First Impressions:
Ooowee is a hard title for The Dirge to judge. Bordering somewhere between a pure ass fetish fest with an odd Chubby Chaser dynamic, there are clearly two sexual ideas at play here. One deals exclusively with the stereotypical take on black men and black women. All three male performers give the standard Sir Mix-A-Lot rap about big butts. All five women redefine zaftig in ways that are almost inconceivable. These gals are gifted with large rear ends, but most of that comes from being pleasantly (to rather unpleasantly) plump. This is not meant to be some kind of racial slam, or the inconsiderate characterization of some porn star women of color. These ladies are large in a way that seems unusual for a mainstream XXX entry. While it may be erotic for those inclined to enjoy the apple bottomed aspects presented, others looking for a little funky onion bonanza might be put off. They're not unattractive or unappealing – just unusual within the typical hardcore demographic.

The Sex Scenes:
Size also affects the sex, but its more an issue of range rather than girth. Phashon is not a very imaginative director and he proves this by keeping his actors in very strict, staged routines. Each scene will have some variation of cowgirl, scissors and mish, and there is no violating the backdoor – ever. We do get some slapping, a smidgen of worship, and a few moments of person-to-person byplay. But overall, you're looking at straight fucking captured in a casual, unobtrusive manner. In addition, this release takes its moniker seriously. These remarkably huge bubbles are the focus during most of the action, keeping the camera from focusing on faces – or even worse – the actual penetration. One of our meat puppets can be pounding away like he's trying to jumpstart a Buick, and the lens keeps lingering over a sizable cheek.

Scene 1:Deja Vue, 2 Pop
Acts Performed: Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Face Fucking, Mish, Doggy, Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, Scissors, $hot to Face and Chest
Score: 2 out of 5

With her pierced nipples, decent body, and dunkey derriere, Deja starts this collection off on the right foot. She seems to get along well with our hip-hop hero (love the name – hate the dated bandana look) and once the screwing begins, both performers appear lost in the action. There is a little too much posturing going on (again, it's all because of the fetish focus of the DVD) and some of the positions are held for far too long. Instead of building to a sensational climax, they grow routine and dull.

Scene 2:Maya, 2 Pop
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Scissors, Mish, Doggy, Cowgirl, $hot on Ass
Score: 3 out of 5

It's a shame to say it, but the best actress here is probably the least appealing performer from a sheer attractiveness ideal. Maya looks used, abused, and frequently confused, but when 2 Pop plows her privates, she's a sweaty sleazoid sex machine. Far thinner than the rest of the cast (though she's still a little thick in the middle and end) she argues for what a disc like this could have accomplished. Her desire for dick and the overall passion between these porn paramours is obvious. A few more positions and we'd have one Helluva scene.

Scene 3: Melody Night, Deep Threat
Acts Performed: Masturbation, Tit Fucking, Blowjob, Mish, Cowgirl, Doggy, Scissors, NO MONEY SHOT
Score: 1 out of 5

This is the most disturbing sequence on the entire DVD. We begin with what looks like a POV pick-up. Melody is walking the streets late at night, and Phashon (we only hear his voice) tries to tempt her into a ride. Soon, she's agreeing to hang out in a hotel room for a while, and before we know it – POOF!!! – she's puffing peter like a champion. The uncomfortable fuck and suck goes on for a while (Ms. Night's rotund nature makes her less than flexible), some mediocre piece of man meat named Deep Threat trying everything he can to get off. It clearly doesn't work because the scene fades out BEFORE THE MONEY SHOT! Fans don't want the animated equivalent of a men's magazine – they demand pops. Not a single drop of ball broth flows here, however.

Scene 4: Mz. Pandora, Dwayne Cumminez
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Scissors, Implied V to M, Doggy, Mish, Cowgirl, $hot to Mouth w/Oral Clean-up
Score: 2 out of 5

The combination of Pandora and Dwayne is pretty impressive – at first. The couple seems to get along quite well, and the sex starts off natural and unforced. But as the drilling moves along, we run into a strange section of editing. One moment, our duo is diddling away (Scissors style). The next, we get a completely different set up and some implied V to M. Now, cutting and pasting has a legitimate purpose in porn. It helps hide mistakes, miscues, and the occasional bout of premature man spurt. But this seems more like a cut solely for time, or the removal of something one or both actors didn't want shown. It really undermines the XXX-citement of the sequence.

Scene 5: Thunder Kat, Dwayne Cumminez
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Mish, V to M, Cowgirl, Doggy, Reverse Cowgirl, Scissors, $hot to Mouth
Score: 2 out of 5

Giving Melody a run for her plus-size money, Thunder seems like a nice enough gal. She has a very pretty smile, and carries herself with a nice amount of decorum. But one cannot avoid the fact that she's just way too big – or ignore all the body issues that come with that. Indeed, all throughout Ooowee we get skin tags, fleshtone flaws, and lots of razor burn. Of course, some would argue that this is a way of 'keeping it real', avoiding the surgically enhanced plasticine fakeness of the current batch of smut starlets. But when the camera is constantly focusing on a barely visible vagina, cock being closed off by unavoidable fat, erection potential is greatly diminished – at least in this critic's opinion.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 2 out of 5 (Rent It)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted

It is really hard to write this review and not come off sounding intolerant, pig headed, shallow, or even borderline bigoted. The Dirge holds no personal prejudices, but he did not like the majority of the women featured here. They were too overweight and robotic in their movements, unable to really get into the exploits with full force. Certainly there will be individuals who see their massive thighs, ample bellies, and gargantuan rumps, and scream the title sentiment over and over again. For your regular hardcore fan however, this is a clear case for a Rent It rating. That way, you can decide if it floats your buttocks boat before you plunk down the paper. Couples who may be into such a scene are likely to love this DVD. The action is aggressive without being harsh and the woman are treated almost uniformly with respect and passion. In the world of XXX fixation features Ooowee is way too much of a not necessarily good thing.