Neu Wave Hookers

VCA Pictures

Genre: Vignette

Director: Eon McKai

Cast: Joanna Angel, Kurt Lockwood, Riley Mason, James Deen, Sierra Sinn, Tommy Pistol, Dana DeArmond, Nyomi Zen, Felix Vicious, Justine Joli, Tiger

Non-Sex Roles by: Dirty Harry, Veronica Hart, Cricket Suicide, Vena Virago, Johnny 2.0

Length: 146 minutes

Date of Production: 9/9/2005

Extras: For most people, the edited version of the porn classic New Wave Hookers, starring Ginger Lynn Allen, will be the best extra. The edited portion of the movie was the infamous Traci Lords scene but having seen it several times before it was pulled from the shelves 20 years ago, I can state that the commentary track contributors either never saw that scene or were full of shit since it was blazing hot enough for me to remember even now (and superior to anything in this flick). It looked poorly mastered with drop outs, compression artifacts, and a grainy, washed out look (I saw it when it came out folks and it looked better than this) but still served as a reminder of a day long ago when porn was in flux as video swept away the vestiges of the pretentious film used previously. I also liked the audio commentary where many of the cast and crew contributed random, if sometimes drunk sounding, comments as the movie proceeded. It was recorded on 12/27/2005 and was among the most interesting, if contentious, parts of the DVD set. The ladies seemed the most intelligent and interesting to listen too but check it out nonetheless as it offered up a time capsule of information on the movie. The 26.5 minute long Behind the Scenes feature directed by Alice Suicide was noteworthy for how low quality it looked, lending an air of a home movie presentation, but also coming across like it was less prefabricated than most BTS features I've seen. While I like the usual gloss the traditional ones offer, I like the raw edge that this one had too (seeming less scripted if nothing else). There was less nudity and sex than I want to see in them but it offered something up that the movie tried for and often failed at, giving a bit of replay value. This was followed by a whole lot of photogalleries for the movie and the female performers as well as a very short, 1.5 minute Blooper reel from scene five where Kurt's anal limits were met. There were trailers to Kill Girl Kill 1, Kill Girl Kill 2, and Kill Girl Kill 3, and Art School Sluts (Was that one any good? I love seeing Katja Kassin but given Eon's directorial evolution, I'm not willing to drop the cash to see it.) and a 5.5 minute Making of feature that seemed a lot more like another, shorter BTS feature than anything else as the sets and other aspects of the shoot came out. The three disc set was put together with a folding DVD case that was actually very nice, having a cardboard sleeve or dustcover like some mainstream deluxe sets.

Note: There is a highly collectable Neu Wave Hookers Dub Plate limited edition floating around the internet that was made available as a marketing gimmick just before the movie was released. It had the full scene two and a couple of music videos from the show (songs: Breaking & Entering, Sad Eyes, and Playground). There was also a piece of audio commentary during the opening menu that lasted 3.5 minutes between a couple of gals talking about their tricks. If you get your hands on a copy, keep it since it seems to be desired by a lot of people.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Neu Wave Hookers was presented in the original 1.85:1 ratio anamorphic widescreen color it was shot in by director Eon McKai for release by VCA Pictures. Anyone that has watched the handful of releases by this director over the last year or so will know what to expect in terms of style over substance. While in what I'll refer to here as "traditional porn" the goal is usually to make sure the lighting, camera angles, and action follow certain standards that allow people to get off with, Eon's goal is more designed to make a statement. What that statement is exactly, I have little idea, but I will say that if you're unfamiliar with his style, you'll probably find yourself either loving or hating it with little middle ground. The camera work seemed to flirt with an amateur look far too often for my tastes, with a great many shots that would have been edited had anyone else been directing the movie. The composition of the shots was rarely such to enhance the look of the gals and make them look their best but in terms of fleshtones, it looked very accurate in most scenes. Further, the visual pacing of the scenes was often lacking for me but I'm used to longer scenes in my preferred porn. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo but the vocals seemed to have far less emphasis in most scenes than the music. Thankfully, while many of the songs were definitely an acquired taste, at least a couple of them were really pretty worthy of attention. In general, the songs by the band Dirty Sanchez were pretty solid, certainly better than average for a porno (in an industry where droning music has been the standard for decades, this was a nice alternative to some of the more technically better music of other high end releases). The only separation between the channels was with the music and the dynamic range wasn't anything special but it did okay in this sense.

Body of Review: Eon McKai is perhaps the most controversial porn director outside of the ones that provide rough sex (like Max Hardcore, Rob Black, Mason, and a few others). The main controversy is that he hawks a supposedly "alternative" form of porn that is largely focused on garage band music, fast edits like you'd see on an MTV video (without the gloss though), and a specific "look" for the gals that leans towards those that would be called "goth chicks" if they were still in high school. This so-called "alt-porn" provides a raw look at the perverted ramblings of Eon's mind though porn historians can look back to the 1970's and 1980's to see numerous examples of this kind of "art porn" that is low on stroke value but often high on visual appeal for those that think they're above porn in some way. Having some background watching most of Eon's past works (Kill Girl Kill 1, Kill Girl Kill 2, and Kill Girl Kill 3), I can safely say that as long as you aren't looking for porn to masturbate with (which is the point of virtually all porn by the way), his movies do offer something different. Well, in yet another advance by the aging director, he re-envisions a porn classic that most of you have probably not legally watched uncut since it came out over twenty years ago to offer it as Neu Wave Hookers.

For those unfamiliar with the original, it was about a couple of guys who wanted to become pimps so they could roll in cash and pussy (sounds like a couple of fine entrepreneurs to me). The biggest historical footnote of the movie was that it contained a scene with the infamous Traci Lords, a gal the Meese Commission found to be under the legal age, causing a shockwave that almost destroyed the industry in the very conservative 1980's. The remake is more of an offshoot in that it deals with a group of slutty gals that stumble across an early VHS deck and stash of porn tapes at a garage sale. They watch the original, uncut movie and seem to reenact the scenes in more modernistic fashion, tipping the hat to the flick more than a few times but always staying well within the boundaries established by the director. The upside of the movie is that Eon's technical skill grows with each flick and that continued here, but also that fans of the cast will almost certainly appreciate how they stayed in their usual personas with the minimal dialogue presented. That said, here's a look at the scenes of the show, noting that condoms weren't used and that the music was central to the entire show:

Scene One: Joanna Angel, perhaps the leading female figure in the so-called "alt-porn" movement these days, was up first with Kurt Lockwood in a cramped club scene. They felt each other up before she gave him a short though energetic blowjob which led to him giving her some oral loving too. He fingered her and she returned the favor by jamming her finger inside his ass before doing some salad tossing (rimming his ass) that probably reminded him of a smaller version of all the other things that have found his ass in the past. They screwed vaginally and anally with a lot of variation in the quality of the picture; her showing a bit of energy in a couple of positions (her on top) but otherwise acting like a lazy piece of ass. I've never found passive gals to be sexually exciting though others may enjoy it more than I did. In the anal, she was especially lame and only did a little before he popped a small load onto her face.

Scene Two: Riley Mason, another brunette with even leaner limbs (skinny for those who miss the point), was up next on a backyard swing set. It wasn't shot outside though James Deen looked in his mid twenties while she barely looked 21 this time. Her hair was a mess and she looked much like a generic hooker from a large metropolitan area (she looked far better during the 2006 AEE Show); perhaps worth a point for accuracy in casting. Her oral was better than Joanna's in the first scene so I was sure she had the experience gained from hundreds of dicks in her mouth in the past. He then bent her over and boned her pussy in a tame bit of action until she started bouncing on his rod as though she actually liked it. She did some PTM (pussy to mouth) between the scenes and the couple appeared to have some chemistry together (something missing in most of the other scenes sadly enough). He splooged on her face at the end and she licked his penis clean as she looked at the camera yet again. If any scene in the movie had replay value, this was it for a host of reasons, though it wasn't her best scene to date.

Scene Three: Sierra Sinn, other gal that fits the mold of the cast, was up next with Tommy Pistol and James Deen in a small red room. The music video aspect of this one where the guys lip synch was a riot the first two times I watched it, though I think my appreciation for the song itself was part of the response I was having. Sexually, the oral was okay but she wasn't very enthusiastic as they took turns screwing her; especially in the DP where her over-the-top vocals she gave really came across as faked. She has shown some substantial potential in past scenes but the stylish limitations of the movie really hurt this one a great deal. The guys ended this one by jerking off to her face, furthering the links to what Eon and his following would call "traditional porn" rather than try something truly alternative.

Scene Four: Dana DeArmond, looking kind of chunky compared to most of the ladies of the cast, wore a blonde wig as she read lines during a fake porn scene copying the original, now edited, scene with Traci Lords from the 1985 classic. Tommy Pistol was as funny here as in the video scene part, but as far as the sex went; let's just say that Dana was no Traci and Tommy was no Rick Cassidy. While Dana claimed in the audio commentary that this was the result of "ten years" of experience sucking dick, I wonder if she realizes that a million years of poorly sucking dick isn't as valuable as a few good lessons properly executed. For her part, he wasn't seeming to be having a great time so she didn't have much to work with but this blowjob only scene kind of sucked (in a bad way at that) and seemed almost a thematic slam to the porn industry traitor from the original flick.

Scene Five: Nyomi Zen, a lean Asian gal, Riley Mason, the brunette goth gal, and effeminate Kurt Lockwood, were up next in a bedroom scene that sort of took a scene from the original and turned it around too (something kind of true of most of the scenes). Nyomi was the sexual aggressor of the flick, licking Kurt's ass and later fingering it very hard, while Riley sucked him off. For the record, Kurt taking a gal's fingers up his ass doesn't make him gay any more than his preference for having gals lick his backdoor. Others would point out his off-screen gay for pay antics do this but again, I'd suggest that would only be the case if he enjoyed or preferred sex with males so leave the guy alone for this particular act if you want to be fair. The strength of the scene was the oral antics by the gals though overall, it was okay in terms of him boning Riley's pussy. His load was probably the biggest of the movie for those who equate size of load with how great a scene is but it was another scene lacking replay value.

Scene Six: Felix Vicious, Justine Joli, Tiger, Joanna Angel, and Riley Mason, were up last in the lesbian orgy scene in the main room on the couch. Felix and Justine looked great here and the others were probably looking the best they did anywhere else in the movie though I sensed a wavering amount of chemistry and skill between the couplings here. There was a bunch of toy use though oral was certainly the prevalent sexual activity used by the ladies. There have been so many good lesbian movies coming out lately that a scene really has to show energy, passion, and chemistry to trip my trigger and for all the potential this scene had going in; it came across as another scene too much like the kind of porn your father enjoys over anything advertising itself as "alternative". None of the ladies were individually at fault here but they lost me early on with the way they went through the motions most of the time here.

Summary: Neu Wave Hookers has been described in many ways since it first came out. On the commentary, it was said to be "a big scam like The Producers", porn gurus like Roger have expressed their distain for the flick by saying "Wow, did that suck." and "This is porn made for and by people who hate porn and aren't very fond of sex." Den, another legend in the porn commentary world suggested it as "The early favorite for the worst feature of 2006" and our own Mooninite said that "It all comes together as a completely overindulgent exercise in style over sexy substance and if it's all flash and lights and smoke and mirrors, so much the better." (though he also said it was "a completely refreshing breath of fresh air in what is sometimes a very stagnant and redundant industry."). When you get such wide disparities from respected sources, can you truly say that the show isn't worth at least renting? In that sense, just as anal addicts would find Obsession more interesting than those who aren't into anal, and fans of tranny sex would like She Said Blow Me 3 more than those of us into women would; I think Neu Wave Hookers will be at least worthy of being rated Recommended (yet too much of the sex seemed weak for me to appreciate and I hate to project too much). The extras weren't even close to being in the same league as Camp Cuddly Pines though I appreciated the inclusion of the original movie (in its edited form of course) but they seemed to be a couple of steps in the right direction for VCA Pictures. Overall, I'd say this was definitely not the kind of porn your father used to watch, nor will most regular consumers of modern porn find it strokable, but as a form of entertainment, it had some merit beyond the sexual boundaries that the industry has established. In that sense, I liken it to going to small boutique art galleries where the crowds seem more intent on verbally tearing apart the pieces on the wall to establish their own superiority, showing little understanding of art or the appreciation of art in the process. Eon regularly seems to show distain for the porn industry with his works but I'll give him credit for doing it in a more interesting manner than many of his self-hating peers. Check this one out and I hope you'll see what I mean (and let me know if you agree that it's the "ultimate fuck you to the world" as described on the Dub Plate).