This Ain’t Bad Girls Club XXX
- Release date:
July 20, 2010 - Runtime:
1h 26m - Cast:
Skye Blue|Ethan Cage|Tyler Knight|Lexi Belle|Misty Stone|Satine Phoenix|Dane Cross|Angelina Valentine|Criss Strokes|Alyssa Reece|Andy San Dimas|Katie Kox
Genre: Feature
Director: Skye Blue
Cast: Andy San Dimas, Dane Cross, Katie Kox, Tyler Knight, Alyssa Reece, Misty Stone, Lexi Belle, Ethan Cage, Angelina Valentine, Chris Strokes.
Must-See Girls in Cast: Angelina Valentine
Length: 01:27
Condoms: None.
Bonus: Two bonus points: one for condom-free sex and the second for 2010 Dr. Jay's Must-See Girl Angelina Valentine.
This Ain't Bad Girls Club XXX is yet another parody (Are you tired of them yet?). This one, directed by legendary performer Skye Blue, pokes fun at a reality TV program that, happily, I've never had the misfortune to see.
The "plot," which appears unscripted, revolves around a house full of horny bitches that, for the most part, hate each other. They "dis" each other with their words, steal each other's boyfriends, tell lies about each other, seduce the producer and crew, plot against each other, spy on each other, and even get into cat fights. One group of particularly devious sluts even taints some face cream with itching powder and most of the girls in the house pay the price with inflamed skin.
I think the storyline is really quite cute. Since I've never seen the TV show that inspired this parody, I have no idea if the story is consistent with the original program. Nonetheless, it's enjoyable and I really liked watching the girls go after each other with words and deeds.
I particularly enjoyed the acting. In particular, I must single out Angelina Valentine. She plays the "head bitch" in the house...she really does think she's in charge. And, for the most part, she is because she's the most devious and is quite adept at spying clandestinely on her roommates. Angelina plays the part perfectly. I know, for a fact, that Angelina is a very sweet girl (I've met and conversed with her several times). So, since she's not a vindictive bitch in real life, she's not just playing herself. Instead, she acts with a great deal of skill and aplomb.
Equally as impressive, from an acting perspective, is Misty Stone. Misty, unlike most porn girls, can make herself cry on cue and, as a result, does a nice job playing the part of a sweet girl who was "wounded" by her back-stabbing roommate Katie Kox.
Speaking of Katie Kox...I'm totally in love with this blond and extremely buxom girl. Katie, if you read this, email me at [email protected]. I'd like to meet you in person some day.
Truth be told, I decided to review this movie because of Angelina Valentine. More particularly, I wanted to see her fuck Chris Stokes because the two of them are engaged to be married (congratulations, you two!). Although their coupling was scorching, I was a bit disappointed because Chris never ate Angelina's pussy during the scene. (There's a photo of him eating her out in the gallery that's linked to this review, but no cunnilingus footage appears in the scene...maybe it was edited out???) I was very disappointed because I'm attracted to Angelina's beautifully pierced vagina like a moth to a flame. I'd love to spend hours between her legs!
Another definite plus in this movie is the use of the set. Of course, given the storyline, the plot is set in an ordinary house that serves as the incubator for the girls' schemes. But, the sex scenes are shot in several story-appropriate "sets" in and outside of the house. And, the plot development uses even more of the property.
OK...so I've sung the praises of the cute plot, the acting by several of the cast members, the cuteness and hot-ness of the cast, and Katie Kox's tits. That said, the bottom line is: This movie is very disappointing.
The primary technical problem with This Ain't Bad Girls Club XXX is the extremely shabby videography and soundtrack. I've given plenty of specifics in each scene's review below. Suffice it to say that poor craftsmanship essentially ruined what should have been a good movie.
The worst problem is the poor sound track. Much of the "sweet sounds of sex" natural soundtrack seems to have been poorly recorded. So, it's hard to hear the dialog and the "moans and groans." In Scene Two, featuring astounding Katie Kox, the natural soundtrack completely disappears and is replaced with cheesy music.
Speaking of cheesy music: it sucks. I don't think I've ever heard a worse soundtrack in a porn movie. And, because porn music is notoriously bad, that's really saying something.
There are also problems with the sex. I've already mentioned the lack of cunnilingus in Scene Five, which features Angelina Valentine and Chris Stokes. I am also very disappointed that two of the girls (Katie Kox and Lexi Belle) don't climax during their scenes. Finally, Scene Two, which already suffers from a non-existent soundtrack, is further diminished because it only contains two sexual positions. I feel particularly disappointed in Scene Two because Katie Kox is so fucking gorgeous. I've never had the pleasure of seeing Katie before. So, I really hope that she's hotter than this scene indicates. I'll watch out for you Katie...and I hope to see you in a scene that really sizzles.
The sex also, in my opinion, suffers from a lack of anal pleasure. There's a tiny bit of rimming and one quick anal exploration by Chris Stokes' finger. But, that's it. Assholes need lovin' too!
So, due primarily to the poor technical aspects of the audio and video and the inferior sex in Scenes Two and Four, I rate this movie "rent it." It's really not worth having in your collection. But, you might have fun watching the plot unfold. And, it is mild enough to share with a less-than-sophisticated partner.
This assessment is disappointing for me to write because I greatly respect the movie's director, Skye Blue. I've known her and her work in front of and behind the camera and find this release to be far below her capability.
Check out some photos of the girls in This Ain't Bad Girls Club XXX here.
Pay particular attention to the photos of the amazing Katie Kox! Enjoy!
Note to readers: My reviews are provided in two parts. This web page provides you with an overview of the scene's setup and action as well as my ratings for sex, video, audio, and production values. A separate Word document checklist details the foreplay activities, positions, pops, and features of each scene...as well as the calculation of each scene's ratings. The checklist for This Ain't Bad Girls Club XXX can be downloaded here. You'll need a password. It's drjay2010.
Look for scenes and movies with a 4.5 or higher (A) sex rating and at least 4.0 (B) in video, audio, and production values. Those are my favorite scenes and I'm quite certain that you'll like them, too.
Scene 1
Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Andy San Dimas, Dane Cross
Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: After the initial plot development--during which we discover that the girls are participating in a reality show; that they really do envy and despise each other; that they have absolutely no problem talking shit about each other, and to each other, in front of the camera; and that harsh words sometimes lead to physical blows--Andy San Dimas' boyfriend, Dane Cross, shows up on set baring a present for his lovely lady. Andy tears open the package to discover that Dane brought her a hot outfit for the upcoming bikini contest. Tremendously grateful, Andy pounces on Dane to show her appreciation. She begins by passionately kissing his open mouth and then strips off her top so that he can greedily suckle her small and all-natural titties. Then, she helps him remove his pants to reveal his mammoth fully-erect cock. Within seconds, she has his dick surrounded by her talented hands and deep into her ravenous mouth. Indeed, Andy gives Dane a very slobbery world-class blowjob (great close-ups) replete with excellent deep-throating, slimy stringers, and balls gobbling. Meanwhile, Dane shows his appreciation by pulling on her flowing black hair and by thrusting his lucky dick in-and-out of her commodious throat. Andy so inflames Dane with her oral skills that he simply must react by tossing her onto her back, by slapping her breasts, by ripping off her panties, and by gorging himself on her tasty twat (nice camera angles and close-ups) while she pulls on his hair, fondles her own pretty boobs, and encourages him with shrieks of delight and nasty commentary. His outstanding cunnilingus technique, coupled with judicious use of his fingers, even makes her cum! As the scene unfolds, the couple enjoys a few more kisses and caresses before moving on to vaginal sex in missionary/on-her-side. As Dane reams Andy's spit-lubricated cunt with balls-deep strokes, caresses her body, and slaps her tits, she shows her appreciation through her words, sounds, and fucking-back movements. And, she ups her own pleasure by stroking her sensitive clit. In due course, Andy begs, "Let me ride that fucking dick!" Who'd deny her? So, Dane lies on his back and enjoys Andy's enthusiasm as she mounts and fucks him in reverse cowgirl. After a bit, and at Andy's request, Dane takes over the fucking moves and thrusts in-and-out of her pussy at redline speed. Then, the two become a well-engineered fucking machine as they match each other's strokes to maximum effect. Andy even gets to cum as a result of their mutually-pleasurable thrusts. Before the scene comes to an end, Dane rolls Andy onto her knees in doggie, enters her from behind, and fucks her frantically as Andy gleefully encourages him to: "spank my fucking ass like a whore!" Dane is eminently successful in pleasing Andy: Indeed, she coos; "You made my pussy so happy!" To finish up, Andy insists: "I wanna fuckin' mouthful of your cum! Feed me your fuckin' cum, baby!" Dane responds like any red-blooded American male and pounds her hard until he's ready to explode. At the last second, he pulls out as she drops to her knees and uses her fingers to spread her mouth open super wide. Within seconds, Dane's powerful load is exploding out of his dick directly into her wide-open mouth.
Foreplay: Mutual stripping; kissing; spanking; tit sucking, squeezing, and slapping; hair pulling; caressing/groping; handjob; fellatio; deep-throat; stringers; balls-gobbling; cunnilingus; finger-fucking; two-finger-fucking; clit jacking.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, reverse cowgirl, kneeling doggie, on-her-side.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: Open mouth.
Sex rating: 4.65
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.00
What I Liked Most:
What Could Have Been Better:
What I Didn't Like:
Scene 2
Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Katie Kox, Tyler Knight
Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: To set up Scene Two, heart-broken Misty Stone cries her eyes out and commiserates with Alyssa Reece about her two-timing boyfriend Tyler Knight. It seems studly Tyler, who's a member of the filming crew, has been banging one of Misty's housemates, busty and irresistible Katie Kox. Of course, Katie insists that she didn't know that Tyler was Misty's man. And, she denies all wrong doing: "I never made a play on him! Read my lips: I never had sex with him!" To prove that Katie's a liar, the action immediately cuts outdoors, poolside, where luscious Katie is completely nude with her hands and mouth wrapped around Tyler's engorged and spit-soaked cock. In addition to sucking his rod completely down her throat, she plays with his balls, tickles his head with her tongue, and uses her practiced hands to great advantage. And, she makes intense eye contact with him to show him just how much she wants him. Of course Tyler..and we..can't help but stare at her huge pierced tits! Of course, we also zero-in on her soaking-wet cunt. So, in fact, does Tyler when he goes down on it to finger-fuck it and eat it greedily (great close-ups). Katie so enjoys Tyler's talented tongue and practiced finger that she screams silently (she stifles her shouts) and arches her back in ecstasy. (By this time, the "real" soundtrack has been completely replaced with music and sound effects. So, we really can't tell what Katie's feeling. See "What I Didn't Like" below.) Before the couple moves on to sex, Tyler again gets to fuck Katie's mouth and enjoy her hand work. Even better, he gets to fuck her massive tits. Sweet! Then, without benefit of transitioning footage, Katie and Tyler are abruptly transported to cowgirl. Believe me when I say that Katie looks fucking amazing as she powerfully thrusts her voluptuous body up and down on Tyler's pistoning rod. And, her bouncing tits look even better! As the scene continues to unfold, Katie kneels in doggie so that Tyler can powerfully ream her saturated cunt from behind. Again, you've never seen finer dangling and gyrating tits! Too soon, I think--and after only two positions--Tyler pulls out and shoots his load all over Katie's magnificent mams. Wow! She looks fantastic! It is a fucking shame that a girl as hot as Katie has to be featured in such a poorly executed sex scene. The scene is almost entirely devoid of the sweet sounds of sex. And, with only two positions, the scene is far too brief.
Foreplay: Titty squeezing and fucking, hair pulling, handjob, fellatio, deep-throat, jaw breakers, cunnilingus, finger-fucking, clit-jacking.
Vaginal Positions: Cowgirl, kneeling doggie.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: No female orgasm is evident (see "What I Didn't Like" below).
Pop: Tits
Sex rating: 2.85
Video rating: 4.00
Audio rating: 2.50
Production values rating: 4.10
What I Liked Most:
What Could Have Been Better:
What I Didn't Like:
Scene 3
Scene Type: Girl/girl
Performers: Alyssa Reece, Misty Stone.
Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: After the detour during Scene Two, during which we learn just how much a liar Katie Kox really is and we get to see first-hand how she double-crossed her roommate Misty Stone by fucking Misty's boyfriend, the storyline returns to Alyssa Reece and Misty as they continue to talk about all the crap that's going on in their house. Frustrated, sexy Misty falls into Alyssa's embrace. Within seconds, the girls, in full view of the film crew, begin to kiss erotically, caress, lick, and suckle each other's bodies, stroke each other's panty-clothed pussies, and strip off each other's clothes. Emboldened by Alyssa's pure sex appeal--and turned off by her boyfriend Tyler Knight and his philandering ways--Misty makes her move on Alyssa. Of course, Alyssa loves it and coos, "You can do whatever you want!" Misty responds by greedily squeezing, suckling, and licking Alyssa's nipples and by jacking her clit. Of course, Alyssa responds in kind and soon has Misty's panties stripped away so she can finger Misty's clit and eat and finger-fuck her tasty pussy in missionary, as she lies on her side, and as she lies on her belly. After a while, the girls take a break for sweet kisses and then change positions so that Misty can sharply spank Alyssa's ass cheeks and ravenously eat and finger-fuck Alyssa's pussy in kneeling doggie. As the scene continues to unfold, the girls continue to pleasure each other orally in a variety of sweet and sexy "all natural" ways. Then, Alyssa reaches into her nightstand drawer, grabs a wicked-looking vibrating dildo, gives the toy to Misty to suck, and then fucks Misty's ravenous cunt with it (great close-ups). Believe it or not, Alyssa wields the toy by holding it in her mouth. And, as you might expect, Misty loves Alyssa's actions. In fact, Misty so enjoys Alyssa's thrusts that she fucks back with oh-so-sexy moves. The result? Misty cums hard...twice! After Misty's second orgasm, the girls again change roles so that Alyssa's pussy gets fucked hard and fast by Misty (great close-ups), who wields a super-long pink two-headed dildo. While Misty reams Alyssa's cunt she keeps her own pussy pleasured by "humping" Alyssa's leg. And, Misty keeps her mouth busy by kissing Alyssa's mouth and by licking her clit. Misty gives Alyssa a volcanic orgasm and then straddles her face for some fierce face fucking that rewards Misty with yet another five-star orgasm! Afterwards, the girls kiss and caress to celebrate as the scene comes to an end.
Foreplay: Mutual stripping, kissing, body licking, mutual masturbation, spanking, tit sucking and squeezing, caressing/groping, hair pulling, fellatio (with toy), cunnilingus, finger-fucking, two-finger-fucking, clit jacking.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, kneeling doggie, on-her-side, face fucking.
Anal Positions: None.
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: NA.
Sex rating: 4.65
Video rating: 4.50
Audio rating: 3.00
Production values rating: 4.10
What I Liked Most:
What Could Have Been Better:
What I Didn't Like:
Scene 4
Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Lexi Belle, Ethan Cage
Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Roommates Lexi Belle and Alyssa Reece chat in the group's kitchen while hatching the plot that unfolds in Scene Five. Eventually, Lexi confides to Alyssa that she really misses her boyfriend because, well, they used to have sex four or five times a day...and now she's down to--gulp!--nothing! Alyssa points out that there are lots of crew guys around--just ripe for the picking. Lexi is afraid to get caught. So, veggie-lover Alyssa tries to move in on Lexi, like she did with Misty in Scene Three. Giggling sweetly, Lexi agrees and the two start to make out sweetly. Then, just when things start to heat up, Lexi's phone rings. It's her boyfriend! After Lexi and "Tommy" chat for a moment, Alyssa grabs the phone and--gasp!--tells him that she and Lexi just had sex on the kitchen counter. Fearing that her "life is over" (although I would love it if my girlfriend were to get it on with another sexy lady), Lexi talks with Ethan Cage, the reality show's producer, and begs to go home: "I just want to be with my boyfriend!' Then, with an unmistakable gleam of lust, she turns her wanton eyes toward Ethan and says, "I would never, ever, ever cheat on him!" Right. Within seconds, Ethan is between Lexi's legs voraciously eating her tasty box while she pulls his hair and grinds her cunt against his happy face (outstanding close-ups of Lexi's delectable pussy!). She even pulls his head close and tight against her vagina while he reaches up and squeezes her fine tits with his hands. After a few minutes of oh-so-gorgeous cunnilingus, Lexi gives Ethan a world class hand/blowjob that includes deep throating, jaw breakers, stringers, gagging, and balls suckling. Wow! Put Lexi on the list of one of this year's best cocksuckers! After this excellent oral foreplay, Lexi strips off her remaining clothes, lubes up her pussy with spit-dampened fingers, sits on his dick in reverse, and fucks him with sexy, erotic, and highly energetic moves (excellent close-ups). Whew! Nice work, Lexi. Abruptly, the action cuts to doggie so that Ethan can ream sweat-soaked Lexi from behind. Of course, Lexi does her share of the "work" and fucks back using very sexy moves. And, she encourages Ethan with just the right amount of naughty commentary. Before the scene comes to an end, Lexi gets her pussy pounded for a while in missionary (excellent close-ups) as her pretty tits and soft womanly belly jiggle delightfully and ecstatic moans escape her lips. Ethan thrusts progressively harder and more frantically until he's just about to pop. Then, before Lexi has had an opportunity to climax, he pulls out and shoots his load all over her pretty tits. Lexi massages Ethan's seed into her flesh and licks his quivering cock as the scene comes to an end.
Foreplay: Mutual stripping, kissing, tit squeezing, hair pulling, caressing/groping, handjob, double-fisted handjob, fellatio, deep-throat, jaw breakers, stringers, balls gobbling, cunnilingus, tongue fucking.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, reverse cowgirl, standing doggie.
Anal Positions: None (minimal rimming)
Girl cums: No.
Pop: Tits.
Sex rating: 3.65
Video rating: 3.00
Audio rating: 3.50
Production values rating: 4.00
What I Liked Most:
What Could Have Been Better:
What I Didn't Like:
Scene 5
Scene Type: Boy/girl
Performers: Angelina Valentine, Chris Strokes
Scene Set-up/Plot/Scenario: Bad Girls Lexi Belle and Alyssa Reece plan a diabolical practical joke on their arch-enemy Angelina Valentine. The plot? They mix nasty "itching powder" into face cream, gift-wrap the bottle, and send it to Angelina...ostensibly from a "secret admirer." Fortunately, Angelina overhears the girls' plot and takes steps to protect herself--and, at the same time, lash out at her roommates. So, instead of using the doctored face cream herself, she "repackages" it and gives some to every woman in the house. The girls, after reading the bogus labels, believe that the cream will make them "firm and tight everywhere." So, they use it everywhere...on their faces, pussies, tits, and asses. And, they, of course, itch and scratch everywhere, too. Watching smugly as her roommates writhe in agony, Angelina calls 911 to report an emergency. Soon, a "delicious" paramedic (Christ Stokes) arrives and, when he finishes treating the girls, Angelina rewards him with a fuck to remember in the house's game room on and around an elegant pool table. She begins by kissing him erotically while stoking his ego: "You're so sexy!" She helps him out of his clothes, licks his way down his chest, humps and grinds his cock with her ass, bares her own amazing body, drops to her knees, and gives him one of her one-of-a-kind blowjobs that includes lots of her award-winning deep-throat thrusts, delightful gags, and loads of nasty stringers. Nobody gives a better blowjob than Angelina Valentine! Interspersed with this world-class fellatio are titty fucking and lots of scintillating nasty talk. Without benefit of cunnilingus, Angelina bends over the pool table, guides Chris' cock into her accommodating pussy, and then enjoys his deep and frantic strokes in doggie (the camera zooms in tight so that her bejeweled pussy is shown up-close-and-personal) while inflaming his passion with lots of nasty vocabulary ("You make my fucking legs shake! Do you feel my pussy dripping on your cock?"). Chris loves it and shows his appreciation by inching his finger into Angelina's asshole while he fucks her. In due course, Chris lies atop the pool table and enjoys the ride as Angelina, in reverse cowgirl, fucks him like the champion she is. Wow! It's quite a treat watching her toss her firm and muscular body up and down on Chris' oh-so-lucky cock. Later, Angelina lets Chris take over and rides him expertly while he thrusts in-and-out of her pussy balls-deep. Of course, she screams with delight as her soaking-wet pussy coats his rod with more than enough girl juice to lubricate the action. Angelina and Chris take turns doing the fucking and eventually Angelina's body rewards her with a very fine orgasm. But, they're not finished yet. Instead, they transition to missionary (awesome close-ups) so that, as Angelina lies atop the pool table, Chris can ream her hard and deep and, in doing so, give her a convulsive orgasm. To end the scene, Chris, too, gets to cum. As Angelina kneels at his feet, he splatters her face and mouth with a voluminous and high-powered load of semen. She sucks his cock dry, shows Chris, and us, her cum-filled mouth, tilts her head back, gargles, and swallows. "Yummy," she coos. Nice semen handling, Angelina!
Foreplay: Stripping; mutual stripping; kissing; body licking; grinding; tit sucking, squeezing, and fucking; hair pulling; caressing/groping; handjob; fellatio; deep-throat; stringers.
Vaginal Positions: Missionary, reverse cowgirl, standing doggie.
Anal Positions: Minimal finger fucking.
Girl cums: Repeatedly.
Pop: Open mouth; she gargles and swallows.
Sex rating: 4.10
Video rating: 4.00
Audio rating: 4.00
Production values rating: 4.50
What I Liked Most:
What Could Have Been Better:
What I Didn't Like:
The DVD-9 disc I reviewed contains a full motion chapter selector organized by sex scene; multiple chapters per sex scene; a "Select a Star" feature that allows you to jump directly to your favorite girl's scene; trailers for six Hustler movies; a ten-minute behind-the-scenes (BTS) featurette; ads for Hustler Hollywood (30 seconds), Hustler.com (one minute), and phone sex (three minutes); and a nearly eight-minute-long self-running slide show. The BTS contains consists solely of on-set interviews of the Misty and Angelina; (Angelina talks about how much she likes to have her pussy eaten, but she didn't get any during her scene with Chris). This selection of extras is below average in today's marketplace. Two and one-half stars.
The best things about This Ain't Bad Girls Club XXX include:
This Ain't Bad Girls Club XXXcould have been better if:
Things I didn't like about This Ain't Bad Girls Club XXX include:
Recap
Average sex rating: 3.98
Average video rating: 4.00
Average audio rating: 3.40
Average production values rating: 4.50
Extras rating: 2.50
Bonus point(s): 2.00
Overall rating: 4.01
Legend:
X Critic Pick (4.5+ sex; 4.0+ production values; 4.5+ overall)
Highly Recommended (4.5+ sex; 4.0+ overall)
Recommended (4.0+ sex; 4.0+ overall)
Rent It (<4.00 sex; <4.00 overall)
Skip It (<3.50 sex; <4.00 overall)