Connie & Floyd

Reviewed on: January 12, 2010
NSFW.ARMY

Release date:
January 1, 1970

The Movie:

Connie & Floyd is a pretty goofy knock off of Bonnie And Clyde, sans the violence, talented directing, believable acting and noticeable production values. What it lacks in, well, everything, it at least attempts to make up for with a fair amount of hardcore fucking featuring seventies super slut Sandy Dempsey, but that's not really enough to make this hour long hatchet job any better of a film. That said, as terrible as it is, it's fun in the way that only authentic, low budget, bottom of the barrel seventies hardcore can be.

When the movie begins, our titular characters are driving around talking a lot. Not much is happening until Floyd decides to drive his old car while Connie gives him head, more or less off camera. He doesn't finish, instead they go rob a bank, which also happens off screen, and then skip off, holding hands, through the desert. They wind up at Floyd's hideout, which is little more than a shanty near a water fall. They drink some booze and talk flapper talk, using lots of bad clichés and uttering a lot of gibberish between the two of them. They find a mattress in the corner of the frame of the shanty and Connie's pants come off. Or her dress comes up. Either way, there's bush to be viewed for the first time since the movie started. They strip, with Connie leaving her hat on, Clyde too, because their mobster types, right? And mobster types only bump uglies with their hats on. Clyde also shows off his new shoulder holster before Connie lays him down and sucks him off causing him to utter 'Girl, I like this' with a bad Southern drawl. It takes Clyde a while to sport wood but once he does, Connie hops on top and rides him cowgirl style. He flips her over and gives it to her missionary style, and then pulls out and unloads on her pubic mound.

The pair go for a walk and then start to fucking again when Clyde's pal George shows up with three chicks. He didn't realize that Clyde was entertaining a lady friend and figured he'd surprise him with some bonus poon and some fresh moonshine. Everyone passes the bottle around and soon enough, the new guests are getting naked and frolicking. Clyde is pretty into this but Connie's not so sure and when Clyde heads off for some solo time with a brunette no one has ever heard from or seen since this movie was shot, jealousy gets the best of her. Clyde, on the other hand, lets his new pal suck his cock and ride him cowgirl style while outside George is getting double teamed by a blonde and a brunette who seem pretty into blowing him and taking turns riding his prick. Clyde heads out to where the three way just ended and everyone bickers eventually spurring Clyde and George to go look for more booze. While they're off on the hunt, the girls fool around only to get interrupted by the Sheriff and his hillbilly pal. They surprise the girls and force them to give them head, and then Connie reappears out of nowhere, sans clothes but packing a double barrel which sends Johnny Law and his hick pal a running... once the girls have had their fun with them that is.

All seems to be well until the Sheriff returns, this time with some loaded firearms, and he takes George and some of George's surprise poon girls out in a firefight for the ages. Connie and Floyd, back in love once more, decide to get the fuck out of Dodge and hop in his car to make their getaway. They run into car trouble sooner rather than later, however, but rather than fix the car they decide to fuck out in the dirt. The make out session turns hot and heavy and there's more oral action and some cowgirl style bumping and grinding. Shortly after Floyd pulls out and busts a nut, the posse show up and open fires. I'll let you figure out the rest.

Directed by Gene Knowland in 1973 (his only known credit, go figure), the only recognizable participant in this production is Ms. Dempsey and she's given a fair bit of screen time here which should please her fans. The acting is atrocious all the way across the board and the soundtrack, which might sound familiar to seventies cinema fans, is way too high in the mix and poorly timed with the on screen action. The plot is dumb to a point and the whole thing looks like it was shot in about three hours for about fifty bucks. That said, as a cult movie, as one of those 'wow, who decided that making this was a good idea?' sort of films, it's not without its charm. Just be forewarned before you plunk down for this one that it's about as sexy as a turd and equally intelligent. And why is the Connie character on the front cover illustrated as a broad with long blonde hair instead of a gal with shot dark hair? And why is the car red instead of black? And why is a picnic basket featured so prominently on the cover but not in the movie? Oh so many questions, and so precious few answers to them.

The DVD

Video:

This fullframe transfer, which appears to present the film in its original aspect ratio, looks washed out and faded. The interlaced image was taken from a tape source, you can see tracking lines more than a few times, and there are compression artifacts scattered throughout, which is quite irritating considering that the feature runs just a few seconds shy of an hour. Colors are washed out, skin tones are generally white rather than flesh colored, and detail is very, very soft. It's watchable, but not much more than that.

Sound:

The Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround Sound soundtrack is a little muffled and not of the best quality, but again, it's taken from an older source so the limitations of the era's technology are going to be there when that's the case. Dialogue is pretty easy to understand, however, and the background music comes through reasonably clear. There aren't a lot of sound effects used in the film, mostly just some random moaning and groaning during the action scenes and these are handled just fine, as are the talkier bits of the movie. There's very little surround activity here, it's a front heavy mix that doesn't sound too far off from an old Mono track, but 5.1 is what it says on the packaging, on the receiver, and on PowerDVD so 5.1 it is.

Extras:

Aside from some tacky animated menus, VCX has included four bonus scenes, the first of which is from Pleasure Palace (10:44) and in it Jamie Gillis boffs Serena after she gives him head while some wonky disco fuzz plays in the background. The second clip is from Pussycat Ranch (16:54) and in it Eric Edwards comes to a house where he finds Arcadia Lake. They make out, some disco music swells up on the soundtrack, and he sucks her tits and eats her out. She gives him head and then he fucks her missionary style and then from behind until he finishes. The third clip is from Untamed Passions (8:47) and it features Paul Thomas and Danielle. They're in the living room hanging out and they head into the bedroom where she puts on some slinky lingerie. He eats her out and she sits on his face and then they move into a sixty-nine. She rides him reverse cowgirl and then he fucks her doggy style until she strokes him off all over her ass cheeks. The fourth and final scene is from Cotton Candy (11:12) and it showcases Ron Jeremy getting his dick sucked under the boardwalk by a black chick named Sahara.

Rounding out the extras are trailers for Extreme Facials, Private Moments, Swedish Sorority Girls, and The Second Coming Of Eva , and the Legendary Tribute montage of vintage adult movie clips as well as some animated menus (which use a nice font obviously inspired by The Godfather).

Final Thoughts:

Connie & Floyd doesn't look very good at all and it sounds only marginally better. The extras are identical to those found on a few other Cal Vista Classic remasters and this disc really doesn't have much going for it at all. That said, there's enough screwy, borderline retarded charm in the feature that, while smut aficionados probably won't want much to do with it, cult film buffs who can appreciate movies that are so bad they're good might just find it amusing. For that reason, consider it as a rental.