First Impressions:
Here it is, fans of fucking, the kind of glorified, over-stylized sex fare that gets most post-modern hardcore aficionados good and angry. Telling a simple clothesline story concerning a company that allows customers, via virtual reality, to experience their inner most fantasy, Delusions tries hard to be something other than a XXX chick flick. With its slow, sensual approach, lack of aggressive action, and concentration on intimacy and allure, you'd assume that director Nicholas Steele delivers a real wiener winner. Unfortunately, this slow moving erotica gets bogged down in its dual desire to be complex and carnal, as much human friction as science fiction. Yet not even the novel narrative twist (the movie starts out all speculative and sinister, but then radically shifts at the end to focus on friendship and fun) or the stellar professional cast can completely win us over. Steele seems lost in a desire to be both a filmmaker and a flesh peddler. Somewhere in between the pounding and the plot lies Delusions' delights. It's not the worst mainstream porn ever produced, but with an idea this technologically inviting, both the story and the suck and fuck should have been better.

The Sex Scenes:
If you like August or Haley Paige, your loins will love Delusions. Both gals get a pair of scenes (one of which features them in full lesbian lovemaking mode) and end up stealing the film from "stars" Syvette and Katja. The Dirge gives these other ladies lead status since they have the most dialogue and the most fully fleshed out subplots. Since it focuses on fantasies, we are also treated to a garden setting and a medieval backdrop for two of the six scenes. As for the action, the lack of anal (only one sequence) and minimal positions performed indicates that passion, not possible cock/cunt placement, is the order of the day. For those of you who enjoy a more emotion driven dicking, actors really putting on the lovey-dovey looks and measured corporeal screwings, Delusions will delight you. Everyone else will see stagnant industry standards and wonder when the Bang Brothers are going to release another putrid Pro-Am offering.

Scene 1: Brooke, Grant Michaels
Acts Performed: Kissing, Foreplay, Cunnilingus, Fingering, Blowjob, Reverse Cowgirl, Doggy, $hot in Mouth
Score: 2.5 out of 5

As our introduction to what Delusions holds in store, this outdoor experience between the fetching Brooke and the beefy Grant bodes well for the rest of the ramrodding. Decked out in semi-period costume (it's the '40s, supposedly, so we get green GI garb for him and a fancy hairdo and dress for her), the couple grapple and moan amongst the flowers, director Steele providing occasional editing glitches to prove that what we are seeing is actually a computer simulation. Once that gimmick goes away, the couple copulates effectively. There is a real chemistry between the pair and we sense the steamy arousal that this kind of title is supposed to produce. A few more positions and this segment would have really sizzled. As it stands, it's one of the better moments in the movie.

Scene 2: Syvette, Randy Spears
Acts Performed: Foreplay, Kissing, Blowjob, Reverse Cowgirl, Cunnilingus, Mish, $hot on Stomach
Score: 2 out of 5

Spears is a stud, the kind of hardcore actor that can handle both dialogue and drilling with professional aplomb. Syvette is a sexy blond, but basically can't get beyond "fuck fodder" on the personality scale. Together, we feel a kind of inert eros, as Spears supplies the cock, and Syvette tries to make it matter. Again, we get two whole positions in this scene, and neither one is maintained for long. Sure, it may appear more realistic to have a guy and a gal fuck for a few moments vs. a few minutes, but we come to porn for pork plenty, not the minimum daily requirement of sex situations. The short scenes here really reduce the amount of wantonness we get to witness.

Scene 3: Katjan Kassin, Steven Grant
Acts Performed: Kissing, Blowjob, Deep Throating, Cunnilingus, Mish, Doggy, Anal Doggy, Spanking, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, $hot in Mouth, Oral Clean-up
Score: 3 out of 5

Ms. Kassin is not a name porn star for nothing and she proves it in what is clearly the best scene in the entire film. Using Steven's dick like a necessary anatomical accessory, she works that wang (and us, coincidentally) into a heightened state of XXX-cstacy. There is a key moment, when Katjan has Mr. Grant's groin rammed up her asshole, where we instantly understand the appeal of hardcore humping. As he slaps her ample backside, our leading lady simply bears down and drives the dong home. Then she responds with a contented coo that should have men manipulating themselves in true tantric delight. Thanks to the perfect pairing, the added positions, and the use of the dumper to compel the scene, this is what Delusions should have been from the beginning. Forget the sci-fi storyline and just give us six scene of balls-out bonking.

Scene 4: August, Haley Paige
Acts Performed: Kissing, Foreplay, Tit Play, Cunnilingus
Score: 2 out of 5

Like a men's magazine photo shoot come to life, August and Haley do the pretty pose down thing for this superficial Sapphic exercise. It has to be said that The Dirge did enjoy the gals' initial moments of "getting to know each other". But once they made their way "downtown" the same old girl on girl blandness sets in. Thankfully, director Steele does something interesting with the scene. He uses it as a set up for the final two sequences, using it like frilly foreplay for the meat puppeteering to come.

Scene 5: August, Cheyenne Collins
Acts Performed: Foreplay, Kissing, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Cowgirl, Mish, $hot in Mouth and on Chest
Score: 2.5 out of 5

Seen off and on throughout the film (he plays a husband who would rather work out than work over his wife) Cheyenne gets one whiff of August's technologically tripped musk and goes horn dog daffy. There is a real immediacy and intimacy in this sequence, a chance to see a pair of professional adult performers doing what they do best. True, more than two positions would have been nice, and the physical parameters between the duo (she's incredibly petite, he's all pumped and puffy) can seem unsettling, but overall, Delusions gets itself back on track with this episode – at least, erotically speaking.

Scene 6: Haley Paige, Steven St. Croix
Acts Performed: Kissing, Foreplay, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Reverse Cowgirl, Mish, Toe Sucking, $hot on Body
Score: 2 out of 5

After the odd denouement where all the menacing machinations going on between the characters turns out to be a big misunderstanding (no one is evil, everyone is on the same page, ethically and morally) we get Haley and Steven's bathtub romp. Simultaneously sexy and scary (wet tits and ass are incredibly hot, actors almost slipping onto a hard tile floor is not), the added bit of toe work pushes the scene from middling to manageable. Since the setting does limit the amount of interpersonal interlacing the couple can complete, complaining about a lack of physical variations seems rather pointless. Yet it does demonstrate why some will adore Delusions while others simply return to their extensive gonzo collections.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 2.5 out of 5 (Recommended)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted

Clearly marketed for those who consider pornography a marital aide, not a significant other substitute, Delusions earns a Recommended for completely fulfilling its demographically determined designs. True, you will probably see hotter humping in the XXX canon, and nothing here comes close to the latest trends in nasty hard knocks nookie. But if you long for the days when smut stood for steamy sex and saleable sensuality, this title will definitely twist your internal desire dials. Couples can't complain, so a Cohabitation Certification is easily awarded. Don't get the Dirge wrong – he really does enjoy down and dirty freaked out fucking, both partners pouring sweat as cock crams crack for what seems like hours on end. But there is something sensible about straight features that really satisfy a carnal craving. Delusions may not be perfect, but it passes the pornographic mustard.