First Impressions:
Passion is the key to successful smut, or at least, that's part of the Dirge's XXX theorizing. For him, the actors must seem comfortable and engaged, not distant and disturbed, for the helping of hardcore to avoid being mechanical. So many people are willing to screw onscreen today that you get a lot of porn whores - individuals doing it for the buck, not the fuck. In truth, that may be the way all adult entertainers view the business, but some can actually convince us of their love of the act as well as the greenback. Almost all the actors and actresses here have that capacity; it's just that, sometimes, they are paired improperly, or don't connect the way they should. The result is a title that starts off terrific and kind of peters out from there.

The Sex Scenes:
Pornocopia is a perfect example of the law of diminishing suck and fuck returns. The movie begins hot and steamy and ends up being diddled away by some flirt with a hand up her own skirt. And another thing. Most of the men are rather limited in the dick department, meaning that they aren't packing Lee Stone sized meat. They are average to just a little above, and it's rather disconcerting at first. After all, we're used to seeing guys with glands the size of Excalibur cleaving the cunt. Here, it's just a regular rod doing the duty...most of the time. This is the sampling of snatch and small shaft we get:

Scene 1: Veronika Raquel, Justin Maxxx
Acts Performed: Cabaret, Masturbation, Fingering, V to M, Kissing, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Reverse Cowgirl, Doggy, $hot inside Vagina (!!!), Cream Pie, Oral Clean-up
Score: 4 out of 5

In a very sensual setting, Veronika is the "Goddess of the Bog" (each scene has a subtitle) and as she lies around in the water, getting to know her groin, there is a lot of smoke and post-production color enhancement done to the sequence. It makes for a very erotic come-on, and the excess of body glitter aside (even Justin is decked out in a little skin art) this is one smoldering sex session. As stated before, there is palpable passion between the performers, a real sense that they are getting into each other, not just the paycheck at the end of the day. Veronika really sells the XXX action, and Justin has enough moves to keep up with her in body and spirit. Overall, this is the very best that Pornocopia can provide - and it's pretty good. Sadly, it's all down hill from here.

Scene 2: Keeani Lei, Little Diva, Jack Init
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Fingering, 69, Doggy, Taffy Pulling, Cowgirl, Mish, Anal Pile Driver, Gratuitous Little Diva Toy Action, Anal Scissors, V to M, $hot in Mouth
Score: 3 out of 5

One of the oddest aspects of this entire set is someone called Little Diva. An African American midget who seems purposefully placed in scenes for comic relief, she is kind of funny - especially when she's drilling her own loins with a toy twice as big as she is. While Keeani and Jack get friendly on the sofa, our lewd lady of color watches with binoculars from a hotel room across the way. As they get heated, so does she, grabbing at her clothes, and then herself, with wild abandon. You don't know whether to snicker or satisfy yourself - or both. Again, the ardor between the key players is pretty intense, with Ms.Lei more animated than Mr. Init. Still, they offer up a decent dude and dame diversion, something the rest of the set will have trouble providing.

Scene 3: Hailey Young, Tony Armanno
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Kissing, Foreplay, Cunnilingus, Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, Spoon, Doggy, $hot on Ass
Score: 3 out of 5

It's the 60s - supposedly - and Tony picks up sweet hitchhiker Hailey. Before you know it, the Volkswagon van is parked alongside the seashore and the couple is copulating like it's the Free Love Decade all over again. There is some lame body painting involved (ugh!) and Mr. Armanno wears what has to be a dead monkey pelt on his head for a hippy wig. Still, there is some scintillating sex in between all the era referencing, and we even get a moment or two of 'Hell-ya' van rocking for our money. Overall, this duo deploys the last good hardcore sequence in the set. The rest of the smut will be spoiled by same sex shenanigans, solo boat floating and one really old actor...

Scene 4: Felicia Flint, Little Diva, Lars
Acts Performed: Kissing, Blowjob, Tit Sucking, Cunnilingus, Fingering, Doggy, Cowgirl, $hot in Mouth, Oral Clean-up
Score: 2.5 out of 5

...and LARS is the groan-inducing geezer's name. In a Greek/Roman classical setting, he gets to wet his wicket in the outwardly disinterested Felicia. She probably was expecting someone a little younger as her mighty meat puppet. Anyway, Little Diva is around again to play Cupid, shooting arrows from her diminutive perch and occasionally prancing around in a suggestive little angel outfit. The whole scene really goes nowhere, and we wonder why the positions are so paltry and incredibly limited. Then we see the crevice-sized crow's feet around Lars's eyes and the answer becomes clear.

Scene 5: Candi Apple, Keanni Lei, Little Diva
Acts Performed: Candy Cane Masturbation, V to M, Cunnilingus, Fingering, Gratuitous Little Diva Toy Sequence, Advanced Lesbianism, Toy Time, 69
Score: 2 out of 5

Same sex scenes suck - it's been said before, and it will be said again. Only a few actresses can pull off a lesbian hoedown and still give the Dirge a suggestion of a stiffee. Candi and Keeani try (Little Diva just stands around on the outskirts, handing out dildos) but they just don't deliver. Only the opening 'sugar rush' gives us anything novel or inventive. The rest is pussy piercing and vibrator variables. While not a complete and utter snooze fest, it is pretty damn close.

Scene 6: Danni
Acts Performed: Cabaret, Masturbation, Fingering, V to M, Toy Time
Score: 1 out of 5

Officially called a BONUS scene during the film (read: needed to expand the running time), Danni gets all DiVinyls on us and touches herself incessantly. It is neither entertaining nor interesting. Heck, it's barely pornography - it takes this gal a long time to get her fingers to do the wicked walking.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 3 out of 5 (Recommended)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted
For the first few scenes alone, this DVD is easily Recommended - nothing more than that, but a first rate collection of carnality nonetheless. It's just too bad that in this grab bag of balling there had to be the solo sequence and the girl-on-girl action. Neither provided a single second of Eros, and both brought the overall score down substantially. Also, why advertise a little person performer and use her for nothing other than giggles and the occasional perverted pratfall. Little Diva deserves better, and so do we. Pornocopia is a potpourri of pleasures. It's also a hodgepodge of problems as well.