energetic scene (Jesse Jane is fucking AMAZING in reverse cowgirl and even better while she masturbates!), Jules and Xifeng are wickedly aggressive with each other--and with Stagnetti--in this no-holes-barred scene! Yep, both girls' asses get fucked: Xifeng takes Stagnetti's rod up her anus and Jules finger-fucks her asshole--and even DPs herself! This is an EXTREMELY HOT scene!
Foreplay: Fellatio, deep-throat, cunnilingus, finger-fucking, slit jacking, spanking, kissing, body licking, tit sucking and squeezing.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, reverse cowgirl, spoon, kneeling doggie, standing doggie.
Anal Positions: Spoon, missionary; DP with two sets of fingers.
Girl cums: Repeatedly, during cunnilingus, vaginal reverse cowgirl, anal finger fucking, DP.
Pop: Open mouth; girls cum swap, Katsuni swallows.
Sex rating: 5.00
Video rating: 5.00
Audio rating: 5.00
Production values rating: 5.00
Scene 9
Scene Type: Boy/girl/girl/anal threeway
Performers: Jesse Jane, Shay Jordan, Steven St. Croix
Scene Set-up: During the gun battle to rid the world of empress Xifeng and Stagnetti, Captain Marco (Steven St. Croix), commanding an additional ship, promises Wu Chow that he will marry Ai (Shay Jordan) in exchange for the use of some magical gunpowder that Wu learned about from the book that Ai brought him from China. Wu uses the special powder and destroys Xifeng's ship with his mighty gun. After the battle, Marco does his part and marries Ai. Later, Marco and his former lover Jules (Jesse Jane) are reunited and their lust for each other is rekindled. As they start to make out, Ai walks in on them and is momentarily crushed until Marco explains that he really loves Ai but just wants to fuck Jules. Ai is fine with that arrangement and even joins in as they form a boisterous threesome. Jules (Jesse Jane), as in the previous scenes, gives an absolutely incendiary performance and her numerous orgasms are truly to die for. Ai (Shay Jordan) proves that she's just as randy as Jules. I particularly liked the way that the girls cooperate with each other while they fuck Marco. For example, while one girl fucks his cock, the other fucks his face. Or, the girls pleasure each other while he reams one of their pussies. Hot stuff!
Foreplay: Fellatio, deep-throat, handjob, cunnilingus, 69, masturbation, tit squeezing, hair pulling.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie
Anal Positions: DP with cock and fingers; DP with two sets of fingers.
Girl cums: Repeatedly, in reverse cowgirl.
Pop: Steven sprays a tremendous load of semen onto Jesse's gorgeous belly. Then, Ai laps it up and cum-swaps with Jules, who swallows.
Sex rating: 4.95
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 5.00
Production values rating: 5.00
Scene 10
Scene Type: Boy/girl/girl/anal threeway
Performers: Belladonna, Sasha Grey, Evan Stone.
Scene Set-up: After Captains Reynolds and Marco and their crews defeat Stagnetti and his empress Xifeng, Serena's sister Olivia (Belladonna) and Maria (Sasha Grey), one of Olivia's crew members, approach Reynolds and ask him to help them rescue Maria's sister from the pirates. Soon, the sexual tension reaches the boiling point as the three sailors strip each other naked; enjoy some absolutely stupendous two-girls-on-one-dick deep-throat-intensive fellatio, cunnilingus, and rimming; and then move on to vaginal and anal sex punctuated by bouts of amazing pussy-to-mouth, spanking, girl-on-guy and girl-on-girl rimming, and lots of spit swapping.
Foreplay: Fellatio, deep-throat, stringers, balls gobbling, cunnilingus, finger-fucking, clit jacking, rimming, stripping, kissing, spanking.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie.
Anal Positions: Kneeling doggie; Sasha four-finger-fucks Belladonna's asshole.
Girl cums: Repeatedly
Pop: Both girls perform deep-throat ass-to-mouth and then Olivia uses her talented hands to make Reynolds explode all over his own belly. The girls then lick up his semen, cum swap, and swallow.
Sex rating: 5.00
Video rating: 5.00
Audio rating: 5.00
Production values rating: 5.00
Scene 11
Scene Type: All girl threeway/anal
Performers: Stoya, Katsuni, Belladonna
Scene Set-up: In an all-girl trio that was cut from the feature and presented only on Disc Two as a bonus scene, Olivia (Belladonna) brings one of the belly dancers from Scene Four (Stoya) into Empress Xifeng's (Katsuni) quarters and forces her to kneel in submission at the empress' feet. Xifeng is pleased with Olivia's "present," but wants to see more. So, she rips off Stoya's top, strokes her flesh, and terrifies her with wicked words. Soon, Olivia and Xifeng agree that they need to teach Stoya some "nasty things." Terrified, Stoya acquiesces and then Olivia and Xifeng bend her over and play with her gorgeous pussy and tight asshole. Seventeen minutes later, Stoya has truly learned oodles of "nasty things," has been an exemplary student, and has enjoyed every second of her training! Oddly, even though the girls all went after each other passionately, and reamed every hole except Stoya's ass, nobody had an orgasm. For this reason, I think it's the weakest scene in Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge.
Foreplay: Cunnilingus, clit-jacking, body licking, tit squeezing, rimming.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, kneeling doggie
Anal Positions: Missionary, kneeling doggie
Girl cums: No
Pop: NA
Sex rating: 3.85
Video rating: 5.00
Audio rating: 4.50
Production values rating: 4.70
This four-DVD-9 set contains three full discs full of extras! The primary extra, in my opinion, is Disc Two, which contains a 02:40 hour compilation of extended versions of all ten sex scenes that are in the feature (on Disc One) as well as a bonus scene. Disc Three contains: behind the scenes footage (01:30 hours); a five-minute self-running slide show; and featurettes highlighting set design, wardrobe, make-up, sword training, and the extras who played the pirates. Disc Four contains: bloopers; making of the video effects; seven deleted plot-related scenes; Riley Steele's first day on the set; 17 interviews of the cast members; 13 "confessionals" in which the girls confess their deepest and darkest sex secrets; and footage of the casting calls. This selection of extras is not only extensive, but each extra is well made and definitely worth a look (especially the "confessionals"). Five stars.
The best things about Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge include:
Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge could have been better if:
Things I didn't like about Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge include:
Recap
Overall sex rating: 4.74
Overall video rating: 4.73
Overall audio rating: 4.86
Production values rating: 4.97
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