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This Ain't Dancing With The Stars XXX (Blu-ray)

Hustler Video

Genre: Sitcum, Porn Parody

Director: Stuart Canterbury

Cast: Kiara Diane, Randy Spears, Dylan Ryder, Tony DeSergio, Sindee Jennings, Otto Bauer, Cody Love, Scarlett Faye, Dylan Riley, Eric John
Non-sex role by James Bartholet

Length: 95:26 minutes

Date of Production: 2009

Extras: The extras were the cookie cutter standard, as expected with some trailers, a photogallery, spam, and a short Behind the Scenes feature lasting 9:32 minutes. Most of the BTS is just interview material but it helped flesh out a few of the performers, I just wish it had been more complete as a time capsule for the show itself like some of the other sitcum makers have been providing.

Condoms: None

Kiara Diane with Randy Spears

Audio/Video Quality: This Ain't Dancing With The Stars XXX was presented in a fetching 1.78:1 widescreen color by director Stuart Canterbury for Hustler Video using the AVC codec; a standard on Blu-Ray discs; the standard definition version in MPEG-2 with the usual 480p resolution compared to the 1080i resolution of the high definition version, partially made up for by the SD's anamorphic nature). My knowledge of the SD version of the title allows me to compare the two; it lacked the better resolution and purity of fleshtones this version had, the bitrate often hovering around 20.2 Mbps area compared to less than a fourth of that in the SD version which seemed to hover around the 5.1 Mbps mark. The use of video bothers some folks but it suited the nature of the show far more than film would have and the contrasts were all enhanced by the high definition approach. There were no obvious compression artifacts, no grain to speak of, and I saw no macro-blocking or other issues that pop up; thanks in no small part to the proper lighting applied here in most cases (the editing by Nextdoor Jimmy was not bad at all too). The summation of the visuals is that they made the show look better than ever, my sole complaint being that the composition of the camera angles and editing, while respectable, did not seem to be the best way to enhance the looks of some of the ladies and/or make them look more like the roles they were playing. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo English using a 224 Kbps bitrate at 48 kHz in both versions. The vocals on the scenes were flat and even in most cases, the voice-overs sounding somewhat warmer in tone and always easier to hear, and the minimal music seemed to come from the stock library used for years by the series. In terms of upgrades then, the visuals got the largest boost by a wide margin with the aural capabilities once again cleaned up but only slightly.

Dylan Ryder

Body of Review: Stuart Canterbury has been working at Hustler Video of late to increase their sheer volume of sitcum hits, the results being they are probably the number one production company in terms of quantity of such movies made. While this hasn't always translated into all of their flicks being of the highest quality, fans seem to appreciate them all the same. Their latest collaboration is for This Ain't Dancing With The Stars XXX, making light of the lame dance show where celebrities are paired off with dancing fools to win acclaim and prizes. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not a fan of the show itself so any of the usual mocking coming out of Hustler's sitcum assembly line will probably be met with amusement and higher ratings, at least so long as the sex warrants it. Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Sindee Jennings with Otto Bauer

Scene One: Kiara Diane, a lean gal with an all natural body, was up first with Randy "David Letterman" Spears, his ability to mimic the late night host less qualified than some of his other comedic efforts. The couple were practicing dancing, his hands all over her, the young lady figuring out a better way to give him some rhythm. They kissed and he pulled her top up, savoring the taste of her titty before going down on her coochie. She had a playful sense about her with regard to doing a guy perhaps three times her age, slobbing his knob actively before likewise riding his pecker vaginally. She was built for sped over comfort and seemed to be having fun, the hairy guy ending it all too early to pump out a load of genetic juice to her chest.

Scarlett Faye and Cody Love

Scene Two: Dylan Ryder, the busty brunette seen on the left hand side of the front cover, was up next on a studio couch with Tony DeSergio, her blue dress from the cover hardly holding her tits at bay. He looked especially lame this time, the pair kissing as she rubbed his pants in just the right spot (causing him to whip out his small dick for her to suck). Her blowjob was just fine but when he reciprocated, it seemed like he was going through the motions, resulting in a few positions of vaginal sex before he relieved himself using his hand to give her a titty pop.

Dylan Riley with Tony DeSergio

Scene Three: Sindee Jennings, the sexy little babe on the right side of the front cover, was up next dancing her way into the heart of egotistical Otto "David Hasselhoff" Bauer. Their tango lacked passion and heat so they needed to get creative, the pair starting out by skipping the dancing in favor of performing sexually for the judges. Sindee's ass was in the air, the gal dropping to her knees to suck him off with an enthusiastic hummer, the judges rubbing themselves as they watched the tryst. That was when the couple switched gears to do the usual bout of vaginal boning, even moving into some 69 where both serviced the other until he was back pounding her pussy for a short time more. It was probably the only "dance" of the show worth mentioning, his ending nut of population pudding going all over her mouth and face.

Scene Four: Cody Love, the major hotty featured on the center of the front cover, was up next with Scarlett "Lindsay Lohan" Faye, in a disco dance practice tape shot during rehearsal (Scarlett walking out on the production as beneath her reputation). While I'm not a big fan of fake tits like the ones Cody had, Scarlett was passionate enough to get her into a bit of a lesbian encounter, the two coming across more as lipstick lesbians (doing "gay for pay") than anything else. The kissing, spanking, and eating out soon petered out and the two were facing a mirror to masturbate next to each other, a better starting than ending point as far as I'm concerned.

Scene Five: Dylan Riley, another cute blond with great curves, was up last with host Eric John in the back room. They called it dancing but she wasted no time wrapping her lips around his microphone, inhaling his pole in between taking lingering licks along the bottom half of his pecker. She took her time to a degree but he wanted to titty fuck her and get down to business, the ride moderately active as he pummeled her pussy. She was best on top of him but got louder when in missionary, the eventual nut pop going to her chest instead of face as most would have done.

Summary: This Ain't Dancing With The Stars XXX by director Stuart Canterbury for Hustler Video had an attractive cast with some passable dialogue (at times) but the fucking always seemed truncated and rarely worked well as part of the show, the scenes usually wedged on as an afterthought so I rated it as a Rent It but check it out if you enjoy the television show because you might gleam more out of it than I did given my dislike of the original show. In short then, This Ain't Dancing With The Stars XXX wasn't the best of the batch from Hustler of late but it showed some potential in terms of the cast that many of you might find appealing.