This Can’t Be Deadpool XXX + X

Girlfriend Films/Spizoo

Genre: Parody, Feature, Superhero

Director: Ralph Long

Cast: Gabby Quinteros, Vixen, Jovan Jordan, Evan Stone, Brad Knight, Anikka Albrite, Ralph Long, Brittany Andrews, Tommy Gunn, Kasey Warner, Dava Foxx, Brandon Iron, Allie Haze, August Ames, Ava Addams

Length: 185:07 minutes

Date of Production: 2015?

Extras: None

Condoms: Some

Audio/Video Quality: This Can’t Be Deadpool XXX + X was presented in anamorphic widescreen by director Ralph Long for distribution by Girlfriend Films. As Ralph is loath to reveal his secret crew, it should be noted that the movie was more of a spoof than a parody, the ultra low budget not allowing for all the elements of a feature to be fleshed out properly and meant to be taken with tongue firmly in cheek. The sets were straight out of a home movie, the camera work basic but providing accurate flesh tones and slightly unpolished editing. The framing was often chopping off key body parts and heads but overall, it was a couple steps up from foreign superhero parodies from companies like “Cum Louder” even if no one would confuse it for the latest Axel Braun release. There were some compression artifacts and mosquito noise when viewed on the 70” television at times but otherwise, it looked okay. The aural components of the show were handled using an AC3 codec, the 2.0 Dolby Digital English track using a standard 192 Kbps bitrate and a sample rate of 48 kHz, the vocals having some comic effects used at times to make them stand out and the music weird but done in a fashion lending itself to some of the Deadpool cartoons I’ve seen on cable television. I could hear the vocals easily though so whatever misgivings I had, it sounded better than some of Skow’s recent releases. There were random noises at times and what sounded like dubbing, though I doubt the budget allowed for it, the production on the basic side aurally too.

Body of Review: Ralph Long is a production assistant and director as well as a meat puppet in porn, many of the titles he’s been tied to being distributed of late by Girlfriend Films. Of interest to his friends and family is that he was commissioned to work on a parody styled spoof by “Spizoo”, a company many might not have heard of until now, the movie in question called This Can’t Be Deadpool XXX + X. Long story short, the Deadpool character comes from Marvel Comics, a mainstream version with cool effects, lots of Hollywood polish, and super production values will come out early next year. Until then, you can enjoy a far more sexually oriented version by Ralph, wisely using the talents of ladies like Anikka Albrite, August Ames, Allie Haze, and Ava Addams, a variety of others fans will find appealing also getting a few moments to shine. Most of my comic book reading days were prior to the creation of Deadpool but the character has been presented in various movies and cartoons enough for me to know something about him, his comic books written in a manner that shows him addressing the reader and the stories often making little sense so as much as this one was all over the map in feature elements, the sex could be good.

XBiz did what amounts to a press release for the movie, describing it like this: “Director Ralph Long told XBIZ Spizoo Entertainment will release its biggest production to date, “Deadpool XXX + X: A Porn Parody” in August. The spoof will be hitting the streets on Aug. 15 through distributor Girlfriends Films six months ahead of its Hollywood counterpart due out in February 2016. Like the mainstream film, Long’s parody follows the antihero Deadpool, a Marvel Comics character who is a mentally unstable mercenary with the superhuman power of accelerated healing. Deadpool, who first came to life in Marvel’s “The New Mutants” in 1991, also regularly breaks the fourth wall with humorous results. “He’s always talking to the audience,” Long said. “He loves sex and violence and I thought he’d be a great porn character. … He talks to himself and he’s got voices in his head. He’s nuts, but he’s funny. He’s a crazy character.” Ryan Reynolds portrayed Deadpool in the 2009 film “X-Men Origins: Wolverine” and is reprising the role for Hollywood’s “Deadpool” in February. Long will personally take on the porn character. “I’m just playing myself,” he cracked. The all-star cast also features Tommy Gunn as Wolverine — a role he previously played for Axel Braun in his 2013 “Wolverine XXX” parody. His character also has regenerative healing powers. The reigning XBIZ Female Performer of the Year Anikka Albrite (Ms. Marvel), Allie Haze (Domino), August Ames (Rogue), Ava Addams (Lady Death) and Brittany Andrews (Kitty Pryde) also landed prominent roles. Meanwhile, Long got Brandon Iron to play Stryker, the villain in the movie who does a blowjob scene with Dava Foxx, who plays a hooker. Kasey Wagner and Gabby Quinteros also play hookers, while Evan Stone is Punisher and Jovan Jordan appears in a street thug part. Long said a couple of his friends from NYU wrote the screenplay for what turned into a five-day shoot. “I have some buddies out there still going to school and they’re going to school for screenwriting. They wanted to write a porno script but didn’t want to be credited,” Long explained. “We went through three rewrites because they have big imaginations but I didn’t have the budget to do everything they wanted to do.” Still, Long added, “We got it done and it was the biggest project Spizoo has done so far. Expect a lot of sex, a lot of action and a lot of CGI effects.” Long said Lea Lexis created the superhero costumes. “Lea made all the outfits and all the props. I’ve known her for a long time and knew she made costumes,” he noted. The scene pairings include Gunn and Addams; and Albrite and Ames in separate scenes with Long. “Wearing that damn suit in that heat was killer man,” Long admitted, adding he also had to don a latex mask to simulate Deadpool’s facial burns. “I was sweating my ass off. I could see but it was very hard. The suit was skintight and my eyes were burning.” Long said Spizoo.com would begin debuting individual sex scenes from the movie at the end of this month ahead of the DVD release.” Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that some condoms were used for those still interested:

Scene One: Gabby Quinteros, Vixen, Jovan Jordan, Evan Stone, and Brad Knight, were up first. The scene started off with Jovan and Brad robbing Gabby at gunpoint on a graffitti filled set, the gal telling them they could put the guns away as she reached out to blow them. Her white top flew off and her tight blue skirt accentuated her shapely ass, the gal slobbing knob to be joined by busty bleach blond “Vixen”, the gal in a tight black outfit calling herself “Cat Woman”, no wonder no mention of her on the cover or fluff piece I posted above. The scene then showed both ladies inhaling cock like pecker starved sluts, Evan joining in as the least believable “Punisher” in history, a n honor I thought was sewed up by Dolph Lundgren years ago. The quintet engaged in more oral and Gabby loved riding Jovan’s huge black boner, Brad’s turgid rod porking Vixen as she streamed dirty talk while Gabby quietly enjoyed tackling Jovan and Evan. Vixen squirted and the guys sampled the ladies as they saw fit, Vixen soon doing a DP and more before the ladies drained their dragons of sperm for a series of facials and the ladies cum swapping before feature elements kicked in.

Scene Two: Anikka Albrite, the cheeky blond bombshell featured on the lower left corner of the front cover, was up next in her blue leotard, the gal bitching at Ralph “Deadpool” Long for his lack of timeliness. In classical porn fashion, she blew it off to suck him off, throating him with nary a thought as she squatted down in front of him on yet another cheap set. Anikka also applied some hand to gland friction and nut nuzzling in her over the top hummer, mounting him vaginally for some doggy and cowgil boning before blowing him in sloppy fashion and resuming. A myriad of positions later and he beat off to her face, milking his balls dry of semen to glaze her tongue and mug.

Scene Three: Brittany Andrews, a busty blond back in porn who didn’t merit the cover, was up next as the world’s least believable Kitty Pryde, looking the exact opposite of all portrayals to date as she lounged on a bed to do Tommy “Wolverine” Gunn. There were noises again that sounded like someone was having camera trouble as the couple kissed, Brittany peeling off her panties so Tommy could gobble her gash, the gal mechanically moaning as he licked her ass too. Her classic black lingerie worked for her fit body, the lady wrapping her lips tightly around Tommy’s raging erection to show she hadn’t lost her touch before titty fucking him and then spreading her legs for a condom covered bout of boning. His rod was devoured by her bald beaver and her boobs bounced heartily as he pounded her, the gal only active at riding when she was on top of him, Tommy jerking off onto her bosoms before the scene cut away to the next.

Scene Four: Kasey Warner, a brunette playing yet another hooker, was up next with Tommy Gunn on a graffitti covered set, both of them waiting on the titular character so they settled in to have fun while waiting. She dropped to her knees to blow him and give him a handjob, her eye contact levels on the weak side though she pumped hard to get him off as he soon plastered her mug with his manly juices, Kasey licking him clean.

Scene Five: Dava Foxx, playing the most cheerful hooker of the movie, was up next in classic black lingerie, Brandon Iron giving her a note to hand to Punisher before she knelt down to blow him. Of all the oral experts of the show, she was the most devoted, explaining in great detail what she was going to do in the POV hummer as she licked, stroked, and sucked him off. Her actual moves were a little unpolished but she had a perfect pucker, some weird noises in the background and likelihood of a stunt cock being used (one that had trouble becoming completely hard) leading to her taking a mouth pop and swallowing in the playful oral-only scene.

Scene Six: Allie Haze, not reprising a role from a previous superhero parody but portraying “Domino” instead, saved the day for Ralph Long and with the help of movie magic caused by the low budget, was up next in a generic living room set savoring his cock and balls (seen on the upper left corner of the cover). She used her hand a lot and spent ample time on his balls, inhaling his modest member aggressively before he took her vaginally in doggy while he remained in his costume. He tapped her hairy snatch in a few positions and she sucked him clean regularly before he jerked off all over her crotch, Allie tasting his better part before giving some post coital head.

Scene Seven: August Ames, a curvy Canadian hotty as seen on the upper right, was up next as a de-powered Rogue, the gal starving for food so Ralph Long gave her some of his sausage to suck. While not exactly an original porn concept, she slobbed his knob actively, some added voices added in to show how crazy Ralph’s character was as she gave a hand assisted hummer to try and revive his cock as he lounged on a red love seat. She was an active vaginal rider in several positions and gave more head, Ralph busting a nut on her face and upper torso to end the encounter. The company website described the scene like this: “August Ames is insanely hot!! She has an amazing ass, big tits, and a flawless body. She is something to be seen for sure. This time around August brings to SPIZOO some positions that she would like to try, and of course DEADPOOL does not disappoint, giving her everything and anything she wants. So come on and witness a flawless girl get fucked! Enjoy!!!”

Scene Eight: Ava Addams, the amazing brunette babe featured on the lower right corner of the cover, was up last as Lady Death, the gal working at a jazz inspired night blub on the metal stripper pole to have fun with Tommy Gunn, her massive mammaries and delicious ass combined with her juicy pussy to make her a fine choice to end the movie sexually. He kissed her ass and scked her nipples, Ava bending over to let him hammer away at her neatly trimmed cookie before she settled down to actively ride him in the cowgirl variations, the flexible lass letting him finger and drill her on the ragged black leather furniture which led to him glazing her rack in a titty fuck as she streamed dirty talk. The company website described the scene like this: “Big tit Milf Ava Adams is a goodamn pro when it comes to receiving the cock! Tommy Gunn shows up, and get right down to it! Hardcore raw pussy slamming and relentlessly action! This babe has a perfect natural rack, and she is ALWAYS ready to fuck! It doesn't get any better than this! Enjoy!”

Summary: This Can’t Be Deadpool XXX + X by director Ralph Long for Spizoo Entertainment via Girlfriend Films was a major train wreck in many ways, the ultra low budget demanding terrible sets, weak special effects, and a decidedly minimalist approach to the feature elements and story yet I thought several of the sex scenes were pretty decent. Aside from a few BJ-only trysts and the use of a condom in another short scene, I can’t argue with the inclusion of ladies like Ava Addams, Anikka Albrite, or August Ames, on any level as I find them each as sexy as fuck in everything they do. Tommy Gunn and Ralph Long performed the bulk of the manly duties here, though guys like Jovan Jordan, Brandon Iron and Evan Stone helped fill in the blanks, the show even sporting “mother fucking” Brad Knight, a newcomer male with some potential. As a result of the highly inconsistent elements comprising the movie, I’m going to suggest it as a Rent It and let people decide for themselves what rating would be most appropriate, this kind of spoof best watched while smoking a bowl or having had some shots of tequila with an intimate bed buddy but given the sheer scope of Ralph’s ambition here, I have to hand it to him that This Can’t Be Deadpool XXX + X was better than I imagined and likely to put Spizoo Entertainment on the map (for better or worse) so check it out.