First Impressions:
Ahh...the ass. What a mysterious, mesmerizing mound you are. For eons, the anus was the most taboo of all loving spots, the place where ladies didn't let you go and that guys refused to visit for a tantalizing tongue bath. But thanks to smut, and the overall loosening of public morays, butt sex is finally falling into the mainstream. And now, in the post-millennial days of the mid-00s, all the adult companies seem to give us are rectal titles. The booty is big business, and when done right, a bum bonanza can be a real tushy treat. But when done incorrectly, or with women who still say "No" to violating the rancid rosebud, a bunghole based motion picture can be a XXX dis-ass-ter. Thankfully, Smokin' Crack is a very good, if rather routine, exercise in rump roasting. Over the course of the five scenes, we get some hot DP, a nice selection of penetrations and positions, and some rather capable meat puppetry. Overall, this quasi-gonzo gratuity has all the makings of a ballyhoo for the barking spider. Too bad it lacks a certain spark that would make it a grand bit of maximized gluttious.

The Sex Scenes:
Barrett Blade, the tattooed rude boy famous for his brand of punk porn, has stepped behind the camera to make his mark as an adult director, and here's a little advice from the Dirge - cut out all the cabaret. We love to look at your ladies, and they do give nice personal heavy petting. But the dirty talking voice-over? Lose it, especially if your actresses hail from places where English is NOT their first language. Since the action is plenty hot when you get down to it, having this introductory inducement just isn't necessary. Besides, much of the material is supposedly covered in your extras. Otherwise, Blade's camera can get crazy at times, substituting bizarre angles for necessary talent cutaways, and jumping between positions without rhyme or reason. Still, as a performer, he's knows what looks good in the frame, and almost always gets the proper shot. With aggressive, experienced gals and a bunch of guys ready to give it to them, this should be an erotic no-brainer...and it basically is.

Scene 1: Sandra Romain, Billy Glide, Bad Bob
Acts Performed: Cabaret, Voice Over Action, Anal Fingering, A to M, Dueling Blowjobs, Deep Throating, Salad Tossing, Vaginal Fingering, Reverse Cowgirl, V to M, Doggy, Anal Doggy, DP in the Cowgirl Position, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, $hot in Mouth x 2
Score: 2.5 out of 5

Our one and only DP takes place right up front, and a willing Sandra Romain seems more than enthusiastic to do the dual input. Sadly, the sequence of paired porking is rather short, and when it does happen, it's just a couple of perfunctory pumps before we're back to standard sex. As a director, Blade has a quirk that some fans might find irritating. Instead of letting a scene build naturally, he will flummox the fucking - either by following up a session of foreplay with direct dicking, or a session of ass sex with a typical, lingering blowjob. Like a randy rollercoaster, this may throw off aficionados who look for definitive ebb and flow in their flesh feasting. Thankfully, Blade also believes that chemistry is key, and all three performers get along swimmingly here.

Scene 2: Sophia, Van Damage
Acts Performed: Cabaret, Voice Over Action, Anal Fingering, A to M, Tit Play, Cunnilingus, Mish, V to M, Tit Fucking, Blowjob Anal Mish, A to M, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Cowgirl, $hot in Face
Score: 2.5 out of 5

Van violates Ms. Sophia six ways to sundown, and she still seems to want more. Oddly enough, we the audience sympathize with her since the overall scene between the pair feels short and far too succinct. It's almost as if Van finishes with a position and then "peters" out, reluctantly moving to the next maneuver. And the sad thing is, there is a lot of ardor between the couple. A little more effort and this would have been a stellar scene. As it stands, it's rather routine and doesn't do either performer juicy justice.

Scene 3: Dillan Lauren, Rick Patrick
Acts Performed: Cabaret, Voice Over Action, Anal Fingering, A to M, Salad Tossing, Blowjob, Cowgirl, V to M, Spooning, Anal Cowgirl, Anal Spooning, Anal Doggy, Anal Mish, $hot in Face
Score: 2 out of 5

Talk about your mannered modus operandi. Look at the positions, and you'll see that Dillan and Rick keep it relatively simply. It's nice to see all the male-to-female oral action, but several minutes of salad tossing is a bit much. Also, spooning has its limited physical appeal (though it allows for near perfect penetration shots). Once we get to the butt, the side-by-side slip and slide grows dull. Thankfully, the couple keeps it anal throughout the final facets of the sequence, making those with a proclivity toward the funky onion that much more satisfied.

Scene 4: Dominica Leoni, Chris Cannon
Acts Performed: Cabaret, Voice Over Action, Anal Fingering, A to M, Tit Sucking, Cunnilingus, Fingering, Salad Tossing, V to M, Blowjob, Ball Action, Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Doggy, Anal Mish, $hot in Face
Score: 2.5 out of 5

Though he's been a lox the last few times the Dirge has seen him in action, Chris Cannon finally steps up to deliver an adequate dose of dick. Frankly, it's Ms. Leoni who sells the sex here, our Eastern Bloc babe balling the holy Hell out of her able American paramour. Dominica is a completely aggressive slut, and her out of control copulation style makes for a fiery fuck fest. All the ass antics are excellent, and Mr. C finishes off with a nice fat pop right in Ms. L's waiting face. This is one of the better sequences in the entire set, showing the careful consideration that Blade gives to who's zooming who.

Scene 5: Courtney Cummz, Nick Manning
Acts Performed: Cabaret, Voice Over Action, Anal Fingering, A to M, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Ball Action, Mish, V to M, Face Fucking, Anal Mish, Anal Cowgirl, Anal Doggy, A to M, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, $hot in Mouth, Oral Clean-up
Score: 3 out of 5

This must be the movie where your pal the Dirge has to eat his words, since he's always complained in the past about Mr. Nick "I CAN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP" Manning. In Doc MaCock, however, he was making fun of his angry arrogant persona, and as a result, he was tolerable. Here, he is perfectly paired with Courtney Cummz, an equally haughty honey, and together they literally light the sequence up with their passionate porking. Nick puts on the pile driver prick and Ms. Cummz conforms and asks for much, much more. Even the nonstop narrative pouring out of Nick's mouth isn't as aggravating when Courtney is cooing and crowing in complete carnal delight. Without a doubt, the hottest action in the whole film, and proof that, when placed in the proper situation, any irritating porn star can redeem his or herself.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 2.5 out of 5 (Recommended)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted

While there is a lot of heat in the humping and arousal in the action, there is still something rather routine about Smokin' Crack. Maybe it's the abundance of better butt DVDs, or the no longer taboo taste of ramrodding ass fucking. Whatever the case may be, this digital dumper experience deserves a Recommended rating. Perhaps if director Blade cuts the crap that starts each scene, and finds a way to make his sex seem more natural and less staged, this disc would deserve a higher score. Couples will definitely dig the usually electrifying Eros, and there is nothing to spoil their marital aide mannerisms. As a porn star, Barrett Blade was a stocky, singular entity. Here's hoping he finds an equally individualistic style behind the camera. Right now, Smokin' Crack is a rather ordinary offering.