AN X-RATED WESTERN!

I've always been a fan of westerns. And lesbian porn, of course. So when I saw that Wicked Pictures had released The Good, The Bad, and The Wicked—a lesbian porn western—I jumped at the chance to give it a spin. This is a fun take on the western genre that romps through all the typical clichés of the genre while delivering some blistering sex solely between gorgeous women.

SCENE 1

This film gets started almost immediately, with an outdoor scene in front of a stable, complete with a voyeuristic horse. A luscious braided blonde (Charlie) starts fondling and fingering a pouty brunette (Stephanie Swift), and soon they're suckling each others' nipples, trading cunny laps, and exploring assholes. I must admit, I got quite a kick out of the western gear—long underwear, chaps, gunbelts, ten-gallon hats—that these ladies have to remove to access the pink flesh. My only complaint here (and for most of the film) is that the music accompanying the sex is standard porn fare with no western feel at all. I would love to have heard some twangy Sergio Leone type music. Special mention must be made of the fluid camera movements that director Brad Armstrong employs. These ladies really seem to get into their fleshy pursuits. Grade: A-

After this post-credits scene, the movie takes a stab at a flimsy plot. A beautiful female stranger (Missy) ambles into town—much like Sharon Stone in The Quick and the Dead—and an old dude (George Kaplan) starts telling her stories about the town.

SCENE 2

The first "story" that the old-timer tells is a pleasant four-girl orgy that takes place seemingly in front of the same stable as the first scene. There's a cowgirl (Shayla La Veaux), an Indian squaw (Syren), and two uniformed soldierettes (Swift and Mandi Frost). The uniformed gals pair off for some soul-kissing, and the squaw and cowgirl get down to their own nastiness. Soon there's all kinds of pussy-slathering going on in the midst of the dusty western setting, and it's humorously anachronistic when the girls start saying things like, "Aw, yeah, you wanna fuck my pussy? Huh?" I kinda wished they'd say something more like, "You got a real purty tinderbox there, darlin'." But that's just me. Later in the scene, the gals break out colorful dildos, and those just don't seem to fit the setting at all. I mean, dildos are fun and all, but if you're going to make an all-girl western porn flick, go for it! This scene also has minor anal play. Grade: B

SCENE 3

The next "story" takes place in the local saloon. This is an energetic threesome between some unwholesome-looking whores (Randi Rage, Dolly Golden, and Antonia) who writhe around on the bar and get quickly naked. This scene features the first 69 of the film, and it includes some arousing face-straddling. Grade: B+

SCENE 4

Now we switch to a scene between two women doing their Sunday chores—specifically, outdoor laundry. This scene has a hot wholesomeness to it. Its two comely lasses (Roxanne Hall and Nici Sterling) have a virginal quality that appealed to me tremendously. The gorgeous blonde is shaved and has a nice throaty moan as she's on the receiving end of the brunette's talented tongue. The blonde returns the favor from behind as the brunette props herself against some farm machinery. I enjoyed every luscious position in this scene, which had a pleasing all-natural quality. Grade: A

SCENE 5

The storytelling is done, so the blonde decides to go get a shave at the local barber shop. Well, it's not long before the female barber (Ruby) is all over our protagonist, suckling her natural breasts and kissing her passionately. I liked the sensuality of this scene. The barber has gargantuan mammaries, and she delivers some startlingly fine rear-access cunnilingus as the blonde straddles the chair. A fantastic 69 in the chair follows. As the scene winds down, the blonde shaves the barber with a straight razor, and we get intimate close-ups. I will replay this scene often. Another plus is that this scene actually has some western-tinged music, and because of that, I enjoyed it even more. Grade: A

SCENE 6

The blonde decides to check out the sheriff's office. Of course, the sheriff (Brooke) and her prisoner (Felecia) are both sexy porn stars, who engage in some fondling through the bars of a prison cell. The sheriff releases the prisoner so they can really get down to some business in the office, in and out of the cell. There's more cunny-spelunking from behind and from the front and while standing. Nice variations, but nothing extraordinary. Grade: B

SCENE 7

Our blonde runs into some bad girls she used to run with, and they're soon rollicking together in a grass field. When the scene began, I didn't think it would amount to much. These actresses are particularly bad at delivering a line of dialog. But soon the scene is alive with terrific energy, thanks the two new blondes (Kelsey Hart and Shay Sweet). In a nice dildo variation that actually works, one of the blondes yanks two silver dildos from her gunbelt. In one great shot, we see the main character inserting the dildos simultaneously into the two girls' anuses. If you're into lots of gasping and screaming and all-nude girls crawling all over each other and inserting various digits and appendages into willing and wet orifices, this is the one for you. This is a great, long scene to end the film with. Grade: A

AUDIO/VIDEO QUALITY

Unfortunately, the full-frame image looks flat and murky, and lacks sharpness and detail. Close-up images are generally sharp, especially the outdoor ones, but most of the time, you're left thinking that the image could look better, with more detail.

SPECIAL FEATURES

Beyond the usual Wicked propaganda, you get a Behind the Scenes Photo Gallery, a Photo Gallery, Star Biographies, and Trailers.

But the primary extra here is The Making of The Good, The Bad, & The Wicked, a 7-minute piece that is narrationless and just ambles from scene to scene in a rather boring way.