GENRE: Gonzo Feature
DIRECTOR: Seymore Butts
STARS: Mari Possa, Flower Tucci, Brook Haven, Jenna Brookes, Sindy Lange, Hillary Scott, Marc Davis, Kurt Lockwood, Hershel Savage, Seymore Butts
DATES OF PRODUCTION: 12/2004
LENGTH: 150 mins without bonus material

When it first hit the airwaves, cable subscribers thought they'd landed in proto porn heaven. For those few who knew of Seymore Butts and his gonzo films, the thought of having a weekly reality series showing behind the scenes footage of the adult industry in action seemed like hardcore manna from heaven. Even with most DVD presentations of XXX material tacking on a Making-Of featurette or two, the regular viewing public couldn't fathom that they were going to see the cogs and gears of the suck and fuck trade on their regular, standard package pay channel.

Well, guess what – gratuity is not what they got. Instead, the properly named Family Business showed just how normal Seymore and his relatives could be –from the mother that handled the books, to the business manager cousin who cursed like a sailor. About the only backstage dirt – aside from the occasional smut production scenes, was the growing attraction between Seymore and his newfound star, Mari Possa. Otherwise, there is more insight into Mr. Butts' lewd life to be found on his adult titles than in his terrific, if tame, tell-all series.

Case in point – The Anal Express. Though the title would suggest some manner of risqué train trip, the truth is far more prosaic. Instead, this collection of carnality gives us a chance to see Seymore and Mari playing – and packing up - house, as they prepare to move. And who knew that house hunting could be so sexy, or insightful. Apparently even porn provocateur Seymore Butts has trouble with realtors, financing and locating the perfect new pleasure palace.

The DVD:
In a somewhat strange turn of events for a Seymore Butts title, we actually have some manner of plot swirling around the boot knocking. Seymore and his current gal pal, The Mari formerly known as Myrna, are in the market for a new home (one free from female squirt, one assumes) and almost every scene here revolves around residence tracking, or the relocation preparations for same. Sure, there is still a lot of that patented Butts happenstance (Seymore invites some pals over, and before you can say "brunch", they are fucking like rabbits on Viagra) to be found here. Yet The Anal Express often threatens to be a hardcore compliment of Family Business, with its emphasis somewhat equally divided between the real estate and the XXX angle.

At the beginning of the film, Seymore is bitching to Mark Davis about being unable to find the ideal abode. When they get to the old Casa de Butts, things naturally progress to the pornographic:

Scene 1: Flower Tucci, Sindy Lange, Marc Davis
Acts Performed: Dildo Fucking, Squirting, Toy Masturbation, Toy V to M, Kissing, Blowjob, Anal Fingering, Face Sitting, 69, Ball Sucking, Deep Throating, Salad Tossing, Taint Action, Doggy, Cunnilingus, Alternating V to M, Reverse Cowgirl with Pocket Rocket Supplement, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Alternating A to M, Dueling Anal Pile Driver, Face Fucking, $hot on Both Girls Mouth and Face, Oral Cleanup.

Ms. Tucci should really change her name from Flower to SHOWER after this scene, as our reliable female fountain really pours on – and out – the love liquid in this sensational sequence. While Davis is a little doughy – the man has a little too much meat where it doesn't count – he can really lay on the log. Between his sensational shaft action and the non-stop attention by Sindy and Flower, this is a sizzling sequence that continuously builds in intensity. Ms. Lange does have one lamentable feature: whoever handled her breast enlargement surgery should be sued. These tits look lopsided, sloppy and mottled. Bad boobs aside, both girls really give it there all, and with Mark providing the member and Seymore shooting everything with his usual fuck and suck flair, we get great, groovin' gonzo the way God intended it to be. Score: 8.5 out of 10

Scene 2: Jenna Brooks, Marc Davis
Acts Performed: Anal Cowgirl, A to M, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Straight Anal, $hot in Mouth, Oral Cleanup

In what is perhaps one of the most normal nookie scenes Seymore has ever captured, Mark is back to sample a little bubbling brown sugar and Jenna gives him some of that sweet, sweet back. This is a real butt fuck-a-thon, a sphincter plowing sequence that never lets up once cock meets ass crack. Most of the imagery centers on Mark's dick drilling Ms. Brooks' bountiful dumper, and guys who pop on posterior shots will be jacking their joints over this tushy trouncing. Conceivably one of the most potent anal scenes Seymore has ever offered, we get a literal explanation here for all those "black/back" and "berry/ juice" jokes. You'd be hard pressed to find any man not willing to line up for a taste of Jenna's funky onion. Too bad the scene is so short – the more of this is definitely the merrier. Score: 7 out of 10

Scene 3: Brook Haven, Kurt Lockwood
Acts Performed: Foreplay, Masturbation, Blowjob, Face Fucking, Cunnilingus, Anal Fingering, Pocket Rocket in Ass and Vagina, Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, A to M, Straight Anal, Anal Doggy, Anal Pile Driver, $hot in Mouth and on Face, Oral Cleanup

Just like Scene 2, Scene 3 is a straightforward anal romp between the tattooed Kurt and a supposed newcomer to dumper fun, Brook. Ms. Haven has a handicap here as well, one that really does detract from the scene too much. When she sucks dick, it looks like she's struggling to keep from gagging. Now, she doesn't truly act sick, or make any other indication that fellatio bothers her, but when lips hit log, her eyes roll back in her head and her nose crinkles like she's sniffing shit. Thankfully, Kurt's cock spends more time in her mons than her maw. With toys adding their own bit of supplemental shiver, and Mr. K really working the rectum, we do eventually find ourselves lost in the lovin'. But Ms. Haven needs to work on her porn faces. There are a couple of uncomfortable moments in this otherwise erotic exercise, gestures that decrease an audiences' expected arousal. Score: 6 out of 10

Scene 4: Mari Possa, Seymore Butts
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Ball Action, $hot in Mouth

Straight forward head, given by one lover to another. Mari can really blow baloney, and Seymore shoots the entire scene from his own POV. So if you like your shaft sucking on the semi-suggestive, interactive side, then this scene will work your wand with ease. Otherwise, it's just a BJ, nothing more or less. Score: 6 out of 10

Scene 5: Hillary Scott, Hershel Savage
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Cowgirl, Anal Cowgirl, A to M, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, $hot in Mouth, Oral Cleanup

In a scene not listed on the box, or in the credits (one assumes it was added to make up for the shortness of Scene 2 and Scene 4), Hershel proves why he is a legend – a puffy aging legend, but a legend none the less – as he and Hillary go wild while Bishop drives down the road. With Seymore sitting shotgun, camera ever-present in his hand, our couple copulate in traffic. That's right, Mr. Savage and his fuck buddy are in the backseat of the Butts Mobile, and they make the most of the uncomfortable, confined quarters. While the lack of possible positions does detract somewhat from the scene, the overall passion is more than palpable. As a result, we get another excellent exercise in erotic that raises a lot of interesting questions – like how did they manages to film this full out intercourse celebration without any of the surrounding cars getting a free show? Score: 7 out of 10

Proving he can film porn in even the most inopportune places (the Dirge still can't quite get over the backseat mambo, on busy, populated streets, between Hershel and Hillary) The Anal Express shows that the kind of hardcore adult film Seymore Butts makes never truly gets old. While you may find Flower and her pussy potion shtick less than novel, you have to admit that she really knows how to fuel the fucking. It's the one great thing about a Butts movie – he always finds people who seem incredibly relaxed on camera, able to quickly get lost in the sex and express their ardor with unobstructed heat. From his almost always attractive gals, to guys who really know how to put the tool in tool time, you never get the impression that this is just some staged sharking. No, Seymore creates excellent XXX product because he does all of our disbelief suspension for us. We don't have to imagine that the couples or combinations are enjoying themselves, we can see it happening right before our eyes. They're either the greatest actors and actresses in the world, or they are really getting off for Mr. Butts and his lingering lens. That's why his work is so consistently affecting. That's why he's Seymore Butts.

The Video:
As a handheld camera creation with very little post-production work (except for the ever more tacky title sequences), the 1.33:1 full screen image does have a few focus issues and obvious grain. Seymore sometimes shoots when available light is at a minimum and the tell tale gray specs of tanking technology are occasionally viewed. Editing is also a little suspect from time to time, but nothing so horrible as to hinder the hardcore. Still, the overall transfer is good – though far from great - and even with all the POV predictability, this is a bright, colorful collection of sex scenes.

The Audio:
Utilizing the internal mic in his camera, Seymore barely captures the conversations occurring during The Anal Express. Sometime, the dialogue drops out. Then there are times when Mr. Butts is taking a more Q&A approach to the recording, and when he does, the exchange of words comes in loud and clear. The sounds of sex are also highlighted in the Dolby Digital Stereo presentation, so we never miss a moan or misinterpret an orgasmic ovation.

The Extras:
As is standard with most adult industry DVDs, Seymore Butts includes a photo gallery, some trailers and other merchandising messages from the ass loving organization – including a hilarious infomercial for Seymore's latest enterprise: as a planner and provider of BACHELOR PARTIES!!! Mari's biography is also enlightening. Over the course of several text screens we learn a little more about Ms. Possa than perhaps we ever wanted to really know.

But the best extra bit here is the added footage that can be found with just a click of your remote. During Scene 1, 2 and 3, you can view more fuck footage by pressing the appropriate button whenever the word "bonus" appears in the lower right corner. You will then be treated to about 10 minutes of additional monkeyshines if you utilize this tool. While not better than a supplementary scene, this feature is something new for a Seymore Butts bonanza, and shows a potential for good things in the future.

Final Thoughts:
While it can be said that there are other, hotter releases out there in the Butts canon, The Anal Express is still a damn good bit of balling. Even in its quieter, simpler moments, we are treated to some exceptionally hot suck and fuck. Such consistency is hard to come by, but it seems like, every other week, the Dirge is celebrating another bawdy Seymore burlesque. On his patented Peter Meter, the Disco Dirge rates this title a 7 out of 10. It is highly recommended. Couples will also take pleasure in the softer, more story-oriented elements of the film, while equally enjoying the blistering bonk. Therefore, a Cohabitation Certification is effortlessly awarded. With Seymore's relationship with Mari more or less an open book (it was the premise of the Season 3 premier of Family Business), it makes sense that a more domesticated element has entered the director's dynamic. But while his life may be tamer, his titles are still rip-roaring and red hot. The Anal Express proves that, as a pornographer, Seymore has yet to lose his touch. As a potential homebuyer? Well, that's another story all together.