Clown Porn

Ramco Productions/Old Pueblo

Genre: Comedy

Director: Chris Spoto

Cast: Hollie Stevens, Sheldon Unseen, Hef Pounder, Jenna Brooks, Zenova Braeden, Dave Pounder, Kelly Cornflake, Travis Lee, Sam
Non-sex roles by: Leighton Hollingsworth, Helicopter Pete, Sailor Mike, Dave & Slacko The Clown

Length: 86 minutes

Date of Production: 8/2004

Extra's: There were no extras on the DVD.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Clown Porn was presented in the usual 1.33:1 ratio full frame color as directed by Chris Spoto for Ramco Productions (and distributed by Old Pueblo Productions). The show started out pointing out that the crew were shooting something different and poked fun at guys like me that analyze the nuances a bit too closely so I figured it was fair to cut them some slack (if the director is bold enough to openly state he's trying for a different, edgier look in the beginning of the movie, I'm willing to accept that as part of the movie rather than the typical porn director who makes such claims later; knowing full well the crappy look wasn't intended at all and he's just covering his ass). In any case, the camera movements were often jerky and not quite in synchronization but it added an air to the movie's scenes that seemed to add to the comedic parts more than a little bit. There was grain and pattern noise with some aliasing artifacts but nothing that detracted from the style of presentation the director appeared to be looking to make. The audio was presented in 2.0 stereo PCM (pulse code modulated) which focused mostly on the music throughout the scenes. The vocals had no separation of major dynamic range (they could've been recorded on a cheap hand-held tape deck) and the 1970's music was actually very fitting for most of the action. It should be noted that the movie made extensive use of visual and audio effects befitting the comedic nature of the show.

Body of Review: When I think of comedy porn, I usually think of Jonathan Morgan first, Robby D. second, and a small handful of others in a distant third place. Much of the reason for this phenomenon is that comedy is tough to make and typically has the viewer laughing AT the movie rather than with it as intended. This hurts the feelings of some directors who aspire to bigger and better things so we don't see much comedy in porn. Well, a little band of perverted guys is setting out to change that fact with Clown Porn, a title that not only embraces the fact that comedy and porn can go together but embraces the opportunity to make people laugh and stroke at the same time. Not having seen many clowns in porn (although the killer clown from Camp Cuddly Pines comes to mind), I was unfamiliar that this is actually a pretty big fetish in some places (maybe due to the way we grow up with clowns as children) though I'm told it sells well on the internet. In any case, if you're looking for something substantially different than the mass produced stroke flicks you'll find all over the place, this might work for you. Without further ado, here's a quick breakdown of the scenes by cast and action, noting that the only rubber on these guys is attached to the end of their noses:

Scene One: Recurring Dream: Hollie Stevens, an attractive blonde with a stripper's body (a good thing), was up first as she kept tossing and turning while having a nightmare about clowns. Into the motel room setting appear two clowns in full make up; Sheldon Unseen and Hef Pounder, who are about to tie her up and have their way with her. She pointed out that if they taped up her mouth, she'd be unable to suck their clown cocks to which they replied "but how do we know you aren't going to scream". Her answer said it all; "the only thing I'll be screaming is I'm coming when you're pounding me, clown boy" so they tossed aside the duct tape and the sucking began. The 1970's "chica bow" music played in the background as she inhaled their meaty manhoods with some of the weirdest reality-cam photography I've seen in months (but it worked). They then put her threw her paces by giving her some head and boning her pussy in return. There were numerous special visual effects and audio zingers tossed in too with picture in picture added in for good measure as well. It ended when they jerked off to her (a mess of clown paint and sweat by this point) and I honestly appreciated the energy and passion shown here. It was a good start to what amounts to an alternate porno.

Scene Two: Blind Date: Jenna Brooks, the gal on the front DVD cover in her clown outfit, was up next on everyone's favorite ritual, the blind date. With her cleavage attracting my eye throughout the comedy portion of the show, I thought the narrative voice-overs were cute as were the sight gags with partner Hef Pounder. Jenna's a black gal that I've seen under a different name before and she'll appeal to the guys out there that like a little (but only a little) bit of meat on the ladies. She sucked him off slowly, as if savoring the taste rather than the driven energy style of Hollie before her, and he was poking away at her tight pussy in no time. There were more of the sight and sound effects here but they weren't as inspired as the last scene though she looked like a decent fuck on the cheapo couch they performed on. The sex this time was far more conventional although she kept in character the whole time. It wasn't bad and ended when he stroked off to her abdomen.

Scene Three: Lesbozo Is Morebozo: Zenova Braeden, a clown with some baby fat still on her frame and a neon pink wig on her head, was up in a lesbian scene with Hollie Stevens who opted to wear a neon blue wig and clown make up this time, apparently having acclimated to her new fetish (and having overcome her fear). While there were some of the effects here too, the majority of the scene was straight out of the formulaic book of porn in terms of the 1950's style vibrator and oral action. They did get into some food fetish action but they were so laid back about the scene that it kind of dragged on. There were plenty of chances for the duo to break the traditional mold but unlike the previous moments when the action almost parodied porn, this one seemed like a slightly faded copy of a generic lesbian scene. I'm not bagging on the gals; I'd have done either one of them if given the chance, but it was almost like Chris (the director) ran out of ideas on what to do. Still, it was worth a look nonetheless.

Scene Four: Room Service: Zenova Braeden and Hollie Stevens, were up in the next scene as well but this time adding Dave Pounder to the mix. David has always struck me as having a twisted sense of humor from his own releases and after the motel maid's in clown make up decide to disturb his weary eyes, he had little choice but to capitulate to their wishes. They kissed and blew him as they made a complete mess of his otherwise clean body; taking turns sucking him off to get him as hard as a rock. They then started riding his shaft in their pussies with the occasional moment of lesbian licking tossed in for effect. Both ladies displayed a decent amount of energy but my biggest complaint was the same as the last scene; the action was straight out of the generic porn manual used by too many others in the industry (ie: virtually all the others). I started to miss the opening scenes crazy antics although I recognized that guys too set in their ways to appreciate anything new might like this one more. The scene ended when they jerked him off to a facial conclusion and swapped the semen (and then the usual creampie to the face routine).

Scene Five: Daddy Was A Clown: Kelly Cornflake, a brunette with an all natural body and average looking face, was up last as she took on Hef Pounder, Travis Lee, and Sam, after showering her body. There were comedic bits edited into the shots of her laying on the bed and showering that added to her appeal but the fun came after she went to "clown headquarters" to get her father's lunch. She was the straight gal without any clown gear but the three wise men were all in their uniform of the day and she did them one by one. From the oral only opener to the blow and bang antics with the last two partners, the action was decidedly more like the first scene in how it incorporated the comedic material. This set it apart from the middle scenes even if the sex wasn't as passionate or varied in terms of positions as they were. The inclusion of the Rod Swirling character directly into the scene (though not as a participant) was cool too as she went through the paces provided fairly well (oral and vaginal only).

Summary: Clown Porn was a surprisingly funny selection of porn scenes with clowns participating in each one. The ladies were attractive and the comedy aspects were actually better than average most of the time. I hope in future outings that Chris will stick with the style that the first and last scene showcased in heaping amounts since that's why people are buying the DVD, not to see generic porn scenes with people wearing clown make up. If he can expand the boundaries just a little bit more and hopefully add some extras too, I could see this drawing in a much larger crowd than I'm led to believe it already has but it was fresh and entertaining as well as being a decent stroke flick. I'm going to rate it as Recommended for anyone into clowns and porn but even if you've never thought about it, check it out to see if perhaps you too might see the wisdom in the presentation (it was something like a fusion of an independent movie and porn like you'd see at Sundance if the film festival were hipper).