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This Ain’t Two and a Half Men XXX

Hustler Video

Genre: Parody

The Ladies

Director: Marc Star

Cast: Madison Ivy, Evan Stone, Jenna Presley, Jamey James, Brooke Lee Adams, James Deen, Dylan Ryder, Eric John
Non-sex role: Patrick J. Knight

Length: 94:56 minutes

Date of Production: 2010

Extras: The only real extra worth noting was the 29:47 minute long Behind the Scenes feature. It was mostly a series of interviews with the ladies but a dab of footage from the cast getting ready was also included. There was also a slide show, some trailers, and a bunch of spam for those that care.

Condoms: None

Madison Ivy

Audio/Video Quality: This Ain’t Two and a Half Men XXX was presented in a colorful 1.78:1 ratio, anamorphic widescreen, offering as shot by director Marc Star for Hustler Video using the 480 resolution and MPEG-2 codec typical of standard definition projects. There appeared to be an attempt to do this one quickly but in a fun manner, paying limited attention to the original show but allowing Evan and James run a little with their interpretations instead. The editing wasn't as skillfully made as the best genre efforts but it was comparable to a pornified version of the reality television show's also-weak editing, the video bitrate hovering in the 5.1 Mbps area most of the times I looked. The flick had few compression artifacts, only a bit of noise & edge enhancement, and proper lighting to assist in making the movie look more like the original show, the admittedly minimalist scenarios about what I expected. In short, in terms of the visual aesthetics, this title fell short of the popular series but wasn't terrible, somewhat similar to most works in the sitcum genre. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital English with a 192 Kbps audio bitrate and 48 kHz sampling rate, the uncredited script seeming to be scribbled out while shooting the movie rather than making good use of the aural aspects of the show. There was a laugh track included (that couldn’t be turned off) for those that care, the overall art direction lacking especially in the sets and sonic attributes.

Jenna Presley

Body of Review: Hustler Video has been swamping the market with a wide variety of porn parody titles, seemingly taking a shotgun approach rather than craft a few select flicks and polish them up better. In terms of pure profit, I can’t fault the short term profit model the company takes, most people that pick up a copy of their parodies will already be stuck once the cash is laid out, but my belief is that it makes more sense to at least try and cater to genre aficionados so they will come back for more with cash in hand. Well, the latest the company has out is by novice director Marc Star, his sole credited outing to date being a public exhibition flick I reviewed earlier this year, the man trying his hand at parodies with This Ain’t Two and a Half Men XXX. Even on the face of it, the original series seems to beg for a parody treatment, Charlie Sheen’s antics still plastered all over the tabloids and his new season of the show going full steam ahead. The basic idea of the show is that two brothers, one a sexually active guy with the morals of a mongoose and the other his uptight brother so insecure with himself that he seeks to go back to his ex-wife, are stuck with a teenage son who gets to learn from both sides of the sexual confidence spectrum. As a porno, the show seemed relatively unscripted to the point where the mighty Evan Stone and geeky James Deen were given free rein to improvise as they saw fit, the resulting sexual chaos not making for the best parody offering by Hustler in recent months. The back cover described the plot like this: “Man-whore of the year, Charlie wants to help his little brother, Alan get back together with his ex. Fucking 2 girls at once and banging the ex's mother are few of the sacrifices he has to make... to help Alan!” Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Jamey Janes and Brooke Lee Adams with the mighty Evan Stone

Scene One: Madison Ivy, a busty blond with pretty eyes and solid curves, was up first in bed with the mighty Evan Stone, some kinky stuff interrupted before they picked it back up for Evan to go down on her. He then pounded away at her pussy as she passively allowed it, the camera angles catching it in an odd way before she started aggressively slobbing his knob. Using her hands, mouth, and eyes, Madison left streamers flying about as she blew him briefly, the gal picking up the pace considerably during the penetrative sex that followed. There was no chemistry between them but it was an enthusiastic little romp, some taste testing leading to a believable vaginal cream pie that she fingered and ate.

Jenna Presley

Scene Two: Jenna Presley, a brunette with large tits, was up next in a solo masturbation scene on a generic couch, using a g-spot vibrator to get off with. Her moaning was excessive and struck me as too fake, the gal shoving it in her pussy with some intermittent taste testing. I saw no believable signs that she got off here but it was cute to watch for ten minutes.

Dylan Ryder

Scene Three: Jamey James, a newcomer blond, and brunette Brooke Lee Adams, were up next with the mighty Evan Stone as Brooke played his stalker. She teased him and took off her clothing, her slightly fleshy body posed to give him pleasure as Jamey joined in on the couch. All three felt each other up and Evan stuffed his face between Brooke’s ass cheeks while the women kissed, moving for Jamey until it was time for the ladies to double team him orally. They grabbed his infamous Nutsack and took turns bobbing on his rod, Brooke far more active a rider than her pal. There was some face sitting and other oral antics but the scene seemed rushed, Evan unleashing another round of genetic juice in a creampie fashion. Jamey then ate it out of Brooke’s snatch, the scene ending too quickly.

Scene Four: Jenna Presley, as curvy as ever and wearing a sheer pink outfit on top of some black bikini undies, was up next in bed with James Deen. James played the Jon Cryer character of the show, his legendary shyness lost as the sex began and he ate her out. Staying in character is tough during these parodies but I expected more from him given his extensive background in them. He started banging her pussy but she wanted to blow him, her oral skills very aggressive even if she seemed to be doing so as a means of getting away from the penetrative sex. She titty fucked him and did a lot of taste testing, James jerking off to her tits when his population pudding refused to stay tucked away in his nuts any longer.

Scene Five: Dylan Ryder, a brunette with a decent ass, was up last on the yellow couch as she jumped on top of Eric John, whipping out his cock to suck as he made grimacing faces. She was playful enough and it struck me as a filler scene tossed in to flesh out the running time at the last minute, it having so little to do with what took place in the show beforehand. She actively rode him and he gave her a couple of licks between positions, the sexual imbalances displayed proving no chemistry between them at all. The scene ended when he rubbed out a nut of spunk on her tits, her beauty wasted this one time.

Summary: This Ain’t Two and a Half Men XXX by director Marc Star for Hustler Video was extremely light on plot and story while only offering modest sexual trysts for the home viewer, this kind of light porn parody such that it didn’t try to compete with any other titles on the market. The camera was all over the place and the technical matters about as basic as could be, the fuck flick losing points for all sorts of reasons yet still managing to merit a rating of Rent It due to the way the leads (Evan and James) handled business passingly well both in and out of the sack. In short, This Ain’t Two and a Half Men XXX looked very much like it was shot by a Hustler Video crew even though it employed a newcomer director, the lack of polishing up indicative of a quantity versus quality approach collectors have long associated with the company logo. As a mid-week rental, it wasn’t bad but there are so many better parodies out there that you should go into this one without expecting a whole lot less you be disappointed.