First Impressions:
After being burned a couple of times by titles that claim to have unending sequences of female ejaculation, The Dirge was a tad tentative about taking on Elegant Angel's boastfully named The Greatest Squirters Ever! Along with big wet asses, voluptuous tits, and a clear sense of chemistry between porn stars, yours truly does indeed find lady liquid to be very erotic. It argues for a woman's enjoyment of the act, and unless there is some trick to all the flowing, it proves that a few adult actresses really do enjoy the fuck and suck onscreen and will actually cum as part of their performance. Call it the female pop or a mons money moment, but seeing a gal spurt like a spigot is the electrifying exclamation point to a sex scene. Sure, some people find it unsettling, perhaps even unpleasant, and if you are one of those people, The Greatest Squirters Ever! will only add to your unease. If, however, you like your ladies liquid, this is a terrific title.

The Sex Scenes:

Featuring noted girl geysers Flower Tucci, Cytherea and Tiana Lynn, Elegant Angel does something both positive and negative with the sequences selected for this compilation. On the pro side, the squirting is kept front and center. We don't have to wait for the waterworks to start, and once these babes begin spraying, they barely ever stop. On the downside, the scenes are noticeably edited. The men often appear at random moments, and the sex starts, sometimes, completely without warning. One minute the ladies are giving us some carnal cabaret, the next they are taking tool up their ass. Granted, this breaks up the connections between the participants and flattens the fornication. But since all we really care about is the squirting, such erratic stylistic concerns are nominal at best.

Scene 1: Cytherea, Roxanne Hall, Arnold Schwarztenpecker, Frank Gunn
Acts Performed: Foreplay, Cunnilingus, V to M, Fingering, Face Sitting, Spoon, Face Fucking Mish, Pile Driver, Blow Job, Doggy, Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl, Squirting, Squirt Drinking, Anal Scissors, Anal Pile Driver, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Dueling A to M, $hot in Ass with Anal Cream Pie, $hot in Ass with Anal Cream Pie and Squirting to Face
From the Film: Squirtwoman #1
Scene Score: 5 out of 5
Number of Squirts: 8
Squirt Score: 4 out of 5

Since the sex in each scene is aggressive and arousing, there is no need to focus on the fucking - albeit safe to say that all eight offerings in The Greatest Squirters Ever! are loaded with forceful fornication and carnal copulation. No, the sole focus of the individual sequence reviews will be the amount and level of squirting, and as if to set the standard, Cytherea (otherwise known as "Squirtwoman") and her gal pal Roxanne really pour out the pussy juice. Babe broth flies across the room, sprays all over the camera, and bathes the actors in briny goodness. Add in the duel dicking from Arny and Frank and you have one fabulous scene – and believe it or not, it's not the best in the set.

Scene 2: Cytherea, Tiana Lynn, Kris Slater
Acts Performed: Toy Action, Glass Table Top Squirts, Foreplay, Cunnilingus, Squirting into Glass, Squirt Sipping, Dueling Head, More Squirt Sampling, Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Butt Plug Play, DP with Toy in Doggy Position, $hot on Vagina with Alternating Oral Clean-up
From the Film: Squirtwoman #2
Scene Score: 4.5 out of 5
Number of Squirts: 14
Squirt Score: 4.5 out of 5

In what is the best one-two twat combo on the DVD, Cytherea and Tiana trade lady liquid in one of the most intense squirting face offs the Dirge has ever seen. Like a bitch cum competition, the level of female ejaculate here is staggering. One begins to worry about dehydration and muscle cramping after viewing the level of lewdness. Mr. Slater does add something substantive to the sequence, but this twat tonic tradeoff belongs completely to our two spewing stars.

Scene 3: Tiana Lynn, Jake Malone
Acts Performed: Butt Plug Action, Dildo Action, Ass Play, Snatch Play, Salad Tossing, Ass Greasing, Squirt Drinking, Blowjob, Ball Sucking, Tit Fucking, Mish, Anal Mish, Anal Doggy, A to M, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Tit Play, Anal Cowgirl, Ass Cheek Fucking, $hot to Mouth
From the Film: Big Wet Asses #6
Scene Score: 4 out of 5
Number of Squirts: 5
Squirt Score: 4.5 out of 5

On her own, Tiana is equally intense. And since this is a scene from the Big Wet Asses series, the Dirge was doubly pleased. While Mr. Malone is a little old for his potent paramour, Ms. Lynn doesn't let us down. She flows like a pro and takes a pussy/pooper pounding with the best of them. Add in the abundance of oil, and the numerous shots of glistening female fetlocks and you've got a true groin grabber of a sequence.

Scene 4: Tiana Lynn, Arianna Jollee, Jake Malone, Kyle Stone
Acts Performed: Underwear Sucking, Gagging, Toy Action, Salad Tossing, Eye Glass Squirting, Oral Clean-up, Shoe Licking, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Squirt Drinking, 69, Face Sitting, Male Salad Tossing, Reverse Cowgirl, Cowgirl, Doggy, Mish, A to M, Anal reverse Cowgirl, Anal Doggy, Face Fucking, Ball Sucking, $hots to Mouth, Snowballing, Swallowing
From the Film: Swallow My Squirt #1
Scene Score: 5 out of 5
Number of Squirts: 25!!!
Squirt Score: 5 out of 5

Here it is – a squirt scene to end all squirt scenes. Naturally, it features the free flowing Tiana and the equally liquid Ms. Jollee. Together, these gals deliver more snatch sauce than The Dirge has ever experienced before. With Jake and Kyle participating from the start (their opening infantilism is a little disturbing) and the gals endlessly popping, you can barely catch your carnal breath. One could assume that such excessive spurting would grow dull, but in fact, the opposite is true. Both actresses build to powerful, potent climaxes, and we follow along for every steamy, sluicing moment.

Scene 5: Flower Tucci, Angela Stone, Sammie, Tiana Lynn
Acts Performed: Cabaret Intros, Pocket Rocket Action, Dildo Action, Squirt Sipping, Tit Play, Cunnilingus, V to M, A to M, Strap-On Action, Strap-On Reverse Cowgirl
From the Film: Flower's Squirt Shower #1
Scene Score: 4 out of 5
Number of Squirts: 18!!
Squirt Score: 4 out of 5

Originally known for her work with a certain Seymore Butts, Flower Tucci has become her own cunt cum cottage industry. Her efforts here prove why. Along with three other potent pussy poppers, including the beloved Ms. Lynn and the equally impressive Angela Stone, this is an amazing display of girl/girl gushing. In fact, this is the kind of same sex scene The Dirge enjoys – a fem on fem free-for-all where anything and everything goes. So why not a perfect score? Well, the scene just sort of ends, failing to deliver a clearly defined finale.

Scene 6: Flower Tucci, Angela Stone, Lee Stone
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Ball Sucking, Bondage, Ball Gag Action, Strap-On Butterfly Vibrator Action, Face Sitting (Girl/Girl), Deep Throating, Pile Driver, Face Fucking, V to M, Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, A to M, Anal Cowgirl, Anal Spoon, Gaping, Anal Doggy, Anal Cream Pie, Spunk/Squirt Combo
From the Film: Flower's Squirt Shower #2
Scene Score: 3.5 out of 5
Number of Squirts: 9
Squirt Score: 4 out of 5

The man with the bent crankshaft, Lee Stone, is present in this perfectly serviceable squirt showcase, and his bodybuilding bravura really lessons the impact of Flower and Angela's liquidity. Indeed, this is one of the few sequences in the entire compilation that is more focused on fucking than flowing. Still, both ladies get their stream on, and the intensity of the spray more than makes up for the overriding dick dynamic.

Scene 7: Flower Tucci, Kat, Billy Glide
Acts Performed: Huge Red Butt Plug Play, Toy Action, Cunnilingus, Blowjob, Male Salad Tossing, Salad Tossing, Cowgirl, Ball Sucking, Alternating V to M, Squirt Sipping, Anal Reverse Cowgirl, Anal Doggy, Alternating A to M, Male Tit Sucking, Face Fucking, Anal Mish, Anal Side Doggy, $hot on Eyeglasses and Mouth
From the Film: Flower's Squirt Shower #2
Scene Score: 3.5 out of 5
Number of Squirts: 9
Squirt Score: 3.5 out of 5

Paired up with Kat, who can cum with the best of them, Flower flows freely in this otherwise derivative scene. Billy Glide seems lost a lot of the time, unable to get into the frequent fluidity. The most interesting aspect of the scene is not necessarily the squirting, however. At the beginning, our ladies play around with the world's largest buttplug, and watching them ride this big red rectum wrecker is intriguing. Too bad there's not more novelty to what is otherwise a standard sex scene with gal gushing.

Scene 8: Tiana Lynn, Kinzie, Tommy Gunn
Acts Performed: Blowjob, Mish, V to M, Doggy, Face Sitting, Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl, Squirting Into Mouth, $hot in Mouth
From the Film: Super Squirt #2
Scene Score: 3.5 out of 5
Number of Squirts: 8
Squirt Score: 3.5 out of 5

Similar to Scene 6, Tommy Gunn in one meat puppet who inexplicably stands out during onscreen sex. Maybe it's his chiseled physique, or overly gelled hair, but he tends to dominate and dampen the erotica. Besides, Ms. Kinzie is equally 'dry' in the groin gravy department, leaving all the squirting to Ms. Lynn. Naturally, she can handle the chore, but it makes for a rather one-sided affair. Also, as you can see by the acts performed, there is not much to the cock/cunt material.

Disco Dirge Peter Meter Rating: 4.5 out of 5 (Highly Recommended)
Cohabitation Certification: Granted

It was a tough call for The Dirge. Finding himself more than a little hopped up after watching this near three hour spew-a-thon, he instantly thought of awarding this disc the highest honor possible, the DVD Talk Collector's Series score. But once the blood flow returned to his brain, and his reasoning was reinvigorated, a re-evaluation bumped the ranking downward. This is still a Highly Recommended outing, a title that will please even the fussiest fans of lady liquid. But it is also a fetish, and something not everyone will enjoy with equal erotic aplomb. Therefore, it receives the slightly lower grade. Couples will definitely enjoy this passionate presentation, and a Cohabitation Certification is easily awarded. If you've been burned before by DVDs that promised an excess of feminine fountains, only to deliver a decidedly dried up bit of juiceless smut, have no fear. The Greatest Squirters Ever! more than lives up to its title.