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This Ain't Bad Girls Club XXX

Hustler Video

Genre: Sitcum Porn Parody

Director: Skye Blue

Cast: Andy San Dimas, Dane Cross, Katie Kox, Tyler Knight, Misty Stone, Alyssa Reece, Lexi Belle, Ethan Cage, Angelina Valentine, Chris Strokes
Non-sex roles: Satine Phoenix, Miles Long

Length: 86:50 minutes

Date of Production: 2010

Extras: There was some spam, a slide show, more spam, some trailers, and then a 10:19 minute long Behind the Scenes feature. The BTS was mostly interview material, nothing special but worth a quick look.

Condoms: None

Andy San Dimas with Dane Cross

Audio/Video Quality: This Ain't Bad Girls Club XXX was presented in a colorful 1.78:1 ratio, anamorphic widescreen, offering as shot by director Skye Blue for Hustler Video using the 480 resolution and MPEG-2 codec typical of standard definition projects. There appeared to be an attempt to do this one quickly but in a fun manner, paying closer attention to the sets, the clothing, and other visual elements of the movie than some of the other company efforts. The editing wasn't as skillfully made as the best genre efforts but it was comparable to a pornified version of the reality television show's also-weak editing, the video bitrate hovering in the 5.4 Mbps area most of the times I looked. The flick had few compression artifacts, only a bit of noise & edge enhancement, and proper lighting to assist in making the movie look more like the original show, the admittedly minimalist scenarios about what I expected. In short, in terms of the visual aesthetics, this title fell short of the series but wasn't bad at all, somewhat similar to most works in the sitcum genre. The audio was presented in a 2.0 Dolby Digital English with a 224 Kbps audio bitrate and 48 kHz sampling rate, the uncredited script seeming to be scribbled out while shooting the movie rather than making good use of the aural aspects of the show. The biggest issue with the audio track I had was the poor music dominating over the vocals, some background chatter left in (perhaps it was just bad dubbing though).

Katie Kox with Tyler Knight

Body of Review: Over the years, reality television shows have become commonplace as a great many networks and cable TV stations attempt to fill hours of programming time. Such shows tend to be cheap to make given the hordes of wannabe starlets so desperately wanting to get their 15 minutes of fame, the resulting editing and storylines often so bad that no one would admit to writing them in the first place. Well, as the porn industry continues to mine the sitcum porn parody market for every last penny, it makes sense that directors like Skye Blue try to jump on the proverbial bandwagon using companies like Hustler Video to restart their careers, the results typically on the weak side (to be extremely generous). Skye is perhaps best known as a fetish director at Bizarre Video and lesbian director for the now-defunct Jill Kelly Productions crowd, though a few friends insist her couples-friendly titles at Playgirl didn't suck half as bad as most critics claim. Skye now attempts to show she can hang with the big boys like Ryder, Braun, and Myers with This Ain't Bad Girls Club XXX, the original a truly lame show on the Oxygen Channel showcasing a bunch of nasty bitches that act like they are royalty. The premise was simple; stick a bunch of brain dead women in a house together to see them fight over the weakest of things, their personalities reminding me that the porn industry is not the only one with an abundance of attention whores. Skye had little to work with in this straight up parody, pornifying it with sex but rarely straying from the standard formula of the show, the resulting flick wasting the better talent here and making ill use of the rest. Here's a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Misty Stone and Alyssa Reece

Scene One: Andy San Dimas, the cute brunette seen on the upper right hand corner of the front cover, was up first with moper Dane Cross, the two sharing no observable chemistry together. She was wearing a red bikini and rewarded his generosity for a lame gift by taking off her top and sucking him off to bad music. It sounded like there were voices just off the screen coaxing the performers but the generic music was still dominant, Andy's mechanical hummer taking far too long and Dane's snack slurping about as inspired as this review. The vaginal penetration was about as believably hot too, the fake porn moans, reminding me that even Andy is not infallible. It ended with a facial jerked off by his own hand, Andy tasting the genetic juice with her fingers.

Lexi Belle with Ethan Cage

Scene Two: Katie Kox, the busty blond wearing the colorful pink & black bikini on the center of the cover, was up next as she blew Tyler Knight out by the pool in the back yard. I liked that she looked up at him while doing so more than the lack of tease to begin the scene, the gal preferring to lick his shaft and suck only the head rather than provide a proper blowjob. The titty fuck was marginally better and his own oral on her tragically short, her active vaginal riding not inspired much either in the two whole positions displayed before he jerked out some population pudding to her chest.

Angelina Valentine with Chris Strokes

Scene Three: Misty Stone, the most consistently sexy young lady of the cast (other than Lexi Belle; both of whom were left off the front cover by the way), was up next with generic brunette Alyssa Reece (middle of the right side on the cover) in a lesbian scene. Misty provided the better performance but I just didn't get a lot of strong vibes that they were having fun, slight glances off camera suggesting they were following orders rather than cut loose to go all out on each other. They fingered one another and gave each other head, the camera & microphone intentionally getting in the frame at times (this being a parody of a reality show after all), but for all the shit talk at the beginning of the scene, the sparks did not fly even when the toys were introduced. This is surprising given how solid Misty's performances are in other projects for the company but fans may appreciate it all the same if they aren't too discriminating about wanting only the best action. If either gal got off during the making of the scene, it was edited out too but Misty as eye candy is not the worst aspect of this production.

Scene Four: Lexi Belle, a sexy little gal with light hair, was up next with moper Ethan Cage, her lesbian tryst cut short by a phone call. She was wearing a flimsy dress and pouting about wanting to leave, resulting in producer Ethan going down on her with no warming up or any indicator of interest. The attempt at humor was so obvious (and bad) that I just tried to focus on him giving her some prolonged oral, Lexi another one who looked great even if her character was not given much time to engage the audience. Her blowjob was short and she bounced vaginally on his cock in a few positions, the music better balanced even if still really bad. There was no chemistry and she even seemed like she wanted to be elsewhere, the scene ending quickly with him beating off to her chest and face.

Scene Five: Angelina Valentine, the brunette featured on the left side of the front cover, was up last as she disrobed and orally attacked the pecker of Chris Strokes, the man playing a paramedic on a mission to save the cast from an itching powder prank. The lack of build up again truncated the quality of the pairing, her fake enthusiasm as obvious as her desire to finish him off quickly, her implant titty fuck and hummer leading to a three position pounding and facial as mechanical as could be. This might work for someone who has been out to sea for a prolonged amount of time but like the other scenes, it was far from her best work to date.

Summary: This Ain't Bad Girls Club XXX by director Skye Blue for Hustler Video admittedly parodied a show that I have limited exposure to but frankly, neither the sexual elements or the dialogue portions seemed to be given much thought so I rated it as a Skip It. Had this come out in the wasteland of the mid 1990's, it might have merited a passing glance or two but given the sheer number of better parodies, not to mention the far better scenes most of the cast have been in, I felt anything higher would have been cheating other titles that earned a rating of a rental. In short, This Ain't Bad Girls Club XXX dropped the ball on technical matters, sexual heat, and entertainment value by managing to be almost as annoying as the original show (which was created by the makers of "The Real World", one of the most emulated pieces of shit ever to air on cable) with limited stroke value to speak of so pass this one up in favor of the far better parodies released by Hustler and others.