The Closer

Wicked Pictures

Genre: Comedy

Director: Brad Armstrong

Cast: Alexis Amore, Brad Armstrong, Stormy Daniels, Eric Masterson, Lezley Zen, Chris Evans, Austin Kincaid, Cherokee, Randy Spears, Michael Anthony
Non-sex roles by: Mike Horner and others uncredited

Length: 113 minutes

Date of Production: 2/28/2005

Extra's: For me, the best extra was the 30 minute long All Access: Behind the Scenes Making of The Closer by Mark Stone. It had sex, laughs, and a bit of commentary from Bard about the story (what more could you ask for?). Most of you will actually enjoy the bonus sex scene between Stormy and Evan Stone taken from What's A Girl Gotta Do? described below more but I've seen it a bunch so your mileage may vary from mine. Next up were a variety of photogalleries and Star Stats, some trailers to movies like Secrets of the Velvet Ring, Road Trixx, Shameless, and Wicked Sex Party, the usual promo reels, DVD Rom content like the Wicked Casino, desktop pictures, awards and nominations, and such; the Wicked Pictures DVD catalog, some spam, and a cardboard sleeve over the new gray case used by Wicked Pictures to prevent piracy.

Condoms: Yes

Audio/Video Quality: The Closer was presented in non-anamorphic widescreen color with an approximate aspect ratio of 1.85:1 as originally shot by director Brad Armstrong for Wicked Pictures. The box said it was shot and mastered in "High Def" but I think an anamorphic transfer would've had at least as much effect in improving the picture quality as this did. In any case, the picture looked fairly crisp and clear with little grain, no compression artifacts, solid editing, and Brad's usual eye towards the composition of the scenes to enhance the look of the cast in most cases. The audio was presented with a choice of a 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround English track or a basic 2.0 stereo German track (that I sampled for sake of this review). While the surround track wasn't all that special in terms of separation between the channels, activation of the rear speakers or subwoofer, or even dynamic range; it beat out the German dub hands down. In general, the quality of the production was very nice with little to fuss about (a good thing).

Body of Review: Comedy porn is one of the toughest genres to get done right but Wicked Pictures is the company that has proven most reliable in doing it properly. Year after year, they offer up at least a couple of hilarious titles (typically made by Jonathan Morgan), more often than not winning plenty of awards in the process. Today's review of The Closer by director Brad Armstrong is not one of the company's blockbusters but it sure had a lot to enjoy. Starring Stormy Daniels, the movie was one of the cuter comedies I've seen in recent months with the hot contract star acting as a hired saleswoman brought in to motivate a crew of slackers at a small car lot run by Mike Horner. Sales have been down and the men are complacent so her main job is to show them how it's done, by any means necessary. Combining plot aspects of several mainstream movies but always coming off like an adult version of Used Cars, the situations presented offer not just a lot of comedy but decent sex too. Particularly well handled was the interaction between Brad Armstrong's character and Stormy's (likely due to their past with one another) but I'm not going to ruin it for you by listing them all. Instead, here's a breakdown of the primary reason all of you are interested in the flick; the sex scenes, broken down by action and characters, noting that condoms were used and the cast was exceptionally eye pleasing:

Scene One: Alexis Amore, a cute little Latina with large implants, opened the show with a little head to Brad Armstrong while lying back on the desk at work. The lighting could've been better (it lacked fill lighting to lose the shadows) and while I liked seeing her spread eagle while masturbating and swallowing his sword, more variation would've enhanced it too. She's not my favorite gal but she certainly seemed into the scene as she spoke Spanish and took his meat offering well enough. In all though, it was a generic scene that appeared to be here simply to establish Brad's character and not for sexual satisfaction.

Scene Two: Stormy Daniels, looking as fine as ever (and better than she did on the front DVD cover), was up first with "Looker Larry" (played by Eric Masterson). He's one of those guys that always looks but never buys and she used him in a bet with the other sales staff to prove a point. Thankfully, his resistance to her sales techniques was minimal as she inhaled his penis before he tasted her sweet pussy during the test drive. With a short but nice bout of vaginal boning (and PTM), the couple closed the deal, nearly causing me to "sign" in my pants. I liked how she actively participated in the action and I can see why she's one of Wicked's best assets. It ended with a small facial and a smile, making it a better scene than the opener (making me think a "closer" is better than an "opener").

Scene Three: Lezley Zen, looking really good in business attire, was up next as she came onto the lot looking to piss off her ex-husband, so rookie salesman Chris Evans showed her what was for sale. To seal the deal, he offered her some good loving inside the showroom, with her slobbing his knob really well. The sloppy style blowjob isn't something I get to see much at Wicked but her eye contact and hand action assisted in making it a naughty way to start (the amount of ball sucking was great too). She was another great lay as she bounced on his dick as though she wanted to drain him dry before buying anything; rocking her hips to sweeten the deal a bit. It also ended with a facial but was energetic and well worth repeated viewings.

Scene Four: Austin Kincaid, an attractive younger brunette, and lovely Stormy Daniels, were up next in a lesbian scene in the office. Fingering, tonguing, and playful dirty talk all had their place here but to me, the scene was simply too short but those of you that like gal on gal action without toys will enjoy this one a whole lot. They did look good together though so check it out.

Scene Five: Cherokee, a compact little brunette with some of the nicest legs and ass in porn (fans of gals with a gymnast body will flip for her), was up next in a blowjob only scene with Brad Armstrong on the showroom floor. This wasn't her best work since it was simply an oral only scene but I think her eye contact was great (I just wish better use of her cute voice was employed here). Still, it made for a nice change of pace.

Scene Six: Alexis Amore, given a much better chance to shine this time, worked over Randy Spears in order to give him some "confidence" at closing a deal. She seduced him on the employee break room couch, and his understated performance was almost funnier than some of his more slapstick roles (he's on the short list for talented actors in porn, even shorter for comedy roles). The sex was formulaic with oral and vaginal only (as expected mind you) but she was in the driver's seat this time and it improved her outlook tremendously as she fingered her ass while bouncing up and down on his rod. The ending load was the biggest of the show too.

Scene Seven: Stormy Daniels, again fine as could be, was in the final scene with Michael Anthony inside the maintenance bay where she rewarded him for a job well done as promised earlier in the show. He went down on her well enough and she reciprocated with a nice blowjob but the scene then ended way before I was ready for it. To be straight up, closing a porno with a blowjob scene (at least sexually closing it) is kind of lame, even if it's done by a hotty like Stormy. The filming of the commercial (complete with silly tiger outfit) was cute but also failed to live up to the potential of the material.

Bonus Scene: What's A Girl Gotta Do?: Stormy Daniels, looking no less foxy, wore fishnet stockings, matching boots, and a black bra as she walked over to the mighty Evan Stone on the couch. This scene was a little more seductive in my opinion since he took plenty of time kissing her and otherwise making her feel at ease in his presence before he went down on her like the professional that he is. She gave him a somewhat uninspired blowjob though so I was glad it didn't last as long as it could have. The vaginal screwing was pretty heated though, almost as if she wanted to let him rip her in two (see the BTS feature for more information) but was afraid of the consequences of going ahead with it. It ended with a pop shot to her breasts but she cleaned him off PTM style after that.

Summary: The Closer showed that Brad Armstrong is capable of comedy porn but he's no closer like Jonathan Morgan. His own character was perfect in terms of conveying a sense of a true car salesman but the effort seemed rushed a bit more than I'm used to; leading me to believe he needs to stick to topics he knows better than anyone else (like infidelity stories…just kidding, sorta). Seriously though, while I liked the movie as a porno and as a comedy, there weren't enough scenes worth watching repeatedly so I'm going to rate this as a Rent It for anyone but fans of the lovely Stormy Daniels. She looked fantastic but would come off better if allowed more room to truly work her magic sexually. The technical values were decent and the extras added value but in the end, the movie itself wasn't quite up to the standards set by Wicked Pictures.