I used to lament when feature adult films tried comedy. The actors and actresses were trained in the art of the on-screen boff, not joke telling.

And so I'd like to thank Vivid for reminding me that the serious adult features, like their new Love Addiction, are much worse in the acting department than their new comedy brethren.

The Movie

Trying to make sense out of the plot of Love Addiction is like giving yourself a lobotomy: It's hard to do and doesn't make much sense.

The film starts off at a party for a recently promoted police officer. Two fellow cops are worried because the hooker they got for the guy hasn't shown up yet.

The very sexy Daisy Marie plays Phoebe, the prostitute, who is so enthused about getting to fuck a guy for money that she ends up giving it away for free to some other guy first.

While the "story" of unhappy couple Norma and Herb unfolds, Phoebe gives her partner a torrid fucking. After exchanging oral, he fucks her every which way, blowing a load on her chest and then going back for more. By the scene's end, he's shot two on her chest. Finally, one of the other cops decides she needs to come downstairs and fuck the guy she was paid to do.

Meanwhile, Malcolm (Kurt Lockwood) introduces Norma to his lawyer girlfriend Amber (Joey), so she can help her get a divorce. Then he goes over and tells his friend that he has done exactly that and that he should "watch out." Why introduce them in the first place? It makes no sense. Welcome to the movie.

We next see Malcolm and Amber at home, where he tells her ever-so romantically to "Put your face on my dick." When she refuses, he follows her around the house at which point she suddenly wants to do it.

Seriously – why even write in that she doesn't want to if you're just going to have her do it? There's no character development here, it's just one of the growing plot holes.

Regardless of what gets them there, Malcolm and Amber have a hot fucking scene. He fucks her face then eats her pussy and asshole. She takes it in every position, including doggie with his thumb up her ass. (At least it looks that way.)

When he comes, we don't see his face, but in the next scene Amber is angry because he closed his eyes when he spurted. Apparently she only fucks guys without eyelids or something.

Next up are terse negotiations between Amber and Norma and her husband and his lawyer. It makes no sense, but they settle, or something, and then Norma asks Amber back to her place where, despite really liking the lay she got from her boyfriend, she starts crying about how bad things are between them.

So what do you do? Lesbian sex, of course. Norma and Amber have two consecutive scenes with lots of muff diving and clit rubbing. Both seem to enjoy the sex in the bed so much that the next morning they do it again in the kitchen.

Norma follows up by jacking off with a dildo in front of her ex's lawyer...I think. It's not exactly rocket surgery. They have some energetic sex with Amber watching through the window. When he pops on her she tells him to leave, at which point Amber comes in to confront her.

Norma spouts some crazy nonsense about how she likes square dancing because she can dance with everybody and Amber says she doesn't care, they're not a couple. Oh yeah? Then why is she there? Why did she seem to care that Norma was fucking some guy?

Phoebe is back in the next scene with John (Barry Scott) and, uh, Hooker (Staci Thorn). I guess they're trying to make it look like it's Amber? Not that anybody is really trying to explain.

This is, by far, the hottest scene on the disc. Phoebe presses her love button with a vibe and munches rug while John jacks off in the next room. She goes to blow him and drags him back to the bed for a hot three-way that includes Hooker taking it up the ass and a pop shot on Phoebe's pussy, which the hooker licks up.

Now Norma visits Malcolm and the absolutely insane plot comes into insane focus. They're trying to make Amber look like a whore so they can get her money...how? Great writing, I tell you.

They have an abbreviated sex scene, interrupted when Amber comes home and Malcolm puts on pants to meet her.

"I've got something to tell you," they say in unison. "I've been seeing somebody else," they continue, in unison.

But they love each other (really? Because a second ago Malcolm was trying to frame her) and now Norma leaves, sees them kissing and goes home and hangs herself.

The End. Plots like this are why gonzo tapes are selling so much, Vivid.

Video and Audio:

The picture was shot in HD and is presented in an anamorphic widescreen. There's some poor lighting and shaky camera work in some scene, as well as oddly filmed angles and unnatural blocking.

The sound was unspectacular, giving fine performance when the moaning and groaning begins, but hearing what the actors are saying is a chore.

Extras:

One place this film doesn't fall down is on extras. The set up is beautiful with a traditional scene selection (divided by performers in the sex scenes) and an alternate "Positions Room" where you can choose to see all the parts of the sex scenes focuses on blow jobs, doggie, missionary, pussy eating or pop shots.

There's also a funny and somewhat interesting behind the scenes featurette and movie trailers.

Best of all are the five bonus sex scenes from other Vivid movies. They are, thankfully, taken out of context, so you can forget about plot and just watch some scorching sex.

In Other Words...:

As a movie, Love Addiction is abysmal. The plot goes no where and makes no sense. As a porn, it's pretty good, with attractive women having some enjoyable and inventive sex. If they had just shown the fucking, it would have been better for everybody, but as is, it gets a Recommended rating.