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TSA: Your Ass Is In Our Hands

Hustler Video

Genre: Comedy

The Ladies

Director: Evan Stone

Cast: Diamond Kitty, Evan Stone, Briana Banks, Loni Evans, Teagan Summers, Randy Spears, Samantha Saint, Bill Bailey, Amia Miley, Jack Lawrence
Non-sex roles: Ron Jeremy, Rene Garcia, Tgrey McNeil, Eugeniya, Will Chambers, Steven Wu, Mr. West, Margaret Lyman, Jessica Kochu, Michelle Benish, BJ Chambers, XXX Ray, Dino Bro, Neal Schnitzer, Ari Farah

Length: 143:37 minutes

Date of Production: 2010

Extras: The extras were the cookie cutter standard, as expected with some trailers, a photogallery, spam, and a short Behind the Scenes feature lasting 5:26 minutes (which was mostly bloopers).

Condoms: None

Diamond Kitty

Audio/Video Quality: TSA: Your Ass Is In Our Hands was presented in a fetching 1.78:1 widescreen color by director Evan Stone for Hustler Video using MPEG-2 with the usual 480p resolution. The bitrate hovered around the 4.2 Mbps mark. There were no obvious compression artifacts, no grain to speak of, and I saw no macro-blocking or other issues that pop up; thanks in no small part to the proper lighting applied here in most cases. The credits listed Scarlet Begonia as editor, a capable job in most cases regardless of whether during the sexual trysts or the feature elements helping to round out the technical aspects nicely enough. The summation of the visuals is that they made the show look decent, the relatively low budget not hurt in the slightest by the director or crew (the comic timing helped make the production work better than many of the company parodies that so often fall flat at times). The audio was presented in 2.0 Dolby Digital stereo English using a 224 Kbps bitrate at 48 kHz in both versions. The vocals on the scenes were flat and even in most cases, the minimal music okay, the cute theme of the movie working better than average.

Briana Banks and Loni Evans

Body of Review: Evan Stone is best known in porn circles as the comedic frontrunner of the pack, his work in features considered even better than his considerable sexual skills. Over the years, Evan has flirted with taking up roles behind the camera as well but unlike most of his peers, he has long been just too popular as a meat puppet to afford him the time to expand his repertoire. His latest effort as a director (certainly not his first by any means given his early efforts with Simon Wolf and others) is sponsored by Hustler Video in the form of TSA: Your Ass Is In Our Hands, a pornified look at federal security officers manning the nation’s airports. Unlike most recent comedies, this was not a parody of a mainstream title but a political satire poking fun at the agents we entrust our safety with, recent headlines providing ample reason to have a little fun at their expense. The movie starred Evan Stone and Randy Spears as the male leads, young ladies such as Diamond Kitty, Samantha Saint, and Teagan Summers joined by veteran hotty Briana Banks (whom I haven’t seen in a long time doing porn). Going into the movie, I knew there would be some clever dialogue and witty repartee between the cast just as I knew the technical aspects would be fine, my biggest concern being the low budget look of things even from looking at the pictures on the back cover.

Teagan Summers with Randy Spears

The press release described the movie like this: “Four-time AVN Male Performer of the Year award winner Evan Stone is set to make his directorial debut with the April 19 release of TSA – Your Ass is in Our Hands from Hustler Video. In addition to helming the title from the director’s chair, Stone also plays one of the lead male characters. “In my several years of adult I have seen the transformation of the airline security first-hand,” Stone said. “Being chosen at random is a regular event for me. I find it funny that the government is allowed to do things that everyone else is not permitted to do—like pat people down by groping their genitals and feeling them up—lucky bastards! This is a story I had to tell and Hustler said they loved the idea and that I should direct it first-hand adding comedy to the film and of course my own personal Evan flair. TSA – Your Ass is in Our Hands is my first director role, and acting roll, and funny roll, and friendly pat down roll.” Filmed as both a comedy and as a spoof on the Transportation Security Administration, TSA – Your Ass is in Our Hands, takes place at the airport and shows a behind-the-scenes look at how the TSA might really operate if Stone and Hustler Video were in charge. From full frontal strip searches to enforcing passenger safety in the most intimate of ways, the movie highlights all of the perks associated with the responsibility of screening the general public and protecting the country. While TSA Agent Stone has a pre-flight rendezvous with airline stewardess Diamond Kitty, hot and nasty girl/girl action ensues between TSA Agent Loni Evans and potential passenger threat Briana Banks. Meanwhile, TSA Agent Randy Spears finds it necessary to strip search airline traveler Tegan Summers, and Samantha Saint unsuccessfully passes an x-ray screening to the pleasure of TSA Agent Bill Bailey, who gets to perform a full cavity search on her. Finally, TSA Agent Amia Miley and unsuspecting passenger Jack Lawrence heat things up for the viewing pleasure of everyone else around, including the security cameras. “This is a really sexy, silly movie,” Stone said. “I think Randy and I are really funny together—we both understand physical comedy—and Amia is hilarious. She really got into her character and had fun with it. Plus, all the girls are just smokin’. You don’t get a cast of girls any hotter than this.” Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Samantha Saint with Bill Bailey

Scene One: Diamond Kitty, a curvy brunette wearing animal print bikini undies under her outfit, pounced on the mighty Evan Stone once they were in a private bathroom stall. The outfits came off and Evan stuffed his face between her ass cheeks to give oral pleasure, Diamond slobbing his knob briefly before they engaged in a variety of active vaginal positions. There was taste testing and she admittedly needs someone more competent to handle her implants next time, her enthusiasm causing Evan to rub out a load of genetic juice to her abdomen with some post coital sucking.

Amia Miley with Jack Lawrence

Scene Two: Briana Banks, the curvy blond icon that has not been actively making movies in awhile, was up next in a lesbian tryst with adorable brunette Loni Evans. Brianna was singled out for being a hotty, Loni making sure she wasn’t carrying any weapons as she assisted in removing the blonde’s attire. If anything, Brianna looked better than ever, Loni unable to resist such large tits and as juicy a pussy so both of them caressed and carried on in porn style lesbian behavior. Eventually, a bright blue vibrator was deployed to give some pleasure too, the oral follow up enough to make it a fun scene even if limited by the lack of chemistry (though it would have been better had complaining Amia Miley joined them).

Scene Three: Teagan Summers, a relative newcomer with a lean body, was up next as Randy Spears explored her naked body to insure she was okay to fly. She was more than willing to expand the scope of the investigation to include his body too, Randy going down on her before she reciprocated and they boned vaginally in the small office. Her original outfit gave the impression of youth beyond her physical age, Randy cashing in on his authority role to pluck and fuck the cute blond as he saw fit. Given the strength of her blowjob, it was also clear that she had seen more than a few cocks in her mouth over the years too, her pornish moaning during the vaginal penetration positions a bit irritating at first (or at least until she started to enjoy herself). The gal actively rode his pecker and he beat out a wad of population pudding to her face and neck with ease, the glazed look fitting her more than a little bit.

Scene Four: Samantha Saint, a sexy newcomer with a great face and body, was up next with moper Bill Bailey, his examination lacking the finesse of his peers but showcasing her physical appeal all the same. She was flexible and fetching, her pink bra offering scant resistance to his tongue and hands as he worked her body orally. Her oral technique relied heavily on hand to gland abilities, her eye contact nicely offering him that doe-eyed dynamic so many of us men appreciate; the couple moving into some active vaginal positions next. The hard desk served as their platform, Bill tossing off some spunk to her face in no time (though not very much).

Scene Five: Amia Miley, a brunette babe whose character was shown to be completely uptight, was up last as she proved a point by taking Jack Lawrence against his will. The skinny gal tore off his clothing and knelt before him, aggressively working his cock orally (and with some hand manipulation) until he came around to her way of thinking. In her tiny hands, his rod looked far bigger than usual too, her erect nipples beckoning him just as her juicy snatch did after that. She was an active rider too, milking his balls dry of sperm quickly with the nut jerked off to her neck and face to close things up.

Summary: TSA: Your Ass Is In Our Hands by director Evan Stone for Hustler Video merited a rating of Recommended for those wanting just enough comedy and sex blended in without lengthy gonzo styled trysts or the ever-common parody aspects that have proven so popular of late. My own preference would be to expand both aspects of the show and pay closer attention to casting but this was a decent outing all the same. In short, TSA: Your Ass Is In Our Hands set out to offer an amusing look at the alleged practices of the federal TSA agency, the political overtones not lost on me but definitely taking a backseat to some light jabs (both sexually and in a comic sense). If there had been more time and money, this one had a lot more potential that was left untapped but it still served the usual purposes well enough for a light recommendation so give it a look.