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Not Bionic Woman & The Six Million Dollar Man XXX

Digital Sin/X-Play

Genre: Parody

The Ladies!

Director: Will Ryder

Cast: Bree Olson, Rocco Reed, Dale DaBone, Aubrey Addams, Chad Diamond, Danica Dillon, Eric Swiss, Kim Kennedy, Victoria White, Jack Lawrence
Non-sex role: Mike Horner, Porno Dan Leal

Length: 138:41 minutes

The Extras

Date of Production: 10/12/2010, 10/13/2010, and 10/17/2010

Extras: The main extra was the wonderfully appealing 70:52 minute long Behind the Scenes feature by Nick Ventura (with some help from Scott and Will of course), the extra covering a wide variety of aspects of the flick from the cast to the director to various others (like Scott David) but fans of Bree Olson will definitely want to watch this one since it shows a whole lot of her (even her pissing in a field). There were seven trailers, a FSC anti-piracy commercial, a slide show, and the ability to replay the DVD intro.

Condoms: None

Audio/Video Quality: Not Bionic Woman & The Six Million Dollar Man XXX was presented in anamorphic 1.78:1 widescreen as shot by director Will Ryder for X-Play to be distributed by Digital Sin. Ryder and his partner Scott David have led the masses in porn parodies for years, garnering scores of accolades and formal awards from all the usual sources as a result. This project was no different and the care put into it by Art Director Scott David showed he is still on top of his game, the visual elements enhanced by a lot of green screen work looking just cheesy enough to fit right into the original two television shows. The editing, particularly during the sex scenes, had a lot of care displayed and the lighting was enough to minimize the grain and other visual aspects in a most positive manner. This standard definition version looked good even with a video bitrate hovering around the 4.5 Mbps range (when spot checked), the colors and contrasts appealing throughout the show. The audio was presented in 2.0 Dolby Digital English using a 48 kHz sampling rate and 192 Kbps audio bitrate, sounding very crisp and clear during the dialogue portions, the added in special effect noises proving to be the icing on the proverbial cake. Compared to many such parodies by others, the entire aural track was an upgrade even if not as polished up as the visual elements here, showing the background of the director from his lengthy career in the music industry.

Bree Olson and Dale DaBone as the bionic duo

Body of Review: Will Ryder and his partner Scott David are the two men most responsible for jumpstarting the entire parody craze in porn several years back. They took the time to “do it right” when others were satisfied with single day shoots, the plethora of budget cutting companies still largely known for half hearted efforts by comparison. A few others have taken the challenge to compete on terms of quality though, the consumer benefitting due to the end result, guys like Lee Roy Myers and Axel Braun doing their best to dethrone the Ryder/David dynasty. In another attempt to broaden the distribution of X-Play movies (often referred to as “Sitcums”), they made a deal with popular Digital Sin, the home of many other quality efforts over the last year, to release some fun parodies, the latest of which is called Not Bionic Woman & The Six Million Dollar Man XXX. These were two of the most popular shows back in the mid 1970’s, telling the tale of an astronaut who barely survived a crash only to be fitted with various mechanical parts in service of the government and his lover who had a similar fate, the enhancements allowing them to perform all sorts of heroic actions. In the parody, rather than go with the tried and tested dynamic of paying tribute to the shows in question, Ryder gave it an updated comedy spin, the pornification greatly helped by starring hotty Bree Olson as the bionic woman with her newly upgraded pussy and lips. Unlike some competitors though, the parody showed efforts to answer those nagging little questions we all had back in the day about the bionic duo, the entertainment factor very high for this fan of both shows (which are only now coming available on DVD after years of rights’ disputes). The back cover described the show like this: “Superstar Bree Olson is filthy dirty as Jaime Sommers & uses her bionic pussy & moist mouth to capture rock hard cocks. Astronaut Steve Austin loses control as she goes on a spy induced sex adventure delivering amazing bionic sex in this thrilling dirty hardcore parody of two great classic TV shows.” Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Bree Olson with Rocco Reed

Scene One: Bree Olson, the sexy babe featured on the front cover, was up first in bed during the opening credits with Rocco Reed. She aggressively slobbed his knob and rode his pecker vaginally, providing some dirty talk to make it even better. Bree is a world class fuck and seemed to share some chemistry for the guy, the various positions showing her lean body in motion such as her tits swaying or her ass cheeks shaking in a most delightful way. It ended without a visible pop shot but it was a solid sexual opening sequence.

Bree Olson

Scene Two: Bree Olson, playing a wonderful host to her ex, was up next on the couch with Dale DaBone. Her stated intent was to jerk him off but she decided to throat him and get all oral on him, again providing a stream of dirty talk that I enjoyed quite a bit. Using her hand to gland combat and mouth, she polished him off fairly quickly, Dale fingering her pussy and caressing her ass with what appeared to be a fake pop shot of genetic juice to her face. Bree then masturbated as he jerked off some more, the two interrupted prematurely.

Aubrey Addams with Chad Diamond

Scene Three: Aubrey Addams, a super frisky and cute gal with a smoking hot body, was up next in the training room with technician Chad Diamond. There was a funny introduction via Dale but the way her round ass stood out and her implants were allowed to stand out when her short was raised made it clear that she was built for speed over comfort. She loved cocks so she dropped to her knees to blow Chad, spitting on him to lubricate and using her hand to increase friction when needed. There was some ball licking and streamers too, the POV camera angle employed at times before he went down on her. She was another active vaginal rider and liked to impale herself on his pecker, eventually resulting in a mug full of population pudding as she cleaned him up orally.

Danica Dillon

Scene Four: Danica Dillon, an attractive brunette, was up next as she knelt before Russian agent Eric Swiss, playfully blowing him as she showed her capable throating techniques. The lean hard body went hands free on him much of the time but this was another partial scene without a pop shot.

Kim Kennedy

Scene Five: Kim Kennedy, a sexy brunette wearing workout clothes in the training room, was up next as she tried to “get ahead by giving head” to instructor Eric Swiss. She unfastened his pants and inhaled his dick, Bree Olson masturbating in the next room. The way Kim gingerly handled his shaft and balls showed a lot of adoration for his package, the gal clearly a cock connoisseur with a lengthy track record of blowing guys. She sucked his balls a bunch and jerked him off, some POV footage tossed in for good measure; the gal putting on a short show as he pounded his pud until it was time to unleash his seed onto her tongue to close things up.

Victoria White

Scene Six: Kim Kennedy, now on the couch after a dinner party, was up again with Eric Swiss, this time the guy pulling off her pants to orally service her. He worked her slit aggressively, Kim moaning loudly as she reclined to enjoy the moment as completely as she could. He then went from fingering her to using his cock for the vaginal penetration, Kim actively riding the rod as he fingered her perfect pucker (with multiple fingers no less!). There was some POV blowjob footage too but it ended when he rubbed out a nut of spunk to her crotch, Kim cleaning him up orally before it was over.

Danica Dillon

Scene Seven: Victoria White, a lean blond with an all natural body, was up next on the couch with Dale DaBone, as he worked through the trainees to find the spy. They drank wine, kissed, and soon had her clothes off so he could go down on her (using his finger in her pussy) at length while she expressed her gratitude verbally. She then knelt before him and started inhaling his pecker, throating him as capably as the others in a wild hummer showing how turned on she was. There was some POV angle deployed here and Victoria moved to a bunch of aggressive vaginal positions soon after, a sheen of sweat coating her body as they screwed in character. She pushed back to meet his thrusts and took the large load of semen to her face at the end, their chemistry together above average.

Bree Olson

Scene Eight: Danica Dillon, this time with her legs spread on the hood of a police car, was up next as Jack Lawrence ate her out. He was decked out in full uniform, his Sam Brown belt complete with scuffed handcuff case, Motorola radio, and other accessories typically missing in a porno, while she wore her red top as his fingers dallied around her crotch. She then reciprocated with a streamer filled blowjob, throating him with ease before they began actively engaging in various positions of vaginal penetration. She was best in the cowgirl variations as his pecker slid so freely into her snatch but her doggy was a visual treat as well, her labia engulfing him so he hammered away. He then rubbed out a nut of spew to her open mouth, Danica cleaning him off orally like a charmer to show some degree of chemistry between them.

Media Accolades

Scene Nine: Bree Olson, up last as she was ordered to seduce Rocco Reed, the two caressing on a brown love seat in the office. Her top came down and he paid oral tribute to her tits, then rubbing her snatch before she gave him another one of her winning blowjobs. Her eye contact was great and she again used her hand to full effect, Rocco going back down on her before they engaged in some vaginal pounding. Bree gave up a lot of dirty talk and seemed to appreciate his ample cock, the gal diddling herself as he tore it up while she coaxed him. Bree was still best in the cowgirl variations though, thrusting her hips onto his pecker and her fleshy ass rippling nicely while they banged. The chemistry filled tryst ended when he provided her a mouth full of ejaculate, the ending comments showing how much she enjoyed herself.

Summary: Not Bionic Woman & The Six Million Dollar Man XXX by director Will Ryder for Digital Sin was one of the strongest parodies of the year in terms of the heated sexual trysts (many of which built up sexual energy rather than just provide for a quick release as is standard practice), the director always known for selecting the best babes for the scenes and making the resulting chemistry work. Bree Olson was a great choice to play the Lindsay Wagner role of the bionic woman and Dale DaBone came across as just the right kind of Lee Majors clone, his version of the Steve Austin character suitable for the pornified dynamic involved. While I would have probably enjoyed a more straightforward parody treatment of the two shows, this version was very much in line with the three later television movies starring the two lead characters, knowing that going tongue in cheek made them better suited for a modern audience (complete with all sorts of plot holes and crazy logic like both original series had in spades by the end of their respective network runs). In terms of combining fuck for the buck replay, strokability, and the expected fun factor watchability, I’d have to admit that this has been my favorite sitcum parody of the year, earning a rating of Highly Recommended or better even if you aren’t a huge fan of sexy Bree Olson (if you adore her as much as most, it becomes a “must have”). In short, Not Bionic Woman & The Six Million Dollar Man XXX was another outstanding and sexy romp by the dynamic duo at X-Play, the technical aspects with all the expected green screen effects helping to make it work in a way that few other companies would have bothered with. If this is the kind of quality we can expect from the company in 2011, I look forward to seeing a whole lot more so check this one out.