Synopsis

Getting It Up With The Kardassians is a very appealing and couples-friendly little feature in which Kendra Secrets and Van Damage play the Kardassians, a well-known celebrity family. They have two daughters, played by Mikayla and Audrey Bitoni.

The Kardassians are a lascivious family, but the parents really love their daughters. So much so, in fact, that mom Kendra fucks Audrey's cheating boyfriend (Derrick Pierce) in exchange for him breaking it off with her daughter. And, Kendra sets up her other daughter (Mikayla) with a handsome personal trainer, played by Talon, who exercises both her abs and her pussy during a very strenuous workout!

Dad, too, is willing to do anything for his daughters. In fact, he even fucks their nanny (Starla Sterling) to keep her happy!

The warmth and concern of the Kardassian family goes beyond mere sex. It's obvious that mom Kendra and daughter Audrey have a very good relationship. Audrey can even confide in her mom about a romp she had with a movie star, played by Jack Venice. And, Kendra and Audrey even enjoy mother/daughter outing to a spa.

Audrey is the most sexually precocious of the Kardassian girls. Her bi-sexuality makes her equally at home with a male movie star and with her two sizzling hot girlfriends, played by Nikki Benz and Eva Angelina.

Getting It Up With The Kardassians is a fun-filled romp that would make a good couples watch if your partner is not offended by a bit of anal sex (in Scene One) or by a raucous lesbian threeway (Scene Five).

However, after watching Getting It Up With The Kardassians, I am simply forced to write a few words about breast implants. I almost never criticize a porn girl's appearance because I respect and appreciate almost any girl who is willing to strip and spread her pussy for the camera. To be clear...I am not criticizing the two girls in this movie whose breasts have been disfigured. I certainly understand why a girl would like larger and more voluptuous breasts. After all, I would like my penis to be larger! I do, however, criticize quack surgeons who take otherwise attractive women and desecrate their breasts. Frankly, I think the doctors who mutilate breasts should be taken before a firing squad and shot! It pains me to consider that one of the girls in this movie who has been terribly damaged by an incompetent quack is one of the most exotic-looking, attractive, hard-bodied, and shapely girls you'll ever see. And, she's a damned good fuck, too! What a pity!

So, here is my advice for girls who are considering breast implants. Before you have surgery...and I don't want to dissuade you from doing so...watch several porn movies and check out the results of the girls' implants. There are many female performers who have extremely attractive implants...Eva Angelina, jessica drake, Teagan Presley, Jesse Jane, Brittney Skye, Nikki Benz, Tera Patrick, and Jenna Jameson, to name a few. These girls have different styles of implants, but the results are attractive in each case. Once you see a pair of breasts you like, contact the girl (most of them have Myspace pages) and find out who did their surgeries. Don't buy a pig in a poke! Do your research first. Finally, remember that most guys don't really care about breast size. Of course, I don't speak for all guys, but my Dr. Jay's Must See Girls include women with natural small breasts (Cassie Young, Kimberly Kane, Aubrey Addams), medium-sized natural breasts (Alexis Love, Jenna Haze, Shay Jordan), large natural breasts, (Kelly Madison, Amy Ried, Gianna), and large enhanced breasts (Eva Angelina, Shyla Stylez, Hillary Scott). Bottom line...it's not the boobs, it's the girl behind the breasts! 

Check out some photos of the girls in Getting it Up With the Kardassians here.
Pay particular attention to the photos of the awesome all-girl threesome as well as the portraits of Must-See Girls Mikayla, Eva, and Nikki.! Enjoy! 

Review

Note to readers: My reviews are provided in two parts. This webpage provides you with an overview of the scene's setup and action as well as my ratings for sex, video, audio, and production values. A separate Word document checklist details the foreplay activities, positions, pops, and features of each scene...as well as the calculation of each scene's ratings. The checklist for Getting It Up With The Kardassians can be downloaded here. You'll need a password. It's drjay2008.

Look for scenes and movies with a 4.5 or higher (A) sex rating and at least 4.0 (B) in video, audio, and production values. Those are my favorite scenes and I'm quite certain that you'll like them, too.

If you want to see how I derived the scores for each scene, please read the checklist linked above.

Scene 1

Scene Type: Boy/girl/anal

Performers: Kendra Secrets, Derrick Pierce

Overview: MILF Kendra Secrets, playing the matriarch of the Kardassian clan, is distressed because the boyfriend (Derrick Pierce) of her younger daughter (Audrey) is cheating on her. So, Kendra sets out to force Derrick out of Audrey's life. After having a brief conversation with her older daughter Mikayla, and introducing Mikayla to her new personal trainer (see Scene Two), Kendra sets out to confront Derrick. Kendra meets Derrick at his house and demands: "Why are you running around with half of the town's skirts?" Then, she gets to the point: "What is it gonna take for you to stop seeing my daughter? How much do you want?" As you might expect, Derrick wants "somebody with experience." Somebody, of course, like mom Kendra. Begrudgingly, Kendra agrees because she'll do whatever it takes for her daughter. So, even though she hates him (and shouts her hatred repeatedly), she fucks him...exceptionally well, I might add! They begin by kissing and then Derrick licks her neck, bites her nipples, squeezes her tits, and rubs her pussy through her slacks. Soon, they're tearing the clothes off each other so that Kendra can give Derrick an impassioned and slobbery deep-throat hand/blowjob replete with lots of stringers and jawbreakers. Meanwhile, Derrick tugs on Kendra's long black hair and spanks and squeezes her ass cheeks. After a while, Derrick demands, "Sit on this dick." So, since she's willing to do anything for her daughter, Kendra mounts him in cowgirl (great close-ups) and passionately fucks and grinds him vaginally using absolutely outstanding moves while he squeezes and slaps her butt. Soon, Derrick begins to match Kendra's strokes and the two fuck each other like a well-engineered sex machine at redline speed. In due course, Derrick lifts Kendra off the couch on which they are fucking and, without letting his cock slip out of her cunt, he lays her down in the missionary position for more vaginal sex. During mish, Derrick spanks and squeezes Kendra's large bouncing boobs, takes time to spank her labia and clit with his hands and cock, and slaps her thighs. When Derrick notices that Kendra is almost ready to cum, he reaches down and expertly--yet mildly--chokes her throat, squeezes her erect nipples, and slaps her face and tits to push her over the top to orgasmic bliss. After Kendra cums, Derrick continues to pound her fast and deep--and jack and slap her clit--to keep her pleasure flowing. After she cums again, Derrick goes down on Kendra's pussy and licks up her pussy juice with his tongue. Then, he fucks her to yet another orgasm in mish. Eventually, he slips his cock out of her pussy, lubes her asshole with his saliva, and then inches his cock past her sphincter until it disappears. Then, he fucks her fast and deep while she frantically jacks her clit to increase her pleasure. Meanwhile, nasty Derrick slaps Kendra's face and chokes her throat as she shouts; "I like that dick in my ass!" Derrick makes Kendra suck his dick clean using voracious deep-throat ass-to-mouth (ATM) and then she begs, "I want your cock in my ass!" So, she kneels on the couch in doggie and presents her holes to Derrick for his pleasure. Of course, he slips his rod back into her tight and spit-soaked asshole and then reams her powerfully (great camera angles and close-ups) as her boobs dance joyfully and ecstatic groans escape her lips. Derrick also gapes Kendra's anus for our enjoyment! Later, as the scene continues to unfold, Kendra and Derrick roll over into reverse cowgirl and continue anal sex (Kendra's fine MILF body looks fine in this position!). During reverse, Derrick slips two of his fingers into Kendra's gaping pussy while reaming her asshole with his cock. So he, in essence, double-penetrates her holes. As the scene draws to a close, Kendra begs Derrick to "cum all over my pussy." But, Derrick has other plans. So, he stands and she kneels at his feet while he jacks his cock to ejaculation. Kendra takes his load into her mouth and onto her face. Then, she sucks him dry. This is a very fine MILF scene!  

Sex rating: 5.00

Video rating: 5.00

Audio rating: 3.50

Production values rating: 3.80

Scene 2

Scene Type: Boy/Girl

Performers: Mikayla, Talon

Overview: Kendra, a thoughtful mom who wants the best for her daughters, hires a studly personal trainer (Talon) for Mikayla. Kendra secretly hopes that Talon will not only exercise Mikayla's body, but her pussy as well! Mikayla is doubtful at first. However, when Kendra introduces the two, and Mikayla gets a good look at Talon, she blurts out, "The pleasure is ALL mine!" During the subsequent workout, couch Talon has Mikayla do some crunches. Meanwhile, he rests his hand on her abs so he can feel how her muscles are reacting. At first, Mikayla finds Talon's hand distracting. Then, however, she realizes exactly what she wants and urges Talon to move his hand farther and farther down, past her bejeweled navel, past the elastic of her sweat pants, past her chevron-shaped pubic hair, and to her engorged labia. Encouraged, Talon rubs his hands all over Mikayla's fabulous body and even tugs up her workout bra to fondle and suck her gorgeous tits. Soon, Talon and Mikayla stand face to back so that Talon can lick the back of Mikayla's pretty neck while squeezing her breasts. Then, he helps her out of her sweat pants, bends her over into doggie, kisses her ass, spreads her butt cheeks, rims her asshole, and briefly licks her pussy. Then, Mikayla notices the bulge in Talon's sweat pants. So, she kneels on the floor in front of him, tears off his pants, and takes his lucky cock into her ravenous mouth for a passionate hand/blowjob that's lubricated with lots of her spit (nice stringers). Mikayla doesn't neglect Talon's balls...indeed, she sucks them repeatedly. And, she deep-throats his cock, too. After taking a short break so that Talon can kiss and spank Mikayla's fine ass, rim her asshole, and lick her pussy, Mikayla shoves Talon onto a couch, straddles him in reverse cowgirl, spreads her spit-lubed labia wide, and then lowers herself onto his hard cock (damned nice insertion footage!). Once he's inside her pussy, Mikayla then begins to bounce up and down gleefully and jack her erect clit as she shouts for joy. Meanwhile, Talon grabs handfuls of her fine flesh and slaps her pretty tits as he lies back and enjoys the ride. During reverse, Mikayla takes an opportunity to suck her pussy juices off of Talon's cock (Talon pulls her long black hair while she blows him). Then, after again showing off her sexy moves in reverse, Talon begins to match Mikayla's frenzied strokes with his own high-speed thrusts. Mikayla cums and then quickly stands and moves into doggie. After Talon kisses and strokes her ass cheeks, he slips his cock back into her pussy and pounds her fast and deep...thrusts so powerful that Mikayla's boobs gyrate wildly. Meanwhile, Mikayla fucks back, strokes her clit, and encourages Talon with nasty commentary. After a little pussy-to-mouth cock-cleaning action, Mikayla mounts Talon in cowgirl and again takes control as she fucks him with frenzied strokes. During cowgirl, Talon keeps himself busy by squeezing and spanking Mikayla's gorgeous ass cheeks. After another bout of pussy-to-mouth, Mikayla and Talon return to cowgirl. However, this time Talon takes the lead as he pistons in-and-out of Mikayla's cunt (great close-ups) at redline speed while repeatedly spanking her ass cheeks. Mikayla cums again...this time harder than the first...and then Talon lifts her up and throws her onto the couch so he can eat, finger-fuck, and fuck her pussy in mish. Talon reams Mikayla like a wild animal as her body devours every delicious sensation of pleasure. Mikayla love it and shouts, "Fuckin' bang my pussy! Work it! Yes, Yes, YES! Fuckin' work it!" Meanwhile, Mikayla jacks her own clit and squeezes her fine bouncing boobs. Talon fucks Mikayla until the last possible second. Then, he slips his cock out of her pussy and, just as she gets in place to receive his load, he unloosens a generous and powerful stream of semen onto her pretty face and into her open mouth. After she sucks and milks him dry, she exclaims, "I think you're the best fucking trainer I've ever had!"  

Sex rating: 4.90

Video rating: 4.50

Audio rating: 4.00

Production values rating: 3.80

Scene 3

Scene Type: Boy/girl

Performers: Audrey Bitoni, Jack Venice 

Overview: Cover girl Audrey Bitoni, playing the younger Kardassian daughter, has a dream date with a movie star played by Jack Venice. While relaxing on his couch, Audrey confesses that she's "such a big fan" of his. Jack also confides that he's a fan of hers "just because you look so good!" She replies: "Why don't you show me how good I look? Yeah, come over here!" Is that an invitation or what? Of course Jack knows a good thing when he sees it. So, he snuggles tight to Audrey's body, passionately and lingeringly kisses her open mouth (her face is so beautiful that it's literally mesmerizing), strokes and finger-fucks her panty-less pussy, and enjoys the feel of her hands as they explore his body and caress the bulge in his jeans. Soon, Audrey's lust requires her to move forward. So, she slips her boobs out of her top, helps Jack unzip his pants, and then attacks his erect penis with her mouth and saliva-soaked hands. Audrey's capacious throat opens wide so that she can swallow him balls deep! Damn, she's a GREAT--and very noisy--cocksucker! While Audrey deep-throats his cock, Jack keeps his fingers busy by stroking Audrey's pussy, by probing her cunt, and by stroking her flesh. To give Jack easier access to her drop-dead beautiful belly, thighs, legs, back, and ass, Audrey strips naked. Believe me, Jack takes full advantage of her nudity and caresses everything! And, he pulls on her flowing black hair, too. In due course, Jack positions Audrey on her back atop the couch, lifts her legs up and behind her head, shoves his cock into her pussy, and then fucks her missionary style. As Jack slides in and out, horny Audrey jacks her clit, squeezes her breasts, groans passionately, and encourages Jack with looks of absolute bliss. Of course, her big tits bounce in reaction to Jack's powerful strokes. Soon, Jack moves Audrey into the piledriver position and hungrily eats and tongue-fucks her pretty bald pussy. Later, after some more high-intensity missionary action, Audrey sucks her pussy juices off of Jack's cock (more superb deep-throat action). Then, she straddles Jack and fucks him in cowgirl using very powerful and sexy moves. Damn, Audrey's like a jumping jack on steroids...she's THAT energetic! Jack mainly lies back and enjoys the ride. However, he does keep his hands busy by squeezing, caressing, and spanking her superb flesh...especially her ass. And, he eventually takes over the in-and-out action and fucks her balls-deep so fast that his cock blurs on the screen! But, being dominant sexually, Audrey isn't content to let him do all the work. So, the two are soon pounding each other with incredible energy. After a while, Audrey lifts herself off Jack's cock, turns around, and then fucks him in reverse. Again, Audrey's energy and sexual prowess take center stage as she literally fucks Jack to heaven! During reverse, be sure to check out Audrey's superb abs, her shapely thighs, her long pretty legs, and her exotic passion-filled face. She's a real beauty! As the scene continues, Jack gets to fuck Audrey's pussy in kneeling doggie (God, her legs and thighs are gorgeous!). However, as always, Audrey is so fucking insatiable that she simply cannot just "get fucked." No, this fireball even fucks back with extreme enthusiasm while she's kneeling in doggie. Wow! What a fuck! Jack really appreciates Audrey's gusto and rewards her by taking a break to rim her asshole and multiple-finger-fuck her pussy while she erotically undulates her fuckin' hot body, groans ecstatically, and fondles her breasts. After some more hot doggie-style sex, Audrey sucks Jack's cock clean and then they transition to spoon. Extremely fine chemistry develops during this segment as Audrey and Jack look intensely into each others' eyes and kiss passionately. Damn, they're having a great time together! Believe me, if you want to see two people who are REALLY into each other and the pleasure they are sharing, this is the couple! To finish up this high-energy scene, Jack pounds Audrey faster and faster in spoon until he's ready to explore. Then, she drops to her knees and takes his voluminous load all over her beaming face and into her wide-open mouth. She then sucks him dry as the scene fades to black. From what I've described, you can tell I enjoyed Audrey and Jack's coupling. However, there's one thing that doesn't quite fit...Audrey obviously had a tremendous time throughout this scene. But, I never saw her climax. I wonder if she came but the footage was edited out. Again, her lack of an orgasm is hard to believe. 

Sex rating: 3.90

Video rating: 4.50

Audio rating: 3.50

Production values rating: 3.20

Scene 4

Scene Type: Boy/girl

Performers: Starla Sterling, Van Damage  

Overview: While daddy Kardassian (Van Damage) conducts some business on the phone, the family's new nanny, Starla Sterling, arrives, walks upstairs, and greets him. Amazingly, Starla, a slightly chubby (although definitely not fat) and very busty blond, arrives to her nanny job wearing an extremely slutty pair of miniscule jeans shorts and a small bikini top that barely covers her boobs. Starla brazenly sits on the arm of the couch on which Van is sitting and explains, "I not just here to fulfill the needs of your kids. I'm here to fulfill your personal needs, too. Maybe a little lunch or massage?" Van explains that a massage would not be appropriate. Then, bold Starla says, "You could massage me!" Is she begging for it, or what? She grabs his hand and squeezes it around her boob. Obviously, Van's scruples don't stand a chance...especially when she reaches inside his sweat pants, removes his erect cock, and promises, "You don't have to be scared. I'm just the nanny!" Starla then gives Van an enthusiastic--but tender--and slobbery blowjob while he unloosens her top so her big boobs can bounce free. To help him have even better access to her voluptuous curves, Starla strips off her jeans shorts. Of course, Van's fingers soon find themselves deep inside Starla's pussy! Starla continues to suck and stroke Van's penis (she often eyes us as she blows him), spits large amounts of saliva onto his rod (nice stringers), and even deep-throats him balls deep. And, she gives him a handjob, too. To show his appreciation, Van kisses Starla's mouth, pulls her long blond hair, and strokes her curves with his hands. Eventually, Starla asks, "Are you ready?" Of course he is. So, she kneels on the couch and strokes her pussy with her fingers to excite Van. Believe me, Van doesn't need much enticement and soon shoves his cock past her labia and into very VERY juicy pussy. Once he's in balls-deep, Van begins to thrust in and out with increasing fervor as Starla coos happily and jacks her very slippery-with-pussy-juice clit. In due course, Starla sucks Van's cock clean (more superb and very slobbery deep-throat action) and then she lies on her back and spreads her legs so Van can fuck her in mish. Starla enjoys Van's thrusts and ups the ante by stroking her clit so that she can cum for the first of many times during the scene. Even though Starla came, Van continues to pound her pussy while she squeezes her muscles tight around his shaft and fingers her clit. Insatiable Starla soon cums again and then sucks her girl juice off of Van's cock: "It's SO sweet!" As the scene continues to unfold, Van sits back on the couch so that he and Starla can fuck each other in cowgirl--and then in reverse cowgirl--while Starla encourages their lust with well-chosen words and jacks her extremely wet clit (it sloshes!) to increase her pleasure. Starla is particularly energetic in reverse...and tosses her body up and down powerfully as Van enjoys the ride. In fact, he enjoys himself so much that he has to lift her off his cock so that he won't prematurely ejaculate. But, pro that he is, Van is soon able to slide back in and continue to plow Starla's pussy as she joyfully bounces up and down. Starla makes herself cum again, stands up, lies on her side, and again enjoys Van's powerful in-and-out thrusts while she strokes her clit. By this time, Van simply cannot hold back. So, he slides out of her pussy and pops all over Starla's breasts. "That's nice," she exclaims!  

Sex rating: 4.40

Video rating: 4.50

Audio rating: 4.00

Production values rating: 3.20

Scene 5

Scene Type: All girl threeway

Performers: Audrey Bitoni, Eva Angelina, Nikki Benz

Overview: When Kardassian daughter Audrey Bitoni returns home from a trip with her mom to a spa, she finds her girlfriends Eva Angelina and Nikki Benz waiting for her in her bedroom. By the time Audrey arrives, Nikki and Eva, dressed in skimpy bikinis, are so fucking horny that they literally beg Audrey for "our own little party." Audrey readily agrees and leads the girls to her bed where Eva and Nikki strip her naked: "We're going to treat you tonight!" Audrey lies back on her bed and grins wickedly as her girlfriends strip off their tops. Then, Eva attacks Audrey's nipples with her mouth while Nikki voraciously eats Audrey's pussy and licks her clit. Soon, both Eva and Audrey cooperate to pleasure Audrey's beautiful vagina with their tongues and fingers. "Don't you love your friends?" asks Eva. "Uh-huh!" replies Audrey. In due course, Nikki and Eva strip off their panties and then spend a little more time pleasuring Audrey's randy flesh with their tongues and fingers. Then Eva, always the dominant in any girl-girl scene in which she performs, straps on a big plastic dick while the other girls giggle expectantly. Meanwhile, Audrey suckles Nikki's big and gorgeous tits. Eva then tells the girls to kneel on the bed with their faces toward the headboard (God, their asses are gorgeous!). Then, after lubing up her girlfriends' pussies with her spit, Eva straddles and fucks each girl's pussy in doggie round-robin style. Eva gives each girl equal toy time. But, when one girl's pussy is not being stuffed with plastic cock, she keeps herself busy by masturbating, licking the other girl's flesh, spiting on the pistoning dildo, or sucking her girlfriend's tits. As the girls continue to pleasure each other, Nikki grabs a dildo from under a pillow and uses it to fuck herself in missionary while Eva continues to ream Audrey's cunt, using her spit-soaked strap-on, in doggie. Meanwhile, Audrey bends down to gobble Nikki's tasty twat and to suckle her erect nipples. During a break from the in-and-out action, Audrey and Nikki work together to suck, lick, and stroke Eva's strap-on. "That looks hot!" exclaims Eva. I agree. It looks even hotter when Nikki slobbers all over it with lots of her spit and uses it to make jawbreakers in her mouth. In due course, Audrey lies on her back so that Nikki can straddle and fuck her face while Eva pounds Audrey's vagina with the strap-on (Eva really knows how to wield a strap-on!). Eva pounds Audrey hard and deep, causing her big boobs to bounce and gyrate. Meanwhile, Audrey uses her gorgeous manicured fingers to stroke her happy clit. After a while, Eva announces, "I want you to fuck my cock now!" So, she lies on her back so her plastic dick stands tall and proud. Then, Audrey eagerly sucks the dick so it will be nice and slippery for Nikki, who soon mounts Eva in reverse and fucks the toy with hot and sexy moves (her boobs bounce beautifully!). Nikki's girlfriends really want her to cum. So, Eva begins to piston in-and-out at redline speed while Audrey frantically jacks Nikki's clit with her fingers and suckles her nipples with her mouth. Nikki's subsequent orgasm causes her back to arch as squeals of pleasure escape her lips. After Nikki's first orgasm, Eva and Audrey pleasure her even harder so that her second orgasm is stronger than the first. Wow! After climaxing the second time, Nikki climbs off of Eva and sucks the strap-on dick clean (lots of stringers) while Audrey licks, suckles, and caresses Eva's horny flesh. Then, Audrey shows off her considerable deep-throating skills by swallowing the long toy all the way down. "That's hot! You guys are great!" gushes Eva. After a few more moments of cocksucking, Nikki tells Eva, "I think we need to play with YOU now. And I've got just the right toy!" Eva's face beams with lust and anticipation as Audrey grabs the "weapon of cunt destruction" that Nikki had in mind...an AC-powered vibrator that is huge and super pleasurable. Eva, who can't wait for the ecstasy she'll soon experience, quickly strips off the strap-on and spreads her legs wide so that Nikki and Audrey can use their tongues, spit, and amazing toy on her insatiable vagina. The next few minutes of intense Sapphic bliss, followed by Eva's two orgasms of epic proportions, is the reason I watch porn. Outstanding, girls! Once again, Eva proves that she's always going to be worthy of my 2007 Dr. Jay's Must See Girls Award. 

Sex rating: 4.90

Video rating: 5.00

Audio rating: 4.00

Production values rating: 3.00

Extras

This DVD-9 disc contains a full-motion chapter selector that not only allows you to choose a scene, but also lets you jump to Intro, Oral, Sex, Cum Shot, and so on; a five-minute self-running slide show; a two-minute cumshot reel; a DVD@ccess web link that those who view the movie on a computer can use to access Venom's website; and a 13-minute behind-the-scenes (BTS) featurette. The BTS contains video of the still photo shoots; rehearsal of lines; after-sex clean up; outtakes; extra sex-scene footage; and behind-the-scenes shenanigans. This selection of extras is about average in today's marketplace. Three stars!

Final Thoughts

Recap
Overall sex rating: 4.62

Overall video rating: 4.70

Overall audio rating: 3.80

Production values rating: 3.40