First Impressions:
While it may seem controversial to say it, interracial titles exist to fill one of two common XXX niches. The first function is the more troubling of the two. In general, the notion of big Black men controlling waif-like white women has a rather racist underpinning. This problematic plantation factor gives these movies a Mandingo like glare that is often hard to overcome. On the other hand, African American males often speak of the fantasy of fucking a white woman, and aside from actually going out and pulling a bird, an interracial hardcore flick can fulfill that desire very easily. But the weird thing about this DVD – outside of its horribly retarded title – is the surreal sexual dynamic at play. Because he's foreign, director Joachim Kessef isn't tied to the American version of black/white balling. Instead of using Get Your Shit Off My Black Dick as another domination diversion, Kessef simply lets the performers pair off and screw. No mind games. No name calling or abusive stances. Let's face it – when a man is getting his salad tossed, and tasting the buttplug that comes out of his paramour's popper, he's not playing into the master/slave role reversal mentality. This makes Get Your Shit Off My Black Dick interesting,, if not always engaging.

The Sex Scenes:

Here's the big problem with Get Your Shit Off My Black Dick – the ladies lined up to fake fuck for us are the literal definitions of lox-like orifices. Vacant stares fill their emotionless faces, bodies are underdeveloped, hair ratty and unwashed. Some seem absolutely put out by having to…put out, while others give it their all, which isn't saying very much. In essence, the flesh is willing, but just about every other aspect of these gal's personas is weak, especially when it comes to wantonness. In addition, there is a real over-emphasis on the anal here. Granted, that's the purpose of the disc, but in a few instances, it's minimal foreplay followed by maximum ass pounding. To paraphrase John Cleese in The Meaning of Life – "does every scene require we run leaping toward the anus?" Apparently, the answer is 'yes'.

Scene 1: Valerie, Michelle Wild, Kid Jamaica
Acts Performed: On Camera Conversation, Lesbian Direction, Girl on Girl Stuff, Cabaret, Anal Fingering, Blowjob, Dueling Head, Deep Throating, Salad Tossing, Boggy, Alternating V to M, Mish, Cunnilingus, Anal Doggy, Alternating A to M, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Mish, Foot Worship, Cowgirl, Dueling Anal Doggy, $hot to Mouth, Snowballing and Swallowing
Score: 2 out of 5

The Kid has his work cut out for him here, as both Valerie and Michelle want to prove what fiery hot fuck bitches they are, and do so by acting like hyperactive hump buddies. They go so amorously apeshit that you wonder how long it will last. The answer is about 10 minutes. After that, it's basically balling as usual. As a matter of fact, you can literally witness the junction where the scene goes from erotic to erratic. Kid is lying on a couch, and both women come crawling along the carpet and start sucking on his toes. It's an odd jump cut, arguing that, somewhere along the line, the sequence was stopped and the girls given some more 'personalized' direction. Unfortunately, it doesn't help.

Scene 2: Niki, Kid Jamaica
Acts Performed: Salad Tossing, Blowjob, Fingering, Doggy, V to M, Cowgirl, Anal Spoon, Mish, A to M, Anal Pile Driver, Anal Cowgirl, $hot to Mouth
Score: 2.5 out of 5

In what is undeniably the best scene in the set, Niki gives Kid a knock out bush blow in a poolside porking that's well worth the price of admission. This couple obviously gets off on each other, and the passion provides a nice underpinning of arousal to the scene. The actual amount of positions is rather limited, and this may come from the hard tile backdrop, but once Mr. J gets saddled up for a little pile driver butt banging, the XXX is electric. So why the low score? Well, compared to other ass poundings the Dirge has scene, this one is rather average.

Scene 3: Sunny Jay, Joachim Kessef
Acts Performed: Cameraman Cabaret, Fingering, Tit Play, Blowjob, Deep Throating, Male Salad Tossing, Male Fingering, Pile Driver, V to M, Mish, Cowgirl, Cunnilingus, Anal Spoon, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, A to M, Anal Mish, Anal Pile Driver, Anal Doggy, $hot on Vagina
Score: 2 out of 5

Our filmmaker steps up from behind the lens and let's his log do the talking as Sunny tries to act interested. Mr. Kessef does have a few taffy issues, and Ms. Jay doesn't take to well to having his half-erect cock crammed up her crack. There are several awkward moments here when Joachim's dick gets bent in 10 different, painful looking ways as part of the performance, and once she gets it in the tushy, Sunny seems angry, not aroused. Still, there is enough carnal chemistry here to keep us from being totally bored. This is yet another clear example of the body being able but the mentality being muddled.

Scene 4: Paris Lorenz, Tatiana, Franco Roccaforte
Acts Performed: Lesbianism, Dildo in Ass Play, Blowjob, Toy A to M, Dueling Head, Anal Pile Driver, Alternating A to M, Male Salad Tossing, Cunnilingus, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl, Anal Doggy, Alternating Doggy, Vaginal Gaping, Anal Mish, Alternating Mish, $hot in Mouth, Snowballing and Swallowing
Score: 1.5 out of 5

Ugh – a bad scene, all over. Busy, uncontrollable, and difficult to follow, we are never quite sure if this is supposed to be a same sex sequence, a one-on-one humpathon, or a totally anarchic threesome. Sadly, all it becomes is a flaccid free for all. Mr. Roccaforte is the kind of free thinking gent who loves to have his salad tossed, has no problem eating a buttplug removed from a lover's loins, and is more or less open to any and all hardcore experiences. So Paris and Tatiana eat his ass, and tongue his bunghole, and he's all the more macho for it. In fact, these minor moments are the only elements of interest in what is otherwise a standard two-on-one tooling.

Scene 5: Lola, Franco Roccaforte
Acts Performed: Butt Plug Action, A to M, Male A to M, Fingering, Blowjob, Male Salad Tossing, Standing Cowgirl, V to M, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Gaping, A to M, Pile Driver, Anal Mish, Foot Fucking, Anal Doggy, $hot to Mouth, Nut Fu, Oral Clean-up

Score: 1.5 out of 5

Okay – the novelty has now worn off, and Joachim's frequent shots of Franco getting his red eye serviced are growing quite old. Besides, by giving his partner's toy a little A to M before she does, isn't that ruining the routine? Anyway, Lola is likeable enough, and Mr. Roccaforte can fuck with the best of them, but there is really no connection between this couple. Lola looks lost a lot of the time, trying to merely mimic the action options being offered. The final foot fucking is a lot of fun, but as we learn in the bonus material, this appears to be a Roccaforte special. In truth, this is all just the sexual equivalent of scatological Shakespeare – much ado about nothing stuffing.

Scene 6: Diana Gold, Joachim Kessef, Franco Roccaforte
Acts Performed: Dueling Blowjobs, Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl, Anal Fingering, DP in the Cowgirl, Mode, DP in the Reverse Cowgirl Mode, Anal Doggy, Gaping, Anal Pile Driver, DP in the Pile Driver Mode, Foot to Head Mish, $hot in Aperitif Glass, Swallowing

Score: 1.5 out of 5

One gal, two guys, two major pieces of meat. Diana wants to be a trouper in the worst way – and seeing that she's the only lady on the disc willing to do DP, she earns some Eros points right there. Sadly, the multiple mountings are rather tame, mostly consisting of Joachim or Rocco sitting still while the other climbs on top and starts pumping. In fact, you could call the bottom boner a prurient placeholder. It is usually not doing much more than that. Toss in a weird moment where Rocco takes his foot and presses down – HARD – on Ms. Gold's head (it looks painful and, even worse, completely disrespectful) and you've got a complicated scene to evaluate. It's either really good, or totally gratuitous. The Dirge votes for the latter.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 2 out of 5 (Rent It)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted

Originally, the Dirge was going to dismiss, outright, this more or less mediocre DVD, but on second thought, he realized that there will be many in the adult entertainment demographic who will actually get off on this derivative dicking. So in order to allow the fuck and suck faithful to make up their own mind, a score of Rent It was awarded, upon realistic reevaluation. In all honesty, if you like disengaged females allowing their loins to be poked and prodded in all manner of ways, you'll find some fun here. Couples will also enjoy the erotic equality amongst the performers. Therefore, a Cohabitation Certificate is easily awarded. While it might not be everyone's idea of interracial erotic, Get Your Shit Off My Black Dick is standard hardcore fodder. Don't go in expecting too much and you'll be just fine.