The Movie

A good porno DVD is measured, I believe, in the number of times per disc that the action gets good enough to get the viewer off. If it's only once per scene, that's OK porn. Multiple times per scene and you've got a hit.

After watching Brandi Belle 2, I'm sad to report that in five scenes, there were only two scenes with the potential for excitement. Everything else on the disc was like video libido remover.

Scene 1: Anywhere Anytime

Brandi, a raven-haired girl with an OK body and a perpetually frowning face, waits on the steps for C.J. to get back to his apartment. When he does, the two go into the building but can't get in or something...it's all very vague.

Brandi, however, is SO HORNY (she says, it doesn't really seem that way) that she has to blow the guy in the stairwell. It's not a blockbuster.

They find their way inside an apartment sooner or later and have sex on a bed. C.J. may be muscle-bound, but he's not packing much and Brandi doesn't make much of a fuss about the ho-hum sex. He ends the scene with a pop on her face. I had to drink some coffee to stay awake.

Scene 2: Hoops n' Handjob

Brandi tells the camera she's at the park, looking for a guy to let her stroke his dick. From a distance, we see her play some really pathetic basketball with some random dude, who then follows her back to the van to get his handjob.

Certainly, it can't be easy for a civilian to get into having his dick filmed, but this guy makes it look almost impossible. And because they're driving around, Brandi elects not to take off any of her clothes. That's right, the only nudity in this scene is a dick and the only place it goes is in the palm of her hand.

This was painful to watch and about as unerotic as porno gets. When he finally cums on her hand, it's a relief to know it's over.

Scene 3: TPS Sex Report

As a fan of Office Space it's not hard to get the "joke" in the title. As a reviewer of porn, the joke is truly on the viewer who has to watch a poorly acted, poorly filmed blow job that Brandi gives her "boss."

Again, no nudity, but at least she's doing something. Brandi might get "so horny" – as the box cover states – but she's saving it for another scene because I think both she and "the boss" would have been equally excited about data processing.

Scene 4: Jury Duty

The first part of this scene is extremely stupid. Brandi has gathered some "friends" to play a game show in which they guess the size of a guy's dick. Then they put on raincoats and the dude jacks it and squirts.

One of the girls from the scene (who looks much better now than then), is meeting up with C.J. from the first scene. I guess the problem was Brandi, because Ellie Idol and C.J. had a marathon sex session that was hot and made it look like everybody involved was happy to be there.

Ellie and C.J. go through lots of positions, including Ellie reversing from cowgirl to reverse cowgirl without dismounting and some great doggie style.

(Note to Brandi: When the best scene on your DVD doesn't have you in it, that's not a good sign.)

C.J. ends with a pop on Ellie's face and she seems ready to keep going even after the cameras are off.

Scene 5: Pussy Parade

The girls from the game show are back, except this time they get naked and (without much explanation) get going on a daisy chain.

Lesbian scenes can be hit or miss and this one would have been more hit with better camera work. Granted, keeping track of five girls in a line, eating each other out, might be hard work. But when you're hearing some ecstatic noises from one end of the train, maybe you should move that direction.

The girls split off into a twosome and a threesome on the floor, sometimes fingering each other. The scene ends with Brandi tasting each girl and choosing her favorite, who she then eats out a while longer.

Video:

The scenes come from Brandi Belle's Web site, so the video is not great. You can generally tell what's going on in each scene, but there are lighting issues and problems with the camera.

In the handjob scene, some of it is washed out and sometimes the camera lingers on Brandi's elbow and not on the handjob.

Audio:

Besides the yawn-worth scenes, the audio was where Brandi Belle 2 really fell apart. In the scenes with dialogue, it was almost impossible to hear Brandi or anybody else speak.

No, this isn't the kind of thing where you need a story to explain what's happening, but if you're going to have people talking on screen, why not make it so we can hear what they're saying?

Extras:

The outtakes section highlights the sometimes funny, sometimes sad world of a Brandi Belle shoot. During the daisy chain scene, the girls were having fun and the out takes show a little extra sex. But in the first scene, we see that C.J. has to be told not to look at the camera and then gets dissed by Brandi who complains that she has to get on the floor, because his pop shot won't get to her face, otherwise.

In Other Words...:

The Internet may be spreading porn far and wide, but Brandi Belle 2 shows one site that's running counter-intelligence operations. With only one great scene and one OK scene, this DVD can't be qualified a total loss, but it also can't go any higher than a Rent It.