First Impressions:
David Stanley should just go ahead and make mainstream movies. His adult film dynamic is so out of whack with what the rest of the industry is doing that he becomes more of an outsider with every new release. It's definitely true in the case of this film. In essence, Lady of the Evening is a goofy coming of age comedy starring a middle aged porn star as the fuck and suck equivalent of Eddie Deezen. The reliable Randy Spears plays a nutty nebbish who goes whacko every time he eats sugar. It causes him to hallucinate badly, and it's these vice-driven visions that propel the plotline. In addition, Spears' next door neighbor, played by an oddly uncredited Eric Masterson, is a Canadian crackpot with an accent so thick he makes Bob and Doug MacKenzie sound like Bob Dole. Both are part of a hilarious exchange involving sweetener, sex, and a couple of decidedly Asian Swedish bikini models. In another unusual move, star Jenna Presley doesn't show up until an hour into the movie, and then she just fucks Spears before disappearing into the background. As a comedy, Lady of the Evening is weirdly humorous. Spears is always willing to make fun of his mature macho image. Presley manages to get off a classic porn line reading as well ("Gimme Weenie!"). But there is an issue with all this legitimacy, and it strikes right at the heart of the libido.

The Sex Scenes:
Here's the downside to David Stanley's advancing auteurism – the sex scenes featured are only slightly above average. Indeed, if they manage more than two positions, and exceed ten minutes in length individually, they're going great gonzo guns. In fact, it's interesting to see the rating on the DVD cover art is listed as "X" only. No hardcore highlighting trio of letters – just the sole, single consonant. Adult film fans should take heed from such an advertising heads-up. This is Skinemax level lewdness, made smutty by the inclusion of erect penis and penetration. Had Stanley simply masked off the dicking, we'd have one of those classic softcore comedies that the cable channel occasionally specializes in. So if you want intense tool time, slip on over to the Evil Angel aisle. This is good stuff, it's just not grossly gratuitous.

Scene 1:Tyler Faith, Chris Cannon
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Cunnilingus, Fingering, V to M, Reverse Cowgirl, Doggy, $hot in Mouth
Score: 2 out of 5

As part of Spears first post-chocolate binge hallucination, we see Chris and Tyler talking about the love life. Then we see them shut up and get to the slap and tickle. Ms. Faith is quite fetching and she does enjoy blowing Mr. Cannon's man meat with great vigor. Sadly, the scene seems to wind up and pop before it really gets started. That will be par for the pornographic course throughout the entire running time of Lady of the Evening. Just when we feel the action getting hot and heavy, our dude's deliver their dick draft and it's on to more plot.

Scene 2:Daisy Marie, Derrick Pierce
Acts Performed: Cabaret, Cunnilingus, Face Sitting, Blowjob, Reverse Cowgirl, $hot in Mouth, Oral Clean-up
Score: 2 out of 5

In another odd directing choice, Stanley employs sexual stand-ins for Spears and Ms. Delia (who plays his long suffering yet loving wife) during a memory of their honeymoon in Hawaii. We even get the clever line "we were hardly ourselves back then". As for the performances of Daisy and Derrick, this is your typical petite gal/pumped up man dynamic, massive cock cramming its way into Ms. Marie's tiny twat. In a novel bit of oral action, our actress sits on her partner's prepared face, and we get to see HIS tongue-stud work overtime on her clit. It's a very surreal situation. Sadly, the lack of positions really undermines this sequence. Daisy and Derrick have definite chemistry and instead of serving the story, Mr. Stanley should have simply let them play and party.

Scene 3: Mia Smiles, Mika Tan, Eric Masterson
Acts Performed: Sugar Licking, Foreplay, Blowjob, Cunnilingus, Face Sitting, Tongue Fucking, Cowgirl, Alternating V to M, Reverse Cowgirl, $hot in Mouths, Snowballing
Score: 2.5 out of 5

As one of the truly gifted comedians in porn (along with Spears and Evan Stone) Eric Masterson's turn as a goofy Great White North numbskull is priceless. There is a madcap moment when his accent goes so overboard that he holds on to a hilarious hoser "EH?" for what seems like hours. Intercut with Spears own elongated response, we have one of the funniest moments in the history of semi-hardcore. As for the threesome between our crazy Canuck and the Polynesian pretties, it's pretty tame stuff. The gals go Sappho for a short amount of time before taking turns on Eric's solid shaft. All tongue fucking aside, this is still a decent scene, made a little more moody by the decision to film it in a darkened dining room. The only visible light comes from a rising moon, adding a nice ambience to the action.

Scene 4: Jamie Presley, Marcus London
Acts Performed: Blowjob, 69, $hot in Mouth
Score: 1.5 out of 5

Something tells the Dirge that Mr. London is either a friend of the filmmaker, or a just starting out suitcase pimp preparing to make his way into the world of Wicked Pictures. Whatever the case may be, our erect Englishman gets a limited moment of oral only satisfaction, something that no amount of Ms. Presley performance can salvage. Even the 69 seems static and staged. For all their palpable passion, this pair puts on a rather routine carnal clinic.

Scene 5: Jamie Presley, Randy Spears
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Foot Job, Cunnilingus, Cowgirl, Doggy, Reverse Cowgirl, V to M, $hot to Mouth
Score: 3 out of 5

The second best scene in the entire film is also the moment we've been waiting to witness for nearly an hour. As soon as Randy's pants come down and Ms. Presley is lunching on his log, we discover the XXX heart at the center of this triple 'P' product. With a dynamic that is supposed to suggest a stunted man finally coming out of his sexual shell, and a nice collection of unusual (foot job) and typical (reverse cowgirl) takes, this is a near perfect porno pairing. There is one moment in particular, when Spears is screwing Jamie from behind, when the full mantle of his manliness pushes Ms. Presley over the edge. The look on her face could definitely launch a thousand...loads.

Scene 6: Donna Delia, Randy Spears
Acts Performed: Foreplay, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Ball Sucking, Stairwell Mish, Tit Fucking, $hot on Tits
Score: 3 out of 5

Even better is this outdoor sequence showing our married couple happy and humping. Ms. Delia does have a horrible boob job though, a chest dynamic resembling two carefully carved cantaloupe halves, varnished to a nicely tanned brown, and stuck directly in the middle of her mini-torso. When Randy tries to work them, it's like he's trying to handle hardened clay. Luckily, the pair does more pounding than putzing around. There is a particularly effective moment when Donna, straddling an exterior staircase, let's Randy fuck her Standing Mish style. It's incredibly erotic, and Stanley's camera does a terrific job of picking up the action. After nearly 90 minutes of middling meat puppetry, these last two scenes show why Mr. Spears is still a sought after talent in the world of wantonness.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 2.5 out of 5 (Recommended)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted

It's hard to fault Lady of the Evening and it's inventive creator for trying to push porn into a more mainstream and acceptable light. We get lots of condom talk, arguments over the difference between sex, emotion and morality, and a clear comedic bent that is obviously meant to lessen the shock of actual onscreen sex. Heck, if John Cameron Mitchell can do it, why can't one of adult entertainment's most gifted filmmakers. Easily earning a Recommended rating for reasons both carnal and comic, this is a fun little slice of fuck and suck silliness. Undoubtedly aimed at married and couples, a Cohabitation Certification is more or less a given. Indeed, David Stanley should consider abandoning purposeful pounding and, instead, go the Indie auteur route. Here's betting he'd hit the big time before long.