The Movie:

An early shot on video porno with a plot, 1983's Erotic Express doesn't have anything to do with trains so much as it does with a girl trying to get her hot eighteen year old sister laid. When the movie begins, curvy Bunny Bleu is hanging out by a convenience store where she's enjoying the weather and sucking rather provocatively on the popsicle she's just purchased. She rides around on her bike for a bit and eventually gets back home where she sees her sister, played by lovely Rene Summers, and her boyfriend, played by one 'Lawrence Hardwood,' spending some quality alone time on the couch. As Bunny spies through the window at them, Rene gives her man a pretty serious blowjob. Once he's warmed up and ready to go, they lay on their sides and spoon fuck for a bit.

The next day, Bunny heads to the zoo with Rene and Lawrence and Lawrence's younger brother, played by none other than Tom Byron. They spend far too much time walking around and looking at the animals to the point where you wonder if this is a porno movie or someone's home video. Bunny and Tom sneak off together and find a lunchroom (not sure if this is an employee lunchroom, or a conspicuously empty cafeteria or what - it's just a lunchroom, that's all we need to know) Bunny decides to prove that she's just as much of a sexual dynamo as her big sister is. She takes his cock out of his pants and slips it into her mouth and then bends over so that he can fuck her from behind until he pulls out and shoots his load on top of her ass.

Once the trip to the zoo is over, we head back home where a tired Rene goes to bed, alone. She's dreaming about getting fucked and soon enough, we see her fantasy acted out as Marc Wallace shows up and slips his wang into her. He fucks her missionary style and then she gets down on all fours and he finishes up be ramming her from behind. Shortly after this scene, we see Bunny and an unrecognizable female performer popping Bunny's girl-on-girl cherry in the laundry room. It's a pretty quick scene and it's over before you even really realize that it's begun, but hey, hot lesbians are always welcome in my world.

With Bunny now a seasoned woman of the world and a true 'sexpert' in the carnal arts, Rene I guess figures her job is done and so she gets on a train (it's never referred to as the Erotic Express, unfortunately, it's just a regular train) where she meets up with a dude who takes her to a private room. They make out and after some brief foreplay he fucks her doggy style until he's done what he needs to do and then the movie comes to an end, a quick seventy-minutes after it's begun.

While Cal Vista and VCX may refer to this one as a classic on their packaging, the fact of the matter is that Erotic Express isn't all that good. Bunny and Rene are both plenty of fun to look at but the sex scenes are brief, uninspired, and far too pedestrian even by the standards of the era in which the film was made. The film isn't particularly well shot and the lighting is bad. The cheeseball synth score adds some camp value to the picture as does the wooden acting and horrible dialogue, so the movie is moderately entertaining in a 'wow this is terrible' sort of way, but it isn't likely something you're going to want to see again and again. On a historical note, the film is at least worth something as it's one of Ms. Bleu's (who was born Kimberly Warner - what, you're shocked to learn that Bunny Bleu wasn't her real name?) earliest roles. She got into the business the same year this picture was made when Bill Margold hired her as a fluffer.

The DVD

Video:

This fullframe transfer, which appears to present the film in its original aspect ratio, looks okay for an old XXX film from 1983, particularly when you consider that it was shot on video. The unfortunate decision to add a 'Copyright VCX 2008' bug in the bottom of the image during a few key scenes is also a strike against the disc, as it is a little annoying when it continues to pop up (it rears its ugly head at least three times), but other than that, the interlaced transfer is acceptable even if colors are a bit faded and the darker scenes lose a fair bit of fine detail. Expect a bit of softness, which makes sense considering the source, but those accustomed to how old 'shot on video' pornos look should have no problem with the presentation here.

Sound:

The Dolby Digital Mono soundtrack, dubbed into English, is a little muffled and not of the best quality, but again, it's taken from an older source so the limitations of the era's technology are going to be there when that's the case. Dialogue is pretty easy to understand, however, and the background music comes through reasonably clear. There aren't a lot of sound effects used in the film, mostly just some random moaning and groaning during the action scenes and these are handled just fine, as are the talkier bits of the movie.

Extras:

Aside from some tacky animated menus, VCX has included three bonus scenes, the first of which is from Eruption and features John Holmes getting a blowjob. A giant 'ERUPTION' logo appears on the bottom of the screen for the duration, which is really annoying. The second scene is from Perfect Partners, an eighties era shot on video movie. This scene features Amber Lynn and Joey Silvera who go at it in the bedroom for a bit until she sucks him to a finish. The next bonus scene is from Too Hot To Touch (12:13) and it features Jamie Gillis fucking a cute blonde ski bunny in his office, pulling out just in time to blow a load on her face. The final bonus scene is from Suzie Superstar and it stars Shauna Grant and Ron Jeremy. Shauna takes off her top and drops to her knees to give Ron head. She sucks him off for a while and he strokes off onto her ample and lovely cleavage.

Rounding out the extras are trailers are a picture of the original box art, a slideshow featuring some production stills and glamour shots of the cast in action, and trailers for Eruption, Extreme Facials, Suzie Superstar and Expose Me Now as well as some animated menus, scene selection and a web-link.

Final Thoughts:

Erotic Express will be worth a watch for hardcore Bunny Bleu fans (and we know you're out there) or for those who dig on ultra-low-budget early eighties VHS porn. That said, the film isn't very good so unless you fall into one of those admittedly rather 'niche' groups you can rent this for a few good laughs or skip it entirely.