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Dallas XXX: A Parody

Adam & Eve

Genre: Parody

Director: Andre Madness

Cast: India Summer, James Deen, Alexis Ford, Bill Bailey, Bobbi Starr, Michael Vegas, Ryan McLane, Brooklyn Lee, Eric Masterson
Non-sex roles: Herschel Savage, James Bartholet, Ralph Long, Dino Bravo, Jack Lawrence, T.H. Robb, Robert B. Kiki Daire, Crash

Length: 128:56 minutes

India Summer

Date of Production: 9/6/2011 to 9/8/2011

Extras: The extras were all contained on the second disc, starting with the 2:49 minute long alternative ending sequence. Then came 9:19 minutes of Bloopers, a 40:03 minute long Behind the Scenes feature by Barrett Blade, a photogallery, trailers, some spam, and a 10:17 minute long bonus scene from Rawhide 2 between Kayden Kross and Tommy Gunn as described below.

Condoms: None

Alexis Ford

Audio/Video Quality: Dallas XXX was presented in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen as shot by director Andre Madness for Adam & Eve. The lighting was fine, the editing decent, and the composition of the camera angles typical for porn. Having watched the series long, long ago (in the early seasons starting in the 70’s) I did not get the feeling of the show from the parody’s technical values or most of the performances but it was an entertaining take on the popular night time soap opera all the same. The bitrate varied and there were some unpolished moments but as a modestly budgeted porn version of the show, it was fun to appreciate. The stereo soundtrack and aural qualities were in line with the visual elements too, some music adding to the overall feel of the show though not up to the level of some of David’s best works in recent years. Still, Mark Nicholson showed he still had talent and the main theme by Elainiel Baldwin was good.

Bobbi Starr

Body of Review: Andre Madness has been directing in porn for some time now, Adam & Eve revealing his latest feature with the parody effort Dallas XXX: A Parody. I used to watch the night time soap opera way back in the late 1970’s, admittedly turning the dial to other things after a few years (the mainstream show lasted around 14 years and is now being revived on cable). The story of evil corporate oilman J.R. Ewing (a role perfected by Larry Hagman) was perfect for the times and given the way big oil has come to practically own the world of late, the revival, and this new pornified version, make sense. I admit that going into the show, I did not expect a whole lot, Eric Masterson one of my favorite “actors” in porn joined by some of the hottest pieces of ass the industry has to offer these days like Brooklyn Lee, Bobbi Starr, Alexis Ford, and India Summer. Still, given the cultural icon the show had become for those of us that were there when it aired, there was no way the acting in the feature parts was going to make me happy and the sexual aspects given the original actresses in their roles (such as Charlene Tilton and Victoria Principle!) are still ingrained in my spank bank psyche to the point where a straightforward copy would suck and lampooning it would likely piss me off. Luckily, this was more of an homage to the show with lots of light nods to specifics (the front cover even looking very similar to the mainstream season seven release) but lacking on depth overall. Here’s a brief look at the scenes by cast and action, noting that no condoms were used for those still interested:

Alexis Ford

Scene One: India Summer, the foxy brunette seen on the right side of the front cover (second from the bottom), was up first in bed with James Deen, some initial goofing around leading to him attacking her all natural breasts. They kissed and he gobbled her gash, India reciprocating with a full service blowjob before a few positions of active vaginal sex with taste testing. He tossed off a round of spunk to her crotch and they kissed some more, the lack of chemistry as evident as the lack of proper character selection for their roles.

Brooklyn Lee with Eric

Scene Two: Alexis Ford, the blond babe seen on the upper left hand corner of the cover, was up next at the stables with Bill Bailey, her tight young body at least reminiscent of her mainstream counterpart (the slutty Charlene Tilton). He helped her undress and he sucked on her toes, eating her neatly trimmed twat before she slobbed his knob using a hand assisted hummer. Alexis looked especially good in the opening vaginal penetration position using doggy style to get busy, the rest of the positions using too close a shot or weak lighting before the load of splooge landed on her feet.

The Extras

Scene Three: Bobbi Starr, the fetching brunette seen on the lower left hand corner of the cover, was up next as she recalled a sexual tryst with Michael Vegas in a country setting (the bales of hay behind them while a cute country ditty played). They pawed each other and her kisses kept him going, her attire falling aside as he worked her over fairly well. He played with her all natural boobs and licked her slit, a very short blowjob leading to some vaginal boning of her hairy bush. Bobbi was uncharacteristically passive at riding here but still looked good doing it, the small wad of population pudding gracing her pubes.

Kayden Kross with Tommy in the bonus scene

Scene Four: Alexis Ford, looking as good as ever, was upset over a midterm grade but willing to deal with professor Ryan McLane, her trench coat lifted off to show her purple bikini undies. He was all over her in seconds, no character build up at all before his nuzzled those boobs of hers. They were slightly playful and he reclined in his chair to get a sloppy hummer, taking a lot longer to get hard though sporting a chubby fairly quickly. She was an active vaginal rider and her sweet ass looked good pumping back to meet his thrusts, his hand rubbing out a round of genetic juice all over her tits to close things up.

Scene Five: Brooklyn Lee, the AVN Starlet of the Year (as seen on the upper right hand corner of the montage cover), was up last on the couch with Eric Masterson. She played Kristin, her plan to blackmail him gone astray though her firm young body certainly enough to inspire him to drill her own well. She wore sexy purple bikini undies and her felt her up while snacking on her snatch, her brief oral efforts rewarded by some hardcore vaginal banging that showed just how juicy her ass looked in doggy. She was an active rider and pushed back to meet his thrusts, the camera too claustrophobic at times but her eye contact was superior even when she took the facial of ball batter like a champion.

Bonus Scene: Rawhide 2: Kayden Kross, hardly dressed in her western ware, was up last in bed with built Tommy Gunn, in a romantic interlude showing both of them having some fun as part of the plot. It was heavily edited and showed most of the footage close up, their sex noises truncated in favor of the music as she wrapped her lovely lips around his bone to blow him and he reciprocated at greater length. The two bumped uglies vaginally and she screamed too much but I could see her appeal all the same. The scene finished up quickly with a crotch pop he jerked off himself.

Summary: Dallas XXX by director Andre Madness for Adam & Eve might be better for those that never saw the original show but it was far from the worse parody effort I’ve seen in recent times. The stroke value was modest and the entertainment value as a feature on the light side but given the cast of ladies such as Alexis Ford, Brooklyn Lee, India Summer, and Bobbi Starr was enough to score this one as a Rent It from this critic. In short, Dallas XXX: A Parody had some entertaining elements (and some bizarre surprises such as Ralph Long’s small role) but it lacked the drive and vision needed to make such a movie really work. Give it a look if you like the cast though, it was cute enough as a quickie.