The Movie:

This effort from 1975 stars a young and not so coked out John Holmes and as such, is probably better known than it would be otherwise. Directed by one Michael Minghia and written by Mr. Dick Gross, the rather amusing opening credits, which play out like newspaper ads, lead into a scene where a narrator talks over footage of a man named Ronnie Gibbs (credited as Peter Boll) talks to us about a personal ad he answered posted by 'The Queen of Sex' (played by Claire and Connie Krumpet). He calls her up to see if she's game and she invites him over to her place. While she talks, a dude and a chick are fucking missionary style on the bed behind her but this doesn't last very long.

Ronnie heads over to Cyndee's place and she invites him in, gets him a drink and explains the rules to him. Her tits are hanging out and his bald spot is massive, but not quite as massive as his bad ass sideburns. She explains to him that she's challenging him to a duel of sex in which they make love by the minute. If she hollers out first, she loses, if he hollers out first, he loses and whoever loses has to pay the winner five dollars a minute. He seems to think that this is a 'helluva deal' and so off they go to the bedroom where they make out and fondle one another. She sucks his cock and he goes down on her and then fucks her missionary style. She flips him over and rides him cowgirl style and then reverse cowgirl style and then they go back to exchanging oral favors. He climbs on top of her and then pulls out to blow his load on her stomach, but she wants more and sucks him off again. Once he's hard they go at it again and he shoots on her stomach again, after which, again, she sucks him hard until he can fuck her and blow a third load on her stomach, after which he's spent. She adds up the bill and he owes her $375, which he isn't too stoked about. Regardless, he tells his penis 'Take a look at that, cockhead, that's an expensive piece of ass.' Talking to your penis is always a good idea.

Ronnie heads into a bar for a beer and meets a sailor named B.C. Hazzard (John Holmes) who buys him a beer by summoning a waitress he refers to as 'cute ass.' The men sip their adult beverages and discuss 'cute ass' and her cold demeanor. Holmes laments the fact that she's just not interested in him until he mentions his giant cock, which he whips out at the table Once she gets a look at it, she changes her mind and gives him head while Holmes enjoys a smoke and Ronnie explains to her about the Queen of Sex and her game.

Ronnie and Mr. Hazzard head back to the Queen's house where they all have a drink. Holmes and the Queen hit the bedroom where they undress. She sucks him to a quick finish but he gets hard again and does her missionary style and then cowgirl style before she puts her mouth back to work on him again. They go at it missionary style, doggy style, and then missionary again until he shoots on her tits. We see her head into a room where her twin sister waits and they talk. At this point we realize she's running a scam. The unsatisfied sister takes the other one's place and figures she can outfuck him but Holmes, who tells her his dick is fourteen inches, is up for more action. They go at it and then Ronnie realizes the scam they've pulled on him - at which point he gets his money back, and then they all bust out the champagne and have a three-way until she cries uncle. The end.

Made fast and cheap with little regard to, well, much of anything, this is a sloppy film but a fun one regardless. The dialogue has that awesome improvised feel that makes these low budget quickies so much fun and you definitely get the feeling that the entire cast was just making stuff up as they went along. The sex isn't particularly erotic nor is it very well shot and much of the footage repeats itself, but those who dig the 'so bad it's good' aspect of seventies porn will definitely enjoy this one.

The DVD

Video:

This fullframe transfer, which appears to present the film in its original aspect ratio, looks okay for an old XXX film from 1970 something, looks surprisingly good. There are some specks here and there as well as a moderate amount of grain but this looks to be a film sourced transfer and not a VHS or tape source. The unfortunate decision to add a 'Copyright VCX 2008' bug in the bottom of the image during a few key scenes is also a strike against the disc, as it is a little annoying when it continues to pop up (it rears its ugly head at least three times), but other than that, the interlaced transfer is acceptable even if colors are a bit faded and the darker scenes lose a fair bit of fine detail.

Sound:

The Dolby Digital Mono soundtrack, dubbed into English, is a little muffled and not of the best quality, but again, it's taken from an older source so the limitations of the era's technology are going to be there when that's the case. Dialogue is pretty easy to understand, however, and the background music comes through reasonably clear. There aren't a lot of sound effects used in the film, mostly just some random moaning and groaning during the action scenes and these are handled just fine, as are the talkier bits of the movie.

Extras:

Four bonus scenes kick off the supplements, starting with a clip from Trinity Brown that begins with that film's opening credits before hitting a strip club called Torchys where Joey Silvera is watching a blonde shake her money maker. They wind up back at an apartment where she gives him head before he fucks her missionary style wearing some bad ass fingerless leather gloves. He bones her doggy style and then pops between her tits. The second clip is from Here Comes The Bride and it starts off with five minutes or so of snow shoveling. Really. Eventually a pair of dudes double team a chick wearing lingerie on the kitchen island. Dude #1 comes in her mouth while dude #2 fucks her doggy style and then comes on her ass cheeks. The Joy Of Fooling Around is up next, showcasing a scene that begins with nudist paddle ball before segueing into a scene where a guy with shaggy hair rapes a cute blonde in the bedroom. Poorly dubbed, this might have been disturbing in its original language but here is more comedic than anything else and the piano music, which definitely has a romantic slant to it, doesn't help. He comes on her stomach and then slides it back in for seconds as the scene ends. The last clip is from Pleasure Palace, a Carter Stevens film with an A-list cast including Jamie Gillis who makes it on the couch with a blonde chick played by Serena. After they talk for a few minutes she sucks him off and then he fucks her doggy style and missionary style before pulling out and blowing his load into her mouth.

Rounding out the extras are trailers are a picture of the original box art, a slideshow featuring some production stills and glamour shots of the cast in action, and trailers for Pleasure Palace, Little Angel Puss, Here Comes The Bride and The Other Side Of Julie as well as some animated menus, scene selection and a web-link.

Final Thoughts:

If you're looking for dumb entertainment rather than erotic satisfaction, Personal Services fits the bill just fine. The sex is fairly lame but the movie is funny, even if most of the time, it's for all the wrong reasons. Cal Vista's restored DVD looks about as good as you can really expect it to and this one is worth a look for fans of odd vintage porno. Recommended.